This chapter was written while listening to "Gone Away" by Five Finger Death Punch.
I highly recommend you check it out, I'm a huge FFDP fan and their music is always playing when I write. Hope you enjoy.
"Man, you look like hammered shit." I hear a voice call out as they walk into my hospital room. I look up from my datapad to see someone I wasn't expecting.
"Freddy?" I ask, happiness resounding in my voice as I sit up. "What the hell are you doing here?" When he gets close enough he leans down and I hug the bastard since it's been years since I've even talked to him. "How have you been?"
He sits down in the chair next to my bed. "Well, not to good," he grimaces as he leans back in the chair. "I was wrong about something,"
"What was it?" I sit up in my bed, scratching my head. "Must have been something serious if it has you of all people sulking." Freddy's good mood is almost his defining quality. Seeing him like this, it's almost disheartening.
Freddy chuckles and stands up from the chair. "Before we shipped out, I said that the next time we saw each other you'd have to call me sir," he walks to the foot of my bed and … salutes. "Seems I was wrong, Commander." His voice reeks of pride, happiness echoing in his tone.
Without thinking, I furrow my brow and grit my teeth. "Sit down Freddy." Images of the Ticonderoga start going through my mind, I start to recall the color of the interior hallways, the pungent, stale stench. I can almost see the faces of my friends, the look on Page's face as he launched the escape pod, sending me into space.
I shake my head and Freddy gets a puzzled look on his face, wondering why I didn't call him a smartass like I usually would. "Ethan, are you okay?" His dulcet tone, coupled with a sad look plastered on his face, it all just screams worry. "I- I heard what happened, on that ship, that's part of the reason I'm here." He walks over and sits back down in the chair beside my bed. I can't lie to him, even if I wanted to he can read me like a book, he knows me too well, such a pain in the ass.
I look over at the data pad I set on the bedside table. On it, is a string of messages, some of them are from the families of my team, some are thanking me for being there with them in their last moments, others are saying that it should've been me to die instead of them, and be honest, I don't blame them.
The other messages are from both Captain Michaelson and, Admiral Hackett of all people. Michaelson's message just tells me that not only have I been promoted again, which I tried to fight against but, he said that it wasn't a choice this time, but also that Admiral Hackett would be in contact with me. Hackett's message said that once I recovered, and if I accepted, I'd be reporting to Rio for ICT, in other words … N7 qualifications.
Still, don't see why ... the mission was a success on paper. But we lost too many good people on that fucking ship. I lost my friends, people I considered family to those bastards, it should've been me. I look at Freddy, who was patiently waiting for my answer, "No, I'm not. I just lost my entire team, people that counted on me to get them out alive," I run my fingers through my hair, blinking back tears. "What's even worse, is that they're sending me to Rio. I'm being promoted for watching them die."
"That's also why I'm here," Freddy sighs as rubs the back of his neck. "I've been instructed to escort you to Rio if you accepted."
"And if I refuse?" I ask, almost gritting my teeth as he says it. "How did you even know?" An obvious look of curiosity spread across my face as I grimace.
Freddy sighs, "I got a message from your Captain, he knew that you and I are close," he mutters, looking at my bandaged face, he averts his gaze. "Maybe he thought that … I could help sway your opinion."
Sway my opinion? What the hell does that mean? I ask him that, but he just shrugs his shoulders and gives me the same look. My breath getting heavy, I shoot him an angry look. "Why would I accept this?" I grumble as Freddy lowers his head "Even if I said yes, and by some miracle I graduated. That fucking patch, would just be a constant reminder of my failure to protect them," blinking back tears, I look in the mirror on the wall next to my bed, bandages cover my torso, healing the burns from the grenades. I look at the smaller bandage on my face, covering the scar on my left eye.
"Ethan, I understand what you're going through, trust me … I do." Freddy mutters the last part under his breath.
"Do you?!" Anger in my voice, I point to the bandages on my body. "These are constant reminders." Tears forming in Freddy's eyes, he listens as I berate him. I point to the burns on my face, "I watched as my friend jumped on a grenade to keep it from killing all of us," I then point to the bandages on my chest, "I had to watch another burn to death, I can still hear her screams when I close my eyes, the fear in her voice," I clear my throat to keep myself from breaking, "I watched as a bullet came out of my friend's back, as his body fell like fucking stone," I point to my leg, "The last one, he carried me to the escape pod, through me in and launched it, I saw the look in his eyes as he knew what it meant. I have to live with that for the rest of my life."
"I was on the Warsaw, during the attack on the Citadel. My Captain ordered us to abandon ship but he stayed behind to make sure that we made it out," he swallows, pain resounding in his dulcet tone. "I've lost people too, now if your friend put you in that pod, than he had a damn good reason, because like you said, he knew what it meant." His hands gripping the foot of my bed, he looks at me with anger in his eyes. He breathes out slowly, in an attempt to calm himself down, afterwards he sits back down. "This isn't an opportunity given because you were the only one that made it out, it's being given because you're the reason the mission was a success." He mutters, leaning forward, "You're helmet cam was still recording, and I saw the footage, everything went to shit but you rallied them together and finished the mission. Use this opportunity as a way to make sure they didn't die for nothing."
God dammit, I hate it when he's right, I don't know how, but he always knows exactly what to say to calm me down. I take my omni-tool and load a call on the vid screen, Captain Michaelson appears in front of Freddy and I. He looks a bit puzzled, unsure of why I'm calling. "Commander Miller? I wasn't expecting a call so soon, how are you feeling son?" Genuine worry in his voice, he looks expectedly at me.
"Fine, sir," it takes me a moment before I'm able to form my response into words, I let out a sigh before speaking up. "I've made my decision, regarding Rio."
Michaelson waits patiently as I attempt to say the words. Hesitantly, I clear my throat, "I'll be on the first shuttle to Rio when I'm able sir." Determination in my voice as I speak.
Michaelson smiles and nods, "I'll inform the Admiral of your decision," he goes to end the call but stops. "Good luck … Ethan."
The call ends and Freddy has a massive grin spread ear to ear, "I'll be here for you until you leave," he props his feet on my bed and chuckles. "But until then, you're stuck with me."
I knock his feet off of my bed and laugh "Not with your damn hooves on my nice comfy bed."
"Come on Ethan, sharing is caring." He tries to put his feet back on my bed but the door opens, and an Asari woman walks in. The shift in tone is a nice change.
"Oh, I'm sorry for intruding, I'll come back another time." She turns to walk back out, but I speak up to stop her.
"No, you're fine ma'am, he was just leaving." Freddy gives me a look with his hands raised, I point to the door to signal where he needs to go. He chuckles as he walks out.
The Asari woman walks further into the room, staying close to the door, her natural blue skin shining, even under the fluorescent lights of the hospital, her face, innocent and full of curiosity.
"Sorry for the intrusion, I'm Dr Asheyalé T'mere. But everyone just calls me Ashe, I'm looking for an Ethan Miller, he's in the Alliance," her voice is sophisticated and polite. "Am I correct in assuming you're him?"
I nod, a bit taken back by how proper she is for an Asari her age, she barely looks to be in her maiden stage. "That's me, but, can I ask why you're here?" I ask, trying not to sound rude. Something about her seems … oddly familiar, but I can't place it.
She lowers her head and swallows before stepping forward and slowly lifting her head. "You don't remember me." Sadness in her voice, she turns around to walk out of the room but again, my voice stops her.
"Wait … where should I remember you from?"
She slowly turns back around, her head never raising to face me. "A year ago, I was trapped underneath piles of rubble, pinned with a pillar on my legs. I thought that was it for me, until light washed across my face, with a human standing above me, telling me that I was going to fine," Tears well up in her eyes as she blinks them back. "I don't remember much after that, just a name, and a face, yours." She slowly lifts her head as she walks up to my bed.
With everything that happened at the Citadel, I almost forgot about her, her legs seem to be fine after all this time, considering the massive pillar she was pinned under.
"I don't understand, how did you find me? I ask, dumbfounded.
Ashe gives a slight giggle. "It wasn't easy, you have a very common name, which made it all that much harder." She ran through a lot of hoops to get to me, going as far as the human embassy on the Citadel, it all sounds like she's stalking me, but with the way she carries herself … she's either very timid, or an assassin who is a very gifted actress.
She gets a bit flustered and sits down next me and we have a very pleasant conversation. She was born on Illium, and like me, she lost her father at a young age but since he was a Turian, it was more of a case of old age, she is one hundred and twelve years old. She had just received her doctorate in medicine before the attack on the Citadel.
There's something about her, I don't know what it is but … I feel safer with her. Like I can just be Ethan, instead of Commander Miller.
I adjust my position in my bed to sit up a bit more straight, my bandage scratches against my burns, causing me to groan in pain. Ashe gives me a worried look. "Are you okay?" She asks before standing up. I nod, but she walks around my bed to get a look at the bandages on my left shoulder. "Should I get the nurse?" She mutters worriedly.
I shake my head. "There are more people in this hospital who are in worse shape than me, they need the nurses more than I do." Ashe smiles before removing my bandages. "What are you doing?" I ask pulling my shoulder away.
"You didn't say anything about Doctors, now hand me my bag and sit still." Her tone taking a more commanding stance to it, I reach over and grab her bag before giving it to her, realizing there's no getting out of this, I sit as still as I can. She grabs the medi-gel out of her bag and rubs it on my burns, the cool gel, combined with her soft hands, slowly making their way across my shoulder, down my back and on left side of my chest, felt like heaven.
A small sigh escapes me, she pulls her hand back and wraps a fresh set of bandages on my shoulder, the bandages didn't feel as bad as the last set, but compared to her hands it was like sandpaper on my skin. "Something wrong?" Her voice sounding like angels descending into my hospital room.
A sudden tightening in my chest appears when I look at her. What the hell? What is wrong with me? I clear my throat as I look back toward the door. "Sorry." I run my fingers through my hair, I can feel her eyes scanning me, looking at my various scars. Pull yourself together Ethan, she's just applying medi-gel. No need to think more of it. Without thinking, I grab her hand, still resting atop my shoulder. What are you doing?! You fucking idiot, now look what you've done! A lump in my throat appearing as I attempt to form words. "I-I just wanted to thank you."
Ashe lets out a curious chuckle. "Thank me? I should be the one thanking you. You're the only reason I'm even standing here. This is the least I can do to show my gratitude." Her voice resounding with guilt. "I just wish I could do more. You deserve it." Looking at her down hearted expression, I blurt out without even thinking.
"You're doing more than enough, just by talking to me." Alright, that was good, just don't say anything stupid to fuck it up. "Everyone talks to me as Commander Miller, I've been treated like that for so long I've … I've forgotten what it feels like to just be Ethan." Alright so far so good.
Ashe reels back, worry in her eyes. "I'm sorry … I didn't know something as simple as talking to you like a person could have that much of an impact," she mutters, a smile forming on her face. "I'm glad I could do that at least." She grips the hand I have placed over hers on my shoulder, and I run my thumb over her fingers.
Seeing her smile fills me with emotions and feelings I didn't even know I had. What the hell is wrong with me? Was there something in that medi-gel? I could stare into her pale blue eyes forever, before I could say anything, I noticed that my heartbeat had gotten a lot faster. Wait a minute, shortness of breath, lump in my throat, tightening feeling in my chest, barely being able to speak … oh shit. The realization washes over me like a tsunami. How am I even supposed to bring that up?! I've never been good at things like this! Freddy! He'll know! I can just ask him.
Ashe looks at my nervous expression and breaks the silence, her voice growing somber as each word passes through her lips. "I have to go." She turns to leave, grabbing her bag from the other side of my bed, her brow furrowing, clearly not wanting to leave just yet.
Shit, I might not have another shot at this before I leave for Rio. Don't think about it, just do it. "Wait!" I yell to Ashe before she gets to the door, she looks at me, curiosity ridden across her face.
She walks up to my bed, my breath getting heavier as she gets closer to me.
When she get close enough, I hesitantly open my mouth. Don't fuck this up. "I-" I shake my head, "Fuck it." I grab her hand and pull her closer to me, cupping her face in my hands and pressing my lips against hers. Her surprised moan made me think I did something wrong, but after what was happening registered in her mind, not only did she let it happen, but she wrapped her arms around me and pulled me closer to her, pressing her lips against mine. She ran her fingers through my hair, as I grabbed her hand and locked our fingers together. The subtle sound of our lips parting will stay with me as long as I live.
Oh no, that was stupid, why did I do that?!
"I thought you were never gonna do that." her voice lost in the ecstasy of what we just did.
"Me too, to be completely honest," mine sounding more nervous. "I'm sorry."
Ashe giggles as I say that, "Don't be, it lets me know that I'm not crazy."
I look back at her, puzzled. "What do you mean?"
"I came here for more than just to thank you," sounding almost sad, she averts her eyes, looking away from me. Her voice breaking with each word. "I didn't think it was a good idea, considering we just met, and that you're in bandages," her smile filling me with joy "But now that I know you feel the same way, I know that I was just paranoid." She leans forward, kissing my cheek before standing back up, sadness in her eyes, "I do have to leave, however."
I grab her hand, locking our fingers again, "Can I see you again?" I ask, hopeful that she'll say yes.
She nods, telling me that she'll come back to see me everyday. The thought of that makes me happier than I've been in a long time.
That … that couldn't have gone any better. The way she makes me feel, she's the only person who makes me feel like an actual person, instead of just another cog in the machine. I love the Alliance, I'd gladly lay down my life for what it stands for, but it's nice to feel human for a change.
Two weeks have gone by since then, my leg is fully healed thanks to the advancement of modern medical science, hundred years ago, my leg would've taken months to heal, thankfully it only took a few weeks. Freddy and Ashe have been by every day to visit. Freddy still doesn't know about what happened between Ashe and I. I don't know whether or not to tell him for her sake, I don't know how he'd react so we silently agreed to keep it quiet. I still don't know what to even call us, we haven't made anything official. I want to ask her about that before Freddy and I leave for Rio in three days.
I'm currently in my room, I asked the doctors to set up a pull up bar so I could keep my body occupied without taking up space in the gym.
"Thirty … thirty one … thirty two!" I grunt as I pull myself up, hanging upside down by my knees. My last stress test to see how well healed my leg is.
I hear the door open, shortly after that I hear Freddy set something down on the nightstand next to the bed. I signal for him to help me down, he walks over and holds the bar as I ease my way down. Panting, I grab the towel I placed on the bed and wipe the sweat from my face.
"Good to see your leg can handle that. How's it feel?" He looks at my leg, eyeing it like the doctors did. To show him my leg is fully healed, I stand on one leg putting my full body weight on my left leg, with a smug shit eating grin on my face. He nods and gives me a thumbs up as I sit down on the bed.
Freddy sits in the chair and leans forward. "Can I ask you something?" His voice almost at a whisper.
"Uh … sure?" Not sure what's with the secrecy, but my curiosity is peaked.
"That Asari, you think I have shot? His words make me swallow, my eyes widen and I clear my throat.
"Uh …" before I can answer Freddy starts laughing.
"Come on man, you think I don't know what's going on?" He shakes his head and chuckles a bit more to himself. "It's obvious that she has a thing for you."
"You think?" My voice sounding obviously nervous. Hopefully he doesn't know I'm playing dumb.
The sound of the door opening breaks the awkward atmosphere Freddy created. Ashe walks in, and leans on the wall next to the door.
"I need to take care of something, I'll talk to you about when the shuttle leaves later on." Freddy stands up and walks by Ashe, he whispers something to her before he walks out.
Ashe then sits next to me, rests her head on my shoulders, and wraps her arms around my chest.
"I wish you didn't have to go," sounding almost like a playful pout, she groans when she hears me chuckle.
"Me too," I sigh as I lean closer and kiss her forehead. "I wish we had more time." I wrap my arm around her.
I sigh again, as I lean closer to her. How do I even bring this up? I lift her chin up to face me, but before I can say anything, "Can I say something?" Without thinking, I nod.
"I did some research on what ICT is, its sounds like you won't have a lot of time for yourself. I just want you to know something." Her voice sounding dulcet, she sighs, and lifts her head up a bit further. "I want … this, what we have, to be real. I want to be in your life, not just as your friend," she takes my hand, and locks our fingers. "But as yours."
A weight feeling like it was being lifted of my shoulders, I smile and start pulling her closer to me. "I was just about to ask you the same thing,"
I laugh slightly and run my thumb on her cheek, her skin feeling as soft as ever, like cotton on my finger tips.
No matter what … I'm hers.
Chapter 4 is here ladies and gents, I thought it was time to address the "romance" aspect of this story and what better way to do that than bring back a character from 2 chapters ago. Yeah you thought we weren't gonna see her again didn't you? This is my first time writing romance, I hope it's not as cringy as some I've read. Thank you again for reading, your feedback means the world to me, I genuinely enjoy reading every review and knowing that you guys enjoy reading something I wrote only makes me want to write more.