A/N: Lots of pairings in this one. Enjoy, folks.
Genre: General/Humor
Pairings: I. Donut/Caboose; II. None; III. None; IV. Threesome of Caboose/Church/Tucker; V. Church/Tucker, Church/Tex, Church/Caboose, Church/Grif, Mentioned Donut/Caboose, Sarge/Tex, Sarge/Caboose, Simmons/Grif, Sarge/Grif Donut/Grif; VI. Grif/Simmons, Church/Simmons
Rating: PG-13/T
Summary: High School: The Oddest Frontier.
Warnings: Slash, het, mushy-cheesy fluffy love, cheating, multiple partners, allusions to sex, talk about sex, handcuffs, cursing, slut-talk again, and pain. Lots of pain.

School Days Haze
(Set Four)

(I)

Donut, head on Caboose's lap, gazed up at him with love-sick-puppy-eyes. The other boy looked right back, goofy grin on his face.

"You know what I love more than chocolate?" the blonde asked him.

"Wha's that?"

"You." Donut lifted his head and kissed the sandy brunette on the lips.

"You know what I love more 'an chicken soup an' chocolate cupcakes?" the older boy asked in turn.

"What?"

"You!" Caboose lowered his head and kissed the smaller boy's lips.

Next to the couple, Leonard Church scowled. They had been going at it like that for the past hour; hell, they'd been doing mushy-gooey-love shit since they'd gotten together a week ago.

Fuck, it made Church sick to his stomach.

Tucker, sitting on the floor at Church's legs, was too engrossed in the senseless T.V. violence to really be bothered by the young couple. The fact that Tucker didn't seem to mind just pissed Church off in a whole new fashion.

"I love you more," Donut said.

"Uh-uh. I love youmore," Caboose argued. They rubbed their noses together, giggling like elementary school children with their first crush.

"Excuse me while I go vomit," Church muttered in disgust as he got up.

(II)

"Donut's the most likely of us to get pregnant before graduation," Grif announced to the group.

"What! Would not," said boy protested.

"Dude, you're sorta a slut," Tucker told him. "Not that anything's wrong with that."

"You would know," Church, next to him, muttered.

"What's that suppose to mean?"

"Please, Tucker; you're the biggest male slut of this school."

"Who's the biggest girl-slut?" Kerry asked curiously.

"It's a tie between you, Tex, and Donut," he replied.

"Sweet!" the two underclassmen exclaimed in unison, high-fiving each other.

Grif's eye twitched, but he had long ago given up trying to say anything to his sister. Mostly because she had threatened to cut off his balls if he chased away any more of her boyfriends. He happened to like those.

Tex, meanwhile, glared sharp, threatening daggers at her ex. Voice dripping venom she asked, "Why am I tied as a slut?"

"Don't worry; you're a bit ahead of them," Church assured.

When the heavy history textbook smashed into the back of his head, no one could really say they were surprised.

(III)

"Not to question your judgment, Sarge, but shouldn't we just go get the key?" Simmons suggested, slightly worried.

"Nonsense, Simmons; ya need ta take risks in life," the older boy told him.

"Yes, but this seems like an unnecessary one."

Simmons sighed as the red head, unsurprisingly, ignored him. The younger boy was sure things were not going to end well. At least he was a fast runner, used to going to get Doc, the school nurse, quickly.

Sarge stood a yard away from the locked equipment shed. He was a man at the ready, body tense and one shoulder thrust forward like an international spy in some old, cheaply made movie full of plot holes and inconsistencies who was about to hit a door open and reach his goal.

And that's just what the teen did.

Sarge took his running charge at the door, letting loose something akin to an ancient and guttural battle cry. His one-hundred-and-thirty-some pounds collided with the wooden door, and Simmons swore he heard a crack. As the older boy ricochet to the ground, however, he saw the door remained unharmed.

"Sarge, are you alright?"

"'M fine, Simmons. Just stand back-Ah'm gonna try again."

"But…why?"

"It's th' principle of th' whole thing. Now, help me up. Ah think there's a splinter in mah eye."

(IV)

Church grabbed his left wrist, mindful of the half-of-a-pair-of-handcuffs. As he shut his locker door, he saw Kerry and Donut coming over.

The two were dressed identically: short pink skirt, yellow tank top, white shoes, rainbow colored knee-length socks, matching bracelets, and even similar black purses. Both even wore their hair in high pony tails.

Some lucky guy was going to get his twin-fantasy fulfilled; Church would bet money on it being either Sarge or Simmons.

"Uh, hey, guys," Church greeted.

"Hey, Church."

"What's up?"

Both underclassmen saw his wrist and noticed the handcuff he wore there instantly.

"Hey, Caboose is wearing a handcuff, too," Kerry noted.

"Is that what you two are doing for Twin Day?" Donut asked naively.

"Er, yeah. Yeah, that's it," Church lied. Yeah, it totally had nothing to do with the fact that Tucker lost the key last night and they had to break them. Not a thing.

(V)

The trio watched Church, not too far away, make-out with Tucker.

"Wow, look at them go at it. Bet they're really kinky in the sack," Donut mused. Sarge and Simmons ignored the comment.

The two broke off and Tucker, giving a quick goodbye, hurried to his class. Church started to make his way over to the group, but was suddenly pushed against the nearby lockers by Tex. As she pinned him in place, the girl pressed their lips together hard.

"Tex is extremely more forceful than Tucker," Simmons noted. The other two nodded.

"She's probably violent in bed," Donut said. Next to him, Sarge nodded.

"She is."

The other two didn't have enough time to question that as their attention was drawn back to Tex and Church. The former let the boy go and she left, but not before first squeezing his backside.

Smirking widely, Church again started to saunter over to the trio. He stopped again, however, when he bumped into Caboose.

The younger boy enveloped him in a bear hug. When he released Church, they began to make-out, as well. It was considerably gentler and sloppier this time.

"What?" Simmons asked. "Nothing about what Caboose is sure to be like during sex?"

"Oh, I already know what he's like," the blonde waved off. Simmons pinched the bridge of his nose as if that would eradicate all the images that had popped into his mind from that simple sentence.

"Don't look like that, Simmons. Hell, even Ah know wha' Caboose is like," Sarge told him. Simmons was considering bleach for lunch.

Caboose left, same as the others, and Church made his third attempt to get over to the group. This time he was stopped when Grif came up behind him.

The taller boy spun him around, kissed him once on the lips, and then proceeded to nibble on his ear. He apparently said something, because Church nodded his head agreeably, something one could really only get him to do in similar situations.

"Yeah, we all already know what Grif likes," the blonde boy said, disappointed at a lack of way to continue with the game. The other two nodded, unable to say they didn't.

A beat passed before Simmons said, "So, when they all find out about each other, they're going to kill Church."

"If he's lucky," Donut said.

"Tex'll rip his manhood clean off," Sarge imagined.

"I think Grif already knows, though, doesn't he?"

"He just doesn't care," the blonde confirmed.

"He'll pretend he didn't know," Sarge speculated.

"Oh, probably."

"If the others find out he knew, he'd be dead meat, too."

"Isn't it dishonest if we don't tell them?" Simmons questioned.

"Hey, it's not our business," Donut answered. "Besides, I wanna see how long this lasts."

(VI)

Church stripped off his gym clothes and replaced them with a regular plain t-shirt and faded jeans. Next to him, Grif did the same, yelling at Simmons to hurry his ass up.

Said boy shouted back out from the shower stall he was quickly dressing in, "Go fuck yourself!"

"Why, when I have you?" the brunette asked with a smirk.

Church let out a laugh when a thrown shoe crashed into the back of Grif's head.

"Mother, son of a, fucker, bitch!" he cursed, rubbing the spot where he'd been hit.

"You deserved it," Simmons told him, walking into the locker room.

Church turned to the boy as he went to his other side and opened the locker. He, for some odd reason, couldn't keep his eyes off Simmons. Suddenly, without any idea of what he was doing, Church pounced at Simmons and pinned him down. The younger boy resisted at first, but his struggles soon subsided when he found Church's lips pressed against his own.

"I don't know what pisses me off more- the fact that you're making-out with my boyfriend, and he's enjoying it, or that I'm really turned on right now."