The Quest for Penny.
A "The Big Bang Theory" FanFic by Mme Moirae.
I own nothing.
Gentle Readers,
We pick up with the girls' night with Penny, Amy, Bernadette, and secrets are revealed! Also, Penny gets someone (or maybe more than one) in her corner!
I hope you enjoy.
(Reviews are like chocolates. Please feed, I'm very okay being conditioned to write more.)
"I still don't understand why you lied to Sheldon about having a date."
Oh, Penny had been hoping – no, praying – that this wouldn't come up again. For about two hours since arriving at Amy's she had gotten just that. The three of them – Penny, Amy, and Bernadette (AKA: Strawberries) had given each other manis and pedis, eaten s'mores, and happily talked about wedding details. Amy was still trying to get Bernadette to agree to a native approach for a bachelorette's party, though (thankfully) hadn't had any luck yet. Now, however, Amy's question steered them into the wrong direction.
"You lied to Sheldon about a date?" Bernadette's blond head tilted to the side, though her eyes didn't rise from her toenails being carefully painted.
Penny sighed, leaned back against the couch. "Yes, I lied to Sheldon! And, as I explained earlier, I just needed a break from him. A date was the first thing that came to mind."
Now Bernadette glanced up. "I tell Howie I'm going to scrapbook with my mother. No questions and he has never asked to come with."
"But why?" Amy persisted, glanced down at the pale pink nail polish drying on her fingers and toes. Since it wasn't the weekend all the paint would be off by morning, but for now it looked nice – almost as pretty as Penny first thing in the morning.
"Because I don't want to hurt his feelings. I love Howard and want to spend the rest of my life with him, but once in a while I need my own alone time and space and he might not understand so well. He's a lot more easily bruised than he thinks."
"See," Penny jumped in. "Bernadette gets it! Just how I feel."
"That would also imply you love Sheldon and want to spend the rest of your life with him."
Amy was being her usual persistence self in wanting an explanation, but it had Penny going on the defensive – perhaps a little too quickly considering the way Amy and Bernadette exchanged glances.
"That's not what I meant! The part I relate to is not wanting to hurt Sheldon's feelings. Even you've described him as a toddler and as much as he may not want to admit it, he does have feelings and they can be hurt. And, as he probably needed a ride somewhere, it would have meant all of those Sheldon-y complications. You know how he can be. Besides, why didn't he ask you, Amy? You two are … well."
Truth was she didn't know where Amy and Sheldon stood since Amy's date with Stuart and the start of this whole lying mess.
"We're not boyfriend and girlfriend." Amy sighed, handed Penny the bottle of nail polish remover and bag of cotton balls.
"Yeah, but," Bernadette began with a coy smile and wink, gearing up for what should have been a gentle teasing at their favorite couple who wasn't a couple.
"No! No buts!"
Stunned, Bernadette and Penny watched as Amy leapt to her feet in a surge of defiance and in a louder and firmer voice than either had heard before. (The long sleeved frilly nightgown she wore only looked a little ridiculous.)
"Sheldon and I have a relationship that is purely platonic. There are no romantic feelings on either side despite what may be perceived by the amount of time we sometimes spent together and how involved our discussions can be. I also realize society cannot help but pair people off and our friendship becomes misconstrued, but he and I will never be anything more than two beings passing each other with a friendly wave and salutations. Frankly, he's not even the first person I'd rescue if the world dissolved into chaos and it was every man and woman for themselves or in the case of a natural disaster."
That Amy's eyes focused on Penny saved the question of who Amy would save from coming. Penny didn't notice, too distracted by Amy's persistence. Sure, Sheldon had said over and over that Amy was a girl who was his friend wasn't his "girlfriend," but he was Sheldon Cooper! The man couldn't be trusted to define personal relationships. Had Amy defended their platonic state in the past? Penny couldn't recall.
"Now, I am going to microwave popcorn, item nine on our list, and then we pick a game from the golden bra!" Amy announced with a smile, held up the 52DD extra support golden lace bra. The cups were filled with folded pieces of paper for games and activities; a twin bra, though black, sat on the coffee table with its cups filled with chocolate kisses and gummy bears. While at first the bras seemed a little strange, now Penny viewed them as eccentric decorating.
Once Amy was out of ear shot, Bernadette glanced over and whispered, "Not to be a nosy hen, but you've been lying a lot lately."
Guilt had Penny visibly wincing. "I know, I know…"
"What's going on, Pen? You've only been lying to Sheldon or where it concerns him."
It was so hard to resist the warm, concerned look in Bernadette's eyes, only magnified by the cute glasses she wore. However, they were also smart eyes and were seeing far, far too much.
"I understand about the college thing, but – "
"College thing?"
Penny nearly jumped off the sofa! When had Amy snuck back? The microwave was still going. One glance at Bernadette told her to give this secret up, and with a sigh, Penny looked up at her bestie.
"I'm thinking of going back to college…"
"Oh! That's wonderful!" The excitement in Amy's eyes was short lived and spiked Penny's guilt, especially when she continued with, "But why didn't you tell me? I thought we were besties." AKA: How come Bernadette knew and she didn't?
Because of Sheldon. Penny was petrified of the boys finding out she was considering college; she hadn't intended on telling them until she was actually enrolled and had made it past the first semester. They had no idea how intimidating it could be at times being surrounded by Doctors and an engineer with a Masters' degree – especially Sheldon who had two Doctorates! School had come so easily to her group of friends and here she was a community college drop out. If she failed again, they wouldn't have had to know she'd tried at all.
And Sheldon… Sheldon's approval about this meant more than she wanted to admit. As much as she would be doing college for herself, she wanted him to be proud of her, but how could she explain that to Amy? Even if they weren't girlfriend and boyfriend her feelings toward Sheldon had the potential to open a huge can of worms.
Exhaling slowly, Penny looked away from Bernadette and up to Amy. She couldn't keep lying to her, though. Maybe if she went with not quite the full truth? "Because I'm not sure yet. I'm scared, nervous, and until I really decided, I didn't want anyone else to know."
"I only found out because I happened to see a college brochure," Bernadette put in and avoided Penny's look.
"Oh." Amy slowly sank down onto the edge of the couch and fought back a frown. It was a few moments before the look of dismay and disappointment faded into the excitement that'd been there before.
"I'm sorry," Penny murmured and leaned over, laid a hand on Amy's arm. "Amy…"
"No, it's okay!" So brightly Amy smiled to her, though didn't let Penny pull her hand away yet. "I think I understand. Please let me help, though?"
"And me! I think it's great you're going back to college," Bernadette beamed over.
"It's not definite! I'm still deciding -"
"Oh, psh! Penny, the Cheesecake Factory is no place for your eternal beauty to remain. Underneath that head of shiny, luxurious, golden hair is a brain waiting for you to fill it with knowledge! Just think of what wonderful and exciting things you'll be capable of with a degree." For Amy the matter was decided: her best friend was going to college and she wouldn't have to stay a waitress the rest of her life. More importantly, Dr. Sheldon Cooper wouldn't be infatuated with a waitress, and, let's face it, Penny didn't always have the right attitude for the service industry.
Laughing softly, much more at ease now, Penny leaned back and a little into Amy. All three were ignoring the smell of burnt popcorn in the kitchen. "I still have an acting career to consider."
It was a last ditch effort, she knew, especially when Amy's brown eyes narrowed a little on her. "Bestie, while I have not had the utmost pleasure of knowing you since you made your pilgrimage to California, I can honestly say you haven't been happy in your acting pursuit."
That, however, had Penny's eyes widening a little and she straightened. "Hey! That's not true. I just haven't had much luck."
"You weren't exactly glowing during the hemorrhoid commercial filming, and if I recall correctly, bemoaned greatly over the three AM wake up call, and how you felt disconnected from everyone else."
"Acting has been my dream since I came here. I can't just give it up." That was true, wasn't it? Maybe she hadn't been going to any auditions since the commercial, but that didn't mean she'd given up, did it? She still wanted to be a famous actress; she wanted to be someone special and important. Didn't she?
Across from them Bernadette quietly said, "Dreams can change, Penny. Maybe it's time you found a new dream."
It was a few hours later that Bernadette and Penny settled in for bed, Penny on the couch and Bernadette taking the blow up mattress. Neither had agreed to Amy's suggestion that they could all – or one of them, Penny – share her bed. In the dark, Penny glanced down to Bernadette's form and shifted a little on the couch when she heard the microbiologist whisper.
"Pen?"
"Yeah?"
The mattress squeaked a little as Bernadette shifted to look up at her friend. "It's not healthy to keep feelings pent up inside for too long."
Penny frowned a little, turned her eyes to stare up at the ceiling. Somehow even in the dark it felt like Bernadette was seeing too much. "Um. What do you mean?"
"Oh, come on," she quietly scoffed and then was scooting until she was off the mattress and kneeling beside the couch. Both girls quickly glanced at the archway separating bedroom and bath from the rest of the apartment; no sign of Amy suddenly popping up again.
Bernadette continued in a soft whisper, "If you really didn't want to take Sheldon anywhere you could have just said that to him."
"Oh God, this again?" Penny groaned quite sincerely.
"Amy and the others might be blind, but I'm not."
That had Penny sitting straight up and looking down at Bernadette, her heart pounding hard and quick against her chest. "W-what do you mean? Of course you're not blind," she said, the latter a little dumbly.
Sliding onto the couch as Penny drew her legs up, Bernadette's eyes narrowed a little at her friend. "Penny, who is the last person you went to for anything?"
The response came too quick for her to stop: "Sheldon. But, it was a computer problem and Leonard wasn't around."
"And before that?"
"Sheldon, but again, Leonard wasn't available." Or had he been? Frankly, she didn't remember. Bernadette seemed to, though, and merely lifted her brows.
"All right. How about the cow eyes you make at him?"
"What?" At the sudden squeak in her voice, both glanced at the doorway again and waited to make sure no footsteps came before Penny continued in a softly hissed tone. "I do not make cow eyes at Sheldon!"
"You look at him in a way I never saw you look at Leonard," Bernadette insisted and latched on now. "Penny, I see the way you act around him. You take in information from him unlike with Leonard and you smile and are happy much more around him than anyone else. Your face lights up whenever he comes into the room. Whenever you have a bad day, you always tell me you're going to see Sheldon. You haven't mentioned Leonard in that equation in months."
"Okay, okay." Now Penny's heart was going wild. If Bernadette had seen signs, had anyone else? There was still a defense in here. This secret could still be hers and only hers. "He's practically my best friend. Why wouldn't I walk over to see him on a bad day?"
"Why not call me or Amy? You know Amy would come over in a heartbeat to soothe you."
She was right. Penny's lips pressed together as she tugged a hand through her hair. This wasn't suppose to be happening! "Bernadette…"
"It's okay," she whispered. "I don't think anyone else has noticed and I won't say anything, not even to Howard. Though, Howie seems to think Sheldon has it bad for you."
"What?"
The second time Penny's squeak came so did movement from the bedroom. In a few seconds the light flared on in the living room and Amy's form appeared in the archway, concern etched into her features; the concern was replaced with curiosity when she saw the two on the couch.
"Is everything all right? I thought I heard something. Is something wrong with the air mattress?"
"No, no, the mattress is fine." Smoothly Bernadette slid back down onto the floor and over to the mattress.
"There was a spider," Penny hastily said and then glanced down at the blanket as if checking to make sure no more creepy crawlies remained. Amy merely gave a nod and then returned to her room, the light shut off.
It was a few minutes before Penny heard Bernadette whisper, "And I agree with Howard. I think he does, too."
Moistening her lips, Penny forced herself to stare up at the ceiling. Surely Bernadette couldn't be right! And Howard… Well, he saw sexual innuendo in everything. "I think you're nuts," she managed shakily.
"That's what I told Howard. Then he pointed out that you are Sheldon's exception to everything." There was a small pause before, "I think you two are good for each other. Really good, Pen."
Penny had no response, her mind whirling. It didn't take long for Penny to hear the signs of Bernadette fast asleep, but for Penny sleep never came. You are Sheldon's exception to everything. Was she? Yeah, he let her get away with a lot that the other guys didn't, but she rather thought it was because she wouldn't have it any other way. But… what if it was because he made the allowances? The past five years began to replay through her mind as she compared what she knew, what she felt, and what she thought she knew.
By the time dawn came Penny still hadn't found sleep or answers.