Disclaimer: See 1st Chaper
Marriage
"Sevvy, Sevvy, I'm goin' to mavvy you, Sevvy!"
"You will do no such thing, Mr. Potter! As if it weren't enough that you are 20 years younger than me, you're in the body of a four year old at the moment with a four year old's memory! And, apparently, the deaging spell has addled your brain! You are not going to marry me!"
"Aww, but, but Sevvy, Uncah Dumbly says I'll mavvy you!"
"For the last time, my name is Severus, not Sevvy or any other asinine abbreviation thereof! And why do you think that the headmaster said we would marry?"
"'Cause he said tha' thev's this kind of new vule that says that evvyone's got to mavvy!"
"Are you talking about the marriage law?"
"Yess! Tha'z what Uncah Dumbly's called it!"
"The marriage law is only for those who have survived the Dark Lord's second rising."
"But – but Uncah Dumbly said tha' I did so suvv – suvvie – agh, live, too!"
"You are four years old at the moment, Mr. Potter. Nobody expects you to marry."
"But I volled the dice, an' it said tha' I'm goin' to mavvy you."
"You did what?"
"The dice said tha' I'm goin' to mavvy you!"
"Which dice?"
"The one tha' tells Uncah Dumbly who'll mavvy who!"
"The headmaster decides the marriages with a dice?"
"He says the dice knows evvything!"
"Yes, yes, I'm sure that the dice knows everything. And the headmaster let you roll that dice?"
"Ehm – he - … Yes."
"Don't lie to me, Mr. Potter. Just what have you done?"
"Well,… I … I wanted to play wif Uncah Dumbly, an' he wasn't theve, an' … I …"
"Let me guess. You somehow broke three dozen rules, again if I might mention, got into something you weren't supposed to, and started rolling the – dice?"
"Tha'z no' – I didn' bveak noh vules! The doov was open!"
"You want to tell me that the headmaster just leaves his door open when he goes away?"
"Uh huh! I jus' asked the big stone if it can' move away, an' it didn' answah, so I gave it some of my tveacle taht, an' then it jumped away!"
"Aside from the headmaster's ill-chosen password, didn't you think that the headmaster doesn't want anyone looking into his room while he is gone?"
"Uh uh. He laughed when I tol' him I volled you, Sevvy, an' then he said I'm goin' to mavvy you."
"Well, then we are going to him right now and tell him that you can't marry me! I refuse to be tied to a mentally unstable toddler!"
"Bu, bu, but, Uncah Dumbly says tha' the dice's nevah wvong!"
"It is wrong!"
"… Pwease, Sevvy, don' be so angvy, it huvts."
"What hurts?"
"Uncah Dumbly said tha' 'cause I volled you, the dice makes me feel wha' you feel, an' now you're angvy, an' it huvts…"
"Since you are clutching your knee, I somehow doubt that it is any kind of bond."
"Bu, but yestvday, Aunty Minnie was angvy, and my avm huvt, an' Uncah Moonie made my othah leg huvt, an' Aunty Tonks made my othah arm huvt, an', an'…"
"Calm down, Mr. Potter. Why was Minerva angry with you yesterday?"
"I said I'm goin' to mavvy her."
"And she got angry?"
"Uh huh."
"And then your arm hurt?"
"Uh huh."
"Same with Lupin and Tonks?"
"Uh huh, nobody loves me, an' nobody wan's to mavvy me, an'…"
"So you decided to try and see if you couldn't marry me?"
"Uh huh."
"What in the world gave you the idea that I would be more amenable to your very clumsy advances than, say, Professor Sprout?"
"Bbut, I didn' voll her!"
"But you rolled me?"
"An' Aunty Minnie, an' Aunty Tonks, an' many mores!"
"Does the headmaster know?"
"Uh huh, he knows I volled you!"
"But not about the others?"
"Uh uh."
"And you have been feeling pain whenever one of us gets angry?"
"Uh huh, an' I don' like it, can you make it go 'way?"
"Does anything else besides your arms and legs hurt?"
"My head!"
"Do you know what makes your head hurt?"
"Uh huh, bu' he's big an' scavy, an' snaky, an' I don' like him at all! I don' wan'a mavvy him!"
"Do you know his name?"
"Lavd Valma, I think, I know evvyone else I volled."
"Lord Voldemort!?! Just what is Dumbledore thinking! I thought he was dead!"
"Dea'? Bu' my head huvt's often, and sometimes I can see him, an' I don' wan'a mavvy him!"
"Come on, Mister Potter, I think both of us are going to pay a visit to the Headmaster. I refuse to be married by the roll of a dice, especially not when it results in polygamy with a Dark Lord, half the Hogwarts staff, and an infant!"
"Wha's poligame?"
"… Trust me, Mr. Potter, once the de-aging spell wears off, you will be glad that I didn't explain it to you."
Everybody in the staff room broke out in raucous laughter when Harry Potter suddenly cancelled the illusion on himself and, together with Severus Snape, bowed to the assembled crowd.
Minerva chewed the end of her quill, scratching out a few more items on her list. Since the two had taken to tackling at least two rumors at a time, her list was diminishing rather quicker than she had thought, and she was running out of original ideas. What she had would only last for another twenty years or so, but perhaps that was enough for her to go into retirement?
Nah, she decided, and quickly appended two more ideas to the end of the list. She'd have to make sure that they didn't run out…
A/N: Since Maritinkerbell asked so nicely – here's the stuff about marriage laws (and, of course, some other things thrown in). As I said, if your review gets my muse going, you'll get some more chapters…
Sakiku