Chapter-4

The connection between Gale and myself seemed to disappear into oblivion. He couldn't be gone. Could he? He had promised me that he would always be there for me. Never leave me behind. He deceived me. Lied to me. Gale had reassured me that he wouldn't lie to me.

I felt my ankles weaken, my knees buckle, and my feet numb. I was hit with a rush of light headiness. The commotion around me became nothing but a blur. My world was ending right before my eyes...this time for real.

I turned toward Peeta for an explanation, almost losing hold of conscience in doing so. I stared at his bleary figure for quite some time, but his gaze never reached mine. I turned back around and watched as the gurney rolled away toward the ambulance truck. With every inch it proceeded, it felt like Gale was getting even further and further away from me.

I took my chance at chasing him. Almost immediately, I fell to the coal laden ground. The thud that struck my body was muzzled by my dizziness. I could sense people surround me. They spoke, but their voices were muffled along with their touch. Slowly, blackness crept over my sight and I was eventually floating in a dark dimension where heartbreak and silence overrule.

I remember a specific belief.

They say that you are never in complete silence. Science explains that your brain makes a ringing noise to make up for the absence of sound. That is believed wrong. What makes that noise is unexplained, but they exist. They're creatures never seen before, but often heard. And that tickling across your body are their touches. Lightly gliding across your skins leaving tiny goosebumps in their wake.

When my father was still alive, he told me that if the ringing stopped and the tickling ceased they have reached our plane. They have succeeded to take over. Whether it be your body, soul, or world, they won.

And at the moment, I neither hear nor feel them. And this scares me.

Just as slowly as the blackness dominated, a brilliant white grew in it's place. My body was no longer numb. I could feel everything. The numerous tubes protruding into my body, the bandage wrapped securely around my forehead. I knew exactly where I was before I took in my surroundings. I was in the district clinic.

I wasn't quite comfortable with the thought of being contained in a hospital. I looked around. I was alone. Good. I had already cooked up a plan to get out of this place. I just needed to get away. For all I knew, Gale was in the next room suffering in death's grasp. Just the thought of him enduring the pain sent a jolt up my spine. Even worse, he might already be dead. Who was I trying to fool? Gale was dead. I cringed at the thought.

I sat up in the bed. I immediately saw the bare window to my right. My escape.

One by one, I pulled all the needles and tubes out of my skin, freeing myself from the medicated toxins. I didn't fully trust the medicine provided at the place. The hospital was fairly new. We hadn't had any type of medical treatment facility-well, besides my mother-since the dawn of Panem. And worse of all, they worked for the Capitol. There was no doubt that there were cameras watching my every move right about now. Just another reason to add to my leaving.

Once I had completely unplugged myself, I slid off the side of the bed. The tile flooring was frigid; my toes curled inwards seeking warmth. But I persevered. I walked sluggishly toward the clear window. I couldn't help but feel reluctant. I stood dead center of the framework, my hand on the hinge holding it shut, when I heard voices and shuffling.

I stiffened. People were right outside my quarters. I knew that if someone were to walk in, they would instantly attempt to settle me. Probably take a tranquilizer to my throat. I had already had one too many blackouts in the past twenty-four hours and another one was not what I was looking forward to.

I could hear the frightened, stressed tone in the nurses that hustled about outside. After about two minutes, my nerves were calm to realize that it was no ones goal to enter my room. I continued with the get away.

I undid the hook and loop and stuck my head out the window. The cool breeze slapped my face with a icy wisp. My heart dropped a little when I realize the downfall. I just so happened to be located on the second floor. This just made everything even more difficult. But I've learned that nothing will ever be handed to be on a silver plate. I had to sacrifice and strive for what I wanted. Life was just one big Hunger Games in reality. There is truly no escaping.

I built up the courage, swallowed the fear, and took a leap. For the slightest second, I finally felt like what everyone has been comparing me to: a mockingjay. The crisp air engulfed me and it was like I belonged in the air, in the sky. But it didn't last long. Nothing that seemed the tiniest bit enjoyable seemed to last long in this forsaken world.

The impact of the fall was absorbed by my feet, then traveled up through my body, ending at the control center-my brain. It was just a mere shock of pain and I was able to shutter off the strike. Once my feet were planted on the ground, I took off toward no where in particular. My only destination: away from this place.

I couldn't help but feel a ping of excitement, adrenaline, rebellion. It was like I had escaped the Capitol itself all together. Like I found a weak spot in their structure. Hell, I was proud of myself. I let out a little giggle accompanied by a small smirk.

My hospital gown flew behind me. My speed was impeccable. The grass beneath my feet seemed to scorch with heart. The views were blurred. I felt as though I was seven again, racing with the other kids and feeling as though I was the fastest being on earth. But I was brought back to reality and maturity when my body struck as stiff force. It was a person. It was Peeta.

I was taken aback. We both sprang backward. I landed on ground and looked up to see Peeta's surprised face, eyes wide, mouth gaped, muscles tense. His muscles especially stood out. In that quick second of shock, every muscle in his body seemed to fiercely flex. Training for the Games did his body some good. Why hadn't I noticed it before?

His body quickly relaxed, but his face shifted expressions. It dropped; became sullen. His eyes looked passed me instead of at me. He bowed his neck so that his hair cast a shadow over his face, making it even harder to decipher his feelings. I was confused. It's not that I haven't seen this face before, it's that I couldn't conjure up a reason on why he suddenly portrayed such a face.

It wasn't until he turned around and ran away that I saw the destroyed flowers scattered across the ground. They were purple primroses. A mixture of my two favorite things: my favorite color and my little sister. Guilt and displeasure hit me like a boulder. A heavy, stone boulder that fell from a thousand mile high cliff and landed right on top of my head. And it hurt. The taste was bitter, the feeling was murky, and my heart felt as though it was made of lead.

Amongst the mess of petals and stems, there lay a single white card. I picked it up and read with watery eyes. In Peeta's simple yet elegant handwriting, it read:

Sorry about Gale.

-Love,

Peeta

I didn't know what to feel and it didn't matter because I became numb once again. Mindlessly, I stood. I dropped the card and it wildly flew with the sudden gusts of wind along with the loose petals. The mess seemed to spin around in a wild dance.

I raced into the hospital, my surroundings a blur. The nurses and patients and restless families were nothing but lines and swirls in my eyes. I headed toward the front desk and demanded to know which room Gale is staying. Or was staying.

"I'm sorry, but we can't give that out to just anybody-"

"Give me the damn room number now before I lose control. Don't you know who I am? I'm practically his sister. God, you're really irritating me right now. Hurry!" I didn't have time for this woman.

"I understand your connection, but there are regula-"

And with a swing of my fist she was gone. Knocked out on the floor. I jumped the desk and fiercely scanned the computer for his room number. People were staring, whispering, and pointing, but I honestly didn't care. When did I ever care?

Finally, I found it. Room 357 on the third floor. And then the blurs appeared.

I reached his room. It was pale white and clean. A single nurse stood by the single bed, patting the sheets so that the wrinkles disappeared. When she caught my gaze she froze. Then, she slowly stood straight, our lock never broken.

Her eyes held a sense of something unknown. It wasn't happiness, I could tell you that. It was as though she felt sorry. And I knew why.

There was a reason she was fixing up the room: because no one was using it. There was a reason she looked sorry: because she knew that who I was looking for was gone. And there was a reason why that white room fell into darkness: because Gale had left me.

A light touch here, a ring there. The silence was settling, the traces were thinning. I was scared. And it takes a lot for me to be scared. It seemed as though the blackness was becoming darker, the silence was becoming louder, and the touches were becoming discreet. And that makes me scared.