A/N: So since no one is review this or following this I'm debating wether or not I want to continue writing this or at least posting my chapters so review would be really nice. I know that sounds kinda needy but I would really appresiate some feedback. (P.S I'm going to apologize a head of time for typos and mispellings and grammer errors. English is not my strongerest subject.)

Fear of Losing it

The next day passed by in a blur. Since NEWTs were over and done with there wasn't much to do in class. They still have two weeks before school was over and she would never come back to Hogwarts, as a student anyway. Maybe she could come back her when her children attended Hogwarts. Lily grinned at this idea: her children.

At lunch she walked down to the Great Hall, grabbed some food and made her way to the hospital wing. When she walked in Madam Pomfrey nodded and smiled at her. She walked over to James' bed and sat down next to his bed. She set the food she had on the night stand and kissed him hello.

"Happy to see you too." He said smiling up at her.

"Nice to see you almost back to normal." Lily said. The antlers now looked like to little lumps sitting on the top of his head.

"Yah," he said rubbing the top of his head. "So was there anything I missed in class."

"Nothing important." She said. She looked at him and saw his face change. He looked like he was concentrating very hard on something. "What is it?" Lily asked, she wasn't sure James was thinking.

"Lily, well...I've been meaning to talk to you about something and now might not be the best time but, well I'm not sure when I'll be able to ask you." Lily leaned in taking James' hand. "Well, we're going to be leave Hogwarts in a few weeks and well, I know you don't want to stay with you parents forever, so ummmm," He looked like he was still trying to find the right words.

"Just spit it out James." Lily gigged. It was weird seeing James nervous and confused.

"Well, ?" He said so quickly Lily couldn't understand.

"What?"

"Do you want to move in with Sirius and me? I mean I can understand if you don't want to or if you would feel uncomfortable since we've only been dating for 8 months but Remus might move in to and you can have Mary or Alice move in to if..." Lily shut him up by kissing him. She ran her fingers threw his matted black hair. She pulled away but kept her face close to his.

"Of course I will you big git." She said with the biggest smile on her face.

"Really!" James yelled. He face lit up and he smiled right back at her. He sat up and cupped her face in his hands. He brought his face towards her and kissed her deeply. Lily forgot where she was, all that mattered was that she was Lily and he was James and they were going to live together. She had kissed James countless time but every time they kissed her brain went fuzzy. No boy had ever made her feel this way.

"Ms. Evans! Mr. Potter!" The jumped back and looked at Madam Pomfrey, she gave each of them a stern look before walking away.

"I guess snogging isn't allowed in the hospital wing, don't know why thought." James said as he tried to pull Lily back in for another kiss. She laughed and stuck her hands to keep away until finally James gave up and crossed his arms and pretended to pout. A few minutes later Sirius came running in and hugged James like he hadn't seen him in years.

"Oh Prongsy! I've missed you so!" Lily leaned her head back and laughed. As ridiculous and immature as James and Sirius were they were the best of friends, brothers even. Lily remembered going over to James' during the Christmas holidays. She wasn't surprised that Sirius was there but she was surprised that he really lived there. She felt bad for Sirius, being shunned by his family but she could tell he had a new and even more loving family with the Potters. They treated him like one of their own children.

Lily suddenly realized she had to be in potions in ten minutes. She stood up and started to collect her things.

"I'll come back before my patrols tonight." She said. "Come on Sirius we need to get to class." After much convincing she finally was able to drag Sirius out of the hospital wing.

They walked into potions. Sirius took his normal seat next to Remus right in front of Peter and Frank Longbottom. Lily sat right in front of Remus and Sirius. She usually sat next to James but today the seat next to her would be empty. Suddenly someone dropped their bags on what was normally James' desk. Lily looked up and saw it was none other than Avery.

Lily looked back down at her potions book trying not to look worried. "What do you what Avery? Why don't you go over and sit in your normal seat."

"Oh but I love the view over here and it's not every day I get to sit next to the lovely Lily Evans." Lily shuttered as he said her name. She involuntarily leaned away from him.

"Get out of here Avery." Sirius growled. He was about ready to jump over his desk.

"Why my lovely cousin, you're so testy today." Lily didn't even need to look up to see whose voice it was that had now joined the conversation. "Come Avery; don't waste your time trying to provoke them in class. We'll have plenty of free time to play during the summer." She smiled the most evil smile Lily had ever seen. It was twisted and she could see in her eye how insane she really was.

Lily couldn't breathe. Usually Belatrix's threats didn't bother her but for some reason they did now. Lily felt the warmth leave her body as she thought of meeting Bellatrix in a dark alley.

"Lily, are you okay?" Remus asked. "You look really pale."

"I...I guess I'm not feeling well." She said trying to come off as calm as she could. She was usually able to keep her head about these things. What was wrong with her? Why was she suddenly panicking about what waited for her outside of Hogwarts. She had known how it was but now she felt like she had run into a brick wall.

She could die. Her parents could die. James could die. She felt like she couldn't breathe. She shook her head trying to clear her mind and tried get those horrible images out of her head.

"Maybe you should go to the hospital wing." Sirius said placing a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Yah, yah I think I will. Do you mind telling Professor Slughorn?" Remus and Sirius nodded. She packed up her things and started to walk out of the classroom.

"Feel better little Lily." Bellatrix said with a cackling laugh as she walked out of the classroom. Lily didn't even make it around the next corner before she burst into tears. She was sobbing uncontrollably at this point. Reality had finally hit her and with full force. She sat down in the shadows and cried. She didn't feel like she could walk another step. She was scared, really scared. She wasn't just scared for herself but for everyone around her.

She sat there for what seemed like hours when she heard footsteps coming towards her. She tried to calm herself down and whip away the tears on her face. She just looked down at her feet wait for the person to pass when she heard the footsteps stopped in front of her.

"Lily?" She looked up and saw none other than James Potter looking down at her. Suddenly without warning she burst into tears again. What is wrong with me? She thought to herself. She felt James put her arm around her and she buried her face in his chest. He stroked her hair and she was surprised how easily and quickly James was able to calm her.

Lily looked back down and wiped her tears way with her sleeve. After a few moments she finally spoke.

"I'm sorry, I don't know what wrong with me, I just...I don't know what happened." James didn't say anything; he only pulled Lily closer to him. She closed he eyes and felt so much better.

"Come on," James said helping her up.

"Where are we going?"

"Well classes are about to get out and I didn't think you really wanted to be around people at the moment." She nodded and got up. James placed his arm around her shoulder and the walked back to the heads dormitories.

"Wait, what are you doing out of the hospital wing?"

"I got to go early, my head is back to normal and Madam Pomfrey didn't see a reason for me to stay any longer."

Once they were about half way there, people began getting out of class. She was glad James had found her, she hated being so vulnerable and she knew that Avery or Bellatrix would have loved to have found her. Once they got to their dorms James led Lily to the small couch in their common room and hugged her.

Finally after a few moments of silence James finally spoke.

"Do you want to talk?" He said as he pulled away. He put a hand on the side of face and brushed her hair behind her hair. She closed her eyes and turned away from her. Even though she felt so comfortable and safe around him, she hated being so vulnerable even around James.

"Bellatrix threatened me in potions today." Lily said flatly. She focused on a spot on the floor. "She...I mean, I've never felt scared or anything before but I guess, it's all real, everything that's happening out there. I mean I'm probably going to lose people close to me and it didn't hit me until right now. I could lose you or my parents or Mary or Alice and I just don't know if I can take it." Then without warning she burst into tears again. She buried her face in hands as James pulled her closer to him.

After a few moments he pulled away and faced her. He looked at her and wiped away some of the tears on her face. She could see the helplessness in his eyes. She could tell he wanted more than anything to take her pain away but he didn't really know. If only he knew that just by being next to her with his arms around her, he was making everything a little bit better.

"Lily, I'm scared too, everyone is. We're all terrified and we probably are going to lose people we love. I know that's not what people what to be hearing right now. They want to hear that everything is okay and that everything will be fine but we don't know that. The future is very hazy right now but the best thing we can do if fight. Fight for ourselves and for those we love and just be grateful for the time we have now."

James' grip on Lily's shoulder tighten and she could see tears swimming in his eyes. She knew he had been feeling the same way for a while now. He was just as scared as she was. Scared for his friends, his family, her. A tear escaped from one of his eyes. Lily reached up and brushed it away.

"But Lily," He said tried to swallow the lump in his throat. "I know that... that as long as I'm with you, I fell that things will get better and that there is hope." Lily smiled up at him. She felt as though James had taken some of weight off her shoulders. She felt the same way. As long as they were together, things would somehow be okay. "Now come on, I know how you hate to miss class even if it is that last week of classes and we don't do anything."

She smiled as they stood up. Lily turned towards him and rapped her arms around his neck. She felt his arms wrap around her waist. She looked up at him and kissed him. They pulled away, awkwardly smiling at each other as James' hand shot to his hair. She laughed at him. She remembered how that used to annoy her so much and now she thought it was cute.

She grabbed his hand and they walked out the portrait hole to class. Lily knew there were dark time ahead of them and she didn't even know if she would make it but she didn't care. As long as James' was at her side, she could take on every Death Eater out there, maybe even Voldemort.

A/N: I not really sure how I feel about this chapter. Next chapter might be their last day or two at Hogwarts, I'm not very sure yet. If you guys have things you think I should add or ideas let me know! If you think this is horrible let me know so I can stop being horrible. :)