You know that feeling you get when you wake up in the morning from the best dream of your life only to find out your reality is so much more sweeter than your fantasy? That feeling you get when you know you've woken up and you're not alone, that feeling you get when you coming to the realization that the person you woke up with is the person you could see yourself waking up next to for the rest of your life?
Well Jade didn't have that feeling. In fact, she felt the complete opposite.
She woke up some time before three am to find herself covered in a cold sweat, her heart racing, and her body trembling despite the warmth of her room. In that moment she realized two things- one, that it wasn't Beck's naked body pressed against her side, and two, she was okay with that. She pushed out the breath she'd been holding and found herself staring through the darkness, trying to make out the sleeping girl's features. Something had woken her, though, and it obviously wasn't Tori.
Two and a half hours later and she knew why she woke up with this overwhelming sense of doom sitting on her chest. Waking up next to Tori had to be the absolute most peaceful moment in her life.
And it would never happen again. Because Tori was a good girl and good girls didn't do these kinds of things; they didn't kiss with other girls, and especially not with cruel bitches like her whose hearts pumped ice water instead of warm blood. If Tori was the sky, bright and warm, then she was the ocean, dark and cold. No matter what she said, or what she thought she knew or wanted, eventually she would realize the mistake she was committing and run away to the safety of her good girl's life.
Sure, they'd all but devoured each other on her doorstep; sure they tore each others clothes off in a frenzy of hot, open mouthed kisses, leaving a trail of discarded rags all the way to her bedroom. Sure they fucked each other senseless over and over again until her limbs were a useless, quivering mess. Sure they woke up several times to continue where they left off. But that's all it was- mindless fucking. She was certain Tori would be horrified in the morning, would run away and tell everyone what a dirty, soul sucking whore she was. And strangely that didn't bother her as much as the fact that she would never hold her like this again.
This is what ate away at her- she would never wake up to find Tori cuddled against her side, a small smile playing on her lips, her fingers splayed across her hip in a possessive but loving manner.
"Do you always stare at people when they're asleep?" Tori rasped, her eyes closed.
Jade's breath hitched. How long had she been awake? She felt her skin grow hot. "Only with people who pretend to be asleep." She said coolly.
"I didn't want to disturb you."
The silence was loaded, the tension growing until Jade felt the pressure would physically crush her. "So what now?"
Tori shifted, looking uncomfortable. Jade couldn't fault her. Sighing, she retracted herself from the Latina's grip and turned on her side, facing the wall. She had a sudden urge to run down to her car, to the one place she knew she could find all the release without the consequences. She scratched at an itch on her side, an itch that never seemed to go away, not realizing she was doing so obsessively until Tori laid a calming hand over her own and intertwined their fingers together.
"You're hurting yourself," the singer whispered, a shiver running down her spine as her lips brushed the shell of her ear. Images of the things they'd done flashed across her mind's eye. Her body began to warm up, her nerve endings on fire and her skin hypersensitive to her touch.
"You should probably get going." Jade mumbled, moving away from her touch. It burned her, Tori's touch, it burned her! She half expected to find imprints of her long fingers on her shoulder. That's ridiculous, she told herself. No. It didn't burn- it felt good, too good and THAT'S what burned her, the fact that she craved her touch.
Tori sighed, pushing a few stray strands away from her face. Talk about awkward. Unconsciously, she'd pulled her knees up to her chest, her chin resting on them while she fiddled idly with the sheet wrapped around her chest. "Is it me?"
Jade snapped her head, an almost disgusted look on her face. "Not everything is about you, Vega."
"Then why are you being like this? I don't understand."
Several minutes passed, Tori growing frustrated with each silent second until she growled and threw the sheets off of herself, not caring in the slightest that she was as naked as the day she was born. She could feel Jade's eyes tracing every curve, dip, and dimple, that heated, hungry stare that made her knees weak and her chest tight.
Jade pressed her back against the headboard, her eyes closed. Tori was leaving, she was leaving and she was going to sit there and do nothing because it was for the best...
"Do you want to know why I kissed you?'
Then again, when did she ever give a damn about what's best?
Tori stared at the brunette's side, drinking in every detail of her profile; the way the corner of her eye reminded her of an exotic cat lined in black; how the paleness of her skin contrasted against the dark ash brown of her hair , making her even more striking; the pout to her full lips, lips that only hours ago had explored, touched, and tasted every inch of her skin... But the thing Tori liked most about Jade was her eyes, deep, striking emerald eyes that could hide nothing.
Taking a tentative step, she deposited herself in Jade's bed, watching her hands, how they trembled slightly. "Yes."
She sucked in a breath, some part of her wishing she'd said no. But that's Tori Vega for you, frustrating, irritating, obnoxious... sweet, caring, and so damn beautiful.
"I kissed you because I've wanted to since the showcase." From the corner of her eye she saw the brunette's jaw slacken. "I saw you walk up there and I thought, "damn she's beautiful," but then I heard you sing and I knew I was in for a shitload of trouble. Beck and I argued that night."
"Why?" Tori whispered.
She scoffed, shaking her her head, dark locks cascading down her shoulders. "He knew I liked you."
"Are you?..."
"No." She said firmly. "It's only happened once before but Beck knows about it... how he almost lost me. He was furious the night of the showcase. I think that's why he kissed you in Sikowitz' class, he wanted to get back at me. And he did. I saw you kiss him and I knew I would never get a chance."
Tori frowned at her hands. "Is that why you're always so mean?"
Jade nodded. "I thought it wouldn't be so bad if I pushed you away but you just kept coming and coming and coming. And, well, I realized pushing you away wasn't going to work.. . Say something." She pleaded in a whisper, refusing to open her eyes. She didn't want to open them and find Tori sneering at her, disgusted by her appalling revelation, nor did she wish to open them and find the Latina had left her. Alone again.
Instead of slamming doors and hysterical screaming, Jade felt the bed shift beneath her then dip as Tori came closer. Her breath hitched, warm breath tickling her lips. "I think I like you, too." Tori confessed.
This time when they kissed it was slow, sweet, and as innocent as a 16 year old's kiss could be. Jade felt her body heating up, but she somehow managed to keep herself in cheek. Tangling her fingers in Tori's hair, she pulled her closer, deepening their embrace, closing the distance between their naked bodies.
Kissing Tori was like kissing clouds, soft, refreshing. Yet, it was deliciously sinful, the tip of her tongue sweeping her lips bashfully hinting at something wetter, hotter, faster.
"Jade," Tori gasped, her body jerking as the brunette ran the pad of her thumb in circles against her inner thigh. "Jade, please."
"Sorry." She grinned against her lips, gazing into her dark eyes. "I can't help myself."
The Latina chuckled, playfully swatting her arm. They shared twin grins, so big they hurt.
"So where do we go from here?" She wondered. She'd never been interested in girls before, how exactly did that work? Who held the door open for whom? Did she pull Jade's chair out, or did Jade pull it out for her? Would Jade carry her books? And hold on! She was getting way ahead of herself.
Now there was a thought: Jade West and Tori Vega. Would their friends call them Jori or Tade? Would Cat squeal and drag them both down in a spine crushing hug? Would Rex be a pervert? And what about Beck?...
Jade watched as Tori's expressions morphed so fast they gave her whiplash. She went from confused, to happy, to pleased, to anguished all in the span of thirty seconds. Spotting her hand resting in her lap, she took it gently, brought it to her lips, and with great care kissed each one of her knuckles.
"What do you say we don't think about that right now?" She proposed, a smile tugging at her lips. "I can think of a few things I would rather be doing."
Tori smiled softly, pushing the emerald eyed beauty down. "What do you have in mind?" She purred suggestively.
AN: Now fellas, fellas, I know I put this down as rated M, and pinky promise I swear I was going to write steamy goodness. But then I got to thinking and realized, If I write it now, then there's nothing to make them read the sequel. Come on, I know you're all a bunch of Nymphos.
Now, below I have an alternate ending. Yes, an alternate ending because I just couldn't decide which I liked better. What you do is, you read it, and then you tell me off of which ending you want me to base the sequel on, okay? Please vote otherwise I can't write. And remember, I can't please everyone so... yeah... ^^
(Alternate Ending)
...This is what ate away at her- she would never wake up to find Tori cuddled against her side, a small smile playing on her lips, her fingers splayed across her hip.
"Do you always stare at people when they're asleep?" Tori rasped, her eyes closed.
Jade's breath hitched. How long had she been awake? She felt her skin grow hot. "Only with people who pretend to be asleep." She said coolly.
"I didn't want to disturb you."
The silence was loaded, the tension growing until Jade felt the pressure would physically crush her. "So what now?"
"You should go home," she whispered harshly, "Beck's coming over."
Tori caught her breath, Jade's words hit her like a physical blow. "Wow, okay." She scoffed, sitting up. "Look, Jade, I know what you're doing, and it's not going to work."
"What are you talking about, Vega? Beck's my boyfriend."
"How can you say that?"
Jade frowned, her emotions etched deep into her features. "What did you expect?" She snapped, all but throwing herself out of bed. She worked in a heated frenzy to collect her discarded clothes. She found her jeans first and jammed them on. She forwent the bra and simply slipped on her white hoody. "We fucked, Vega, it's not a lifetime commitment."
Tori found her blouse and slowly worked her arms into the sleeves. Next came her panties, then her dark denim jeans. She brought her knee up to her chest, her fingers numbly tying her shoelaces. "All those things you said last night, were they a lie?" She whimpered, her expression a mask of grief.
The emerald eyed brunette buried her face into her hands, groaning. "I was high... We're actresses, Tori. We act."
"So you're just acting like a bitch right now?" The Latina whirled, "You're acting like none of this affected you?'
She shrugged, luscious waves bouncing with the movement. "That's the one thing I don't have to act out. Ask anyone, they'll tell you I'm a bitch."
A minute passed, Tori staring at Jade with a look of disbelief while she picked at her fingernails in her patented 'I'm bored out of my mind' pose. The seconds ticked by and she felt her resolve slowly trickling away. She needed Tori to leave and now before she broke and she realized just how much everything HAD affected her.
Luckily, she was saved by the startling sound of her phone blaring Atreyu. She spared Tori one more glance before strolling over to the night stand and scoping up the small device. "What?"
"I'm coming over." Beck's smooth voice announced.
"Fine."
"Okay. Love you, babe."
Chocolate brown eyes caught her gaze in the mirror. "Love you, too."
Tori bit her lip, dark brows hanging low over darker eyes.
Jade tossed the phone onto her bed, holding the brunette's gaze.
"You don't love him."
She shrugged, "It doesn't matter." She snatched her keys off of the dresser. "I'll give you a ride home."
Tori pulled away from her touch as if she'd been burned. Jade's stomach dropped. She wished she could explain, to lessen the blow, make the pain go away. But she couldn't, she didn't know how and did what she knew how to do best- push Tori away.
"Don't bother."
"Tori-"
"No, Jade. It was all just an act, wasn't it? Just a stage fight, right?"
She wanted to say no, that it wasn't just a stage fight, that last night had been the most real night of her life and it was all because of her.
"Yes."
Tori grabbed Trina's keys from the bed. "See you around, Jade."
Jade stood rooted to the spot. Every instinct told her to run after the Latina, to make her come back, to make her stay. But she couldn't. She feared this lack of self control Tori made her feel; feared that she could have so much power over her with just a glance; feared that she could have so much influence over her life without even being aware of it. She feared Tori Vega and Jade West did not do fear well.
Snatching up her cell phone she sent a quick text to Beck saying her father had just asked her to go with him to Santa Monica for the weekend. She pressed send then dialed the one number she knew by heart. It rang once. Twice-
"Jade do you have any idea what time it is?" Cat's sleepy, irritated voice came through the speaker.
"$500."
Cat whistled appreciatively. "Trouble in paradise?"
Rustling rang through the other line. Cat was changing no doubt. "Yes or no?"
"Be there in ten. I can cut you a sick deal if you're up to it."
The line went dead. Jade stared at the small contraption in her hand. Cat would be pissed that she hung up on her but she would get over it quickly enough. Right now she really didn't feel like dealing with the eccentric ways of her best friend. She didn't feel like dealing with anything or anyone for that matter and Cat could help her out with that.
Plopping down on her bed, she stared at the now empty mattress. Tori was gone, and chances were it was for good this time. So be it. She could deal with Tori not being hers, but she would never be able to deal with having had her then not having her. It would kill her. It was better this way. The Latina was beautiful, talented, and loved. She had everything going for her. Jade wouldn't be the one to mess that up. She would never forgive herself if she did.
Still. . . a part of her wished she could tell her the truth. Last night she was ready to turn her entire world upside down just for the chance to wake up beside her again. She spent the better part of the night tracing her features, burning her image into her head- just watching. She was ready to jump through burning hoops for that girl. And then she saw the bruises, still angry, deep purple and black. And it shocked her right out of whatever silly head space she'd crawled into.
She hurt Tori. She didn't mean to, but she hurt her regardless of whether she meant to or not. She'd be damned if she ever laid another finger on her. She'd rather chew her own arm off.
Tori was fragile, vulnerable, easily bruised, soft. She was stubborn, rough around the edges, hard- the complete opposite of what she needed.
The doorbell rang twice, the chime echoing into the silence of the mansion. This house suited her; outside it was beautiful, stunning, all the rave and envy. But inside it was dark. Empty. Just like her.
She found Cat leaning against the door, decked out in a tight, cleavage busting yellow tank top, outrageously short denim shorts, and a pair of yellow stiletto Jimmy Choos. Her bright red hair, even more vivid against the navy blue of her walls, made her slightly dizzy.
A slow, lazy smirk set itself on her glossy pink lips. "Hey Jade. Want to try something fun?"
"What do you have in mind?"
Cat sauntered over to the bed and dropped herself beside her, the door shutting with a small click.
Starting now everything was going to be like before. When her biggest problem was making sure the janitor's closet was empty before dragging Beck inside with her to have sex. It isn't what she wanted, not anymore. But she was the type of person to antagonize herself, to keep herself away from what she truly desired.
So she pretended. It was just like acting, like stage fighting- it wasn't real.
Acting is what Jade West did best anyway.