Wednesday's school hours end sooner than expected but then, Hajime actually does expect it – hopes for it perhaps. He has been studying like a madman for the last three days and everything he needed to do today was to get into his classroom, take the exam and then be free until graduation.

And he does just that.

.

The teacher is nice enough to let them go home to rest and since the class manages to finish all their tasks by midday, Hajime decides to stop by the gym to say hi to his former teammates and to confirm his presence at the dinner meeting they planned after the Spring tournament ended.

They decide the date, the time and the place and then talk about other things. When Hajime is planning to leave, more or less an hour later, the others convince him to stay longer (it doesn't actually take much); Shigeru lends him some of his clothes and makes him play a couple of sets with them, offering himself to take Tooru's place as his setter.

Hajime's memory of that last failed toss is still fresh in his mind, even though he desperately tried to bury it between literature and maths – he never believed it would succeed, he still doesn't, but it was worth a try. Now that he doesn't need any of those subjects anymore, it seems to be surfacing again. The others notice it and make him avoid to think about it when they think it is too close to affect him.

The match is not what it is supposed to be though, because Tooru didn't come with him and instead excused himself by saying he should be heading home as soon as possible because there are a couple of things he wants to do. Then he asked if he could join him later and promised to cook him dinner if he stayed over.

Hajime accepted without thinking twice.

He ends up staying in the gym until the others have to leave for their afternoon classes and there is nothing else to do than leave as well. He chooses not to take a shower here and instead decides to take it at Tooru's. There he can also borrow some clean clothes so he doesn't have to change back into his uniform – he has really gotten sick of it now that it's starting to be hotter outside.

When he gets out of the gym and then of the school gates, he gets an idea. It would sure be nice if he went to the market to do some shopping so they can prepare something else than the usual rice and miso soup – he remembers his mother giving him plenty of money just for that. "You and Tooru-kun need to celebrate! You've had two rough weeks, so take these and at least cook something decent," she said to him with a wink when she shoved the bills in his hands before he could say anything in return.

The do need to celebrate after all.

So he stands with his idea, goes into the nearest store and buys lots of vegetables, mackerel and everything they need to prepare some homemade ramen – he thinks for a moment to get the instant one, but he figures that it is supposed to be for when they have little time; they have plenty of it now, so they can even have some fun in the kitchen this once.

He then grabs some juice and snacks – lots of milk bread for Tooru; he will sure want to eat that when they watch movies before going to sleep - before he heads to pay for the goods; he ends up getting out with two full bags of food.

Once on the street, he walks slowly. He finished earlier everything he needed to do; besides, he doesn't want to take the risk to break the bags – maybe he should have gotten three; two seem too fragile for all that stuff. Well, now it's too late anyway and all he can do is be careful with how he moves.

The weather is nice, but there is a bothering humidity in the air, making his nostrils feel weird when he breathes. He didn't check the news, so he doesn't know if it is supposed to rain or what, but he still hopes it gets dry by tomorrow.

The route through the park seems the best choice – it might be a tad of a longer walk, but there are less people who could get in his way. It is only when he gets past the small pond next to the playground where he and Tooru always used to play at when they were kids that he finds himself regretting his choice.

When he turns the corner, he looks in front of himself and when he sees him standing on the exact spot where he remembers meeting Tooru for the first time, his eyes widen. Never would he expect to find Ushijima Wakatoshi here – especially because he lives in the peripheral side of the city from what he knows, which is at least forty-five minutes away from here.

His school is elsewhere too, so he is not returning from his lessons or training either.

Hajime doesn't think he wants to know – it would make him upset and then he would tell it to Tooru and then they would both end up sulking on the couch, which is not a way he wants to spend the night – Tooru is especially annoying when he's sulking, and gets even more childish than he already is.

His only goal, he figures, is to get to Tooru's house without having his mood ruined in the mean time, so he will just ignore him, walk past him and forget about seeing him. He has too many plans for tonight and one person he really doesn't like isn't allowed to ruin them.

He does just that, passes next to him with just a mere couple of centimeters between their shoulders, careful not to touch him. He is just an obstacle he must surpass. And all he needs this time is the functionality of his legs for walking and nothing else.

It isn't a game, a spiking contest – it is just the strength to keep himself from turning back towards him and lose.

Hajime feels relieved when he is behind him; it is finally over and hopefully he will never see him again.

"Iwaizumi Hajime."

Shit.

Hajime hears the deep familiar voice calling his name; the pace of his steps slows down slowly until it comes to a stop. The muscles of his back and upper thighs are tense under those gold eyes that have always been looking down on him and he doesn't know what to do other than turning around at looking back at him hoping not to be looking as shaky as he's feeling.

He is surprised to notice he isn't really as far from him as he thought he got. It feels weird, especially because this time it's just him and Wakatoshi and no Tooru to keep his mind from wandering off like this.

At first Hajime is doubting what he sees, but when after half a minute Wakatoshi's eyes don't resume that severe gaze they usually have, he loses himself and doesn't know what to think.

"It was not the same, playing the finals without Seijō as our opponent," he begins and Hajime's eyes widen again. Whst? He isn't sure he heard right and there is a moment when he believes Wakatoshi is joking, but then– he is always serious.

The loss against Karasuno flashes briefly before his eyes and he instinctively lowers his head. "Things don't always go as planned I guess." He is incredulous at the quietness of his voice and the sudden weakness overwhelming his body.

Wakatoshi stares at him, observing every detail of his face and then his eyes travel down his body, from his neck to his feet – the stiffness of his muscles is impossible to hide from him; he and Tooru are quite similar when it comes to this, he figures.

Also, what he just said... Things don't always go as planned, huh?

If he were another type of person, he would find it funny. Until now, everything he wanted he managed to get in the end: the strength, the captain title, assured victories, Tooru...

Tooru.

He still isn't his though.

And it is because of the man in front of him.

Iwaizumi Hajime.

Wakatoshi, no matter how stronger he is than him, deep inside, has always envied him for being the chosen one to be by Tooru's side. Despite all the times he tried to make him come with him, offering him his strength and power and the victory he always cried for so much - stil is -, the setter has always chose him instead.

Wakatoshi knows.

It could never be both after all.

There has never been any place for Hajime at Shiratorizawa and, with Wakatoshi there as the ace of the team, the only spot he could have gotten eventually would have been on the benches or on the bleachers to cheer.

Wakatoshi – and most likely Tooru too – has always known he wouldn't be enough to beat him in a match, ever (especially not with a team like Seijō) and yet, he has always been the one being chosen instead of him and everything better. Wakatoshi admires the loyalty to him on Tooru's part and it's everything he has ever wanted for himself as well.

But Hajime never faltered and kept him for himself without letting him even try it even once.

It is true that Tooru has always refused him, but Hajime had a big part in all of it, always assuring the other boy his presence in times of weakness and need. Wakatoshi has always wanted to do it as well but with him in the way, it was and is impossible to even wish for it properly.

That is why when he found Tooru in Seijō's gym, alone, he considered it a blessing.

Tooru is impossibly easier to handle and manipulate (not something Wakatoshi wants to do but finds himself constantly having to) when there is no Hajime around him to stabilize him when he is about to go off like a time bomb before breaking down.

Without Hajime around, Tooru let him closer, he let him finally touch that flawless skin of his, kiss those lips... He let him in.

Wakatoshi, despite the nature of his being, can't help but wonder if he is ever going to be lucky enough to get another taste of him, the one he has longed for for so many years and – he's more than aware – there is only one clear situation in which that can happen.

"Have you decided if you want to keep on with the studies and where?"

Wakatoshi usually doesn't care about any of this – he doesn't even know where his teammates are going to attend next year. All he needs is to keep playing volleyball and compete, possibly at his fullest strength.

The obtaining of everything he desires depends on this one single answer.

Hajime doesn't expect the sudden question coming out of him. Since when does Wakatoshi hold any kind of interest for him? All he has ever had eyes for is Tooru, while he was the one being either ignored or treated like total shit because "he'll never be enough to beat me, Oikawa; you should know that better than me."

Tooru has never said anything to that statement. He never confirmed it, but didn't deny it either during the last two years. Whenever they came in contact with the spiker, he only stood stiff and tense until it was over. Either way, it has always been about him.

So why isn't he asking about where Tooru is going to instead? Shouldn't he be more interested in that?

Apparently not.

Hajime struggles for the first time in a while; there are less than three weeks until graduation and he still has no clue on where to go next year. He doesn't want to quit school, that is the only sure thing in his life right now.

Everything else is questionable.

"I'm definitely going to go somewhere next year," he begins, back straight to match Wakatoshi. "I still haven't decided where."

Wakatoshi's eyes are fixed on him as if Hajime was some kind of target – it is making him uncomfortable, but he can win this. He definitely can, even if he is on his own. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Hajime flinches when Wakatoshi thoughtfully hums in response to what he said, looking strangely- disappointed? And then he sighs and Hajime can't be anything but confused at this point. "What was that?"

"What was what?"

"That sigh... It looks almost as if my answer disappointed you," he explains. He really can't stand that attitude of his; he acts superior around everyone he's with and Hajime's sick of it, especially after how he countless times treated his team in the past – fortunately none of them met him after the Karasuno match.

"I suppose you have already made your choice, unlike me," because it's you after all, is what he wants to add but then decides against it.

Wakatoshi nods. "Tokyo. I am going to Tokyo."

Hajime's eyes widen. Tokyo? Isn't that where Tooru wants to- Oh. He doesn't know about Wakatoshi yet, does he? Well, how could he even when they never see each other – maybe he should tell him so he can avoid him sulking and getting angry because he won't be able to beat him anymore.

"You're going to keep playing volleyball then."

Wakatoshi doesn't even think when he gives him the answer. "Of course." Gold eyes narrow curiously. "Why? Are you not?"

Hajime's mind immediately thinks about Tooru, who wants to keep playing, wants a career with the sport he loves ever since he was a child. He remembers when he got his first ball for his seventh birthday and how he treated it as his biggest and most precious treasure.

He remembers when he made him spike it when they were older. And how he himself fell in love with it too.

Having Tooru as his setter was definitely the most wonderful of experiences, no matter how happy they were for their victories and no matter how hard were they losses. Tooru made everything just so good. If it were possible, Hajime would never even think about choosing a different path from his setter.

But he let him down.

So many times.

And it is only natural for him to think about Tooru's well-being, which most of the times is given to him by his success. Hajime understood long ago that there is only so much he can give him – it is extremely limited and never enough to make him reach the top.

The main problem is that he doesn't even know what he's going to do. It doesn't take a genius to know he is never going to make it on a national team, unlike Tooru or Wakatoshi and-

"I don't know. There are still... things I need to see before I decide."

Wakatoshi nods, gold eyes never leaving him. There is a long moment of silence between them during which they don't move and just look at each other.

Hajime breaks it after a minute, coughing and finally looking away. "I should go now... I have to be somewhere, so I shouldn't lose any more time."

"I should be on my way as well."

Hajime turns around slowly. "I'll see you around then." He hopes he doesn't. When his back is turned towards him, he exhales heavily and starts to walk away slowly, gripping the two bags in his hands tightly.

"Iwaizumi."

Hajime's breath hitches in his throat.

"There is going to be a storm tonight."

He stops in his tracks once again, turning around, bewildered. "Wha-"

But Wakatoshi is already far away from him and it would be pointless to follow him now just to see the look on his face. But what was that supposed to mean? He focuses instinctively on the sky above him – there are clouds and what Wakatoshi said explains the humidity.

But it is not going to be a storm, is it?

Even though, it didn't really feel like Wakatoshi was talking about weather. He returns on his track and decides not to think about it.

Wakatoshi knows Hajime is going to Tooru's place – there isn't anywhere else he would be going right now. It is Wednesday after all, the last day of Seijō's exams. He finished his own yesterday and now he is looking forward to tomorrow. He stops in front of the cafè and looks at it – he once went there with his team after a practice match against Kitagawa Daiichi.

He doesn't go in.

When Hajime finally arrives at his destination after a twenty-minute walk that felt like an eternity, he knocks on the door as usual. He hears rushed steps down the stairs two seconds later and can't help but smile.

And then it opens and Tooru's head peeks behind it.

"Iwa-chan!" He opens it all the way and motions him to come in, so Hajime does.

They go to the kitchen at Hajime's request so he can put the bags down for now. Tooru wastes no time to look inside while Hajime takes himself a glass of water – after that meeting, he is really thirsty.

"You brought me milk bread!" Tooru yells when he pulls out the first of the six bags he got him. His brown eyes are wide and shiny and Hajime can't help but feel amused by his reaction – he really is a kid even though he always tries not to behave like one. His reactions keep giving him out.

"Eat this one. It's still too early for dinner anyway. Let's go to the living room – there's a movie I want to see," Hajime says and heads there with Tooru following close by.

They both make themselves comfortable on the couch. Tooru insists to lie down on his lap despite Hajime's initial protests and he eventually manages to do so, putting a pillow on Hajime's legs and adjusting himself on it. He then opens the plastic bag containing his favorite food and licks his lips.

"You look like a dog."

"Don't be rude Iwa-chan!"

"Don't eat while lying down. You're going to choke."

Tooru smirks. "Are you perhaps worried about me, Iwa-chan? You're turning into such a big softie," he teases and Hajime immediately flicks his forehead. "Ouch! You're so mean!"

"And you're an idiot." It doesn't come harsh, so Tooru doesn't whine anymore. He takes a first bite and hums, closing his eyes. "So good~"

Hajime chuckles and then shakes his head. He takes a hold of the remote control on the other cushion and turns on the TV. The movie has already started and he throws his head back and relaxes. Tooru is warm against him, and he can't help but realize he really likes the way it feels.

He thought about having a shower as soon as he got here, but he can wait until before they start cooking. Tooru turns his head to look at him, swallowing the last bite and then leaning more into him. "Thanks, Iwa-chan."

"I bring it to you every time."

Tooru laughs. "But it's still good. Every time."

Hajime shakes his head and puts his hand over Tooru's eyes, covering them gently. "Iwa-chan?"

"We're free now, Oikawa."

Tooru's lips curve up slightly. "Yup."

They don't speak for a while after that. The only noise in the room is coming from the television while they watch one thing after another. Eventually they end up moving and Hajime's lying on the couch with Tooru on top of him, with his head under his neck and Hajime's arms wrapped around him.

"Iwa-chan?"

"Hmm?"

"You stink."

Hajime narrows his eyes. "Fuck you." But he does stink, he practiced for two hours so there is no surprise.

"Were you at the gym with the others?" comes right after his insult. Hajime immediately moves a hand to his hair and feels Tooru leaning into the touch. He wasn't there after all; it's been more than a week, almost two, since he last went there to say hi.

"Yeah."

Tooru nods against him and Hajime doesn't see his expression even though he wishes he could.

"How are they?"

"Fine. They're practicing hard already. They want to redeem themselves next year."

"Oh."

Tooru doesn't add anything after that and focuses only on the illuminated screen in front of them. Hajime's arms keep him in place and there is nothing he wishes more than to stay like this forever. It is safe, warm-

"You're staying the night, right?"

"I thought it was obvious," comes the answer not even a second later.

Tooru smiles at that and closes his eyes. "That's good." He can't help but feel easier about everything he has been thinking about. It is easier to pretend nothing happened and Hajime doesn't suspect a thing. Tomorrow he is going to meet with Wakatoshi and tell him there is going to be nothing of the deal he proposed to him and he is going to give him his jacket back and then he forget everything that happened.

He is still considering picking Tokyo though – it is still the best one for the career he wants to pursue, but it would be nothing like Wakatoshi wants.

His hands grip tighter on Hajime's shirt and they watch the last part of the movie without letting out a sound. During the end credits, Tooru finally looks up at him. "I'm hungry."

Hajime sits up, bringing Tooru with him and stretches. "The ingredients are in the bag so pull them out. I'll take a quick shower and then we'll get to work."

The setter nods and stands up. Hajime follows him for a while until they part ways in the main hall, Tooru heading into the kitchen like he was asked and Hajime going upstairs to the bathroom.

Once in front of the bags, Tooru carefully examines each one, trying to find everything they need – he finds out they need pretty much everything Hajime picked out. Seeing the ingredients, Tooru immediately understands it is going to be a full-filling dinner and he must admit he is looking towards it.

Hajime has always been a great cook – better than Tooru in any case – because his mother always insisted for him to learn at least the basic dishes and Hajime did because otherwise he'd have to do other chores he never looked forward to. Tooru's grateful for that.

"I didn't go home before I came here, so I'll borrow some of your clothes!" Hajime yells from the top of the stairs and Tooru yells back, telling him it is alright. It has always been alright. They have always borrowed each other's clothes, ever since they were kids. Tooru isn't actually aware of how many of his own clothes actually belonged to Hajime once upon a time, but there is no need to know. If he'll ever want them back, he can just go to his house and get them.

Besides, he is pretty sure some of his sweatpants and T-shirts are at Hajime's too.

Tooru muses he should get a bigger closet in the future – if he keeps buying himself clothes and stealing Hajime's, he is going to need more space than what he has now.

It takes him a minute before he realizes it.

His closet.

Wakatoshi's jacket.

"Oh, fuck!"

Iwa-chan.

No, no. No no nonono-

He turns on his heel, dropping the package of the eggs from his hands carelessly, not even thinking about how they could break, and runs out of the room and up the stairs – he forgets to breathe, panic overflows; he turns the corner, grabs the door of his room and opens it as wide as possible.

No.

His eyes widen.

No.

"What's this?" Hajime turns around, the purple jacket held in his hands and one of the most confused looks Tooru's ever seen on somebody's face. He doesn't know what his own face might look like though, but he feels his blood stopping, freezing in his veins – so he must be totally pale by now.

His chest heaves, the rush upstairs without breathing is hard even for him. But it is not what matters right now.

Why now? Of everything you could have-

His meeting with Wakatoshi was arranged one day too late.

Hajime's eyes are as wide as his and the expression on his face is the exact thing Tooru wanted to avoid for all this. "Can I get any explanation about this?" To emphasize his words, the spiker raises the cloth and Tooru makes a step back as if it were threatening to kill him any moment – he wishes it was, for real. Because he would totally let it.

But one step is the only thing he can manage, because right after, his body paralyzes and he stops on the one spot at the doorstep. His mouth is full, too full – he swallows hard, feeling his eyes burning. "I... I..." His mouth is open, but there is no sound coming out whatsoever other than a couple of weak syllables that make absolutely no sense.

Hajime stares at him as if he's seen him for the first time, and it is something between shock, curiosity and desire, a burning desire to know.

Tooru can't speak.

So Hajime sighs, eyes moving down on the cloth and hands moving over it, feeling the waterproof softness of its fabric. If his setter isn't going to speak, then he shall do it first. "I saw Ushiwaka today, before I came here," Hajime begins and Tooru dares a step forward but stops himself before he gets too close, eyes wide and mouth still open. "But it looks like you saw him first."

Tooru can't help but shiver.

Did Wakatoshi tell him? How much did he tell him? Suddenly he feels as if he were standing on a layer of extremely thin glass and it's about to crack under his weight and make him fall into the darkest of pits. The air in his lungs isn't enough, but the muscles of his body for some reason don't allow him to take any more in to fill the missing gap, even though he swear that, just a minute ago, his lungs were perfectly functional.

He should have told him not to tell anything to anyone, even if for some reason he hoped Wakatoshi would have kept it to himself – he never thought he could go around and talk about it.

Unless he didn't go to Hajime just to tell him that to break them apart. He should have never trusted him with his weakness – he shouldn't have called to tell him he is breaking Hajime-

"It's not what you think-"

"What am I thinking, Oikawa?" Hajime asks, avoiding the setter's gaze and readjusting the jacket on the hanger before putting it back in the wardrobe where he found it. He bites his lip when he realizes it was put right next to Tooru's Seijō uniform.

He hears Tooru moving to close the door of the room – pointless, since nobody is home; but Hajime figures it is just to gain some time he doesn't know how he will use – and then sighing heavily. "I saw him a while ago; he actually came to look for me at our gym."

Hajime's body stiffens.

He was in their gym? After everything he-

"What the hell did he come for?"

"To talk to me," Tooru mumbles. It is half of the truth of course, but he can't tell him that. Hajime looks hurt enough already and it's taking everything Tooru has not to keep himself together and not give it away.

Hajime's snapping doesn't help. "To talk to you about what?! Don't tell me he tried once again to convince you to come to his team!" The spiker knows too well it's something Wakatoshi does. There still hasn't been a year where he decided not to try.

There hasn't been a year when Tooru didn't refuse out loud either and instead has always turned around and left.

His eyes follow Tooru's body, which moves from his spot at the door to his futon before he sits down on it and hugs his legs to his chest. Hazel eyes look unfocused, almost empty. "He wanted to talk about college." He feels his body growing limp, almost as if his own strength were leaving him. Maybe Hajime will stop. He hopes he will stop. He is not ready to handle this conversation right now.

"And at what point did you switch from talking to putting on his jacket without telling me afterwords?" Hajime asks after he closes the wardrobe and lets out a sigh. "I know we don't tell each other every single detail of our day – or better, it is me who doesn't, since you keep blabbing about everything I don't even ask – but I think this one was worth mentioning. Or am I wrong?"

Tooru lowers his head – he can't handle this, just like he thought – and the action only seems to irritate the spiker. "You know, Ushiwaka came by the gym today. He told me this and that. Doesn't seem too hard to say." After he says these words, something comes to his mind. "Unless..."

Tooru bites his lip.

"Is there anything else I should know?"

This time, when Tooru stiffens, Hajime notices it. Just like I thought. There is a part of the story he is missing and from the way Tooru is looking like right now, it is something he should know.

The refusal to make eye contact on Tooru's part makes Hajime's blood boil in his veins – he is acting like this all over again. He knows it better than anyone else, the meaning of this behavior. It happened when they first lost against Wakatoshi, when Tooru shut all his emotions after Tobio arrived and then snapped, when he hurt his knee and when he sprained his ankle.

Every time.

The same reaction.

"Do I have to drag the words out of your mouth because you don't know how to say it or do you not want to talk about it at all?"

Tooru bites his lip, the content of his unspoken words dances around his mind, making him miserable and incredibly weak (much more than he thought it would). "It's not that I don't want to, Iwa-chan... It's just..." The sentence is broken by his dying voice who soon disappears.

Hajime sighs again.

He takes the couple of steps he needs to reach the futon and then he lowers down so he is on the same level as Tooru. He looks at him, eye to eye, moves his hands on his shoulders and then slides them gently up his neck and over his cheeks, cupping them and making so he won't be able to get away.

Tooru tries to shift, but Hajime prevents it and keeps him still. He is not going to let go until he knows.

"Look at me."

Tooru doesn't comply, instead his eyes sink even lower, looking to the side.

Hajime's grip on him tightens on reflex, calloused fingers pull on Tooru's brown locks making a slight grimace appear on his face and a small hiss escape his mouth.

"I said look at me!"

It is authoritative this time and Tooru, no matter how much he wants to keep his secret and not look at him until he asks him something else, doesn't want it to stay like this, especially when it is directed at him.

Hajime's eyes are piercing him. Or at least it feels like that, like a thousand sharp needles slowly entering his skull and stabbing his brain.

"Tell me, Oikawa."

Tooru is looking at him now, and his mouth opens only to be closed again a few seconds later without any sound coming out.

Hajime grits his teeth, now furious – does Tooru really not trust him after everything they've been through? - lets go of him and stands up abruptly. "For fuck's sake, Oikawa!" he shouts and Tooru jolts in surprise. "I don't understand what it is that bothers you and for which twisted reason you don't want to talk about it to me, but if you're going to keep this silent facade of yours, I'm leaving."

May their evening go to hell, because Hajime isn't going to take this.

He takes a step towards the door, ready to get out, gather his belongings and then go home like he hoped he wouldn't need to do, but then he is stopped by a pull on his shirt. Tooru finally reacts before it is too late.

"He just came to the gym and started to talk. I only wanted to leave, but..."

Hajime's will to leave leaves as soon as he pronounces those words. Tooru, however, still keeps gripping to his shirt; Hajime clicks with his tongue. "Stop pulling, you idiot. I'm here."

Tooru shakes his head. "Can you sit down? Please?"

Hajime is about to reply that he's fine on his feet, but the look Tooru gives him makes him swallow it and nod. "Okay... Okay."

He settles next to the setter so they are side to side, shoulders touching lightly. There is a brief moment of silence until Tooru's body's tense again. Hajime looks at him, eyes slightly wide. "Oi-"

"Don't get mad at me, Iwa-chan," he mumbles, hazel eyes staring at his own trembling hands. "Promise you won't get mad at me, Iwa-chan."

Hajime hesitates.

Tooru doesn't start until he gives him a small nod.

"Keep talking."

"Okay..." Tooru feels his voice betraying him, coming too high-pitched as if his whole body were anticipating what's about to come. He's more than aware that what he's going to say isn't what Hajime's ready to hear – he isn't ready to remember it either, too afraid of a possible loss of control over his emotions.

He inhales.

And it begins.

"He asked me where I want to go next year, like I already mentioned earlier – because he always does this, Iwa-chan. He told me he's going to Tokyo and... He asked me to come with him."

He peeks at Hajime from the corner of his eye, trying to read if there's anything on his face, but there is only the same tension he is feeling as well. Tooru realizes it is making him lose his eye for detail, because while he usually can tell anything going through Hajime's head, in any moment, now he can't see anything.

It is dark.

Unknown.

"When I asked him why I should go with him, he started with the usual story about how I'll never manage to beat him." Tooru remembers that part far too well. "He shit on every single choice I've made: he said I picked the wrong team and I shouldn't have stayed for so long. He said they're worthless and he even said that you are worthless, because you're weaker than him, even with my help." The memory of the harsh words makes him still shake with anger.

Hajime notices that, of course.

He says nothing.

Because Tooru still has more to say.

"I got mad, really mad. I yelled at him and even tried to punch him, because I can't take it when someone says this about you, but he pushed me against the wall and pinned me against it."

Hajime's shoulders tense visibly.

Tooru pauses for a moment and then licks his dry lips before resuming his story. "I tried to break free, but he just wasn't letting go. The more I struggled, the stronger he held me... Then he kissed me," he swallows everything he's got in his mouth – that kiss is something he'll probably remember for a long time. "I tried to escape him again, but he started to touch me, to keep me still even more... Then, he-"

Tooru's breath hitches in his throat.

He can't not tell him that.

Hajime would notice him keeping something else.

And he-

"Did he force you?" comes Hajime's question out of the blue.

And Tooru jumps.

"NO!" He realizes how much he snapped the moment Hajime's eyes widen at the straightforwardness of his answer and loudness of his voice. He shakes his head hesitantly. "No..." he repeats, much quieter now. "He was so... He said he wants me, he said he wants me with him, and I..." His voice doesn't let him finish.

Hajime understands. "You didn't push him away anymore."

Tooru bites his lip in shame, lowering his head as down as possible and letting out a shaky breath. "He gave me a chance to stop and get out of it, but I didn't take it." As soon as those words are spoken, Tooru starts to observe him.

Hajime is completely still, looking almost as if he weren't breathing. A couple of seconds later he inhales and looks at him, meeting his eyes. Tooru doesn't think he has ever had to maintain such a heavy eye contact before – the silence makes it even more difficult than it already is.

"So you let him, huh?" he asks and the calm and quietness of his tone is extremely worrying – in some ways even disturbing, because Iwa-chan is never quiet with him – and even the way his body is. Almost as it didn't hit him at all.

And then Tooru notices.

His fists.

The way they are clenched is probably making his nails dig in his palms so painfully (Tooru wouldn't be surprised if he saw blood staining his sheets all of a sudden).

Tooru swallows.

He excepted this talk to be weird, that is why he wanted to avoid it at all costs. But Hajime wants the truth and, well, he already told him the worst part. So...

"I didn't want it in the beginning. At all." He takes in a deep breath, cursing the part of his mind that is making him feel like this. "But then, in the end... – he can feel the other part of him screaming at him to shut up – I didn't regret it." Tooru never wished for a slap to shut him up more than now.

Hajime is not looking at him anymore, but Tooru can tell the blow has been hard on him. Very hard on him.

"Did he say anything else?"

"He said he's capable of bringing me victory and that he's going to if I come with him. To Tokyo." Tooru doesn't know why he suddenly feels a longing in the depth of his stomach – maybe it's because he has never been standing on a thinner layer of ice, or maybe because he's craving to at least see, to feel the Nationals at least once in his volleyball career.

But Hajime seems like he just received the umpteenth slap in the face.

"You're actually thinking about it, aren't you? You want to go?"

Tooru wishes for his neck to break when he nods without thinking. Because they both notice his sudden lack of hesitation none of them (Tooru especially) knows where it is coming from.

"I... am thinking about it. But I don't know..." Wakatoshi is a mystery to him: other than his super powerful spike, his want to have him in his team and the worst personality he has ever seen in a person, he knows nothing about him. He doesn't know where he lives, what he is like when there is no volleyball topic to be talked about, what he would be like if he was with-

He knows nothing.

Hajime understands by know that Tooru has changed. There is no more of that visceral hate he felt for him during all those past years, but curiosity is making its way through now that there are important life decisions to make. Hajime doubts only because of sex (Tooru may be a frivolous man, but he isn't that easy) and can't help but feel something weird in his gut that's making his body feel heavy all of a sudden.

His eyes move on Tooru's body, stopping on the lower part of his stomach.

"Are you alright now?"

Tooru blinks. "Huh?"

"Was he... rough?"

It takes him some time to understand, but eventually he does. And may his thoughtlessness be damned. "I'm fine! It stung a little in the beginning, but it had plenty of time to..." He suddenly stops.

Hajime stiffens.

Tooru really wants to slap himself.

Hajime figures Tooru did say it happened a while ago, but he never said the exact number of days or anything, so... Just how long ago did it happen and he didn't know about it?

"Plenty of time? Just how much of it?"

Tooru knows he just finished digging his own grave and unfortunately it's too late to pull back, all the strength he had gathered to look him in the eye vanishes and his head drops. "Almost two weeks."

Hajime's jaw drops. It happened two weeks ago? All of a sudden, he is connecting all the strange and weird behaviors of the setter when he last visited him. He was tense, insecure; trying to distract him from that phone number and his wardrobe with the jacket inside.

That's what made him like that.

Was he even going to tell him at some point if he hadn't managed to find out about it?

The silence that follows is the longest one they have had in years. Hajime's mind is a mess and Tooru seems to be trying to understand, to read. Hazel eyes observe as the spiker's calloused fingers tremble and then grip on the fabric of the futon underneath him so tightly Tooru almost feels it hurting.

The eye contact has been lost for a while.

Tooru doesn't manage to see him this time.

And he has never been so afraid.

"Iwa-chan..." The way he calls him is soft, unsure, but Hajime doesn't react to it; black eyes stare at the wall in front of him, his whole body grows numb. Because Tooru kept it in even though he had so many opportunities to tell him.

Just what are they to each other?

Hajime's mouth runs dry.

.

Friends.

.

Friends?

.

His teeth bite on his tongue harshly until he can feel a faint taste of blood on it. He vaguely hears Tooru's voice calling him again as his mind goes blank.

"Iwa-chan?"

.

It hurts.

.

He takes in some air, trying to fill the emptiness in his lungs. All the realization dawns on him and crushes him down until he can't think he can hold it up anymore. It isn't really because Tooru didn't tell him or what he did, right? A part of him is trying to tell him something but he's completely deaf to it and doesn't catch a word of it.

.

Why does it hurt like this?

.

"Hajime."

He is pulled back to earth when his given name escapes Tooru's lips. The so unfocused gaze finally starts to see his surroundings again and focuses on every detail of the room he learned by heart so long ago. It shifts from the closed wardrobe to the shelf where Tooru's 'Best Setter' Award is standing next to a photograph of their former team at Kitagawa Daiichi and the one they took in the beginning of this last year at Aobajōsai.

Then he looks at the door.

And he stands up on instinct without speaking a word.

"What are you doing?" Tooru watches as Hajime's body starts to move towards the door with wide eyes, and then his arm is raising, hand reaching for the handle.

In less than a second, Tooru is on his feet, jolting towards him and stopping when only a step away, but still so close he can feel his breath repulsed by the warm skin on Hajime's neck. "Where are you going, Hajime?" He's tempted to touch him, to lay his hand on his back – he really needs to feel his presence right now – but Hajime's voice stops him from putting the thought into action.

"Home. It'd be better if I leave..."

Tooru's eyes widen even more. "Leave? No. Wait. Stay..." The effort to regain some of his composure is enormous, but it's everything he has. "I thought you'd spend the night with me."

Hajime finally turns around to look at him. "Spend the night... With you?"

The look in his eyes is making Tooru's blood freeze in his veins and take a shaky step back. He should rephrase it probably. "I- I didn't mean it like that. Weren't we supposed to celebrate tonight? Cook together, watch some movies and-"

"You actually expected me to stay after what you just told me?"

"You promised you wouldn't get mad!" Tooru replies without thinking twice, and it's true even though deep inside he knows it's not that simple. But still, Iwa-chan promised. Iwa-chan always kept all of his promises, so even this one-

"I don't think I can keep this one. That's why I'd better leave." Because Tooru is not the only thing he is seeing right now. Wakatoshi is behind him and there is no will in the world that could refrain him from thinking and wondering and seeing.

And he feels like throwing up.

He turns around, refuses to watch Tooru any further. He wants to leave. He needs to leave.

His hand grabs the handle almost violently and opens the damn door, ready to step out and get away from all of this. He doesn't want it in his head, he-

Tooru's hands are on his arm, keeping him from moving and for a moment he sees black.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!"

Hajime misses the moment his body turns around and his hand comes in contact with the setter's face in the strongest slap he has ever given him (or anyone), making him almost fall on his back.

Tooru manages to keep his balance somehow. But he didn't expect this. He definitely didn't expect this. His eyes start to burn as they move one last time on the spiker's figure, who is now turned towards him, face close to his one and a desperate, pained look plastered on it that makes him want to scream in pain and regret all of his actions.

"You make me sick."

If Tooru's body was already still and heavy before, now it is paralyzed until his feet start to move on their own with the intent to follow his spiker and stop him from getting out of his house and try one last attempt to save the evening from crashing down.

He sees Hajime downstairs, already standing in front of the door, bent over to change his shoes before he leaves. He still has time.

He only needs to get downstairs.

His foot doesn't even manage to touch the first stair.

"Don't you even dare to follow me, understood?!" Hajime doesn't look at him when he yells at him. But his tone is hostile, cold, unfamiliar. Hajime got mad at Tooru a lot of times in the past, but never had he talked to him like this. Like he is the filthiest being on the earth, not worthy to even be alive, let along to be by his side.

So Tooru stops.

He watches as Hajime straightens up.

It is already pouring outside, just like Tooru's seen on the news – it is going to be a stormy night, they said. And Tooru figures it is not only going to be raining for him.

Hajime grabs an umbrella next to where he is standing. Tooru recognizes it – Hajime gave it to him one evening when he forgot his own; it isn't needed to mention Tooru never gave it back and held on it as if it were on of the rarest and most precious treasures of the world – even more precious than his first volley ball.

Then Hajime is opening the door, stepping out, and slamming it close behind him. The noise makes shivers run down Tooru's spine, eyes never leaving it.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

Seven minutes pass before Tooru exhales and is aware of it.

The dead silence around him is back.

As well as the loneliness.

Tooru feels his eyes burning, because it is killing him and he should have never told him, he should have never faltered before anything and-

It is too late.

Hajime is gone.

And if he follows him, the bruise on his cheek won't be the only one marking his body. Tooru knows. Because he has never seen Hajime like this and, right now, he knows he shouldn't be close to him. At all.

Until they both get themselves back together.

The silence is killing him though. Tooru knows it is going to finish him off if he stays like this, alone in a huge empty house. So he does what he has been doing for the past couple of weeks to make his mind occupied with something else even for the briefest of moments.

He rushes to his room, opens his wardrobe, pulls out the thickest one of his track suits and slides it on. He then sprints downstairs, slides on his sneakers and runs out of there before he is done for.

It is pouring and he is wet after three steps, soaked after ten, freezing cold after thirty-

-but he still runs.