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Chapter 4
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Love Is…
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…Self-Sacrifice
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Sokka and Toph sat in this fashion outside the restaurant for a long while, each silent, each brooding about the frustrations and disappointments life had dealt him/her. Neither particularly liked his/her hand of cards at the moment, and sitting out on the street curb with a close friend—essentially doing nothing to incur Fortune's ill graces any further—seemed their best bet. So, as the minutes then hours passed, and group after group of fine dining patrons hobbled home drunk on wine and full of food, Sokka and Toph took comfort that even though they were both miserable on the inside, at least to all the strangers moving around them, they looked as if they, together, belonged there, too.
Sometime after midnight, Sokka finally stood and stretched. It was not the pleasant pull of the body that comes after, for instance, a cat nap; instead, it was the exhausted flexing of one who pushes on with his day only because he isn't dead yet. Toph noted this from the unbroken silence: his usual contented sigh with and after a nice stretch was missing. Almost as if to replace it, she gave a sigh of her own, but it came out just as joylessly tired as his stretch.
"Come on, Toph," Sokka murmured, taking her hand in his. "I'll walk you home."
Her throat dry from not talking, Toph started to croak out a weak "okay," but realizing it was useless, merely nodded and got to her feet to stand beside him. And as she did, he took her hand, just for a moment, as if to steady her as she rose. Pinkess entered her cheeks.
It's gestures like that that make me fall in love with you, she told him silently with a gentle squeeze. But fighting down the optimism bubbling up from her spirited heart, she forced herself to face the reality of the situation: he would still have taken her hand even if he and Suki hadn't broken up. He was just that kind of guy. He was a good friend. It didn't have anything to do with any deep-seated feelings for her.
But still…maybe…
She could have slapped herself for hoping.
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Elsewhere, a certain newly single Kyoshi Warrior rested her arms against the rails circling the deck of a passenger ship. She had her head tipped back and eyes taking in the vast expanse of sea and sky, the daily line between them indecipherable now in the comfortingly crushing yet open dark. Before the actual breakup, she had put much thought and consideration into why she and Sokka were and were not working out, and she had known then as much as she did now that she had no regrets about any part of their relationship: not that it had happened, not that it hadn't worked out, not for the years—years—they'd spent together, etc. None of it was a waste, not one single day. But still…regret and guilt were not the same thing. She really hated that she had hurt him. But she'd had to, she knew, for both their sakes.
The first years of their relationship they had spent living on entirely different continents. While Suki joined her fellow Kyoshi Warriors upon the return to their home island, Sokka enjoyed his own homecoming, helping his father and the rest of the Southern Water Tribe restore their former lives and community, still a small town, but a whole one in any case. Eventually Sokka felt the need to move on to bigger and greater things as he'd enjoyed while adventuring all over the world with the Avatar, so he traveled to the Earth Kingdom to put his engineering skills and knowledge to use, working with a team of native Earthbbenders and expatriate Firebenders to develop trade between the nations. Though happy to pursue an education and his own engineering curiosities, Sokka hoped his efforts with them might one day open up possibilities for his own Southern Water Tribe.
And, of course, by living and working in the Earth Kingdom, he could earn more money for himself and Suki to start their life together. That plan unfolded quite nicely for the couple over the many months Sokka labored diligently, gaining increasing job responsibilities while seeing Suki only infrequently and his friends and family even less. As far as any of them knew, really, all was well and had been going well for the pair. Suki eventually joined Sokka on the Earth Kingdom's main continent, and the two established a happy enough life for themselves; but Sokka's work hours never seemed to decrease, and Suki, though happy to be with him and in a big, lively city, began more and more to miss the familiarity of her old home and friends.
"I miss my Warriors," she would tell Sokka during the few private moments they shared together in their small home.
"Why?" he would ask, stretching out his legs and wrapping an arm around her shoulders as they relaxed on the couch. "The war's over. No one needs warriors anymore. We can all just move on and live normal lives!"
Suki knew that Sokka, like her, had been and still was a warrior at heart. But his situation had been decidedly different from her own. His training and combat had been for a very specific goal: to help the Avatar defeat Fire Lord Ozai. Her training and combat, by contrast, were a way of life. And every time he failed to understand her point of view—that it was a way of life and that she needed it—and every time he cursorily explained away her troubles with oversimplified A-leads-to-B-and-B-leads-to-C reasoning, she felt more and more trapped in their life together.
But she also saw what a sweet, responsible, well-meaning young man he was, so very caring in so many other respects. He was, in his way, doing his best to make her happy, working as much as possible to build the perfect life for them to share. So he ignored what she told him and assumed she felt the same as he did. So he tried to take the actions of an adult but used childish reasoning to back him up. What it all boiled down to and the conclusion she kept coming to was this: that it was all because he loved her so much.
And how could she take issue with that?
In this way several relatively happy years passed with their relationship still going quite strong. What Sokka did not realize at that time, however, nor did he understand it yet, was that this happiness was all thanks to Suki, as she again and again suppressed her inner tensions for the benefit of them both.
Only recently had those strangled hopes and desires unearthed themselves, forcing Suki to make the decision that undoubtedly hurt each of them, but was long past due nonetheless. The one kindness she felt she could do for him was to end things on their trip to the Fire Nation Capital, so at least he would have his friends to help him through his hard time. She had a hard time before her as well, and she would spend it traveling from the Fire Nation back to Kyoshi Island, her home and the only place in the world she wanted to be right now.
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Neither Sokka nor Toph spoke on the walk to the latter's apartment. Only when they arrived did Toph finally (and with a clear throat) break the silence between them.
"I shouldn't have let you walk me home. I told Katara I would make sure you got back to the inn okay."
"Katara needs to remember who the older sibling is," Sokka grumbled, though in a calmer tone than earlier that evening. "I can take care of myself."
"Yeah, I know that, but…" Toph broke off, trying to find the courage and words to make her proposal. "But you could stay at my place tonight. If you want. I mean…it's no trouble."
Sokka gave a half smile and ruffled her short hair in a brotherly gesture. "I appreciate it, and thanks. But I think I'll head back to the inn. I hear they're supposed to have a killer continental breakfast."
Boldly, Toph tried again. "I could make you breakfast."
Sokka burst into laughter at this. "Yeah, right! We both know what your cooking skills are like, Toph. And that would be 'non-existent.'"
Toph frowned in reply, but couldn't deny his appraisal of her deficient culinary merits.
"Okay, well, just make sure you don't eat your heart out gorging on inn food. You might be heartbroken, but that doesn't mean you have to destroy your gut," she teased, pretending to punch him in the stomach.
Sokka colored at the term "heartbroken" and only managed a feeble and rather confused return joke about having learned the difference between chocolate chips and monkeyrat poops on muffins from buffet lines. To save them both further embarrassment, Toph quickly changed the subject before the entire conversation could fall apart and Sokka reenter his earlier dejected state.
"Will you come by tomorrow morning?" she asked instead. "I, um, wanna see you before you leave."
Sokka and his wit welcomed this shift in topic, and he quipped back, "Well, if I can't leave until you see me, then I'd have to live here the rest of my life or yours just waiting for a miracle to happen."
He chuckled at his wit as Toph turned pink.
She used the last of her courage and said softly, "Maybe that wouldn't be so bad."
Sokka's chuckle fell short. He didn't know how to respond to this, so he pretended he hadn't heard.
"I'll come by tomorrow then. Early, probably," he considered, then explained, "I figure I'll come back for another visit soon, so no need really to say goodbye to Aang and Katara."
He paused.
"So if you could just not mention my departure plans to them…"
"No problem, I gotcha," Toph said quickly. "It'll just be me here in the morning. I promise."
"Cool," Sokka said, then repeated for lack of a better segue, "Cool… Okay, well, see you in the morning then."
"Okay. And, um, Sokka?"
It turned out she had a bit more courage left after all, and it propelled her two steps forward, the two steps required to close the distance between them. She hugged him with her whole body, her chest pressed awkwardly into his midsection, such was the extent of their height difference.
I'm sorry for your pain was what she wanted to say, but her throat (conveniently? unfortunately?) had gone dry again. So she just wrapped her arms around him as much as she could, trying to squeeze her emotions into him.
Sokka welcomed the hug and patted her head.
"Thanks, Toph," he said in an undertone.
She could have gone on hugging him all night and even forever, she though, but a few seconds later he shifted slightly, signaling the end of their embrace. Toph stepped back from him, blushing, her head down and the short locks obscuring her eyes. Sokka rested his hand on her shoulder for a moment in a wordless farewell before he turned and left.
As he walked down the street in the direction of his inn and the double room he would be occupying alone, Toph stayed standing outside her equally empty apartment, feeling his fading vibrations until the night swallowed him up and he was gone.
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To Be Continued…
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A/N:
Aw, this chapter is such a downer compared to the previous one. But I needed to develop s'more angst with Toph and Sokka (and Suki, as it happened!) before further shenanigans can take the stage. And O' how the shenanigans return and take the spotlight in the next chapter. Haha
Thanks to all for reading this fic and adding it to their Story Alerts and Favorites and such. I'm absolutely ecstatic over every notification email FFnet sends me, and just to let everyone know, I so appreciate these actions on your all's parts…but I would be equally appreciative of and ecstatic for reading your words! Writers love words, after all, and hearing back from you guys is half the fun! : )
Also, I apologize for not updating last Friday. I was on spring break, and for the first half a friend from Japan came to visit and we had oodles of fun…and then for the second half I caught up on all the sleep I missed the days previous! Lol
Thanks again to all of you for reading! Writing a fanfic and having readers keeps me sane during the final months of the academic year, for real. (^.^')
Best Wishes,
~Niach
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Reader Response:
Sifu Toph: You're totally spot on with Toph's character. As soon as she heard Sokka was for sale, she was pumped at the chance to snatch him right off the market again. But Toph cares more about Sokka as a person than she does as a thing filling the role of "boyfriend", so she's quite conflicted right now. Or was, rather. At the end of this chapter, she's realized she has to try to be more mature about the situation for his sake. Oh, Sokka, what a lucky guy to have women around you who love you so much! And it probably won't (read: absolutely will NOT) happen with Suki in this fic, but I think we might (read: WILL) see Toph get the happy ending she deserves here. ; )
Flames Chaos and Wolf: Wee! I'm glad you're back into the Airbender-ness, and I'm super, super glad you came across and enjoyed my fic! I hope your return stay in the fandom is long, and I also hope to hear back from you again! (^u^)
CommanderApple: Sadly, Sokka won't be getting a grip anytime soon. But until then, O the punishments he shall endure for taking his sweet, sweet time in the Toph department. XD