Disclaimer: I don't own Instant Star but, I do own some of the poetry and the songs used.

Chapter 4: Apologies

So she was standing there right in front of my face and we just stood there for what felt like forever. I head thunder rolling in the background and I saw lightening flash and yet we still stood there even when the rain started to fall.

So I did what I wanted to do for the last four months. I did the thing I should've done when I left but, I was too much of a coward to do it. I pulled her close to me and I kissed her with all of pinned up desire and passion for the last four months.

She put her hands around my neck and I pulled out bodies closer together. My lips were crashing against hers, and she was falling backwards and I put my hands on her back for support and I caught her before she fell. We pulled apart and I felt an electric shock run thorough my body.

"I love you girl." I said to her in her ear.

"Damn it Tommy" she yelled throwing her hands up in the air. "You always do this to me." She continued.

"Do what?" I asked her agitated.

"Kiss me and I fall back to the place that we were in before you screwed it all up."

"How did I screw everything up this time?" I asked her. I was waiting to see how she would pin all of this on me.

"I'm blaming you for the kiss because Sadie admitted that it was her fault. But, you could have told me about Hunter and everything."

"I wanted to believe me girl, I wanted to. But, I didn't know how to tell you without you getting mad at me. I didn't want to ruin what had taken me so long to get."

"I made a huge mistake seven months ago, and I was paying for it and I still am."

"How so?"

"Did you not see the video today?" She asked me. "It was 'Love to Burn'; I haven't sung a note since you left. I haven't written anything or even produced. My music left when you did Quincy." She said. I could tell that there were tears falling down her face.

"Jude-" I started to say but, she cut me off.

"Tommy, there was only one reason that I chose Jamie." She said to me.

"What was that reason?"

"I was scared."

"Of what?"

"Of you, of us. Of being with you and then you freaking out, you cheating on me, you leaving me for some gorgeous model. I didn't want my heart broken again and I knew that Jamie couldn't or wouldn't do that. So I chose him knowing my heart wanted you. I didn't follow my heart when I should have."

I was speechless. For the first time in my life I was completely speechless. I didn't know what to say or what to even do. Jude made up my mind for me. She pulled me into another kiss. This time she didn't hold back like the first time. When we pulled away she had a smile on her face even though we were completely soaked.

"That was it." She said.

"What?"

"That kiss, it was everything. I kissed Jamie before I left and I felt nothing, I mean nothing when I kissed him. When I kissed you just then I felt love, passion, lust, anger, fear, hurt, and desire all at the same time. That's what a kiss is supposed to be like." She said with a smile on her face.

I smiled at her and she just looked at me. I saw a huge bolt of lightening right behind us and I heard a loud roll of thunder that vibrated my car.

"How long do you plan on standing here Harrison?" I asked her.

"I don't know Quincy." She said smiling.

"Let's go somewhere and talk." I told her. I emphasized the word talk so she didn't have any ideas.

"Rehearsal Space." She said and I walked over to the passenger side of the viper and opened the door for her. I ran over to the other side and I got into the car. "Tommy?" she asked me.

"What is it girl?" I asked her.

"Where is the Porsche?"

"I sold it?" I simply told her.

"Why?"

"For you" I was hoping that she would catch on but, she didn't.

"Hunter, was stalking you and I sold the Porsche to get the cash to pay him off so that he would leave you alone."

"You sold a car, one of your favorites for me?" She asked like she didn't hear what I said.

"Harrison, I love you. I would do anything for you. I will do anything for you."

"I love you too." She said as I pulled into the rehearsal space. We both got out of the car and ran inside. When we got inside Jude unlocked the door to the rehearsal space and we walked into the room.

When we walked into the room the last time that I remembered being in here was when Hunter was holding Jude hostage and almost killed her. I remember it because I almost lost her. It scared me to death, loosing the one thing in my life that meant more to me than life itself.

My mind also flashed back to the best memory that I had with Jude here and that was the night before her eighteenth birthday party. We came here and I played her the song that I had written for her. I think about that all the time. It's sad that I was so sure that I would have given up anything for her but, when it came right down to it I ran like the coward that I am.

"Tommy what are you thinking about?" She asked me.

"The last good memory in this room." I said.

"That would have been an even better night if Spied, Karma, and Jamie hadn't ruined it." She said. She was right it would have been better but, no one knew about us and we were here on a pre-birthday date and they ruined it. We had to go out the back and hope that we didn't get caught.

"You're right." I said walking over to the piano and sitting down. I started playing some notes and humming a tune. Jude sat down beside me as I was playing.

"I remember the last time we were here." She said to me as I was playing.

"I know….I'm sorry I put you in that situation. I should've told you about Hunter to begin with."

"You wanted to protect me, and I understand that now. You just wanted to keep me safe so you publicly humiliated me to do it."

"I screwed it up." I said. I was still playing and Jude started humming along with it. "Any ideas for words?" I asked her.

"None, yet." She said. She caught me off guard and kissed me softly on the lips at first. The kiss was deepened at an instant. She moved her hands to the front of my shirt and she placed her hands over my heart.

Her hands lingered there for a minute before she moved to the first button on my shirt and unbuttoned it. She unbuttoned my shirt one by one. She slid my shirt off of me, and let it fall to the floor. I got up off of the bench and I grabbed her hand and she followed me.

I went over to the couch and she followed me. I sat down and I moved my lips towards hers and they were instantly connected again. I snaked my hands to the hem of her shirt and I lifted the shirt off of her, our lips disconnected for a brief second and then were connected again. I threw her shirt across the room and it landed on the floor.

Jude lied down and I was on top of her. She arched her back and I moved my hands to unclasp her bra and I slid it off of her arms and let it fall to the floor. Jude moved her hands down to the button on my jeans and unbuttoned them and the tugged them until the fell down my legs, and I kicked them to the ground.

Jude's hands ran all over my body and she disconnected our lips and moved to kiss my neck and she nibbled on my ear lobe, and I let out a groan. I moved my lips all over her neck and her collar bone and I sucked on her neck. She tugged lightly at my boxers and they fell to the ground. I moved my hands to her panties and they fell onto the floor.

Jude opened her legs and I entered her in one swift movement. She let out a moan and then she kissed me again. I moved in and out of her in a steady and even pace. After a while I collapsed on top of Jude, and she rolled over to where my back was on the back of the couch and she was facing me.

She reached over my head and pulled the blanket that was lying on the top of the couch over us. We lied there for what felt like forever. She soon fell asleep in my arms. I followed soon after her.

When I woke up Jude was still asleep in my arms and I let her stay there. I just looked at her. I tried to remember how I fell in love with her. Then it came to me, the night of her first performance at the Vinyl Palace when she kissed me. It made me realize that I was developing feelings for her. Back then, I did everything I could not to let my feelings show. Now that I think about it, I was stupid for doing that.

I kissed Jude lightly on the forehead and I closed my eyes again.