A/N: First, thanks to the lovely DoS for betaing as always (oh, if you see anything wrong with the part with Giles in it, it would be totally my fault- I added it in at the last minute). And also thanks to all of you who have reviewed. I just wanted to quickly say that this will evolve into a Spuffy (obviously), just not right away, even if it may seem like it. There's still a lot of traumatic things that need to be addressed.

I know I haven't updated in awhile, and it seems like it might be every several weeks now, especially since I'm in school. Anyway, sorry for the wait, I wish this had been longer, but either way, if you enjoy it, it was all worth it. Oh, and I totally ripped a few lines from "Into the Woods."

And on with the fic...

Thanks to WhisperingLeaves, The Blue Faerie, spikealicious, ya-lubly-tebya, Amanda, firedarkeyes, Mita427, socialitegirl and gaeliclassie for reviewing so far. And to all those who added this fic or any other of mine to their favorites. But please, leave a review. Muse oh so needs it...

"Denial"

"Bloody hell. Between you and Buffy, it's a wonder I haven't been robbed blind," Giles groused as he easily turned the knob on the door to his flat, stepping into the well-lit living room. Spike closed the door behind them, locking it.

"All better now?"

Giles gave Spike a look of annoyance at the rhetorical and somewhat sarcastic question before heading into the kitchen to make a pot of tea.

"'M surprised, you know."

"About what, exactly?" Giles asked as the vampire sat down at the bar, watching him prepare the tea.

"That you'd have me back here, after..." Giles leaned on the counter top, staring at Spike in confusion as his words trailed off. The vampire made a scrunched up face at Giles before pointing his left index finger at his noggin. "Surely Harris told you about the malfunction."

"Oh." The chip. "Yes, he did. It just... slipped my mind somehow."

Spike snorted. "Yeah—Slayer gives an order, and everything else goes out the soddin' window, right? Not that you needed to worry, anyway. I won't do anything. We're like old mates, right?" He said the last part a bit sarcastically, though Giles could tell from the sudden drumming of his fingertips on the Formica that he was nervous about his response.

"I suppose," Giles mused. "We...have spent quite a bit of time together, haven't we?" the Watcher admitted with a quiet chuckle.

"Oh. Right, then."

"But tell me, Spike. What Buffy said earlier, about that vampire biting her...was it true?"

Spike met Giles' unwavering stare with one of his own. It lasted all of twenty seconds before Spike sighed, looking away.

"Bugger."

"It was quite obvious the two of you were lying. I just don't understand why she would—"

"Me neither. Couldn't for the life of me figure why."

"And what of you, Spike? Just what was it you were doing?" Giles asked coldly, his fatherly emotions for his charge overriding his curiosity.

"I...dunno, actually. I was just...Say, isn't the more important question why'd she cover for me? Or why she didn't bother to stop me?"

"She didn't...who stopped you, then?"

"Me. I stopped me. She just, well, waited."

"Then why were you on the ground?"

"When I stopped, she pushed me. But, before that... I just hope she doesn't..." Spike swallowed, glancing at Giles worriedly.

"Doesn't what?"

"Have a death wish."

"A what? What makes you say that?"

"A slayer always has a death wish, sooner or later. But Buffy—she shouldn't. Not now. She's got her mum, bratty kid sis, you, her damn Scoobies... there's no reason she should wanna kick it now."

"A slayer always has a death wish?" Giles asked, incredulous. "And you know this because..." He trailed off at the sharp arch of Spike's scarred eyebrow, then suddenly whipped off his glasses and looked away.

"I have a personal knowledge on slayers. Remember, Rupes?" Spike asked casually.

Giles turned his back on him, completely baffled at the news. Spike, the Slayer of Slayers, had Buffy within his grasp, his fangs embedded in her throat, and did not drink from her. More importantly, she did nothing to stop the vampire. She had lied to him, in fact, in order to save Spike.

Why would she trust him? Protect him?

Giles mentally slapped himself as he abruptly turned around, realizing he was doing the exact same thing.

Maybe Spike just has that effect on people.

"It wasn't the first time, you know," Spike said, interrupting Giles from his reverie.

"What?"

"A few weeks back, when I thought my chip was out, I pounced on her, literally, and she just lay there, waiting for me to bite her."

"What?!" Giles exclaimed. "When was this?"

"You know, when Finn," he said derisively, "needed that surgery or what all. I took the doctor who planned to do it, and tried to make him take my chip out. At first the wanker wouldn't, saying it might cause me brain damage. Of course eventually he pretended he did, and I thought I was free. Buffy came in, words were exchanged, and then I just jumped her. She just lay there as I gripped her shoulders, and didn't even attempt to stop me. I found out he left it in when I tried to bite her, of course."

"She...Buffy never told me," he whispered, grief and worry overcoming him at what exactly state of mind Buffy had been in lately. He walked over to his desk and pulled open the top drawer, taking out a bottle of bourbon, holding it absentmindedly as he became lost in thought.

When Dracula had tried to control her, Buffy had staked him twice and ran him out of town. An anonymous vampire staked her, and she sought out Spike to find a way to prevent her death from occurring by learning of previous slayers' downfalls. But with Spike— she lied for him, and let him go unharmed. In fact, she demanded that Giles make sure that he remained safe.

The question was...why?

ssssssss

After patiently waiting for Riley to be stitched up, Xander was finally allowed to see him. He knocked tentatively on the door before entering the sterilized room. He saw Riley lying on the hospital bed on his stomach, fists clenched in front of him.

Xander sighed, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he entered, saying "hey" softly.

Riley didn't even bother to glance in his direction.

Xander refused to let the silence ensue. Once he had helped Riley to the back seat of his car, realizing that the wounded ex-soldier was unable to sit in the front seat, Riley had remained quiet for the entire ride to the hospital. Xander needed to know what happened back there, and he wanted to know if Riley was okay.

He also needed to know if Buffy was well on her way to the crazy house. 'Cause allowing Spike to just walk away? So not of the good.

"And here I thought the ride over would be what was super awkward. Look man, I don't know what to—"

"She didn't choose me," Riley interrupted quietly.

"Well Buff, she um…what happened, exactly? I mean, why would she just—"

"I don't know," Riley lied, not wanting to discuss any of it.

Xander's eyes lit up, a thought suddenly occurring to him that made the evening's events make an iota of sense.

"Thrall. That's the only thing that makes any kind of sense in explaining why my best friend all of a sudden went wacky, letting the evil dead get away with that. Even if it is just Spike. And my god, he's un-chipped," Xander said, suddenly remembering Spike's currently unleashed status.

Riley shifted away from Xander, feeling uncomfortable.

"I don't want to talk about it—not now."

Not ever Riley thought, shifting away. He desperately hoped Xander would leave soon.

Xander nodded, assuming that Riley's recent traumatic experience was solely what was causing him to suddenly shut down.

"I understand, Riley. I swear I'll get to the bottom of this."

Riley exhaled in relief once the brunette left. He didn't feel like trying to explain the day's events to him. Hell, he could hardly explain it to himself. He just wished it was all over—that he could push it all away and just focus on something else.

He was fairly certain that his and Buffy's relationship would never make it through all this. In all honesty, he was too scared to even try. He was tired of being second best, living in her shadow...

Riley Finn would not be a disposable sidekick to anyone.

And throwing on top of all that the whole Spike situation…

He couldn't face them all if they knew—or rather, when they all found out. More than likely no one would understand where he was coming from. Buffy, Willow and Xander had all previously dated demons, after all, and were blinded to their true natures. Even Giles had been tempted by Dracula's harem of vampires, knowing full well what they were, and not being held under their control by a spell.

It was all so…mind boggling.

Demons were absolutely not in any shape or form human—that's what it all came down to. Why couldn't they all understand that?

He reached for the phone, dialing the memorized digits.

"Graham? It's me."

His decision had been made as to what he would do next.

ssssssss

Oh god. It wasn't true. Spike was just suffering from emotional trauma.

I saw it in his eyes.

No—no. Harmony absolutely did not see anything in Spike's eyes.

Harmony was totally clueless, and probably way off base.

Definitely off base. She probably saw loathing. Maybe fear...

Then how come he didn't kill you?

Buffy growled in frustration as she stalked to the cemetery gates.

"He feels nothing for me, and I feel absolutely nothing for him."

Yuh huh. 'Cause you always lie to Giles in order to save the guy you hate. A vampire, no less, who's tried to kill you on several occasions.

Okay, to be fair, "hate" was a fairly strong word. Funny how he went from annoying, chipped vamp who wanted to kill her on occasion, but was no real threat, to now being a vampire whom she feared. And yes, at that moment, the thought of Spike did inspire a certain fear in her.

All it took was for her to hear of his potential feelings for her.

Which is completely ludicrous because Spike doesn't— can't have feelings, being soulless and all.

But god, did he look incredibly emotional all day today.

Buffy stopped, realizing how much like a bigot she sounded right in that moment. Deep down, she knew that Spike in fact had feelings. She knew it...but it made it incredibly easier to just simplify it all.

And keep him at a distance. Face it—acknowledging Spike's ability to care makes you think of Angelus, and how much he didn't. It's just so...scary. The fact that Spike can care, can love more than some people is terrifying.

Buffy shook her head, attempting to clear it of all mental cobwebs. She couldn't focus on Spike right now and the possibility of him having feelings for her. And more importantly, what covering for him meant as to what her feelings (or lack thereof—definite lackage of intimate feelings for Spike) were.

She decided to go see Riley first.

She didn't know what was going to happen, or what she was going to say, but she knew it needed to be done and over with.

Tonight.

She was so lost in her thoughts, she didn't even notice arriving at the hospital, or requesting a visitor's pass for Riley's room.

Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the door to his room, and saw him lying on his side, staring at her intently.

"Didn't expect you to come here," he admitted quietly.

"Of course I would. I mean...We need to talk."

Riley frowned at her, shifting sideways a bit more to see her better. Buffy refused to walk closer to his bed, and stayed close to the doorway.

"You let him walk away, Buffy. After what he did—"

"After what he did? And what about what you did, huh?" she accused, taking a step closer to his bed.

He sighed heavily, lowering his eyes. "You don't understand," he mumbled.

"You're right—I really don't. Why don't you explain it to me?"

Sounding incredibly self righteous, he said, "He doesn't matter, Buffy. He's just a thing—you've said it yourself." Buffy looked away, shamefaced. "He's no better than an animal."

"You know what? I was wrong to say that. And even if Spike, or any vampire or demon for that matter, was 'no better than an animal,' that still gives you no right whatsoever to rape them," she said vehemently. "And my god, do I feel sickened by the thought of you growing up on a farm."

Riley grimaced, turning his head away from her.

"I'm leaving Buffy. Tonight. The military asked me back."

"Good," she answered softly, making Riley whip his head back around to look at her in shock. "I think it's for the best that you leave," she added solemnly.

"You don't even care that I'm leaving, do you? That you might never see me again? You never loved me," he accused, breathing hard.

Buffy sighed deeply, looking off to the side as she thought for a moment. Finally, she looked up at him.

"You're right. I never did."

Taking in his shocked expression, she opened the door, walking through it determined. All was quiet but the sound of the door shutting behind her.

"Walk Away"

Riley looked down on the seemingly quiet town of Sunnydale from the helicopter. He honestly felt as if he hadn't left soon enough. He should have known months ago that Buffy wasn't his—not really–and her harsh admission that she had never loved him only confirmed it.

He didn't need that.

He deserved better.

Even so, he knew that he still loved her, more than he loved anyone in his entire life. He hoped desperately that this mission in South America would give him some direction…some peace.

He was a soldier again, and now was the time to get back to the basics.

ssssssss

The more Giles began to think of it, the more disturbed he became. Not only did his Slayer, his charge, the young woman who was like a daughter to him have some sort of penchant for allowing Spike to imbed his fangs in her neck, the vampire in question, conversely, appeared to not want to cause her actual harm.

The implications of it all was tremendous.

It was obvious that the two once mortal enemies had created...some sort of attachment towards one another?

Giles audibly scoffed at that.

Yes, that's putting it mildly, isn't it?

But damn it, how did it all happen? When did it happen? Giles could most certainly feel a migraine coming on.

Dear god, they have feelings for one another.

No, that's not exactly...

Yes, they do. They really do.

It was in that moment that perfect clarity descended upon Giles, simultaneously making him feel quite ill.

"What's the matter, Watcher? You don't look so well."

"Yes. Of course. Right," Giles muttered to himself.

"What?" Spike asked, quite perplexed as to what Giles was going on about.

"I must...that is, I...have to go. Air, and...quite."

"You sure you're okay, Rupes?"

"No, I'm bloody well not! Buffy might...she...You-- Dear lord," Giles said, sounding a little giddy. He was almost on the verge of hysterics.

Spike looked him over with a critical eye, pouring a generous shot of bourbon into the Watcher's tea.

"You wouldn't by any chance be crackin' up now, would you?" Spike questioned, handing him the cup of tea. Giles didn't answer him, instead opting to keep his eyes trained on the soulless vampire, sipping the tea slowly.

"It should be okay." Spike's tone was thoughtful. "I mean, so far, she's only let me get away with it."

Giles had a sudden glint in his eye at that, slamming the tea cup down upon the counter, sloshing some of the dark, hot liquid of the tea upon it.

Yes, indeed. You and Angel.

"Don't you see? That is precisely what's wrong with this entire situation!"

"What?" Spike looked suddenly offended.

"It's not as if I'm gonna hurt her."

Giles sided, looking suddenly weary. He turned his back on Spike, grabbed his coat, and headed for the door.

"But don't you see, Spike?" he questioned softly, his back still to him as he unlocked the door.

That's the problem Giles thought to himself.

And with that, he left, leaving Spike to his own thoughts.

ssssssss

Buffy could honestly say that she was kinda glad for the reprieve. Though only momentarily, she got to not think of the weird, sharp turn her life had suddenly taken, and the vast shades of custom color gray it now forced her to dwell in.

This was easy…simple.

Getting back to the basics.

Vampires attack Slayer.

Slayer dusts vampires.

Not that she wanted to, really.

She had been going to give them a pass. Honestly. They didn't seem to be killing people, after all. But they absolutely would not let it go that she had crashed their vampy whore house. She didn't understand what they were so touchy about.

It wasn't as if she had burned it down, or something.

But apparently, her mere Slayer presence there the night previous was enough to shut down their operation.

Indefinitely.

Shame, that.

Methodically, she dusted them one by one with a wooden pole. But she didn't take any real pleasure in it. No glee. Nothing.

She was still a bit too distracted to really enjoy it.

But as she dusted what she had thought to be the last one, she turned around and saw one more.
It was her—the one whom she had seen with Riley…had listened to as Riley had told her to bite him harder.

She looked frail—sickly. Like a crack addict. Maybe she did drugs before she was turned, and was doomed to look that way forever.
She was terrified, probably wondering if she had thirty seconds, let alone an eternity.

Buffy lowered her weapon. It wasn't the vamp whore's fault that instead of hunting and killing, she had humans pay her to bite them, or that Riley chose her.

Not that Riley was relevant
anymore.

With a sigh, Buffy tossed the spear-like stick off to the side. The vampire, shaking in fear, turned and fled down the alley.

And Buffy let her.

"So, is this a new thing? Letting murderous vampires walk away? Or run, rather."

"Xander." Buffy turned, and took in his look of utter disappointment.

"As far as I could see, she wasn't killing."

"So what now? Gonna invite her over to your place for coffee? Or how about Giles' for tea? Seems to now be a favorite pastime of yours."

"You don't understand. It's not that simple."

"Then explain it to me, Buffy. I mean, I know your relationship with Riley was on the rocky—"

"You what? How?"

"It was right in front of my Xander face. But what I don't understand is why you were so easy on Spike. Just because your relationship with Riley was currently imploding, that was no excuse to just let Spike walk away. He set Riley up and had him...had him raped Buffy."
He said it as if the entire situation disgusted him, as if her decision making skills currently disgusted him.

He was making a judgment without all of the facts.

Buffy frowned, shaking her head, making an instant decision.

"You don't know everything that happened, Xander."

He spread his arms in a mock welcoming gesture.

"Then by all means, fill in the blanks. Explain to me your reasoning for acting like a crazy person."

"Riley...he raped Spike. I can't fault Spike for what happened tonight, for getting his revenge. Not completely."

"What?" Xander, once full of righteous indignation, suddenly looked pale from being knocked off of his high horse. For a moment, it looked as if he might not believe her, but then a look of confusion set in, as he thought twice about doubting the judgment skills of the girl who had never been wrong before…not about something like this..

Buffy nodded at him slowly, unable to repeat the statement aloud again.

"Spike was so hurt, Xander. He
was...I told you it was complicated."

"I guess so," he conceded softly, looking anywhere but at her.

"Look, I'll handle it. Just go home, Xander. I—I have to go."

Buffy ran off before he could get another word in, although he was probably too shell shocked to think of anything else anyway.

At any rate, Xander didn't chase her.

ssssssss

Spike should've known the old watcher wouldn't have taken that particular bit of news so well.

By the way, Giles. Your Slayer may have a death wish. Or maybe she just likes having a vampire's deadly fangs in her neck. Or maybe, it's just mine that turn her on so much.

Bugger.

Before Spike could further contemplate how he had royally screwed things up with the Watcher, the Slayer burst through the door.

Ah, the Slayer. Always good for a distraction.

"Where's Giles?" she asked, looking around the apartment for her mentor.

"Scampered off, didn't he? Got a little bit of truth on him and couldn't handle it," Spike explained derisively, pouring a shot of whiskey at the kitchen counter, and then downing it quickly. "He was so screwed up in the head, he even left his door unlocked. And that's after, by the way, he groused bout us doing it. Soddin' hypocrite."

"Um, okay. Fine. We need to talk in private anyway," she said authoritatively, hands on her hips.

But in spite of her bold manner, Spike could detect a hint of nervousness about her.

"Bloody right, we do. What was that back there, Slayer?"

Buffy paused, her brow crinkling in confusion. Clearly his agreeing with her through her off a bit. That, and the fact that he had totally stolen her thunder.

"I...Hey! I'm the one who's supposed to be asking the questions! You bit me, Spike!"

"Yeah. And more importantly, you let me!" he accused, striding over to her.

"I—I was in shock. There was a lot going on, and your chip not working through me for a loop, okay? I mean, hello! For the first time in almost a year, you were... semi dangerous again. That is, if you could even be considered dangerous before," she said darkly, not liking at all how he was accusing her of...she wasn't sure what.

"Watch your mouth, little girl. Cause I can..." Spike closed his eyes, shaking off his anger. He refused to let her goad him into an argument; there was something important that needed to be addressed right now. "Look, Buffy…that may be so. There was a lot to...cope with tonight. But what about a few weeks ago, huh? When we both thought my chip was out, you didn't even bother to fight me off then—not 'til my roaring headache, anyway. You were gonna let me bite you!"

Buffy's entire demeanor became defensive. She hated how this conversation was going all of a sudden. She felt inexplicably trapped, in a corner.

"There were things going on then too!"

"Yeah?"

"Yes! Important, mind-troubling things, and I just...I got distracted," she tried to explain, feeling defeated.

"Distracted, huh? When it comes to you living or dying, you really shouldn't be getting all that distracted, luv."

"Oh, right. Were you really gonna kill me, Spike?"

That silenced him. He looked away, taking a step back from her.

Buffy took a step closer to him, Harmony's words giving her courage.

"Were you, Spike? Either of those times, were you going to kill me?"
Spike ground his teeth, jaw clicking, and turned icy blue eyes back on her.

"That's not the point."

"Isn't it?"

"No, it isn't. The question is, did you believe I was capable of doing so? Did you think I was gonna hurt you?"

Buffy paused, her eyes still focused on him.

"No," she answered softly.

"What's going on here, Buffy?" His voice was equally as soft, as was his expression. He tucked a few loose strands of her hair behind her ear tenderly, exposing his neat puncture wounds marring her neck.

Buffy's eyes became hooded at the intimate contact of his fingers lightly brushing her skin, then dancing over his bite marks, causing her to visibly shiver.
But just as quickly, she shook off the sensation, straightening. She couldn't get caught up in the rapture of his innocent, yet somehow sensual touches.

There was something that she needed to know.

"Are you in love with me?"