Title: Gundam Diaries: Part 4 ~ Heero

Author: Makoto Sagara

Pairings: 2+1+2, 3x4, 5+2

Warnings: Shonen ai, angst, language, violence, confuzzlement

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing, I only wish I did.  It is owned by Sunrise, Bandai, and a bunch of other evil companies.  Also, I made no money writing this.  No one is nice enough to pay me to read what I write.  This chapter was inspired by the song "Love Me, Leave Me Alone" by Jewel Kilcher.

March 29th, AC 195…. 21:00:00

            Chang hit me.  Maxwell kissed me.  Quatre kept asking me questions about the bruise on my face.  Maxwell kissed me…

            What the hell is going on here?  Maxwell never kissed me before.  I thought he just regarded me as a friend.  Chang obviously has a thing for the braided baka, even I have noticed that. Especially at breakfast, when Duo licked that syrup off his mouth. Chang's eyes got about twice their normal size.  I may be cold, but not stupid.  I have to watch people as my job.

            Of course, now that I think about it, Duo does seem to room with me a lot.  He called me his best friend.  I got confused when he said that.  I have never really had a close friend before.  Hell, I never had a friend before Duo.  Something about the pilot of 02 makes me confused anyway.  That's why I try not to talk much to him.

            I don't know how I feel about Maxwell.  I try not to think about feelings.  They aren't productive to my missions.  Maybe Winner is right.  I should try and loosen up, but I have no idea how to do that.  All I know is the word Ninmu.  I hate that word.

            The image of Duo's round violet eyes looking shocked and hurt after he kissed me and I hit him is all that I can see.  He seemed so happy as he wrapped his arms around me dreamily.  I wanted to kiss him, but when he kissed me, I hit him in the stomach.  I hit the baka.

            I never show him anything but contempt, and disgust.  I have tried to be friendly, but then I have a mission and have to talk to Dr. J, and my whole attitude about Duo changes.  Dr. J thinks that Maxwell may change my priorities about the missions.  He tries to tell me to stay away from him singly as much as possible.  I don't tell him that I board with him at Winner's estates.

            I never guessed that Duo wouldn't show up at dinner.  He likes to eat entirely too much.  Too many times, I have seen him eat his share, and then start on someone else's.  The braided baka is not greedy. He just likes to eat.

            Chang never showed up either. He never seemed to have a problem with me before now. I knew that he was starting to have feelings for Maxwell, but I didn't think that he would even admit them to himself enough to hit me for it. I knew that he would glare at me off and on when I was particularly cold to Maxwell. Not even Duo noticed those. It seems Quatre has, though.

            The Arab seems to pick up on feelings and emotions more than it is normal.  I vaguely remember a mission where he said something about Barton being in trouble.  Sure enough, when we arrived at the safe house of the moment, the European was bandaged in several places.  I chalked it up to strong intuition, but it seems to almost be like a sixth sense for him.  Although, with those two, it could have been just intuition. Of course, in our line of "work" injuries occur often.

            I think I will try and get some sleep soon.  I have a few more places to hack into before I get some rest for this mission I have with Barton.  It will be two weeks long.  That should be enough time for the baka, Winner, and Chang to settle something out about this situation.  I don't want to be near it when it comes to a conclusion.

            So, I will just end this.  I have to go back to work.

                                                                                    ~ Yuy Heero