I don't think this is exactly what you guys may have been hoping for, but it's what wanted to be written apparently, so I hope you enjoy it. :) Please let me know how you feel about it/what you think. And thank you to all who have reviewed and followed and favorited, it means a lot.
It's perfect! Elsa smiled as she stood in the center of her crystal palace. Her icy-blue eyes sparkled with delight as she slowly spun with outstretched arms, taking in every crystallized nook and icy cranny. She never knew the degree of the power that she possessed; she had never wanted to know. Since Anna's accident, it was all she could do to not create anything, even the gentlest flakes of snow. Not that she had ever been completely successful in controlling it, but there certainly was no more playing or experimenting with her magic to see what else it could do. Enough damage had been caused as it was and she didn't want to find out what more could be jeopardized by her hand. Never would she have imagined such beauty and wonder existed within her, when she was capable of so much destruction and despair. She closed her eyes and inhaled the crisp cold air… the scent of new beginnings.
She not only looked different, but she felt different. Stronger. Confident. Happy.
…Free.
She couldn't help but wonder if this is what her life should have felt like – if this is who she should have been – all along. Without isolating herself from everyone she loved, without hiding such an integrated part of her being… would she have been someone else? Would she still be that perfect girl she had always thought she had to be?
Would she have been so introverted, so serious? Or would she have been fun, and silly, and spontaneous, like Anna? Did she actually enjoy reading all those books, or was it just the most exciting thing she allowed herself, so she learned to like it? What hobbies would she have liked to try if she wasn't confined to a single room? Maybe she would have enjoyed painting, or playing the piano or violin. Perhaps she could have been an excellent ballroom dancer, floating and twirling across the room… holding hands with a partner and not putting their life on the line just because they did something as simple as touching her hand.
Elsa sighed; her future had been decided for her from the moment she took her first breath. She was an heir, a future queen. She didn't have time for those things anyway, even if she didn't have this power… Did she?
She honestly didn't know. But that didn't matter now anyway, the past was in the past. The fact was that, power did flow through her, taking up residence in every cell in her body and racing through her veins as much as the blood that kept her alive. It was a part of her and she could either be afraid of it, or embrace it.
After Elsa had watched the sunrise, she made her way back into the palace, creating more elaborate staircases that led to even more rooms. Each one covered with meticulously carved designs that stretched to every surface of the ceilings, walls, and archways, everywhere seemed to glisten like it had been encrusted with blue-glass crystals.
In the very center of her upstairs living quarters, was the best, most perfect part of all. Papa held Mama close, wrapping her in a loving embrace, her head laid against his chest. Smiles etched onto their frozen faces as they watched their little princesses laugh together as they stacked the huge snowballs they had made to create their very first snowman.
Just as Grand Pabbie, the troll who saved Anna, had done – altering her memories, Elsa did so for herself. She wanted new memories too, happier ones, replacing the isolation and fear with family and love.
They could have all been so happy, if only they had known that controlling her power didn't mean keeping it in, but letting it out and learning how it worked. Elsa wouldn't have lived her childhood in a bedroom, utterly afraid that she could have killed the people that she loved. Anna wouldn't have spent hers trapped in a big, lonely castle with nothing to do, wishing her sister had been there with her to run around the halls and slide down the banister on the spiral staircase. Her parents – although royalty – could have been able to raise their children like normal parents. Playing ball in the yard, teaching them to ride bikes, kissing booboos or giving goodnight hugs and kisses… And though they could do this with Anna, she doubted they could fully be happy knowing their oldest daughter was holed up in her bedroom, sitting alone in the cold.
Instead, parenting Elsa consisted of burdens that she had never wanted her parents to bear simply because she existed. Stresses that normal children didn't make for their parents, such as: cleaning up after her when there were damages to her room caused by the ice and snow that constantly consumed it, no physical contact, and ongoing worry about what devastation she was liable to create at any given moment.
Even if they hadn't meant to be, she knew they were afraid of her. They never said so, of course, not to her… but she could see it in their faces. The way they would exchange wary glances at mealtimes or whatever other times she was forced out of her room; sure, they wanted her there, but they were always noticeably on guard, never entirely sure if she was going to hurt anyone, or herself.
Sometimes at night, after she'd heard that Anna had been sent to bed, she would quietly slip out of her room and head to the library. And though not very frequently, but sometimes, when she'd creep past her parents' bedroom door, she could hear them inside arguing; and every time, it had been about her. The popular topics were: What more can we do for her? If only someone could help. I think it's getting worse. And, how will she be able to rule with this curse hanging over her head?
Ever since that night when Anna was injured and they went to see the trolls and Pabbie showed them the vision about people being fearful of Elsa's magic and trying to hurt her because of them, Papa had always been very concerned about her safety. The less people that knew about her powers, the less chance she would be hurt. But as much as he wanted to protect his daughter, it was also his duty to protect Arendelle, just as it would someday be hers as well.
She didn't want to be the cause of everyone's struggles, but even with spending ninety-five percent of her days alone, she still managed to be the very essence of what was destroying her family, as well as the monster that threatened to tear Arendelle apart from the inside out.
Else gave her head a good shake, clearing her mind and bringing her back to the present.
She looked at the smiles on her ice-parents faces and couldn't help but mirror one on her own, it was nice seeing them happy and worry-free for once. She wrapped her arms around them, kissing each of them on the cheek. "I really miss you guys."
She stepped back to look at them again, "I'm sorry that I failed you. All I've ever wanted was for you to be proud of me." She wiped a tiny crystal from her cheek. "But I messed up. I tried so hard to conceal it, Papa, I swear I did. But I wasn't strong enough." Another frozen tear fell from her eye. "I'm so sorry." She took a deep breath, wiped her face and squared her shoulders, head held high. "Things are different now," she explained." I've learned so much about myself in just the past day, how to be in control and still be happy being exactly who I am. I know you worried about me and I–I just wanted you to know I'm going to be okay. I've made peace. I… I wish you could see that." She gave a weak smile before turning back to the little girls that played beside her.
Anna looked like her five-year old self. Her sweet face radiated the purest joy that Elsa had ever seen. "I wish that much happiness for you forever, Baby Sister." She cradled Anna's cheek in one hand as she pressed a kiss onto the other.
Before leaving the room, she stopped at her own mini ice sculpture who played happily with her sister, without a fear in the world. For a minute, all she could do was stare; it had been so long since she had been that carefree. She slowly reached out her hand, gently tracing the girl's features with her fingertips. Elsa leaned down and placed a kiss atop the head of her younger self. "It's nice to see you smiling again, Little One."