Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. I own the plot.

A very special thanks to Verucasin, beta – extraordinaire.

AN:

This is a slow chapter, but I always did enjoy a story with a marginal build of characters. So bear with me if you are longing for more drama. It's coming.

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Chapter Four

The night had been brutal and I woke neither happy nor rested. I had tried to sleep, but it evaded me menacingly. Memories of weddings, deaths and funerals had continued to take presence in my mind, gnawing and festering on my brain. I knew I had to face the memories eventually, but I wasn't ready yet. I had lain in my bed, crumpled up, clutching my arm around my legs; trying to hold everything together and had waited for the dawn to break. In the early hours of the day I had fallen into a stupor that reminded of sleep, and hazy images had flickered violently before my eyes. I crawled inward and let my mind get the better of me.

I rubbed my eyes frantically, like that was going to help me feel more rested. My body ached with the lack of sleep and my arms and legs felt heavy, almost like a drug-induced coma. I was covered in sticky and clammy perspiration, but I didn't even dare to turn on the air conditioning. An uncomfortable body temperature didn't seem to be enough to chase my horrors away this time. It was unbearably hot and my singlet clung to my body. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom, hoping an ice cold shower at the very least, would stop me from sweating so profusely.

I let the cold water run over my body, and to my surprise, it worked like magic. I was still tired and grumpy, but at least not sweating like I had run five miles. My arms and legs felt somewhat improved from their sluggish state.

I dried my hair, combed through it and gathered it in a wet and untidy bundle at the back of my head. I pulled on a fresh t-shirt, and a pair of cotton shorts. My stomach was starting to growl - I was hungry again, much more than I had been in a long time. I had a big dinner last night, counting the food fest where I had finished Edward's burger. I never met anyone that offered me the rest of their food. Who did that? And even worse – who accepted?

I took my key from the dresser and headed out the door. I almost stepped on it, before I noticed the sheet of paper and I stared down at it puzzled. Edward had, some time during the night or the morning, left a sketch for me. I was sure it was one he had done as it was very similar in style to the ones I had seen in his journal the day before. I picked it up. He had made a sketch of me and I felt the corners of my lips pull up in a grin. The picture really looked like me and I was smiling; only I looked prettier on paper than in real life. Not a big surprise. I traced my fingertips lightly over the lines he had drawn, if only life could be as easy and happy as I looked, drawn in a thousand small strokes in black and white.

I noticed a small note Edward had written in the corner.

I look forward to see you smile more.

Edward

I felt my heart flutter as it worked a little harder to pump the blood through my veins, perhaps bringing me to life again. I left the sketch on my bed and went to have my breakfast, hoping to see Edward.

I entered the main building feeling slightly nervous. He was looking forward to see me, it was pretty clear from the note he left for me. But I was unsure if it was okay for me to look forward to seeing him too. I could feel that I did, my ever so slightly increased heartbeat told me so.

I said my good mornings to Kachiri, who once again was placed behind the reception counter. I turned to enter the dining room and my erratic heart was silenced when my eyes touched Edward's face. He really was here. I felt a calm whoosh through me and my anxiety was gone. Enter another unfamiliar feeling; perhaps it was a tiny butterfly humming around in my stomach.

He sat at the table where we had our dinner yesterday. I didn't think it was a coincidence, but I hesitated for a moment. He leaned over the table grabbing a different pen from the leather casing in front of him. He was sketching in his journal. He leaned his head into his free hand, with his long fingers curled in gridlock around a few black locks. He drew with intensity and a remarkable almost hateful look in his eyes. This was a dark somber face I hadn't seen before and it put me on edge. I was suddenly unsure if I should disturb him or not. I didn't want to intrude whatever it was he was doingMy body, however, had a different opinion; it started to move towards the table.

Edward noticed me before I reached the table. His face changed and lit up like a thousand candles. "Bella..." He chimed, his green eyes sparkling. "Nice to see you again." He closed his journal looking like he was trying to be inconspicuous about it, but before the pages disappeared behind the leather covered front, I could see that he wasn't sketching, he was writing. The letters on the pages looked furious and spiteful, like they were attacking each other. Could this gentle soul have a dark side?

"Morning." I looked at two used plates. He already had breakfast. I felt the butterfly wings slow down their flapping. He was leaving soon.

He handed me the breakfast menu. I took it and left it on the table without looking at it - again. "You're not eating?" He asked as he put the pencil back in the casing.

"Sure I am. I just already know what I'm having." I felt a smile shape my mouth.

"Of course you do. So what are you getting?" He asked interested.

"Pancakes and fruit."

"Nice choice... very girly." He mocked gently. I smiled. He was just as easy to be with today as yesterday. It was nice to know he didn't turn into a villain over night.

I stared at him anxiously as he started to get up from the table. The words bubbled over my lips, before I could stop them. "Where are you going?" I blurted anxiously. He heard the tension in my voice and I felt shameful for my obvious desperation.

"To get your breakfast." He said slowly and in a wary tone.

"Oh."

He flashed me a grin before he headed for the kitchen. "I'll be right back." He teased. I blushed embarrassed and heaved in a deep breath forcing it to stay in my lungs. He was back within a minute. "How was your night?"

I cringed at the question. I didn't feel like describing my horror of a night. So I lied. "It was fine." Even I was shocked at how unconvincing I sounded. He didn't look fooled either.

"Sure? You don't look too rested." He examined my face intensely. I bit down on my lip as I wanted to tell him I was fine again, but it felt pointless. I wasn't fooling anybody and I knew it.

"Nightmares. I didn't get much sleep." I touched my face, checking the extent of my bags under my eyes. Not too bad.

"That's a shame. You look like you could use a good night's sleep... not that you look bad... or good... I'm gonna shut up now and please just ignore me." His lips narrowed into a thin line. So he was able to sound stupid just as the rest of us mortals, despite his rather perfect exterior. Nice to know I wasn't the only one able to stick my foot in my mouth.

I chuckled a little. "It's okay... I know I'm not on the top of my game. Guess I won't be knocking any beauty-queens of the stage shortly." I muttered.

"I would like to see you try though. I could point a few out for you." He cocked a brow at me and surely he could only mean the giggling bimbos from last night. But I wasn't much compared to them, no matter how much I'd like to strangle them.

"Ha... yeah sure." I snorted and gave him a doubtful glare.

"Seriously, you could."

"Uh huh!" I nodded my head sarcastically.

"Really. You're actually really pretty. Beautiful, in fact." He murmured in a brotherly kind of way. I wasn't sure if I was a compliment or not. I just stared at Edward completely unconvinced. "Even if you're not at the top of your game." He muttered.

I frowned. "Well, thanks." I shrugged not sure how to feel about this turn in the conversation.

"Oh, I just fucking did it again, didn't I?" He laughed his contagious laugh again. He was even at ease with his own stupidity. But it was refreshing having him laugh it off and not act like me, who wallowed in defeat and dissected every bit of information until it was exhausted

My food arrived and it looked good. I quickly started jamming it into my mouth as I ate like a maniac. Surely I was too fast to be charming, but I was just so hungry and I couldn't help myself. I felt Edward stare at me, his eyes hanging onto every piece of food I stuffed into my mouth. Even with that acknowledgment, I couldn't slow my pace and my plates were empty in no time. My stomach growled and I was still hungry.

"You want some more?" He didn't even seem shocked or concerned with my appetite. Maybe he just added it to my mental state, and summed it up to the fact I might be unstable, which indeed I was.

"Yeah." I answered wryly. There was no point in hiding I was still famished. That would be a lost cause. "I think I'll have some toast and tea." I smiled sheepishly.

"Well, go for it." He inclined his head toward the kitchen. I went, quickly placing my order with the toothless old woman and headed back to the table. The food arrived quickly once again and I started in on the second meal of the day. This time I kept the piece down marginally. And, to my gratitude, I was full after this serving. I relaxed into my seat, feeling a little heavy from the all food. The lack of sleep started to take its toll.

"You look tired." Edward said gently.

"I'm okay." I lied, though I was feeling really exhausted.

"Go take a nap." It sounded like an order and I narrowed my eyes at him.

"I just got up." I countered, plus I felt stupid taking a nap so shortly after getting up.

"It's not like you have a million things to do today. But if you do have stuff to do, they'll still be here later." He looked at me with those glorious green eyes. "You look exhausted. You really should catch some sleep." An understanding smile shaped his lips. For a moment I studied his face, his perfect features. This stranger had showed me more understanding in twenty four hours than the main part of my world back home.

I felt my body getting heavier and it was like my head weighed ten its usual weight. He was right. I didn't just look exhausted, I felt exhausted. I took his advice and decided to go take a nap.

I wondered if I should ask if he wanted to see me later, maybe do something together, but I just ended up standing and staring at him. I wasn't able to rip my feet from the floor and like a mind-reader he answered my unspoken thoughts.

"It's okay, I'll be around. Go sleep." He smiled again with encouraging eyes. He made it possible for me to force my feet to move and I walked back to my hut. Before I exited the room I noticed he took out his journal again and picked up where he had left off.

I entered my hut and fished my iPod out of my dresser; I had stashed it there when I first arrived. I hadn't listened to music for quite some time. I would attempt a trick that had always worked before Jacob died. I put the small ear buds in and went outside.

I struggled around in the hammock a few times, getting comfortable. I placed my feet the opposite end than I normally did as this would allow me to easily to see Edward's hut. I pressed play and the soft music streamed quietly into my ears. Astonishingly enough, the music did the trick and I immediately vanished into a heavy dreamless sleep. I was out cold.

The sun was placed further along the beach when I opened my eyes, designating I must have slept for hours. I turned off my iPod. I stretched and flexed all my limbs; they were a little stiff, but not so heavy anymore. I felt more rested than I had been in... well, not really sure how long, but a very long time.

I let my eyes wander to Edward's hut and to my disappointment he wasn't alone. Would I have been just as disappointed if there was no sign of him? I kept my eyes on the three figures and quickly realized who was with Edward. It was the two blond girls from last night. I frowned and groaned. This annoyed me to an unknown extent.

I stayed in my hammock, just watching the party of three for a few minutes. The girls looked as if they could be sisters. They were similar, though one was fairly rounder than the other; curvier, soft, but in a firm kind of way. I envied her slightly. That was how a woman was supposed to look, healthy and thriving and not with skin stretched tightly over perturbing bones. They were both blond, with long thick hair trailing down their backs. One was just wearing a bikini; the other at least had the decency to put a pair of shorts over her bottom, but unfortunately the top was so scrappy it barely covered her nipples. They both had a nice tan that glowed wholesomely. I glanced at my arms. Sure I had gotten some semblance of a tan, but nothing that made me look healthy, balanced or like I had been enjoying myself. I looked nothing like the pretty blondes.

I watched as the girls spoke animatedly to Edward. They both seemed a little too happy, a little too ecstatic for my taste. The slimmer one of the two kept taking a strand of hair and twirling it around her finger sensually. I groaned irritated. Could she be a little less subtle? The other one smiled hungrily, flashing her perfect teeth. It appeared Edward had said something funny, and the one in the skimpy top put her hand to her chest, her breasts jiggling as she laughed. She had put her hand to her chest for a reason and one reason only - to draw attention to her boobs. It was just about the oldest trick in the book and she wasn't subtle about it either, just like the other girl's hair twirling wasn't unintended. From a distance they looked like two lionesses getting ready to jump their prey and tear him apart, which I wouldn't be surprised if they did, both of them... at the same time.

"Stupid. Vapid. Bimbos." I muttered. I was normally never rattled by their types, but this just down right bugged me.

Without thinking I leaned one hand out of the hammock and pushed against the fence to force myself into motion. Edward's head immediately flashed to my direction and he shaded his eyes.

A ghost of a smug smile shaped my lips as it appeared Edward was making his escape. He moved around the girls, gesturing something with his hands. He took long strides as he started a slow jog in my direction.

I glanced back at the two girls. They were still in front of Edward's place looking like someone had run over their puppy.

"Hi there." He leaned against the fence, resting his arms and chin on the railing. He looked happy to see me.

"Hi." I answered carefully and my breath hitched the tiniest bit when he smiled.

"Did you have a nice nap?"

"Sure." I eyed the girls again, and frowned as they were still watching us. "It looked like they were getting ready to attack you." I tried not to sound too sour.

"Just about, sometimes you have to beat them off with a stick." He rolled his eyes, clearly not impressed. I thought he sounded a bit arrogant.

"Lucky you." I added sarcastically. "Brave of you to turn your back on them."

"Nah. These ones are harmless." He turned slightly to check. The girls caught the hint that he wasn't coming back and started a slow pace toward the main building. They would be passing us shortly. "Are you feeling better?" He looked determined to ignore them. I was having a harder time doing that.

"Much." I admitted.

"Good."

The lionesses were as close as they would get passing us. I followed them from the corner of my eye as they both gave me a spiteful glare. Edward said something, but I didn't hear. I was busy smiling at him, rubbing it in their faces. "Hey, don't do that... that's not nice." Edward's voice broke through; he chuckled while he scolded me gently. I should be ashamed, but I wasn't - not the least bit. "Well, do you?" He questioned again.

"Do what?" I asked confused.

"Do you want to go for a walk?" He spoke slowly, mocking my lapse of attention. I rolled my eyes.

"Sure. Just give me a minute." I headed for the bathroom quickly, I needed to splash some water on my face and have a human moment. I pulled my panties up and noticed my legs. I gasped horrified at the marks I had running up and down my legs from the hammock net. It literally looked like I had fish scales. Ah crap! That would take a while to disappear. Great, now I was the girl with fish legs - charming.

I figured it was in the midst of the afternoon and the heat was heavy and burning. Edward had asked if I had sensible shoes, so I put on my practical sandals. It was ugly as hell, but served in the category as sensible shoes. He led us to the edge of the jungle just behind the resort. We walked slowly in the thick under bush, making sure not to encounter anything uncomfortable, like enormous spiders or snakes. I wasn't sure if I really needed to be worried or if Edward was joking. He talked lightly about his parents and the home he had grown up in. Seattle. I listened with interest.

He asked many questions, I answered most of them and editing through subjects I was not ready to get into. He listened attentively like I was telling the most fascinating stories. I doubted that, as I wasn't sure why he found me so eye-catching. My upbringing wasn't really that different than others. I was just as plain as everybody else. But by the look on his face, he didn't think so.

The rest of the afternoon passed quickly and turned into evening before I knew it. Edward suggested another dinner and once again I accepted.

We exited the jungle far up the dirt road that lead to the resort. I guessed we must have been almost to the main road, so we had a fair walk back to the resort, about three miles I figured. Twilight was setting and I was getting hungry. We trailed along the side of the road for about five minutes until Mr. Twong passed us in his pick-up truck giving us a ride back. We hopped on the bed of the truck and I was grateful as my legs were getting tired. Sitting down I examined my shins. The scales were gone, but it had been replaced with small cuts and scrapes; spots of mud scattered in an even pattern across my skin. I looked at Edward; he wasn't in any better condition than I was. His tan shorts had turned green and brown in many places. At one point he ripped a big hole in the side pocket when he was stuck on a branch. The pocket had given, not the branch.

I sat at the edge of the pick-up bed; where the wind was tearing at my hair. I pulled out the band and closed my eyes. I focused on the wind whooshing violently across my face. The speed made the air cool and exhilarating at the same time. I breathed in deep smelling the sweet scent of the flora and fauna. This was liberating. I had spent an entire afternoon not thinking about Jacob. That too was liberating.

With my eyes closed, I was somehow aware that Edward was observing me. I felt like he was studying me with a great deal of fascination. It occurred to me that maybe he was trying to figure me out. That wouldn't be hard. The man I loved had died and some of me with him. End of story.

I did something new when I got back last night. Before dinner I put on the air conditioning without reason other than simply for it to cool the suffocating hot room. I was comfortable enough for that.

The evening had been uneventful. Not that it had in anyway been boring; more that it had been fulfilling and quiet. My mind hadn't been roaring around, flicking images from side to side, making them bounce off the inside of my skull. I had spent the time with Edward and just him. A few times Jacob had popped into my mind, but I hadn't felt judged. The conversation had flowed easily and lightly and I was fairly sure it was all due to my newly required state of mind.

Another thing I had noticed was Edward. He seemed to hang on to every word I said and listened keenly. I was unsure of his motive for listening so intently. Was I just that interesting or was he having feelings? I feared the latter. I was sure even if the second option was the truth, I wouldn't be able to push him away but I wouldn't be able to reciprocate his feelings either. I longed for his company, it was growing stronger by the minute and there was no going back on that. That was what I knew. I would end up exploiting him for his good graces and his easy company. I would stick to him like glue.

I entered the dining room fresh for another day's events. Officially I hoped he would be there, secretly I knew he would. He sat at the table I was starting to consider ours. His glorious eyes sparkled and he greeted me with a warm smile while closing his journal. Disturbed lines smoothed and vanished from his face. I pulled out the chair and sat down across from him before he had time to pull out the chair for me. This time he didn't bother to hand me the menu and there were no used plates on the table. He had waited for me.

"Morning." He examined my face surreptitiously.

"Morning."

"Better night?"

"Yes." That was true. I had only woken up a few times and I had merely dreamed once or twice; and then it had been nothing too scary. Just stuff I had already filed, that was bearable.

My eyes flickered to the leather bound book beneath his hand. He caught me and casually pushed it aside. "Good, I'm glad... I already ordered, hope it's okay?" He answered nonchalantly.

"Sure." I smiled tentatively. I normally considered it little rude to order on someone else's behalf. How would a person know what the other person felt like eating? In my humble opinion, it had an edge of control to it.

"Pancakes and fruits?" He said unaware of my inner disapproval.

"You remembered." I couldn't help smiling, feeling a little bad I had judged him so rapidly as I would have ordered it anyway.

"Of course I did." He countered and frowned.

The food arrived and we ate together. This time I made sure I wasn't hurling the food into my face and I kept the pace down. I was sure my mother would approve of my manners today. The thought alone made me want to increase the speed just to be spiteful. I was twenty four and I still had mommy issues.

"What?" He asked, his green eyes probing

"It's nothing." I shrugged.

"If it's nothing, then why don't you tell me about it?" He cocked a brow at me. He called me out and I knew it.

"It's nothing. It's my mother... we don't always understand each other." Understand was a nice way to describe our indifferences. Though, I had put too much emphasize on the word for it to pass unnoticed. I sighed and explained so he wouldn't have to ask, because he would. "I was just thinking of how I inhaled my breakfast yesterday and thought of how she would disapprove." I muttered sarcastically.

"Oh, you don't get along with your mother? How about you father?"

"That's a very different story. I adore my dad." Warm feeling spread around my heart.

"You're a daddy's girl." He teased.

"No, I'm not." I felt like slapping an exclamation mark after my words. "It's different with my dad. We understand each other. He says it's because we are cut from the same stone. I have many things in common with my dad, unlike other people I have just about nothing in common with." I muttered.

"Any brothers or sisters?" Edward asked.

"No. Just me, but I always wanted an older sister."

Edward smiled softly. "So why don't you like your mother?"

I paused, feeling the irritation rise inside of me. "With her it's all about what other people think and what we look like from the outside. It's ridiculous and stupid. Useless, I would say." Edward stared at me like I had just answered all his prayers. "So when you told me about Elizabeth I was a little jealous." I chuckled shortly. "It sounded like the kind of relationship I always wanted with a sister." I shrugged feigning the swarm of words that had just left my mouth didn't bother me. I had said a lot of things and none of them nice. I was basically bitching and moaning, a very unattractive quality.

Edward was quiet for a minute. "I would wish that kind of relationship on anyone." I knew he was referring to Elizabeth. It was quiet for a few heartbeats. "So what do you want to do?"

I was glad the conversation was taking a lighter turn. I thought for a moment. "I think I want to read for a while." Edward's face fell ever so slightly. I saw it, but I really wanted to read. It wasn't because I wanted to be alone or without Edward, but because I used to love to read, but lately I hadn't been able to. My mind just didn't seem to register the words on the pages. It was like I saw the letters, but the words wouldn't form sentences in my head that I understood. The story simply didn't cling to my mind. I wanted to try, perhaps to test my progress. Being unable to read had been a huge handicap for more than a year. I worked at a book story, so it was sort of ironic I couldn't engage in reading.

"Okay." He answered quietly, not smiling at all. Beneath the radiance of his eyes there was an endless sadness. I wasn't sure how to decipher it or what that darkness was, but I was pretty sure it wasn't linked to his family's death. Talking about them made him sad, but there wasn't this darkness lurking around that subject.

I studied his face with scrutinizing eyes. "I'll be around." I echoed his words from yesterday casually. This sent him into a round of his contagious laugh. It didn't seem to bother him the least bit that I had caught him exactly where he caught me yesterday - obviously longing for the other person's company. Once again I envied his easy going nature and how stress-free he was to be around.

"I think I'll go for a swim then." He added, still chuckling.

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