Gosh, everything has been a bit busy recently and I've just not had the time or head-space to write. Anyway, I'm back and hope you'll still be interested in this story.

Chapter 4 – "Those are the rules"

Mountain checkpoint

With a start, she finds herself back in the minefield with her fist in Smurf's groin.

She hears Captain James issuing a familiar instruction, "Dawes, do not go up on that winch, that is an order."

She considers this order for the second time and knows that despite the fact there might be a sniper somewhere out there and she is disobeying a direct order, there is no way she can let Smurf go up in the winch alone this time.

She looks at Smurf who is teetering on the edge of consciousness, "I can't hear a thing. Can you?"

Smurf looks and sounds utterly terrified, "Am I gonna die?"

"No, if you die, they're all gonna think it's my fault, so that ain't gonna happen, alright wanker?"

She watches as the harness is lowered. She carefully secures it around both herself and Smurf, all the while applying pressure to his wound. Smurf has slipped out of consciousness and she knows she is running out of time to save him.

She hears Captain James yelling at her again, "Dawes, do not go up on that winch. That is an order. Do you hear me?"

She decides it is probably best to ignore him. Hopefully this time, she will live to face the consequences.

Captain James is sounding desperate now, "Dawes?"

She briefly considers the shit she will get from Captain James if she survives, but knows she has no choice. She ignored her instinct last time and both her and Smurf had died anyway.

She has the beginning of a realisation that although she keeps dying, she is also back alive so maybe it doesn't matter if she makes the wrong decision, maybe she will get another chance? But how is she supposed to know what the right decision is? What if she keeps making the wrong choices and is stuck in this bleeding minefield for bleeding eternity. Frankly, at this point, this feels like a distinct possibility.

She feels the harness start to tighten as the winch is raised. It's awkward to maintain pressure on Smurf's wound, but somehow she manages it.

"Dawes. What do you think you are doing!? Get off that winch now. That is an order."

It only takes a few seconds to reach the helicopter and thankfully the sniper appears to have long since left the scene.

In the helicopter, the medical team get straight to work on Smurf, who is very pale and out cold. She watches in a dazed, but relieved silence as they stabilise him and start pushing blood back into his body.

One of the medics notices her facial injuries and asks what happened. He seems incredulous when she explains she was blown up by a mine but that she is ok. He performs a quick, but as far as she is concerned, unnecessary examination before telling her, she is incredibly lucky. She can't help but smile because after being blown up three times already today, she doesn't feel particularly lucky. But, at least she's away from that bleeding minefield.

-OG-

Camp Bastion

They arrive at Bastion and Smurf is whisked off to the hospital. The medics tell her to follow so that her wounds can be cleaned and dressed.

She's makes a detour one of the toilet blocks, needing a few minutes to pull herself together after the stress of the last few hours.

She splashes some water on her face, takes a look in the mirror and is a bit shocked by her appearance. No wonder the medic was incredulous. She's a mess. Not only covered in thick Afghan grime and dust, but also multiple small cuts.

She is slightly apprehensive about returning to the hospital after what had happened last time, but she knows she can't avoid it. She talks to her reflection, "Come on Molls, pull yourself together."

-OG-

She's relieved to be met by a friendly face in the shape of Jackie. "Molly Dawes, what have you been up to?"

She smiles, unable to contemplate even beginning to explain herself, "It's a long story. How is Smurf?"

Jackie leads her towards an empty bay, "He's going to be ok. You saved his life Molly. You can see him once I've checked you over and sorted out your face."

She sits on the bed and starts removing her kit, "I'm fine Jac, really. But I'm going to be in so much trouble with Captain James. He told me not to go up in the winch. I disobeyed a direct order."

Jackie starts gathering the supplies she needs, "It must have been noisy out there with the sound of the helicopter. Difficult to hear I imagine."

She looks at Jackie, unsure if she's understanding her correctly, "What you saying?"

Jackie carries on with her task, "I'm just saying it must have been difficult to hear what was being said to you."

Jackie gives her a wink and starts cleaning her wounds, "Right, let's get you cleaned up and out of my hair."

-OG-

She idly checks Smurf's chart whilst she stands at the foot of his bed, not quite believing he's alive and going to make a full recovery.

She's relieved when he slowly opens his eyes, looks around and his gaze rests on her, "Told you you'd live."

He sounds groggy, "Shit."

"What?"

"I thought it was a dream."

"Nightmare more like. What the hell were you doing in the middle of a minefield?"

He tells her that he'd seen Bashira, had followed her and come face to face with an insurgent pointing a rifle at his head. She can't resist teasing him, "Lucky he was a shit shot then."

They're interrupted by Jackie, who informs her that there is transport available to take her back to the helipad if she's quick.

She turns to leave but Smurf is talking quickly, "Molls, I was a dick head. I'm telling you I've learnt a big lesson."

He indicates for her to come to him. She's surprised when he takes her hand, "I'm gonna get myself better, I'm gonna come back to you."

She feels uncomfortable with the way this conversation is going, "Come back to me?"

He clarifies, "To the platoon. I'm gonna make it up to you Molls cos I owe you everything."

She attempts to lighten things, "Yeah, you do, you nut-bar."

He's staring at her, deadly serious, "I'll never let you down again. I'll always be there for you."

She's not sure how to deal with this declaration. As she extracts her hand from his, she gives him, what she hopes he will understand, is just, a friendly smile. She quickly retreats towards the door with a distinctly uneasy feeling about what just happened.

-OG-

Forward Operating Base

The ride back to the FOB passes quickly. She's extremely nervous about facing Captain James, but knows she will have to apologise and take whatever punishment he throws at her.

Her heart sinks as she walks through the gates and sees that he is waiting for her, arms folded and looking as stern-faced as ever. She takes a deep breath and walks towards him, feeling tiny under his impassive gaze.

"Sir."

She recoils slightly as he starts his lecture, "If you think you're going to win any plaudits for that ridiculous and foolhardy act, you are one hundred per cent mistaken."

She knows she has to get her apology in quickly, "Yes sir. Sorry sir."

She's surprised when he continues, "That's what my commanding officer said to me when I went to retrieve Smurf's brother."

She's confused as to what this admission means, "Sir?"

"Having said that, did you hear me tell you not to go up on that winch?"

She feels uncomfortable lying to him, but isn't convinced any good will come from telling him the truth at this point. She recalls Jackie's earlier words and makes her decision.

"No, sir."

He looks at her hard and she is one hundred percent certain that he doesn't believe her, but his voice softens, "Then, well done Dawes."

She's ridiculously relieved and gratified that he is congratulating her rather than charging her with insubordination, "Thank you sir."

She knows she should probably call it quits, but realises there is something she wants, actually needs to say to him, "I'm not what Smurf said I was. I didn't deserve that… "

He cuts her off, "I know."

She tries to explain herself, "I might have slept with a few people that I regret…"

He interrupts her again, "We all have. It's 2013, not 1913. Don't let a bit of name calling put you off the task in hand. You are an excellent medic…. You're proving yourself."

She can't stop a shy smile forming and is astounded when he gives her a warm smile in return. She realises he hasn't taken his eyes off her during their entire conversation. She feels a blush rising up her neck and quickly turns away and starts walking towards the med-tent. She's secretly delighted when she steals a quick backwards glance and realises that he's not moved and is still watching her and smiling.

-OG-

She's lying in her bed, exhausted but unable to sleep, trying to make sense of the day's events.

The whole dying and coming back to life thing has undoubtedly got pretty weird. She thinks about the three times she thinks she has died and how they've all involved Smurf. She's saved him now, so surely it, whatever it is, won't happen again. That is if it is really happening at all. No-one else seems to have any awareness of what is going on, so maybe it isn't really happening. Maybe it is all in her head. Maybe she is losing the plot, having some sort of psychotic episode. She doesn't feel like that's the case, but would she even be able to judge it. She's knows a little bit about how the brain responds to trauma, she knows the signs of PTSD and she doesn't think she's experiencing any of them. She groans, pulls the pillow over her head, thinking it is all too confusing to fully comprehend.

What she does know is that she's gone from being persona non-grata to everyone's favourite.

She'd been pleasantly surprised to find the 2 Section lads waiting for her in the med-tent upon her return to the FOB. She'd been subjected to one of their mass hugs, which had felt very much like she imagined it would be to be caught in the middle of a rugby scrum. They'd all wanted to congratulate and thank her for saving Smurf, their previous animosity towards her completely forgotten. They'd then proceeded to make a huge fuss of her all evening; Nude-Nut offering her endless cups of tea, Mansfield Mike carrying her tray at dinner, Fingers and Baz Vegas keeping guard whilst she had a much needed shower, Dangleberries and Kinders sharing their treats from home with her and Brains just 'popping' into her tent every fifteen minutes to check if she needed anything.

In the end, she'd had to gather them all together and told them that although she appreciated their kind gestures, could they stop being massive cockwombles and just treat her like one of the lads.

Even more surprising is that she seems to be winning around Captain James. He no longer appears to view her as an annoyance, but actually as someone he can talk to, trust and share a laugh with. He'd sought her out again this evening, well after everyone else had gone to bed, asking her if she had time to take another look at his blisters. He'd asked her about her family and they'd ended up chatting for much longer than it had taken to clean and dress his feet.

-OG-

Forward Operating Base, December 2013

She's sorting out her kit after patrol when she hears Captain James making an announcement, "Look who it is …. Our very own number one cockmuppet is back on the firm."

She's been getting regular updates on Smurf's progress from Jackie over the past six weeks, and has been expecting him back any day. She's not exactly been overjoyed at the prospect as things have been blissfully uncomplicated in his absence.

She hasn't had any more brushes with death and the whole strange experience feels like it was in another lifetime.

She's developed a funny little friendship with Bashira, continued to get on really well with the lads and Captain James has mostly stopped shouting at her.

Admittedly, there was an incident out on patrol a few days ago which left her feeling quite unsettled and earned her, what she thought was an overly harsh, bollocking from Captain James.

They'd been in the village and she'd seen Bashira drop her scarf in the market place. She'd picked it up and eventually caught up with her outside what she now assumes was the girl's house. They'd had a bit of a one-sided chat as neither really understood the other, had played a couple of games of Sang Chill Bazi before a man, who she is sure must have been her father, had shouted at Bashira. Not only had the little girl seemed frightened of him, but she'd noticed he was carrying a rifle and didn't seem at all impressed to see his daughter fraternising with a soldier.

Then Captain James had turned up and started yelling at her about wandering off and putting herself in danger and how they must not get involved in the lives of the locals. Just when she thought they were getting on better, he'd yelled at her and scolded her like a child. She'd not reported what she'd seen with Bashira's father, partly because she wasn't sure what she had seen and also didn't want to anger Captain James any further.

-OG-

She looks up and sees that Smurf is having a quiet word with Captain James, and judging by Smurf's body language, it involves an apology and a lot of humble pie.

A little while later she's conscious of Smurf making his way over towards her as Captain James heads to the makeshift gym.

Smurf has his trademark, cocky look on his face, "The doctor at Bastion says the medic has to rub baby oil into my bullet hole every hour or I die."

She's quite impressed by his brazenness, but has no intention of encouraging him, "Looks like you're gonna die then."

He grins at her, "Charming. Cuppa tea?"

Despite her best intentions, she can't help but laugh. It feels good to be able to banter with him, but mostly she's relieved that the unpleasantness of the early tour has gone.

Smurf busies himself with making her a cup of tea and given how he is going on about being there for her, she realises that he is genuinely sorry for how he behaved. Whilst she's glad that he seems sorry, she doesn't really want to have a deep and meaningful conversation with him about it, so attempts to keep the conversation light.

Her attention is temporarily diverted by the sight of Captain James taking off his shirt as he starts his workout. She can't help but admire his perfectly honed, if slightly pale, bare chest. Given the inappropriateness of the current situation and particularly given the company she's in, she's surprised to feel the stirrings of desire. She realises she's staring and feels immediately embarrassed to be looking and thinking about her Captain, in such a way.

She's alarmed that Smurf seems to have noticed her attention is elsewhere, "So you got him to like you now then?"

She curses herself for being so bleeding obvious with her perving and tries to deflect the comment, but ends up sounding far too defensive, "What you talking about?"

Smurf seems a bit taken aback, "Well, you know, he was a bit sort of…. offish with you…."

She doesn't want to or know how to answer him, so opts for another deflection, "Are you making that tea or what?"

She sneaks another quick glance at Captain James, committing his perfect body to memory. She can't really explain the change in her relationship with Captain James, but she realises it has changed. They've certainly developed somewhat of an understanding since Smurf's shooting. There have even been a few times in private when they've chatted, laughed and bantered in a friendly way, where rank has been put aside. However, he is her commanding officer and besides it being completely against army regulations, there is absolutely no way someone like him would even look at her if she wasn't in his platoon.

Village

It is hot and uncomfortable in the mastiff, as they travel towards the village where they are going to maintain a presence to enable to children to go back to school.

The lads are idly speculating about what surprise Captain James has lined up for them this evening. Some of them seem convinced it is a visit from Prince Harry, but despite all their best efforts to elicit information from him, Captain James has remained tight lipped about it, seemingly enjoying keeping them in suspense.

She wonders what else will await them today and whether she'll manage to see Bashira.

She's been increasingly worried about the little girl as the last time she saw her, Bashira had told her that she was being sent away and had been promised in marriage.

The past few days have seen an increase in Taliban activity in the area, which started with an attack on the school and there is full anticipation of more to come.

At the FOB, tensions have been running high with some of the ANA soldiers. Just a few days ago, there was a particularly tense exchange between Sohail, herself and Captain James, which had for a number of reasons left her feeling quite unsettled.

Sohail had made it quite clear that he didn't approve of her or the British army presence and blamed them for aggravating the situation with the local Taliban.

Afterwards, as she'd walked away with Captain James, she'd said something about it not feeling like they were on the same side, which Captain James had actually agreed with. When she'd then gone on to express her concerns for the children like Bashira and Captain James had gone really serious on her, getting her to repeat after him to not get in-fucking-volved. He'd told her that he needed her one hundred percent by his side, which she couldn't be if she was worried about an individual child. As she'd affirmed her commitment to him, telling him that she was one hundred percent by his side, there had a been a strangely intense moment between them.

-OG-

She's busy setting a temporary medical centre in one of the empty buildings near the school when Qaseem enters. She enjoys talking to him and, as well as picking up some Pashto, is learning a little about Afghan culture and history. Although she struggles to understand the way things are in the country, she finds him a patient and knowledgeable teacher. Unlike some of the other Afghan men, he doesn't seem to have any problem talking to her. She suspects he might have a bit of a soft-spot for her; not in a romantic or creepy way, but more as father and mentor. She's become increasingly curious as to his back story as he hasn't shared any details of his private life in any of their conversations, but she senses there is some sadness there.

Feeling brave, she asks him about his life before joining up. He tells her that he lectured in English Literature at Kabul University, which she realises explains why he is such a great teacher. She's shocked when he goes on to tell her that he joined up because his wife and daughter were killed by the Taliban. He sounds so incredibly sad when he tells her that the worst thing imaginable has already happened to him and that all he can hope for is that one day there will be peace in Afghanistan.

She's contemplating this astounding revelation when she becomes aware of a commotion taking place outside. She can hear a woman and ANA soldiers shouting and as she heads outside is surprised to see Bashira standing next to the woman, together with Captain James, Captain Azizi and Sohail.

As she approaches the group, she realises that Bashira is injured, her face bruised, battered and bleeding, almost certainly the result of some sort of beating.

She looks questioningly at Qaseem who translates for her, "She is saying her daughter needs treatment…"

Captain James takes charge of the situation, "Well tell her to take her to a local hospital."

Whilst Qaseem translates this, the woman gets increasingly distressed and gesticulates towards her.

Qaseem continues, "She says she is looking to you as medic to help. The local hospital is four hours away and she has no transport."

Although she doesn't understand what else is being said, it is obvious to her that the woman is appealing to her for help because she is, in some way, responsible for what has happened to Bashira.

She feels an involuntary shiver and a sense of dread hits her, "She's saying it's my fault isn't she?"

Qaseem looks at her in a kindly way, "Yes, she is but it's not. A father hitting his child is wrong…. as wrong in Afghanistan as it is where you come from."

Captain James reiterates his orders, "She has to go to her own hospital for treatment. Those are the rules."

In that instant, she feels immensely torn. Every instinct is telling her that her duty is to treat the little girl whatever the circumstances, whatever the sodding Army rules say. She desperately wants to challenge Captain James' order, but she is also reminded of his warning to her just a few days ago about not getting involved in the lives of the locals and her promise to be one hundred percent by his side.

Unable to look at Bashira or her mother, she reluctantly turns and walks away, back into the safety of the medical centre ignoring the woman's shouts for help. She's unable to stop the hot, angry tears from coming as she curses herself, the sodding Army rules and the unfairness of this bleeding place.

-OG-

The lads are gathered around a makeshift stage, impatiently messing about whilst awaiting their big surprise. She's stood at the back, not really feeling like joining in. All she actually wants to do is retreat to the medical tent and try to calm her nut.

Since this afternoon's run-in with Bashira and her mother, she's been unable to shake a familiar but unwelcome feeling of uneasiness. At first, she'd put it down to the stress of the situation, but now she's convinced it is something more. She knows she's felt like this before and now thinks she knows what happens next. She's terrified that she might be about to die again, which feels bleeding unfair as she's been feeling really happy and enjoying herself on the tour these past few weeks. More worrying is that she'd convinced herself that saving Smurf had broken the cycle of dying, and if it is about to happen again, what the bleeding hell does she need to do now?

She notes that Captain James hasn't seem affected by the earlier events. In fact, he seems to be in an incredibly good mood, possibly something to do with the recent arrival of their surprise and because he spent the best part of an hour or so relaxing in a paddling pool, supposedly sent to him by "his mummy". Well, he had looked relaxed right up until the moment some of the lads decided to naked bomb him, but he definitely seemed to see the funny side of the prank and let it go.

The lads are now standing and singing the national anthem in anticipation of whatever is about to happen. Captain James takes to the stage, raises his hands to calm down the lads. She's slightly intimidated by how completely comfortable and confident he appears on stage and as centre of attention, "Right. Ladies and Gentlemen we have got a special treat arranged for you today. It is my great honour and privilege to introduce to you….The Corps of Army Music!"

The lads look completely crestfallen at this news, particularly as it is accompanied by the unmistakable sound of a brass band warming up. Captain James' enthusiasm is however uncurbed, "And that is them just warming up! Imagine how good they're gonna be!"

Knowing how much Captain James has enjoyed winding them all up about their special surprise, she wonders what he has up his sleeve.

The band come out onto stage, one by one, carrying traditional instruments and looking very formal. The band start playing, and much to everyone's surprise it is an up-tempo and fabulous version of Amy Winehouse's "Valerie".

The lads realise they've been had, as Captain James triumphantly asks, "Oh, sound familiar?"

She quietly slips away as everyone else is up on their feet, singing along, clearly loving their surprise.

-OG-

Mountain checkpoint

The following day, their patrol takes them to the mountain checkpoint. She feels like she is in some sort of trance, as she didn't manage much in the way of sleep and is still feeling deeply unsettled.

When they arrive at the mountain checkpoint, everything is as they would expect. As normal, the young and inexperienced ANA soldiers who are permanently stationed at the checkpoint are lounging around, and she can't help but feel they are easy targets for the Taliban.

She notices that it is eerily quiet and is a little bit disappointed, but not hugely surprised after the previous day's incident, that neither Bashira nor any of the other village children are around. She would dearly like to take a look at Bashira's injuries and to know that she is alright.

Captain James is busy giving orders, attempting to assert some organisation over the checkpoint. She decides to make herself useful by handing out water to everyone. She goes to give him a bottle of water and is suddenly aware of someone shouting "Down. RPG."

There is little opportunity to take cover, as the RPG is a direct hit to just behind where she and Captain James are standing.

The huge, deadly explosion instantaneously red-mists them both and several other British and Afghan soldiers, critically wounding many more.

-OG-

Oh no. The bloody mountain checkpoint strikes again! Please leave me a review to spur me on to write the next chapter. x