Sunday, June 17th 2007

It's Father's Day.

I love you.

Sammie

xxx

June 21st 2007 – the Summer Solstice – Area 51

So, why did I run away, you're asking yourself?

Because I wanted to, is my reply.

I've already told you I'm happy being pregnant, especially with your baby and not Siler's, hehe.

You now know that the baby has no known birth defects – that doesn't preclude the possibility of something going wrong at the birth of course, but I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it, probably screaming my damn head off.

I just needed time to think, I guess. And to get away from the oppressive atmosphere and the role that I seem to be adopting of control room bar fly. Of course, I would have to come back to Nevada just when it is getting hot rolls eyes

I was also sick of crying.

My first stop was General Kerrigan to say 'Hi, I'm back, and by the way, I'm pregnant'. He took the news stoically and asked me if I had 'support'. I guess it was his discrete way of asking me if a father was in the picture; the unspoken inference being that I had opted to visit a sperm bank and had experienced a close encounter with a turkey baster.

I've known him for years.

I trust him.

I told him. About you.

I hope you're okay with that? He is very supportive; anything he can do, etc. He suggested I tell my department openly about the baby (because pretty soon it will be obvious anyway) and then make a judgment call if they ask about the father. Perhaps that way I'd deflect rumor control. I doubt that last part, but being open seems the sensible thing to do. So I was and he was right. I am so glad he was promoted from the Academy; I need all the friends I can get right now.

The second stop was clothing stores to get a summer uniform. A MATERNITY summer uniform and let me tell you, it is so much more comfortable. I can't believe what a difference not having a tight waistband makes to the nausea. I've got a standard navy smock, which looks stupid at the moment because I haven't really got anything to fill it, but also some new maternity blouses, skirts and jackets. The skirt has a discrete elastane panel and the jacket is an edge-to-edge design and...

…am I boring you?

I am boring you. Hehe. Maybe you'd prefer me with my clothes off? Would you like me with huge breasts and a baby bump? Okay, dumb question about the breasts. Would you still love a woman with no discernable waist and stretch marks and who walks like a wide receiver? Relax, I haven't got stretch marks. Yet.

I called Cassie to tell her where I was and why. It was quite a bit to take in for someone so young, after all, she had no idea that we were together, let alone dealing with the news that a baby was on its way. At first she went quiet and then she started crying, which set me off. We spent 40 minutes on the phone crying at each other – I wished I'd used a hard line now! She started talking about taking a year off UCLA to come and live with me and help me with the baby, but as much as I would love her company I'm not so sure. Next year she was supposed to be going to Stockholm on an Erasmus exchange and I know it's her dream – there's NO WAY she's dropping out of biochem! Janet would be so proud of her daughter.

At that point, in my own mind, I've stopped 'being pregnant' and started being 'having a baby'. 'Pregnant' implies a condition at a particular point. 'Having a baby' suggests a future.

A future for the child as well as me.

I love working on the Hermes! As I said way back when, the ship is a smaller version of the Daedalus, designed for galaxy-to-galaxy hops using the Intergalactic Gate. Although there are a few wires and chips, it's mostly crystal based technology and it's awesome. Another Cassie-ism. AWESOME. Basically it's a fast response troop and equipment (nearly the size of a C5 Galaxy) carrier with the projected use of first strike and search and rescue missions – how ironic.

Which reminds me, I have some schematics to approve and I'd like an early night. Guess I'll have to use the blackout curtains – it's the longest day!

Love you,

Sam

June 28th 2007 – Officer's Quarter's Groom Lake Area 51

Just popping in to say hi, I'm fine, Baby Carter-O'Neill is growing like the proverbial weed, and I've been busy at work, so resting in my down-time. Cassie is flying down from LA-X this evening and we're having a girly weekend. We're going baby clothes shopping!

Oh! I've written to George Hammond. A real old fashioned letter with a pen and paper and everything and 'fessed up. I know he likes receiving letters, but I'm not so sure if he will like receiving that one. You know what he has meant to me over the years and I do NOT want him to be the last to find out. I wonder if he will be disappointed in me? In us? I wonder what my Dad would have thought.

Lots of love,

Sam

xxxxxxxx

Sunday, July 1st – Edwards AFB, Nevada

I don't believe this! For crying out loud! I've been recalled back to the CMC!

I've had to bundle Cassie off to Reno International and now I'm banging away on my laptop while I'm hanging around Edwards AFB waiting for a Lear private charter transport.

What NOW?!

Wednesday July 4th - SGC Visitors Quarters

Well, it's been an interesting 48 hours.

The next time they break my Stargate, I'll break their kneecaps!

Dollars to donuts! You think they would have learned to screen their technicians more thoroughly after the 'gate was tagged by Kevin Hartkins last year. Some rookie freshly arrived from DC apparently took it upon himself to re-program the Earthside DHD interface. When the upload was activated, the gee-whiz kid discovered that maybe he should have left the improvements to someone who actually knew what she was doing before I CUT HIS FINGERS OFF.

After I bawled him out, I seconded him to Bill Lee. Ha. Sweet revenge for a) being an civilian hard-ass when you were stuck on that moon with Maybourne and b) the Audrey II incident we had at the CMC a couple of years ago. That last one was for you too; I remember how mad you got!

Actually, it was worth the trip back just for the dramatic effect of me waddling into the briefing room with all my maternity get-up on. Well, okay, I'm hardly 'waddling' at the moment, but I did my best to stick out what little baby there is just so I could see their collective mouths drop open. If advance warnings had got around, the sundry personnel did well to hide it – most people looked kinda quietly stunned. Actually Walter rescued me by finding me a seat and an entire carafe of water while Hank Landry continued with his update. I sat next to Paul Davis who kept S-T-A-R-I-N-G and then jerking his head away when I looked in his direction. I ended up doing it deliberately just to try and give him whiplash :D

I felt like getting Walter to tannoy an announcement: "Attention all personnel! Standby for broadcast! Carter is pregnant! I repeat, Colonel Carter is well and truly stuffed!"

Hehehe.

In all seriousness, looking back over the day, I'm glad I didn't have much time to think about what happened. Perhaps if I had, it might not have been so easy. Thank goodness SG1 and all the other teams trapped off-world got back safely. Cameron Mitchell seems to be settling in well. He's gained the respect of Teal'c, so that's a measure, and Daniel seems to like him. I guess I'm more than a little... wistful that I'm not out there too.

I was too busy to talk to them to begin with; the priority was getting everyone back safely. We're starting to hear more and more reports of Ori controlled worlds, so they are definitely becoming a new concern. It seems the Universe has an endless supply of megalomaniac sadists with which to jeopardize our nice little blue-green planet. Pesky roaches. You kill one, two more pop up. Is this the right time and place to bring a child into the world?

Kinda late for the soul searching.

And just generally late – gonna hit my bunk, so much for Independence Day.

Samxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Friday July 6th – Maison d'Carter, Colorado Springs

Friday night! The end of another week. I'm surprised about how quickly the SGC personnel seem to have taken me and my bump in their stride. Actually I'm quite disappointed I haven't had more than my 15 minutes of fame. If the base personnel are still talking about me, I haven't noticed; no abruptly ended conversations, no meaningful glances in my direction.

Daniel has been wonderful. He loves the bump and wants to touch it all the time! He also loves my hair. Oh! I forgot to tell you! I stopped having it cut because there was no point – it's growing faster than the base hairdresser could cope with and it's so thick! I got permission for the six weeks growing time, but to be honest, I was pulling it up into some kind of Carter-patented pony tail bun inside four weeks. It's getting quite long, but apparently it all falls out after the delivery so I haven't decided whether or not I'll keep it.

Teal'c is so supportive. He doesn't stay at the SGC for very long these days – long enough to be patched up by the med team, grab his supply of Tretonin, and he's gone.

I worry about him.

Cam is.. well, he's just so sweet.

I spent the last couple of days running diagnostics with Siler and Harriman. Now that I have returned to the SGC and the roof hasn't fallen in because of my knocked up state, I've been stalling so that I can stay a while.

I guess I miss the buzz :)

And, of course, I've also had the chance to check out the latest on your S&R. I wish I hadn't.

General George called me. He got my letter, he was so kind, and to tell the truth a bit excited for me. If there's anything he can do, I only have to call, and I must come over for dinner soon, etc.

His kindness is just so heartwarming. It's easy to forget that he has nerves as strong as bonded steel.

Oh.

And I've started seeing you. In all the old familiar places.

I've only cried once.

Tomorrow I'm going shopping for me because my civilian clothes situation is ridiculous; I'll be wearing dress blues to bed at this rate, but now, I'm gonna stand in my yard with a large glass of Evian and ice and watch the stars and hope that you are among them.

I love you.

I miss you.

I wish you were here.

Sam

Xxx