I woke up, the first thing I saw was Sara, sitting on the other end of the couch. She was holding a pillow, staring intently at the ground.

I looked around for Tegan, or any sign that Tegan was here, but only saw the rest of the crew up and about. I checked the time on my phone; 10:05. I still need more sleep.

"You're finally up! Why'd you sleep on the couch?" Ted asked

"I felt a little claustrophobic in the bunk for some reason,"

"Ah,"

The door opened and I shot my head in it's direction. There was Tegan, walking onto the bus. I instantly noticed how tired she looked, yet she walked on the bus with a smile and greeted everyone. She was holding a cup of coffee

"When did you go out to get coffee? I don't remember hearing you leave this morning?" Shaun asked. Oh God, how is she going to come up with a lie?

"Really? I thought I was making a bunch of noise, I'm surprised you didn't hear me. I left about an hour ago,"

Nice cover.

Why is she acting so happy and calm? Her appearance is telling otherwise. I hate to admit this, but she looks awful, like she's seconds away from collapsing.

I looked over at Sara, and saw a bunch of emotions painted on her face. I couldn't choose one. She watched Tegan's every move.

Tegan took a sip from her coffee, and then stuck it out to Sara.

"You want the rest?" She asked her

Sara froze, before shaking her head no. She then stuck it out to me, asking if I wanted it.

"No thanks," She shrugged and then tossed it in the trash

What is going on with her?

She disappeared into the hallway of bunks, and then reappeared holding a towel and a change of clothes. I'm assuming she's going to take a shower.

Sara got up and signaled for me to follow. She took me into the back and I sat across from her

"What the fuck is going on with her? Why is she acting like nothing happened?" She stressed

"I have no idea, Sara. This is freaking me out a little bit."

"A little bit!? She's acting happier than she usually is….she's fucking humming in the shower! Do you hear her?"

I tuned in, and sure enough, I heard her sweet hums echoing inside the small shower

"I bet she hasn't even slept…" I trailed off

"I'm sure she hasn't slept. Where could she have? Inside a dumpster?"

I looked up at her and looked back down at my fingernails, nervously picking at them

"You look like you need sleep too. Go on,"

"You'll be fine?" I asked

"I can take care of myself. I'll wake you up if I need anything. I'll just avoid talking to Emy all day, and I'm sure I'll be fine."

I nodded, then made my way into my bunk, and crawled inside it. I snuggled into my pillow, then the lights went out, along with my consciousness.

I woke up again, an checked my phone. 6:00 Holy shit! I hopped out of my bunk, and patted my hair down and immedietly searched for either Sara or Tegan. I found Sara first, biting her nails. Something's up.

"Looooook who finally came out of her cave. Your hangover was that bad, eh?" Justin, one of the guitar techs asked

"It was pretty brutal. I'm fine now though. What time are we hittin' the road?"

"As soon as Tegan get's back from wherever the fuck she went"

"No need for the sass, I'm back," Tegan run up the steps on the bus, walked in, and threw something in justins lap. Justin picked it up, examined it. It was a bag of weed, a pretty big bag if I may say

"Alright! How did you score this?" he cheered. Why the hell does she have weed?

"You'd be surprised at how easy it was. I even managed to get this," She held up, what I'm guessing is a bowl. I'm not really much of a smoker,

"Fucking awesome! Let's get this party started,"

I guess no one obliged to this, because everyone, including Ted, went into the back area of the bus and sat in a circle. Tegan signled for me to sit next to her, and I did.

"I've got ace," Tegan called. What does ace mean?

Tegan seems different, and she still looks like she's about to collapse. Yet she looks especially attractive at the same time. I was sitting across from Sara, trying to get her to look at me in hopes that she could tell me what the hell is going on, but she didn't. Her eyes never left Tegan

I watched as Tegan held the medium size bowl in her hand, and put a flame to the green (and purple?) bud. She took a fairly large hit. She passed it to the person next to her, still keeping the smoke in her mouth, and when she decided to let it out. She curled her lips into an 'o' shape and rings of smoke popped out of her mouth.

She smiled, "I still got it,"

"Damn, tee," someone cheered

It was Sara's turn to take a hit. Hers wasn't as big as Tegan's, then again, nobody else's hti was as big as Tegans, but she kept coughing.

"Holy shit, this is good bud," She choked out.

The next three people went, and then the bowl was passed to me

"I've never smoked out of a bowl before…"

"It's easy, here, I'll light for you," Tegan said, leaning over me, taking the lighter out of my hand. Her cold fingers grazed against mine

"Why don't you just shot gun it to her?" Johnny said, evilly smirking. What does that mean?

"Great idea," Tegan looked at me, giving me a sexy smirk, then bit her lip.

"I'm going to take a hit, and pass the smoke to you alright?" She took the bowl out of my hands, and when she was lighting up, I looked over at Sara who was staring wide eyed. How is Tegan going to pass the smoke to me?

She took the bowl away from her lips, then began leaning over me. I understand what she's doing now, oh my god. Is it wrong that I'm excited?

She blew out a thin line of smoke and I hurriedly sucked it in. She's so close to my face…

I coughed all the smoke out like a newbie, because I was

"Try it again! Try it again!" Someone cheered

"And that wasn't even a proper shotgun Tegan, stop being a pussy," How was that not a proper shotgun?

"Alright, alright. I've got this guys" Her voice was raspy and it sent chills down my spine

She took in a particulary long hit, then connected her open mouth with mine. I just about fainted right then and there, but I had to concentrate on getting all the smoke.

She leaned away from me and winked at me. I blew out the smoke, accidently into Tegans face

"Sorry!" I squeled, Tegan just sucked up the smoke

"No worries," She passed the bowl on,

"Let me have it," Sara took it from Tegan. Sara took a hit and shotgunned it to Emy, but didn't stop there, I'm pretty sure they were making out.

I watched as Tegan's face fell, and she turned white. She then made a choking noise and began coughing

What the fuck Sara?

Sara pulled away, looked at Tegan, then back at me, wiping her mouth off

Again, what the fuck Sara?

Tegan got up, pulled the curtain separating the back room and the hallway of bunks and disappeared. I waited a minute to go after her, so it wasn't obvious.

I quietly crept, and stood in the hallway and spied on Tegan in the kitchen. She had her hands leaning on the counter, with her head down low. I saw a tear drip onto the countertop, and then a deep shallow breath from her. She wiped off her eyes, and that's when I walked in.

"Everything alright?" I asked. I startled her,

"Yeah! Why wouldn't it be? I'm just hungry," She opened the fridge and pretended to look at its contents.

"Tegan…I know what's going on. You don't have to pretend you're okay."

"I don't know what you're talking about,"

"Tegan…I know you're-"

She slammed the fridge shut, and turned to me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," She snapped. She charged away and I stood there. She's never raised her voice at me, ever.

I heard her tell someone to pass her the bowl.

I sighed. What am I going to do with you, Tegan?

Sara, Ted, Justin, and Emy walked out. I gave Sara a bit of a dirty look and walked back into the hangout room.

Tegan was laying down on the couch, one leg dangling off the couch, swinging it around. Johnny passed her the bowl, she sat up for a second, and then after she took a big hit, she handed the bowl off and layed back down. She finally blew out the smoke.

I sat across from her, and took this time to look through all my messages that I have from Jake. I deleted them after the 10th 'come back' text.

I heard Tegan coughing repeatedly and averted my attention back up to her.

"Pass it back." Her voice was raspy again. She was still coughing

"I think you've had enough," Johnny said

"I'll be the judge of that," She took another hit and instantly coughed it up

"Okay…." Coughing fit. "I'm" Cough "Done now" Coughing fit

"It's about time," I bursted out. Oops

Three long hours later, I was laying in my bunk, trying to sleep. Everyone else was sleeping, well, everyone but Tegan. I have no clue as to why she's not sleeping, she hasn't slept in two days. She has a show tomorrow night, she's going to have to sleep.

I can hear her typing away on her laptop in her bunk, and can see the light of the screen through the bunk curtain. She sneezed, and I almost said 'bless you' but caught myself. How awkward would that be? Extremely.