Tell me what you think...trying to figure out how (and if I should) continue it
After last week's events, Bella and Charlie had barely spoken to one another. Bella spent most of the day in bed with her bandage about her head. Charlie was watching the game downstairs.
How was she going to escape? She needed to get out of this dark, dank bedroom and into the sunlight.
Forcing herself out of bed, through her dizziness she pulled on a dark green sweater and jeans, her black converses and let her hair fall out of its ponytail.
"I'm going to Jacob's, see you for dinner!" Bella walked past Charlie on the couch, who was watching his usually Saturday game.
Charlie turned around startled "oh, uh, have fun."
It saddened Bella that Charlie thought she was getting better, that the anti-depressant pills from her new doctor were working. If he only knew…but then again, she didn't want him to know.
Climbing into her worn red truck, Bella turned on her stereo – the one Emmett had given her. Charlie was so perplexed when on her birthday she had come home with a completely new stereo, already installed in her truck. He had no explanation for it, and Bella's explanation was a "hallucination."
Almost immediately tears were streaming down her cheeks. Edward's lullaby for her played continuously from the speakers as she drove off towards LaPush.
No one believed her. No one knew the suffering she was going through, or the torment of seeing his ghost sometimes. Maybe she was insane. How could he just, vanish? Leave her? And leave her with nothing! No one remembered them, there was no recollection of their existence ever in forks. She missed Alice, her quirky hair and lithe step – Jasper's ability and awkwardness– Emmett's brotherly affection – Carlisle and Esme's parental guidance- even Rosalie's bitchiness.
Bella swerved the car around violently. Once and for all, she was going to settle this. She couldn't live any longer with the idea that everyone thought her crazy for loving someone who "never existed." How could a god like Edward, never exist?
The white Victorian windows were filled with darkness. The porch was unswept, leaves crowded the yard, and all the flowers save the freesia (abnormally long-lasting since their season did not run into fall) were dead.
She shut off the car, and instead of falling into gasping sobs, she was filled with determination.
She found the rake in the three car garage, still equipped, and attacked the front yard. Then she went to the porch…then she cleared the weeds…
In the end, even the 2 hours worth of work she put into it, even the semi-pristine condition of the house, couldn't convince her that the Cullens were inside that beautiful, haunted Victorian.
Bella's knees sank into the hard earth, her fists grabbing the dead grass beneath her. Her lungs began to heave – she couldn't find the air any longer to satisfy. The pain in her chest swelled, making the trickling tears turn into sobs. She wrapped an arm around herself, the other holding onto the railing of the porch.
"Edward, where are you?" she sobbed into herself, slowly making the way up the porch. She remembered where the key was hidden, in the pot plant beside the front door. In lifting the ceramic pot, she found new hope. The key had been left there.
The door creaked when she opened it into the house. It was possibly the loudest, emptiest sound in the world. The couch, the piano, tables, chairs, paintings…were covered in a white sheet with a thin layer of dust.
Slowly, Bella made her way to the piano. Undraping half of the bench and keys, her fingers began to plunk out Edward's melody…she only remembered half of what he taught her.
There was something oddly comforting in the sound echoing in the empty room. It was like Edward's voice could be heard over the notes.
"But…you're not here." She answered her own question, slumping against the piano.
The sun was setting, and it was growing darker outside. Bella turned her head and stared out the window.
When it had gone completely dark, Bella's mind was made up. She was resolute, and her sobbing had stopped.
Lifting her frail body from the bench, she traveled down the vacant hallway to the kitchen.
Everything was perfectly in place. The cabinets were still filled with dishes, there was still human food in the fridge rotting, even the silverware…
Bella unsheathed one of the long, wide kitchen knives. She laughed to herself. It looked like something a serial killer would use in a movie – except, those who did live in this house, were much more dangerous…and didn't have use for such instruments.
The stairs creaked under her weight as she ascended with her fate in hand. His room was clean, minus the scattered books on the floor. There was the bed he had bought, not for sleeping purposes, but for when she visited him.
She could smell him beneath the sheets. A wave of grief wracked her body.
He's never coming back. This is as good as it gets.
Looking out the window, she hoped for some solace in the light of the moon. But all was black – it was a new moon.
It wasn't that she wanted to leave. She couldn't stand the thought that she was crazy, that Edward was never real. That her father was in pain. That she was almost murdered and raped by her psychiatrist. That her life seemed meaningless. That everything was masked in grey- nothing was beautiful, everything was cold. She was going crazy, she was losing herself, and it had to stop – she couldn't let this go on – she couldn't go on.
In one swift motion, she let gravity aid her as she lay on the bed. Her face was swallowed in shock as the blade stuck through the mattress.
So…this…is what it feels like…
It took a moment to register that everything around her was seeping in sticky-sweet smelling wetness.
The hard pounding throb in her abdomen distracted her from the anguish she felt. For once, she could concentrate on something else than the painful thought of Edward's existence.
The pounding throb those first few seconds, became an excruciating sharp pain – as if she had been bitten by James all over again.
She screamed into the darkness –straining her neck on the pillow. Her heart began to pump wildly in reaction to the feeling of pain.
"Bella!" Edward's angelic voice filled the empty room. Bella lifted her weary head, already watching the background blur – her last human visions.
I'm only hallucinating…
Alice bounded in, her bright golden eyes fixated upon the bed. "Oh no, we're too late Edward!"
"Where's Carlisle?!" the loud growl beside the bed made her body ache.
"He's pulling up in the driveway with Esme and Rosalie-"
"Jasper!"
Bella suddenly felt calm, hearing every voice of those she loved – whom she knew were gone. She was definitely fading out.
Hands clasped about her body, searching for something they couldn't find. Finally there was a swift tug in her abdomen, and a release.
"Oh God" Edward cried out, putting pressure on the fatal wound.
"Carlisle, she's bleeding, I-"
"Get Jasper out of here Emmett!"
Low growls and hisses were overpowered by the voices of Carlisle, Alice, and Edward…her Edward.
"E-Edward" Bella tried to lift herself up, but found her numb body stuck to the surface of the bed.
"Bella- don't! Don't move!"
His golden-honey colored eyes were filled with panic, sadness, and…something else she couldn't make out.
"She's lost too much blood. She's hemorrhaging – son, she's going into vasogenic shock from the pain"
"Can't we treat the hypovolemic or cardiogenic?"
"No, her heart is already failing."
Bella's lips were completely white, her veins are turning blue…
"The sight has become infected too quickly, she's gone septic-"
"It's black! Carlisle, Carlisle help!" his desperate cries hurt her ears. Her angel shouldn't cry, he should never feel sad.
Everything became hazy except Carlisle's figure and Edward's face above her. She felt those heavenly hands cup her face. Was he going to take her away? Was he going to free her of this pain?
"Edward, you have to chose now!"
Bella escaped the darkness to find her Edward next to her once more, holding her hand.
"I'm going to make the pain go away Bella…I'm so sorry, I so so sorry" he sobbed out.
He looked on the verge of madness.
"I-it's ok, you c-can take m-me…your not r-real…you said…you d-didn't want me, I-I wasn't g-good for you…"
"Oh Bella, I'm here, we all are, I'm so sorry for all I put you through, please forgive me, I only meant to protect you"
"But…you don't…love…me…" tears blinded her.
Edward's lips crashed down upon her own, kissing her as she had never known. His forceful, urgent kiss made her body spring to life – she wanted more, she wanted all of him –she wanted to be closer…he was intoxicating, and yet, she didn't have the energy or ability to do so.
"I love you, eternally, Isabella Swan. Always have, and always will" he drew away, blowing his breath into her – she sucked in every morsel of air. Her body shuddered as he kissed her again.
"Bella?"
She opened her mouth to speak, but he quieted her- his own body shaking with sobs.
"I love you Edward"
His lips crashed against hers again. She felt her body release – as if her soul had freed itself, and was being sucked into his being…
She let herself slowly envelope into the unknown, letting Edward's cries of her name carry her.
"NOW EDWARD!" she heard the command before the pain came. But it came and went too quickly.
And then…she was on fire…