A/N: Ok so sorry for leaving them in such a bad place for so long. I was hoping to update sooner but oh well. Now I hope you like this its a little filler before the next chapter and it is a bit messy but I feel like that's how her brain is so here it is... oh and please review! it really helps.
Clara Intermission:
I hear him close the door and then I'm left in the darkness, only my sobs breaking though the silence. I feel as though I'm losing him again and my heart must be braking from the tightness of my chest. Eventually I realises I have stopped sobbing and now my tears a falling quietly down my cheeks. I remember everything about that day so clearly, but they are not quite me so it's slightly skewed. It's like a sentence would be said just a tad different or a movement would be more clumsy or sometimes more elegant. I don't think I will ever understand how to explan it, not even to myself but all of them feel different when I think about them. almost like it me wearing a new outfit or costume. I feel myself let out a breath I didn't realise I was holding. I wish I could get this image out of my head.
I saw the astronaut rise out of the water. I saw the Doctor fall and the world with him. I saw his family cry and morn him, but I couldn't, I knew they couldn't see me. So I walked. I walked further into the desert, my tears drying on my cheeks in the heat. But I didn't stop, how could I? I had failed. Eventually I fell too, I remember laying there looking at the clear blue sky with the vultures circling. I remember thinking this is what I deserve for failing and then as night fell I went cold and never warmed again. I try and push the memory away and focus on the times I succeeded. But even they end after I do my job, I would often sacrifice myself for him. One of us lived two years after they successfully helped. The oldest I lived was twenty nine. None of the me's lived to thirty. None of them had families or loved ones, they had friends sure but no one who they let into their soul. They only had one purpose. Most of them didn't even know. Only a few saw him and even less knew who he was.
Sometimes I get scared I am one of them, that my time will come to try and save him and no matter what happens that will be the end. How can I be sure that I'm not one of them. But the Doctor never kissed any of us before, well we had kissed him, but he had never kissed me. He has never said such sweet words to me before, he said I was beautiful and he cared for me, my cheeks blush at the thought. So maybe he thinks I'm the real one? and I suppose he is quite clever so I should listen to him. But then again he didn't say these things before all this happened, but he did say he cared for me before too and just hid it for some reason. I let out a growl of frustration. This is stupid thinking like this. I am me. So from now on I will try to think I am the real me. Plus that will give me more time to work out what is going on between us. I can't believe we kissed, well we did more then just kiss, it got kind of heated. My heart races at the thought. I know I was in love with him before and I'm sure I am still. Its just half of the others were as well and sometimes I feel like its them looking at him and loving him. But yes I do love him. I will just have to push them into a corner and try to just listen to myself. I still can't believe this is real. I am dating the Doctor. Well I hope that's what this is, but maybe I shouldn't get my hopes up just because he says he cares doesn't mean he loves me or does it? Ok this is making my head hurt I wish he was here. Suddenly my bathroom door opens and its the Doctor grinning, he then sees me still on the bed and his smile fades and a sadness creeps in. I must look like a mess. but wait..
"Doctor how and why are you in my bathroom?"
He glances up at the ceiling and scoffs. Ok TARDIS, got ya. He groans and opens his mouth to explain. I hold me hand up and answer myself.
"No I understand. Please doctor, just shut up and hold me"
He takes his jacket off and carefully places it on my chair and then comes over to the bed to lay down. I lay with my back to him as he puts his arm loosely around my waist. I relax instantly and the last thing I remember is feeling his lips softly kiss my temple.