Hmmmm, this did not at all go how i planned it to. I mean, this was always going to happen but this part of the story wasn't supposed to be until the third or fourth part.
Ugh, they are so...DIFFICULT sometimes!
Anyways, i ain't dead, yay! And, in a stunning fit of productivity i decided to get this chapter finally done and add to it, though it all seems to be a moot point at the moment since fanon has become canon.
Ah wells, i trust that y'all are still interested in Huddy fiction even if it's on the telly too?
Read, review and let me know if there's a point to my continued Huddy-writing.
Plotting, But Not As We Know It
Cuddy poured herself another cup of coffee and cupped it in her hands as she stared blankly out of her kitchen window. There was nothing really of interest out there, just the empty meadow behind her house and the derelict shell of a building beyond that. She scowled as a work crew moved about the property opposite her home. They had kept her up most of the night with their drilling and hammering, apparently they needed to work until all hours, so she was not in the best of moods.
She gulped more coffee.
He was up to something.
She was sure of it.
He had to be.
Now, if she could only figure out what it was, she might be a lot happier about her position in life. As it was, she was still wrong footed where her resident misanthrope was concerned. He was still being…pleasant. There was no other word for it, really, and it was still so incongruous when coupled with House's name that her brain staggered every time she thought it.
More coffee.
She should really get on that. She made it her business to at least be aware of what he was doing, even if it was only in the most general of terms, and then decide if she would be better suited by ignoring his actions or censoring them completely. Sometimes it was better for everybody in the long run if he got what he wanted and sometimes she had to be the screeching voice of sanity in order to avert disasters.
Sometimes it worked and sometimes it didn't and, right now, he was winding up to something and she had no idea what. The game had changed and she had no idea what the new rules were. Now, not only did she have to look out for her livelihood, his and the collective staff of the hospital, but she had to make sure that he didn't push the Big Red Button on her personal life as well.
The last thing she needed was New World Order on that as well. It was difficult enough dealing with him solely at work, but now he was invading her home and her thoughts more often than not and she found herself thinking about him at the most inopportune times. Like during yesterday's board meeting, for example. She had very nearly agreed to give her Head of Surgery the Head of Psychology's parking space and half of his funding before she remembered that she actually did think that therapy could help people and that it wasn't a waste of breath science as a certain surgeon had asserted.
Oy vey.
More coffee.
It occurred to her then and there that she really did have a thankless job and, recently, she had begun to question her commitment to it more and more.
Not just because of House and her inherent flight response whenever he got too close to her on an emotional level, but because she was becoming increasingly aware of the fact that she had very little to say about her life other than the fact that she was very good at her job. It was a very difficult job and there had been a time when it was everything she had wanted to be the youngest female Dean of Medicine anywhere (that woman in Britain didn't count) but that had been twenty years ago when she had been eighteen and thoughts of personal achievement had come a very poor second to sticking it to her mother and proving that she could not only do the job of a man but that she could do it better.
Now though…now temptation came in the form of a man with a cane and a baby in the crook of his arm. A man that was seven kinds of bad for her and a baby that threatened her very sanity. She didn't know if she could stand it to lose another tiny life, even if it was just to House's mercurial moods and deciding that he couldn't actually be bothered to keep a child. Cuddy sighed.
Then gulped some more coffee down.
It was so tempting. The idea of giving in to him, to giving House exactly what he wanted had never held more appeal. Maybe it was just the sleep deprivation and the head trauma talking, but she wanted to be what the staff were talking about. She wanted to be involved in House's life in a more meaningful way. She wanted in his head and in his bed. She wanted to be a mother to Katy. She wanted…she wanted him to be the man he was pretending to be right now.
Cuddy looked down at her mug and frowned at the gravy thick liquid.
And that was the problem wasn't it?
Twenty years ago she had wanted nothing more than to be where she was now. Who was to say that in twenty years, hell, that in twenty days that she wouldn't regret her decision to bank her heart on House having actually changed. Could she really believe that he was being truthful this time? That he wasn't just pretending to get what he wanted like she knew he was perfectly capable of doing?
Could she trust him?
Cuddy rinsed her now empty mug as she thought about it and was disappointed to realise her answer.
No.
She didn't trust him. Not in that way. She couldn't. Not yet. She didn't know what he had to do to prove himself to her. She didn't know if there was anything he could do to wipe away the personality template that he fitted into in her mind. She had known him too long as That Guy.
That Guy that she wanted. The one she compared all other men to. The one that was brilliant and funny. The one that always made her smile, even as he made her want to cry. The one that had a chokehold on her emotions. The one she couldn't help but lo…no, not going there.
It didn't matter if he was That Guy or even The One.
It didn't matter because she didn't trust him and, without trust, there was nothing.
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House watched Katy as she slept in her crib, but he wasn't really looking at her. Instead, he was playing with his Vicodin bottle, spinning it end over end and listening to the pills rattle around inside.
Other than that, he was thinking of Cuddy and she was increasingly invading his thoughts and taking up time and brain power that could be better spent elsewhere.
Yeah right, getting Cuddy into his bed and into his life in a more permanent and intimate manner had become his number one goal in life.
That and making sure he didn't screw up the sprog.
Cuddy thought he was up to something.
No, that wasn't strictly true. She knew he was up to something she just hadn't figured out what yet. Which was important, because the next phase of his plan needed to be a complete surprise. If this was going to work, then he was going to have to keep her confused about what he was doing right up until he had her exactly where she wanted him.
He just needed to get her to realise that he was serious about her, about them, and that she could know that he wasn't going to throw it away.
Those were his stumbling blocks.
Not just getting her to trust him, but being able to trust himself not to screw it up the first time something difficult came along. House was a coward, he knew that much, he had spent his entire life running from things. First his father, then his responsibilities as a decent human being then from the pain. If it hadn't been physically, it had been emotionally or crawling into a bottle of scotch or pills.
Time to suck it up.
Time to be brave.
House let out a gusty sigh.
He'd really rather not be brave. He'd really rather have her come to him so he knew for definite that he was what she wanted. Him over anyone else. That wasn't going to work though. Not this time. He had to do all the leg work on this one and the irony was not lost on him. He twisted his mouth to the side as he mulled it over.
It had to be a grand gesture.
It had to be something big in order for her to believe in it.
House stilled as the thought made itself clear. Cuddy would trust him…he would trust himself…there was just one more thing he had to do first.
Just so he could be sure.
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Cuddy opened the door and wasn't surprised to find him on the other side. She sighed and held it open to let him in. He had the baby bag slung over one shoulder and Katy in her car seat held in a white knuckled grip at his side. She smiled and waved at their little bundle and then looked up at House to ask him what he wanted.
The expression slid from her lips when she saw his face. He looked…terrified.
"House, what's wrong?" Her hand closed over his on top of his cane and he forced a smile, shaking his head.
"Nothing." He swallowed hard. "I have a big favour to ask."
"Surprise, surprise." Cuddy pulled her hand away from his and ignored the flash of hurt in his eyes. She was far too interested in self preservation at the moment to care about his feelings. Especially since he was winding up to doing something stupid.
She could feel it.
"I need you to take Katy. Just for a few days."
"Why?" Oh God, what had he done? He looked scared and he was going somewhere. That added up to nothing good in Cuddy's book. "House, what is it?"
"Nothing you need to worry about. Just something I have to do." He held out the baby carrier to Cuddy and she had to take it. He dumped the bag on the floor and looked right into Cuddy's eyes. "I'm trusting you to keep her safe and…well, I should be back…soon. Best to take me off rotation for the foreseeable. Put Foreman in charge while I'm gone. Convince Chase and Cameron to step in if he needs help."
"House, you're scaring me." She reached out to his hand again and he turned it palm up to clasp hers in return, she was surprised but too worried to absorb the feeling properly. "Let me help you."
"You are helping me. You've helped me more than I deserve and…well. It's all in the bag." He smiled at her gently and cold fear for him coiled low in Cuddy's gut. His attempt at a reassuring smile was more frightening to her than him disappearing in the middle of the night with no warning or explanation whatsoever.
"Don't go." She gripped his hand suddenly. Fiercely, frightened of she didn't know what. "Stay, with me. Stay here with us."
House tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling. He heaved in a deep breath and scrunched up his eyes, holding it for a long moment. Finally he gusted it out on a long sigh and looked back down at her.
"No." He took Katy's carrier from her and put it on the hallway table. "That's probably the hardest thing I've ever refused." He laughed hollowly as he unstrapped Katy from the carrier and hugged her tightly to his chest, he rested his forehead against blonde curls, Katy gripped his jacket collar, like she knew she was being left behind again. They were a mirror of the picture Cuddy still had as wallpaper on her cell. He rumbled to his daughter in a low voice and Cuddy's hands twisted together to stop herself from reaching out and clinging to him too.
"Now, you behave for Cuddles. I don't want any reports about sleep deprivation terrorist attacks or it's straight off to Gitmo with you." He dropped a kiss on the top of her head and then handed her over to Cuddy, wrapping Cuddy's arms around the child when she made no move to do it herself.
She was numb and terrified all at the same time. This felt an awful lot like a goodbye and not a catch-you-later farewell either. He looked like he didn't know if he was coming back.
"Look after her." He reached up and pushed Cuddy's hair back out of her face.
"Look after yourself." She croaked at him.
"First time for everything." He smirked at her, stepping closer and his hand slid down past her ear and cupped the back of her neck, he gave the slightest tug and it was all Cuddy needed. She rocked forward up on her toes and his mouth came down on hers.
The kiss was surprisingly gentle and sweet. A direct antithesis to the hard and fast domination he had pulled on her in the garage. He held her as close as he was able without crushing Katy and there was an edge of desperation to him but he pulled away before he could change his mind and lose his resolve. He smiled at her again.
"I'll be back soon."
"Will you?" Cuddy stepped forward as he stepped back out onto the front step. She reached out with one hand and clasped the door as tight as she was able. She had hoped it would ground her a little, but all she got was sore fingers.
"As soon as I'm able."
She knew a deflection when she heard one but he moved away and turned to limp to his car before she could call him back. He opened the door, tossed his cane inside and then ducked in after it. He lifted his hand and waved as the engine rumbled to life and then he backed out of the drive, onto the street, and drove away.
Cuddy swallowed hard as she watched the tail lights disappear around the street corner and tried not to think that she'd just made the biggest mistake of her life.
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Several hours later, House rattled the key in the lock of the cabin's front door and stepped inside. The lights were already on and a fire was already burning in the hearth.
"House?" A woman's voice called for him.
"Yeah." He looked up as she walked through from the kitchen, drying her hands on a towel. She had her long hair tied back and there was an expression of carefully covered strain on her face. She looked almost as nervous as he felt.
"Hi." Angelina smiled tightly at him. "I have to admit, I'm surprised you came."
"So am I." House huffed out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. "It was a close thing every time I saw a junction."
"I'll bet." Angelina nodded slowly and then bit her lip. "You sure you want to do this?"
"Nope." He shrugged. "I have to see if I can resist temptation."
Angelina nodded slowly and dropped the towel over the back of a nearby chair. She planted her hands on her hips.
"I don't do this. I've never done," she waved her hand between them, "THIS with clients."
"It's alright." House pulled his jacket from his shoulders. "Let's get this over with."
"Alright," she folded her arms over her chest. She jerked her chin at him.
"Take off all your clothes."