Chapter 4

I run to my room before anyone can stop me. I slam the door behind me and lean against the door, breathing hard. This can't be happening. I've served my dues. Snow organised this so he can get rid of me. But in doing so, he's put Peeta in severe danger.

My hands clench into a fist and I reach for the first thing I can. It turns out to be the lamp on my bedside table. It smashes against the wall and I feel a tiny bit better. I hear a knock on the door and a small voice saying, "Katniss?"

I ignore it and make for the bed. I rip the sheets and pillow off the bed and throw them on the floor. The door opens and I know Peeta is standing in the doorway. "Katniss," he says again.

I don't listen to him. I proceed to destroy everything I can get my hands on. Everything in here belongs to The Capitol, to Snow. I must destroy them. I must destroy them.

"Katniss, stop," he pleads and I feel his hands grab at my waist. I don't go down easy. I thrash and I kick against him and my heel makes contact with the hard metal of his mechanical leg. I'm sure it hurts me more than it hurts me but I can't stop.

"It's okay Katniss, it's okay," he murmurs into my ear. Tears stream down my face and I have a headache so bad that it's almost blinding. I feel a sharp jab above my elbow and the effect is instantaneous. My head droops forward and everything becomes a blur. I open my mouth to curse who I think is Haymitch, but nothing comes out. And I am dragged under.

I wake up thrashing still but I am restrained to a bed. My bed. I am at my home back in the Victor's Village. There is strap around my waist keeping me confined to the bed. It is too confining, too restricting and I hate it. It causes more panic in me and I struggle harder.

"Relax sweetheart," says Haymitch. I look up and he is sitting in the corner. For once, there is no drink in his hand.

"Get me out of here," I order.

Haymitch shakes his head. He stands up and comes to stand by the bed. I have a limited range of movement but I'm pretty sure I could move enough to scratch his eyes out if necessary. "No can do. Not until you promise not to do that again."

"I promise nothing," I spit, yanking against the strip.

"Don't be stupid Katniss," he says gruffly. "You can't go around destroying Capitol stuff like that. Do you want to give Snow even more reason to kill you?"

"It doesn't matter," I say, shifting into a sitting position. "I'm already dead anyway."

Haymitch sighs and leans over, undoing the straps keeping me in place. I leap up at once and find out that someone has taken off the clothes I was wearing on the train and placed me in just my underwear and a robe. I walk straight over to my chest of drawers and pull out a pair of old slacks, a singlet and a thick jacket. I look at Haymitch and raise my eyebrows. "Do you mind?" I ask.

He rolls his eyes. "I'll turn around. Hurry up."

He does and I quickly fling my robe off and slip the clothes on. When I'm done, I clear my throat and he turns back around with something of a smirk on his face.

"Where is Peeta?" I ask him.

"Back at his house. He's insisted we start training like Careers. He seems determined not to let you die." His words bring me back to the situation we find ourselves in. I know that there will be only one victor this time. Snow will not let both of us live after last time. "You could live a hundred lifetimes and not deserve him you know."

I ignore his last sentence – that's a truth I've known for a long time. "I don't care what he's determined to do," I say, straightening my jacket. "We save him this time."

Haymitch doesn't say anything, simply folding his arms behind his back. I can see the reluctance on his face and I grab him by the shoulders. "Promise me," I say. "Promise me you will help Peeta this time."

He sighs. "He won't let me. You know that Katniss. You know he's already asked to me help you."

"I don't care," I say fiercely. "Please."

Finally he nods. We leave my room and head downstairs where my mother and Prim are waiting.

"Katniss, you're awake!" Prim cries. She launches forward and I don't hesitate to take her in my arms and hug her so tight it hurts both of us. My mother is soon around me too, hugging my back until I'm sandwiched between them.

"I'm sorry," my mother whispers. She strokes my hair and I notice it has been freshly braided, something my mother must have done while I was knocked out. I look at Haymitch over Prim's shoulder and he taps his watch and nods to the door. I nod back and he exits silently.

I do not cry in my family's arms. I simply ask, "How long have I been out for?"

"The whole day," Prim replies. She explains how the train got in this morning and they carried me back to the house. "It was so scary, seeing you like that. We thought something had happened."

I have lost a whole day? Whatever they must have injected me with must have been stronger than they expected, otherwise they wouldn't have wanted me to lose a day when there are so few of them left.

"I'm okay Prim," I tell her. But only for now. "I have to go meet Peeta okay. But I won't be long." They finally let go of me and I realise just how frozen my hands are. There is a pair of warm knit gloves that Cinna gave me in a drawer upstairs and I bound back up there to grab them. I am just pulling them onto my cold fingers when I hear a rustling noise. I widen my feet and bend my knees into a defensive, fighting stance but relax when I see Gale holding onto my window sill.

"What are you doing?" I hiss at him, running to the window and helping him inside. He falls onto my floor with a groan.

"I had to see you," he croaks.

"And you couldn't use the door?" I say as he picks himself up.

He looks at me with almost a grin on his face. "Too easy," he answers. But then his face turns serious and sad and I dread what is coming next. He brushes my cheek with the back of his hand. "I'm so sorry."

I can't hear his sorry. It's much too hard. I close my eyes and it's then I feel the pressure on my lips. I open my eyes and Gale has taken hold of me and is kissing me as forcefully as he can. I back up and he moves forward until I am pressed against the door, his body tightly wound around me. His hands make for my waist and his lips fall down my neck almost sloppily, like he's afraid I'll be taken away at a moment's notice.

I lift my own hands and push against his chest. He doesn't seem to get the message though, mistaking it for passion.

"Gale, stop," I plead. He does, falling back in surprise at the begging in my voice. I try to recover against the door, breathing in as much as I can. It's been a month since that fateful day in the woods and I still have trouble recouping and putting myself back together after moments like these with Gale. It feels like all I do is split apart when I'm with him; torn between the person I must be for Peeta and The Capitol and the person I was with Gale before the Games.

I run my hands through hair. I can't do this. Not now. Not when I am going back into the Games and I am expected to marry Peeta and Snow is threatening everyone I care about. It is too much.

I'm sorry Katniss," he whispers. He practically falls over his feet trying to get back to the window but I snatch at his shirt and stop him.

"I didn't mean it like...it's not that…..just – you mean so much but...just don't be mad at me Gale." My sentence is a stuttering mess but I hope he understands.

He holds my gaze with his grey Seam eyes. "I could never be mad at you." He kisses my cheek and hauls himself out of my window, crawling back down the side of my house, the same way he came.

You will be though, I think. You'll be mad when Peeta proposes to me and I say yes. You'll be mad when I marry him.

I hurry out of my room when he is gone and run down the stairs, straight to Peeta's house. The door is already unlocked and I enter to find Peeta and Haymitch sitting at the kitchen table, nibbling at some of Peeta's bread. Each has a cup in their hand but I know that Peeta's is only filled with water. I can smell the alcohol from Haymitch's cup. I sit down at the table and join them. Peeta silently offers me some bread but I decline with the shake of my head. I can't keep much down these days.

"We were just discussing on when to start training," says Haymitch, draining his glass in one. He swipes at his mouth with his hands and continues. "Peeta suggested tomorrow as we can't really afford to waste time now can we? That alright with you sweetheart?"

"Fine," I reply softly. Peeta's gaze hasn't left me since I walked in but I don't look at him. I can't. "Anything else?"

"That's all Katniss," says Peeta, and I back my chair up and leave. I'm halfway to my house when I hear his voice call out after me.

"Wait up!" I do, pausing to kick at the coal stained snow. Soon, I hear Peeta's rapid breathing and heavy footsteps. I let him catch his breath before I speak.

"You shouldn't have let them do that me," I say, referring to the way they drugged me and dragged me from the train back to my home.

"Hey you did it to me once," he says in a light tone, "So I guess we're even."

I remember the way I slipped him the sleep syrup but that was to save his life. "Yeah and if I hadn't, you wouldn't even be here."

"I guess I'm sorry then. It wasn't my idea though. I just didn't want you to hurt yourself, like last –" Peeta looks away, leaving his sentence very much unfinished. I know he refers to that moment – the one where he found me bleeding and kind of drowning in the bath.

I don't feel like talking anymore. I want to go home and curl up in bed, and forget that yesterday ever happened. And in four short days, I will be back in that arena of nightmares.

So I turn around, leave him there in the street and head back home. But his voice draws me back again. "I know what you're planning," he says. I stop dead but I don't turn around. I'm interested to see where this is going. "I know what you're doing. And I won't let you."

Ah, so he's worked out that I've already gone to Haymitch with a plan. Of course he knows. It's because it's the same thing he'd do for me. I let out a cool laugh. "How are you going to stop me?"

I hear a few of his loud footsteps and figure he is retreating. I begin to push forward again and then I am flung against the side of my house. Not hard but firmly enough. Peeta's furious face looms before me. It's the second time someone has pushed me against the wall in the last ten minutes. But I'm more surprised than I was with Gale because this is Peeta. This is warm, gentle, overly kind and loving Peeta, and he has the same maddening glint in his eyes that he had on the train when confronting me over the grazes. I begin to wonder if the Games have altered him as they have me.

"If you think I would ever let you die for me, then think again," he whispers angrily. His whole body is pressed up against mine. I could easily fight him off, kick him off balance but I'm not uncomfortable in this position like I was with Gale. It almost feels….right.

I blink and realise Peeta might be waiting for a response. "I won't stop trying to save you."

Peeta heaves a huge sigh. "I have my reasons for wanting to keep you alive. I'm in love with you damn it. Why do you want to save me?"

Words rush out of me before I can control them. "Because you don't deserve to die. Because you're the most selfless and kind and wonderful person that I've ever met. Because you saved me with the bread."

Peeta lets go of me, backing away slowly. He shuts his eyes and I hear what could almost be considered a laugh from his lips. "All of that, of all the reasons you want to save me, none of them are that you love me." He shakes his head with a rueful smile and begins to walk away.

I step towards him, not able to leave things like this. "I thought you said we could be friends. I thought we were okay."

He pauses and looks back at me with eyes so sad I can't bear to look into them. "I thought so too. Goodnight Katniss." And then he walks all the way back to his house, closes the door and turns off the lights.

Me, I am standing there, unable to deal with the fact that the boy with the bread is slowly slipping away from me.

Short chapter - could've added more but I wanted to get one out and end on an angsty Peeta/Katniss moment. Review!