Okay, you really have every right to hate me. I haven't updated in years and I'm SORRY! So, so, so sorry. And after all this chapter is really short compared to the others. My only excuse is having to deal with school and a couple of arguments with my friends and at home. I'm SO FUCKING SORRY ;((( Please read it anyway! At least this chapter contains much Bade...

3rd chapter

In which I follow my non-perfect forgetting-plan desperatley and in which I find out something I was dying to know

His face was – well, I don't really know how to explain that best. It seemed kinda emotionless, but not without a slight bit of surprise reflecting there in his big brown eyes and making me almost want to faint. Luckily, I then remembered that I from now on would be trying to avoid everything that somehow had to do with considering him as my only weakness and so I shut my mouth close determined, not without shooting Vega another significant gaze implying just to keep her mouth shut or else terrible things might happen to her. According to her insecure nodding my threatening had been analyzed and would hopefully also be accomplished. Otherwise I could immediately say goodbye to my pride. But probably specatulating about any unknown thoughts of other people's minds wouldn't really help me, si I let go of my weak tries to read her mind and instead kept on looking down on my black jeans, thinking of how much I'd now love to be anywhere else but here around him. Gosh, I could still feel his presence everywhere – no matter how many miles he was away from me or how much he'd be trying to avoid me. I'd always be able to find him, anywhere I went. But that wasn't importabt now, I informed myself, still forcefully trying to stare at my crossbred legs as expressionlessly as I was capable of. Which in this case implied not really much. My whole head was aching, signaling to my brain that he wasn't even like ten steps far from me, whispering different, loud words into my ears, so I was absolutley convinced that everyone around me was hearing every little syllable of those, using this to laugh at me and my weird imaginations. I gulped.

Ugh, this definitley needed to stop!

I was just about to look at my ex-boyfriend who I'd decided of about only a few minutes ago to finally forget about him and surely not thinking if he'd be liking my new old-Jade-style. I shouldn't care, damn it. I was Jade West after all.

This was most likely when I eventually decided to look up from my legs and instead determined look into his eyes just like everyone else but me was doing. Well, almost everyone. Sikowitz hadn't even noticed that Beck had just bumped into his class without even apologizing. He was still like standing right in the middle of the small, square room drinking his coconut's milks and staring through the area like there absolutley was nothing to worry about. But, well, that was Sikowitz, so that didn't count.

So, as I'd then finally managed it to glare right into his eyes, I suddenly couldn't quite remember my whole plan I'd thought of this morning briefly after I'd woken up from that horrible dream about Beck choosing Vega's ugly sister over me which then had continued in Sikowitz' classroom with Tori being now his new beloved girlfriend. I must say: It's really confusing due to the fact that I still was trying to convince myself I'd be able to move on without that it would hurt me when it'd finally have got that far that Vega was smooching his lips accompanied by him excitedly closing his eyes and kissing her back – more passionatley than he'd ever done with me.

Err, whatever. None of your business, Jade, as my mind kindly reminded me.

Beck, obviously feeling a bit uncomfortable with now suddenly having earned the class' whole attention, now opened his mouth to say something.

"I'm sorry I'm late. It's just: There's that stupid cricket again in my RV, y'know, that's already been there once about christmas time, I think..", he murmured a vague apology before dtermined heading right towards our liitle group, Cat cheerfully waving at him.

Yes, I could remember that cricket in his caravan in December, but much more I could remember caring for him, buying coffee and keeping him awake most of the time which had turned out to be harder than I'd actually expected it to, since Beck obviously fell asleep quite easily, as I'd found out.

Yup, this had probably been the first time I'd ever taken care of someone and I still wasn't planning on going on with it.

My mind was suddenly interrupted by Tori's elbow bumping directly into my hip which caused me to swear in pain briefly before glaring at her obnonxiously. Tori simply shrugged and pointed her head towards Beck who was now sitting down next to – oh no, please let it be a dream! – just me.

Yeah, welcome to the chair next to me, Beckett Oliver. Where the Jadelyn West is sitting near to you and terrifying everyone that looks like at least being still alive.

So, watch what you say.

But what should I say? I knew Beck wasn't scared of me at all, so I should probably just stick to sitting there and enduring his overwhelming presence of which I was much moret han just aware.

I desperatley waited for Sikowitz to start his lesson, but unfortunatley he didn't seem to be at least as thrilled about this ideas as I was. Instead he now was sitting down on the little stage in front of the class, silently opening the newspaper's front page he'd just pulled out from his backpack.

Then there was noting but silence for a long time until Tori couldn't stand it anymore and asked a question.

Normally I would've been more than exasperated by her annoying way of always disturbing people with her never-ending questions, but this time I was honestly grateful for that, even though I'd surely never admitted that.

"Won't we start with class?", Tori so asked.

Sikowitz sighed before answering.

"No, thanks, Toro.", he said, not even risking one glance at the whole, completley confused class there in front of him.

Tori frowned.

"So, why not?", she insisted.

"Why not. Just keep on doing whatever you want to."

And so their conversation was finished – much to my dismay, but apparently only to mine, as the rest then already soon started to chat full of excitement, Robbie probably still begging Cat to help her finding auditioners for his play, even though she'd already reassured her help about a hundred times.

Tori also soon had finished to wonder about Sikowitz's strannge behavior again, as she then already turned around to begin to talk to Andre who seemed to be again more than relieved that she'd chosen him over Beck once again who obviously didn't seem to care a lot. He hung over his chair, hand under his chin, breathing slowly.

I rolled my eyes deciding that I could at least still stick to my normal mean attitude, as I then already kicked him with my foot. He immediately fell down from his chair, murmuring some quite, non-existing swearword while awkwardly trying to stand up again, looking for the one that'd just woken him up so rudely. I fought the urge to let out a small smile and instead started to play with a blue streak of hair that had just escaped from the small tail I'd plaited at the back of my head. But of course I knew denying would be pointless, but it'd be worth a try.

"Jade?", Beck's voice came from behind.

I didn't even try to ignore him. So instead I looked up from my lap, boring my innocent eyes right into his.

"Yeah?", I replied, immediately regretting it.

I still sounded so snappy. Beck must've thought similar things, as he then also let out a small chuckle which again got to be playfully ignored by me. Anyways, he soon had got back to being serious, his brown eyes intensively studying every part of my body. I involuntarily froze.

"Why'd you kick me off of my chair?", he then asked not even saying one word about my new style.

I probably shouldn't be surprised, but anyways it hurt. Seeing in his face that he'd immediately analyzed my new, well, old style, but not caring enough about me to even mention it. Ugh, I truly hated my stupid heart. But I was going to fight it for sure, you'll see.

"I didn't kick you off your chair.", I lied expertly, but nervertheless determined focusing on the floor.

Beck rolled his eyes meaningfully towards the ceiling before sighing and turning his head away.

"Just saying…"

"Just saying what?", I asked curiously, secretly cursing myself for having given in to his attempt to start a halfway mature conversation.

He just chuckled once again and I swore inwardly.

"What?", I repeated once again, not fully handling to stop sounding like an impatient, little kid.

"You're cute.", he said simling and I – oh gosh! – immediately turned bright red.

"I'm not!", I hissed, but somehow couldn't help but smile a bit (damn nit).

He looked at me sleepily, his eyes nearly closed.

"You should sleep.", I found out and he yawned as a simple response to that.

"Wise observation, Jade.", he murmured, his tongue tasting my name and speaking it slowly.

Oh, I was getting insane, I knew it! I mean, I'd always hated those cheesy books where they'd had to find for like almost every expression any kind of an at least halfway matching metaphor.

"Sleep now!", I demanded and Beck closed his eyes – much to my surprise, but obviously he was really that tired that he wasn't even willing now to disregard my commands – or he's just much less immature than you are, one annoying liitle voice in my head suggested.

I decided to ignore that and instead stared at Beck's soft black hair, still wanting to pull it out like nothing else in this world.

"You were gone.", a voice said softly, almost whipsered.

It took a while for me to realize that I was the one that had been talked to – by Beck who I'd thought of he'd already be sleeping like nothing else in the world mattered, but obviously I'd been wrong.

I sighed.

"You were gone.", Beck repeated mechanically.

I rose an eyebrow, clearly annoyed by his emotionless notice of my absence before bitterly groaning in horror and rolling my eyes, determined not to show how much those word had hurt to hear rhem.

"Why?", he asked now, his eyes still closed.

I looked at him in disbelief.

"Seriously?"

As he then didn't answer to that I'd already decided to just let it all out.

"Well, we might've broken up, but that doesn't completley mean that you're from now on allowed to insult me in front of the whole class.", I snapped, suddenly wondering how loud my voice had got.

But as I looked around all those students still seemed to be chatting about any other kind of unimportant stuff, so I quickly turned around again just to see Beck had finally opened his eyes again.

"I didn't insult you.", he explained calmly, his eyes looking into mine like there was nothing else what mattered to him anymore.

I frowned.

"Of course you did.", I protested, hesitantly pulling my scissors out and starting to cut big holes into that piece of papers I'd picked up from the ground a while ago which now already seemed like a whole eternity to me.

But Beck being Beck just shook his head.

"I just answered and said what it's like now."

"So you really think I'm a jealous, mean bitch?", I fought back, forcefully trying to fight the will just to let go and break down crying.

His reaction was absolutley not what I'd expected it to be.

His neutral and sleepy face suddenly changed into an expression full of shock and hurt.

"What? Jade, I know you were jealous like…", he hesitated, probably unsure if this was quite the right moment to say so, but then finally seemed to decide that it'd be the best just to stay honest. "all the time, but that doesn't mean I think you're mean. Just think of it: How many times did I let you come over to me in the middle of the night just to make sure you were feeling save, how many times did I ask you if your dad really wasn't being more to you than just mean in attempt to protect you from him. I loved you like hell, half to death. Do you really think those feeling went away just like that?"

"Uh, yeah.", I answered truthfully, absolutley overwhelmed by his unexpected, sudden outburst.

Beck looked at me dryly, shaking his head in diesbelief. At least that's it what I think it looked like. It was pretty hard to tell according to the fact that he totally looked like he was just about to fall asleep again.

"Jadelyn West..", he said. "I haven't and I'll most likely never stop caring about you. It's impossible, since you're probably like the most important human being in my life. I promise, even though you're probably now gonna claim you don't really care anyway.", he quickly added with a chuckle, winking at me before dtermined closing his eyes again and letting his head slide on his hands again.

But I didn't say anything like that, I felt much too warm, too dizzy to deny any of his unspoken statement of him knowing I was still at least caring about him, maybe even being in love which I – by the way – totally was, even though I still hadn't fully given up on the plan to forget about him.

I was much too overwhelmed to move. I just kept sitting there, my legs still strangely crossbrend, holding onto my scissors and staring at him with my mouth open trying to believe what I'd just been told.

That I was still important to him, that it still mattered to him what I was feeling.

He'd told me more in those three minutes than in the last few months I'd tried to ignore him so forcefully that it'd almost killed me just to see him hanging out with any other girl than Cat of which I absolutley knew that she din't mean more to him than Robbie or even Andre. Yup, I was absolutley incapable of saying anything and even funnier was that I probably didn't even look intimadating at that moment to other people, that I'd probably not have managed it to scare anyone now, no matter how much that person now would be annoying the shit out of me.

I was just stunned.

"Oh yeah. And by the way…", Beck's voice finally got my attention back and I could eventually move again.

"You really do look beautiful.", he said silently before falling back onto his chair I'd been staring at expressionlessly like the whole by-gone months since our break-up, since he'd preferred to sit next to someone else most of the time.

And once again I couldn't even move one muscle just a tiny bit.

So, I know that this was rather short, but I hope you liked it anyway. I'll try to update soon and make my next chapters much longer. Also, I'm thinking of writing in Beck's POV maybe once. Hmm? How would you like that.

I decided to do something what I've seen a lots of writers doing. You ask a question and I'll answer it by the time of my next update which I promise will be soon. And of curse if you have any suggestion how that story could go on, please let me know.

I'm also glad, when you tell me that you don't hate me (though you've got every right to do so)

Thanks, please click this little button there, marked with the word 'review' and let me know whatever you wanna say or ask or suggest.

Joy :D