Author's note: Thanks to my awesome beta Misery Loves Sarah! Hope you all will enjoy reading this as much as I did ^^

Disclaimer: I don't own Sanctuary or any of the characters.

Helen laid in her bed and stared at the ceiling. Slowly, she began to understand how her words had sounded to him and she felt guilty. She hadn't meant to hurt him. Her emotions had just gotten the better of her. As she continued to stare her thoughts went back to the dance. Just thinking about it made her heart ache and wish their moment would have lasted forever.

Even though this went against everything Helen had swore to herself she couldn't bring herself to regret it. She was still able to feel the presence of his body and the calmness spreading through her soul. It made her remember what it felt like to be unconditionally loved.

And it reminded her what it felt like to love somebody unconditionally...

Helen closed her eyes and tried desperately to convince herself of the rightness and necessity of her decision at the ball. But her determination was falling away. The battle between her mind and her heart had began anew. Images and moments from her time with him flooded her mind and woke a wave of emotions in her and eventually Helen couldn't deny it any longer, the evening had proven it clearly.

She still loved him.

In fact she'd never stopped. She'd just not wanted to admit it, had been too afraid of the consequences.

Perhaps it wasn't weak to need somebody. Perhaps it was just weak to deny it, to deny the feelings you feel towards that person.

Helen had always had reasons to fear him and see him as a threat, good reasons. The fact that he'd broken her heart and hurt her in the most painful way possible was one. Then he'd killed innocent women and played for the other side, their enemy. And he'd been a threat to Ashley, her only child. But now, even though, she knew this wasn't internally his fault she was still uncertain in her feelings for him.

Her thoughts drifting to Henry and Erika, Will and Abby and Robert and Jane she suddenly felt hollow like there was a hole in her stomach. Helen curled into a small ball and clasped her hands behind her knees. Her thoughts were lost in the past, a better time where she'd been happy and not alone. An innocent and strong woman who'd always had a smile one her lips. What had she become? When had she turned so cold? When had she begun shutting everyone out and distrusting every person she met? Eventually, silent tears began to roll down her cheeks as she cried herself into sleep.

Helen woke after the sun had already leaked into her hotel room. It was blinding. Blinking a few times, she sat up and rubbed her eyes. As she got used to the brightness Helen reached toward her clock to find out how long she'd slept.

She froze as she noticed it was after 9 a.m. Usually Helen never slept past 7 a.m., not even on her free days. Then she remembered last night and her hands clutched the sheets tight. After her emotional break down, she'd woken a few times more and had slept badly. Therefore it wasn't a surprise Helen hadn't been disturbed by the sunlight, her body had been far too exhausted.

Slowly, she got rid of her nightgown and made her way towards the bathroom. A few minutes later she came back and put on jeans and a blouse along with a fresh pair of socks. After tying her hair back in a ponytail Helen left her room to get something for breakfast. Maybe some food would help to fix the hole in her stomach.

Her day was full of things to do which she welcomed, it would distract her from last night. First Helen visited the Berlin Sanctuary to check in. Then she took a taxi to the Alexanderplatz where she met Robert again and he explained that he had tried to call her over ten times since she run from the ball. Helen knew she owed him an explanation, even though she'd never tell him the truth.

It was late afternoon when she finally entered the University library. Helen had planned on doing some research before she went home. She threw herself into the first three books about biology. Two books about physics and chemistry followed soon. More than two hours passed but no matter how much she read, how hard she tried to concentrate Helen couldn't stop her thoughts from drifting back to the fatal, yet so wonderful minutes and the inner conflict she'd had last night.

It wasn't that she hadn't thought about going to him before. In fact Helen had been considering it all day, but what frightened her was her reaction when she'd found him. She wouldn't be in control and that was what frightened her the most, the unknown.

After reading the same sentence for the at least eighth time Helen shut the book in resignation, her head dropped into her hands. This wasn't leading anywhere. She wouldn't be free until she saw him. Perhaps he'd already thrown himself into some dangerous mission where he hoped to find solace.

This thought instilled fear in her heart. It confused her. She may have realized her feelings for John but that didn't mean she understood them. Or, for that matter, how to deal with them. Shaking her head slightly, Helen put the books back in their places, grabbed her things and left.

Outside a cold breeze announced the coming of autumn and made her shiver. Helen hadn't expected the weather to turn colder. She wrapped her thin jacket tighter around her body and took out her phone, calling Robert in hope he could tell her the number of the security firm. And indeed, half an hour later Helen had talked to John's boss and even found a lie which convinced him to tell her John's address.

Now, she was waiting at the taxi station and thinking about what she'd actually tell him. A splash of water dropping on her face brought her back to reality and Helen noticed the rain falling from the now dark sky.

Finally a taxi picked her up and she welcomed the dry inside of the car. While the taxi drove through the city towards her destination Helen looked out the window and took in the buildings and people on the streets. With every minute, every mile they drove she grew more and more nervous. Restless Helen began to form the words she'd say in her mind, both thrilled and anxious to see him.

Eventually they passed the city limit and drove down a less crowded road. Helen had learned that John had been working as a bodyguard for four years. He had been right that such a job brought good money. John had even been able to buy a small house in a quiet village just a fifteen minute drive away from Berlin. This was where the taxi would bring her and Helen could only hope that she'd find him there.

It was strange, hearing that he'd lived the past four years like a common person, a normal man. That brought an idea into her mind. Could it be that their meeting last night had thrown his world upside down as well? Despite the fact, of course, that she had denied knowing him. Helen shook her head. He would have come to her if he'd really missed her. There wasn't really anything that could stop him from visiting her anyway.

The surroundings changed and they were suddenly driving through a small village. The car stopped and Helen found herself in front of a single story house and garage. She paid the driver and left the car, surprised that the rain had stopped. Helen continued to stand on the pavement, not knowing what to do with herself. She took a deep breath and tried to steady her raging heart. This was ridiculous, she would just apologize and then leave again.

Finally Helen made her way to the door, her heart beating wildly in her chest. She had almost reached the door as John rounded the corner and stopped dead in his tracks as he saw her, his face suddenly becoming hard. Helen who had gotten over the shock tried to speak but John beat her to it.

"Who told you where I could be found?" His tone, cold and angry, confused her. She didn't understand.

"Your boss. I told him it was important that I talk to you." Her voice was quiet but she was relieved that it showed nothing of the hurt his reaction had caused.

"Why? I thought you didn't know me, Helen." He asked, his words full of sarcasm. He looked her coldly and took a step towards her, raising his voice again. "Why seek me out then? Just go back to your boyfriend Robert. He seemed to be very obsessed with you!"

"Stop it!" She was now angry as well. How could he think this was all about him, that she didn't care about him? John just looked at her angrily, his eyes not showing the conflicted emotions that laid beneath. Helen spoke again, this time pain mixed with her anger.

"I only said that so Robert wouldn't ask any further. And he's not my boyfriend." She was now the one take a step forward. If he'd only understand.

"Yes, of course. It wouldn't be good for your image if everyone knows with whom you were dancing, right?" Every word he said was unmistakably meant to hurt her. And it worked, Helen could feel the tears filling her eyes. But John just continued, trying hard to not give in.

"With me who is a threat to everybody? The man who manages it to put everyone around him in danger? Come on, let us end it here, yes? You made it clear that you don't want me in your life. So why pretend?" He threw his arms in the air.

"I'm only here to make you understand I didn't meant what I said at the party. That I'm sorry." Tears were now slowly flowing down her cheeks. Why did his words cause so much pain?

"Why?" John had raised his voice again. He tried hard to ignore the tears on her face and instead focused on his desperation. "You let me die down in Hollow Earth. Why should you care about what happens to me now?"

"How dare you think I wouldn't care about you! We've known each other for over a century!" Helen reached for the last of her energy, not having any strength left to fight him. Not him, not this way. This was not what she'd thought would happen. But his outburst was nothing compared with what he said next, hurting her with only a few words. His voice didn't lose any of its anger or power.

"As you said we knew each other only briefly! And this was a very long time ago. Just go back to the Sanctuary. You don't know me anymore, maybe you never did!"

He turned his back to her. His shoulders were trembling, his breath raging and he clenched his fists hard to get his emotions under control. His last words had cut Helen deep. Tears were making their way down her face and she did her best to talk to him, desperately seeking an escape from this nightmare.

"Why did you talk to me at the party then?" Her voice was nothing more than a whisper at first, but it became steadier with every word she spoke. Desperately she tried to make him turn, make him see.

"Why did you talk to me if you think we don't know each other anymore? Why did you dance with me? Why did you care about me if – "

She couldn't finish her sentence before he turned abruptly and smashed his lips against hers, trying desperately to find a reaction which would show him he wasn't alone with his feelings. He wouldn't endure it to be rejected a second time, he wouldn't stand the pain and loneliness which would follow. And if she'd turn him down he'd have tried and at the very least felt her lips one more time.

Helen hadn't expected what came next. His lips were tender and pressed soft against her own. A wonderful warmth spread through her body and made her heart flutter in her chest. As his hand made his way up to stroke her cheek lightly Helen closed her eyes. She could feel John waiting anxiously for a response and she made up her mind.

John could feel his heart beating faster as he felt her soft lips responding. He wrapped his other arm around her waist, bringing her closer to him. He had kept himself from going to her again, yet there had never been a second where John hadn't wished to be near her. He was addicted to her touch, to her smile. Never had he imagined that he would ever be able to kiss her again.

Helen raised her arms slowly and crossed them behind his neck, bringing him impossibly closer to her. She could feel the pain in her subside. Just by touching his lips to hers and pressing his body against hers, John was able to heal the scars in her heart. Helen opened her mouth and their tongues began dueling. He tasted exact like he had back in London.

John buried his right hand in her soft curls. The other was still around her waist, holding her upright. They didn't act out of lust, out of dark desire, but out of love. They needed to let the other heal their own broken hearts and make the painful memories fade.

The sudden feeling of rain on his face had John pulling Helen through the door into the house, not parting their kiss once. Helen's hand dropped from around his neck and slipped under his shirt, she enjoyed the feeling of his skin against hers. John did the same and traced small patterns on her back. When they reached the bedroom they eventually got rid of the unnecessary clothing and it wasn't long until both stood in nothing but their underwear. Slowly, John lowered Helen onto the bed, kissing her again.

Every time they touched the pain receded, and their souls healed a little more. Even after such a long time, after more than a century of hate and sorrow, they still couldn't work without one another. Maybe this was what it was like to have a soul mate. One who formed the perfect counterpart to yourself, who'd be everything you need to survive. A person you could lean on and trust. No matter what.

Maybe this was what it was like to be unconditionally loved and love somebody unconditionally. For all eternity.

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