What Happens When the OC is Technically Evil: A Mary-Sue Gone Weird and Scary Fanfiction

Part The Fourth

((Joyful Note: I probably shouldn't post 2 parts in one day due to the fact I haven't really written that many, but I'm in the mood so…))

At school the next morning Kyle ran up to me right away and asked if I wanted to hang out after school again today. My God was he clingy... urg. Was it really worth it? At my hesitation his eyes got big and worried, his whole look was so scared... I felt tingly inside. This would be so worth it, I could tell.

"I don't know, I mean, I hung out two days in a row and my parents-"

"Oh, oh I get it!" Kyle said suddenly, looking sooo freaked "I know, I-I shouldn't ask every day, I mean, th-that's like... right. I totally get it, no problem" Kyle laughed and then walked away, red faced in embarrassment. I gave a small smirk, holding in my excitement at causing him such discomfort. Oh he was fun…

"Hmm, I seh..." I jumped a little and turned to see Cartman standing next to me, stroking his chin.

"OKAY FAT ASS! How the FUCK do you keep sneaking up on me like that?!" I shouted.

Cartman's lips twitched, apparently pleased to get a rise out of me "That's for me to know and you to NOT find out. Anyway, I was simply expressing interest in your plans to humiliate the Jew"

I rolled my eyes "Well alright. Do you want to me to divulge my grand scheme to you fat boy?"

He twitched, but didn't retort as I expected "Yes ma'am" hmm... I kind of liked being addressed like that.

I smirked "In that case... how about I go to your house tonight? I could tell you then"

Cartman blinked "You want to come to my house?"

"Yeah..."

"Not your house?"

I narrowed my eyes "Fuck no"

He seemed surprised at my blunt response but before he could question it the bell rang and I went inside.

*****

Class passed normally, me buried in a new manga series, a slightly less girly one this time. Slightly, it was Yurara. Obviously you haven't heard of it, it's a 5 volume series involving a girl who sees ghosts and has an alter ego and these two guys fight over her... they also see ghosts... well anyway, I was on volume 2. Mr. Garrison was yammering on about some sort of scandal involving Jim Carrey, Oprah, a bucket of ketchup and a bagel factory.

First recess I actually sat in on a girl meeting for the first time. They were making a list of the best romance movies ever. To do that, everyone had to write their top ten favorite romance movies and then all the ones that had been mentioned at least twice would be considered for the list. I know, you want to know my list, don't you? Well you know what? Fuck you. I'm not going to tell you what god for fucking movies I picked for this. Suffice to say, 3 of them made the final top ten list, which I'll also not be telling you. Duh.

Back in class I managed to finish my manga and was left to actually listen to the teacher. My God. To make matters worse, Kyle decided to write me a love poem, which he tried to pass to me, got caught, and ended up reading in front of the class, and I personally did not find it very well done. I was left only to be thankful that it was a Haiku so I only had to be mortified for seventeen syllables.

"Evalin is cool/ She is beautiful and smart/ Be my girlfriend please?"

I stared at him as the class sat in anticipation. I twitched.

"Uh- I... um..." I shifted "I... I thought we already were? Well I guess we didn't say it... alright" I shrugged "Okay."

Kyle looked absolutely thrilled spouted another Haiku "I am so happy/ You will never regret this/ I love you so much!"

"Oh, uh, me... too?" I felt my face go red. I hadn't expected this, I REALLY hadn't pinned Kyle for a public love confession. A quick glance at Stan saw him with his head down on his desk, in a symbol of utter defeat. I liked seeing him so helpless at least... I then heard Cartman roaring with laughter behind me and whirled in my seat, glaring him down.

"URG! SHUT UP FAT ASS!!!!" I screeched. The room was completely silent. Cartman blinked at my red face and angry eyes.

"God Evalin, did Kyle shove some of his sand up your vagina too?" Cartman asked 'innocently'. I gaped a little. Normally, I would not resort to a violent act. I prefer, on a regular basis, words and manipulation to a physical act. In this case, I might even have been a bit impressed. However, I was already embarrassed about those damn Haikus and Cartman had to piss me off directly afterwards. So I lunged back and clocked him one in the face. He started crying and shit, I had to go to office and apologize, blah blah blah...

As we walked back to class, Cartman was holding a tissue to his nose and kept glaring at me. I groaned.

"For god's sake, what?!" I snapped.

"You didn't mean that apology at all!" he snapped back.

I rolled my eyes "Duh, and neither did you. People like us don't apologize when we cause any pain to others. I don't expect you to feel bad about what you've done and you shouldn't expect it of me"

Cartman blinked "People like... us?"

I gave a small smirk "Yes, I think I might consider you cut of the same sociopathic cloth as I... which means I assume you can understand that if you try to push me again, you're gambling with your life. You're a boy sociopath of course... so perhaps you wouldn't understand. Males of our kind usually reach for major violence after slowly working their way to it. Females like myself are random. I may be totally calm about an insult one moment, and the next I might end up drowning you in a hot tub. So... something to think on" I raised my eyebrows at his slightly freaked expression and walked into the classroom once again.

*****

At lunch I walked through the lunch line alone again, and reached for my tray in front of Chef again.

"Hello children!" he smiled. I blinked and looked around.

"Um, I'm the only one here..." I raised an eyebrow.

Chef looked confused "Uh... I know?" he shook his head "Anyway, I heard what little Kyle read for you in class today. Pretty romantic"

I snorted "Yeah, for a preschooler maybe, that Jew hasn't a clue how to write poetry"

Chef looked a little concerned "But, I heard you clocked Cartman when he laughed at it, so you appreciate the effort, right?"

I frowned "Wow, word travels fast around here doesn't it? Eh, I know he was trying, but I didn't clock the fat ass for him. I clocked him because when you're involved with someone, if a person laughed at them, they laugh at you. I do not like people laughing at me unless I approve of the reason" with that I took my tray and hastened off, wondering vaguely what sort of impression I was leaving on the black man.

I sat with the girls again and all they talked about was how 'romantic' Kyle had been in class. By God, how they could possibly... well, I supposed if everyone other then Cartman thought it was romantic then maybe I didn't need to be so embarrassed. But I had to avoid him trying something else, it was really, really sickening. Last recess I managed to sneak off school property and was able to rest in complete solitude for fifteen minutes. Thank fucking Jesus. Christ. In fact, I loved it so much I just skipped the rest of the day. I figured I could forge a note and say I had to go home for... some reason. I'd think about it later. Anyway, I waited outside the school when it let out.

I saw Kyle walking out of school looking worried, no doubt about me. I smirked as I saw Kenny try to comfort Kyle and ended up getting yelled at. Then he got run over by a car, and I laughed hysterically. Oh that was good. Oh, oh yes. I wondered if he'd died. That would've been epic. Wish I had a video camera...

Anyway, I saw Stan come over to Kyle as they passed my hiding spot in the bushes.

"Kyle, hey Kyle!"

"What?" Kyle glared at Stan "If this is another anti-Evalin rant-"

Stan's face turned red with rage "NO IT'S NOT! I still think she's bad news, but-"

"No one else does Stan!" Kyle snapped "Even Cartman admitted she was cool, even if she still pissed him off!" He said that huh? Interesting...

Stan's teeth ground together "And you don't take this as a bad sign? Cartman only finds really vulgar and evil things cool!"

Kyle rolled his eyes "Well yeah she swears a lot, that's probably why. But she's not evil Stan, she's really smart!"

"And smart people can't be evil?! What about Bill Gates? Did you forget about him, or even Hitler was smart!"

"No, he was charismatic, there's a difference!" Kyle snapped, getting heated. I stifled a snort of laughter. Oh he looked so funny when he was pissed off... and Stan looked like he might burst into tears. OH God, please let him burst into tears, that would be...

"Well still!" Stan's voice cracked and Kyle's eyes lost a little of their anger "Even if she's not evil, sh-she's still... she's all you think or talk about anymore!"

"Well did I complain when you started dating Wendy? No!" Kyle paused a minute, then sighed "Look... if this is about me not spending time with you then... maybe we could, you know, double date? Then we'd all hang out together, Wendy's friends with Evalin isn't she?"

Stan looked at his friend a long moment, then seemed to relent. No tears. Damn "I- well... I guess that'd be okay. Yeah, sure, I'll ask Wendy"

"Yeah, I'll ask Evalin when I call her tonight, I wonder why she left?" Kyle said as the two walked away. I looked around and saw Cartman nowhere. I frowned and went back to the school, glancing in each window, and found him sitting in detention looking pissed. I tapped on the glass and he glanced over, looking surprised to see me. I saw the teacher get up to leave the room, some random lady. No idea her name and I didn't care. Cartman immediately went to the window and pulled it open.

"What the fuck are you doing here bitch? I thought you'd skipped out to avoid detention" he asked, as if bitch were my name. I swear, no malice or anything, it was like a new nickname. Actually, I kind of liked it; I smiled a bit at it anyway.

"I wanted to know when I should come to your house tonight duh" I rolled my eyes.

Cartman looked even more surprised, if that were possible "What, y-you like, still want to?"

I raised an eyebrow "Uh, yeah?" I paused a moment "What, you like, grew enough balls to say no?"

Cartman scowled "AY! What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Nothing" I shook my head "Give me a time fat ass or I'll just come over when I feel like it and if that's at five pm or two am is my call"

Cartman cocked his head to one side in confusion "Why would you come over at two am?"

I sighed "A time fat ass, teacher can't stay away forever"

He looked annoyed at the fat ass comment but decided to let it pass "Well, this is kinda lame so, I could just jump out the window and you can come over now?"

I sucked in my cheek a little in thought "No... That's no good. I have to swing by my house quick to call Kyle and tell him I'm not dead so he won't come looking for me." I raised an eyebrow "But if you want I could come over after that."

Cartman shrugged "That's kewl I guess, but I'm still getting out of here. This is totally lame" he jumped out the window into the snow. All this damn snow... fuck. I fucking hated it. I thought if I left Canada I wouldn't have to deal with all this bullcrap snow but no, my goddamn parents had to move to a place where there was snow ALL YEAR instead of six months...

"Okay, so I'll see you in a bit then" I shrugged and headed behind the school, intending to cut through the field behind and take a trail that would bring me to my backyard. I wasn't that far away, but the trees blocked my house from view. Thank God.

"Ye- hey! You don't know where my house is!" Cartman yelled suddenly. I stopped. Slapped my forehead, and groaned. Oh. Yeah. Fuck.

"Okay, where's your house then?" I said trying to keep my voice level. Cartman wrote out his address and I took it, stomping off annoyed. I slipped on a patch of ice, went down, and got up immediately after. I heard laughter and turned, glaring "What the FUCK is so funny?!"

Cartman snorted and laughed, unable to reply. I hated being laughed at. I did. But... at the same time I knew why he was laughing. He wasn't laughing at me, he was laughing at my pain. This was understandable. Pain is hilarious. I rolled my eyes and walked away again, careful to avoid the icy patch.

*****

"... Evalin?" Cartman asked when I showed up at his door.

"Yeah?"

"How long do you plan on staying at my house?"

I glanced down at my bag. And sleeping bag. I looked back up, frowning slightly "Um..." I shifted slightly "The whole night?"

He stared "Okay... may I ask why?"

I glared "No."

"I seh" Cartman blinked and I pushed past him into the house. Yeah I could tell you why I was staying the night. But I'm not going to, because you don't fucking need to know. All you DO need to know is that it wasn't cause I liked him or anything, I just knew I'd probably be able to stay the night. I knew his mom was a crack whore (via Kyle of course), so she wouldn't care about her son having a girl over, and I'd be able to swear as much as I wanted without offending anyone.

Anyway, I dumped my bag at the foot of his stairs and turned to chubbo "Okay, is your mom home?"

"Uh, well, she said she'd be back late tonight." Cartman shrugged.

I grinned "Excellent. Then I don't have to charm anyone. Even when it's a crack whore, it's still a pain" I rolled my eyes.

"AY! Don't talk about my mom like that!" Cartman growled and I sighed.

"Why the fuck not? She's a crack whore isn't she? Whatever. So where's your room?" I asked, heading up the stairs as Cartman sputtered below. I started opening doors till I saw a room with stuffed animals and toys in it. Typical of a nine year old boy... except the dolls. Hmm... seems like a typical sociopath thing though. That was fine. I dropped my stuff on the floor and turned to see Cartman glaring from his doorway.

"What the fuck are you- you can't just waltz in here like you own the place bitch!" Cartman snapped. I sighed.

"Obviously I can since I just did." he frowned "Okay... okay" I sighed deeply, trying to be calm and find the best approach "Look... I'm not very good at asking for stuff alright? So I don't like leaving an option for someone to say no"

Cartman seemed caught off guard my directness "Well... I- I guess that's kewl..." he seemed unsure but decided to fix that by bringing up the original reason for me coming over that night "So, what's your grand scheme to humiliate the Jew?"

I smirked and sat down on his bed "Ah yes... that..." I giggled a little "Well, it's not too complicated but the reactions are going to be priceless, always are" I giggled again "Okay. Well, obviously I've led him on a short while. Tomorrow I'm going to go on a double date with Stan and Wendy. During which, I intend to win over Wendy completely. That way, if Stan thinks of trying to stop Kyle again Wendy could easily argue against it and halt that. Once she's secure, I'm going to work hard on making Kyle completely addicted to me, and gradually break him away from all his friends. I'm going to drop a few clues to his family that I might not be that good for their son, and by that point I intend to have Kyle to a point he'll leave home for me. By the time we reach this point, he'll obviously come to me first. Then I'll tell him I was never that into him to begin with. Crushed, and I can't wait for that part as I intend to film it, he'll no doubt go to Stan's. Only by this point I will have arranged for an... an accident to befall Stanley Marsh." I giggled softer this time "Nothing fatal but... it will be blamed on Kyle. So when Kyle goes to ask for help, he'll be turned down. Details of the plan may alter as time passes naturally but… Then it will be up to Kyle, I'm hoping for suicide myself... I did get that once before and it was... amazing..." I swear I must've been dewy eyed as I recalled that memory.

Cartman blinked "Um... okay..." he cocked his head to one side again "But... how do you know you can get Kyle, you know, addicted to you?"

I laughed easily "I've done this since kindergarten when I turned down this one little boy and made him cry. When I found out how much fun that was, I started purposefully attracting boys to me on purpose so that I could make the cry" I raised an eyebrow and smirked "But of course you're too smart to fall for me… especially after all I just told you. I would of course have no problem faking a relationship with you and dumping you royally, but honestly, I think you might be interesting as an ally. Just don't expect anything more than acquaintanceship and mild co-operation from me. I suppose…" I took a short breath "I suppose the best you could get out of this partnership is the satisfaction of causing some pain… is that enough for you, do you think? To hurt a Jew and his best friend? Perhaps others?"

Cartman stared at me. He stared for a long time, but I held his gaze. He finally gulped "Y-you're absolutely seriouslah… aren't you?"

I smiled slowly "Yes, perfectly. Actually, I was hoping you could work on widening the rift between Stan and Kyle… and even assisting in Stanley's little 'accident'. If you don't mind" my eyes darkened suddenly and Cartman looked a little freaked "But if you do mind, I'd better not hear that Kyle discovered my plans. Or anyone for that matter. Because I will blame you. And you know what I'm capable of."

Cartman stared again, then to my delight a smile spread across his features "I never thought I'd ever say this to a girl, but you are so my fucking idol now"

I fell into gut wrenching laughter and my eyes teared up "Oh God… dude, you can't be serious."

Cartman shook his head "No, no!" his voice was a slightly higher pitch then before and I cocked my head slightly "I'm seriouslah, you are totally my idol. You're manipulative, you like to cause pain and suffering, and you're… well, you're kick ass!" he laughed.

I smiled wryly "Kick ass huh? Well maybe"

Cartman noticed my melancholy edge it seemed. He shut up at least. After a moment he finally asked "Seriouslah, if I'm going to help you, can I at least know why the fuck you're staying the night?"

I frowned. My eyes darkened, and I sighed deeply "Honestly? It's because… my parents are… having a party. One I- uh, would rather not be present for" I made a slight face.

Cartman stared, and then his eyes widened "M-my mom said she was going to a party tonight"

I blinked, groaned and slapped my forehead "Oh for the love of GOD! Okay, I'll level with you on this one Cartman; my parents are total drugged up pot smoking hippies!" Cartman gasped.

"No…"

"Yes! And they do this all the fucking time, invite a bunch of whores of both sexes and some more hippies, do all sort of crap drugs, and have orgies all night. Think that's fun? I think not" I rolled my eyes "Luckily I'm done with those assholes"

"… done?" Cartman looked at me uncertainly.

I smirked "Yes, I've decided tonight that after I've finished with Kyle, I'm taking care of those idiots… permanently, if you catch my drift."

His eyes widened once again "You're plotting to murder your parents?!" he yelped.

My eyes narrowed "They aren't my parents. They stopped being my parents the moment they stopped getting haircuts. I fucking hate hippies."

Cartman's eyes now seemed to dance, he turned to face me completely "Evalin I- I hate hippies too!" his lips were turned upwards and my eyes seemed to dance as well.

"Then perhaps… perhaps I might have use for your assistance after the Jew is dealt with after all…" I laughed softly. The sighed "Well, enough of this for now" I rose and looked briskly around the fat boy's room "What movies do you have? Never mind, I brought Sweeney Todd. Love that movie" I smiled as I fished it from my bulging bag. Cartman frowned.

"Uh, that's rated R right?"

"Yep. Blood. Gore. Swearing. Cannibalism. And a musical to boot. What could be better?"

Cartman shook his head "Figures you'd be into something twisted like that bitch"

"Of course. Part of being a sociopath is you get sick fantasies coupled with a love of music and romance. Lucky us eh?" I headed for the bedroom door, then to the living room television. I quickly popped the movie in as Cartman followed me "Um, have you seen this movie?" I asked as Cartman frowned during the opening sequence of blood dripping over gears.

"Uh, no" Cartman said, sitting down awkwardly.

I glanced at his gut "You don't like meat pies do you?"

"Course, I like meat pies!" Cartman said as if it were obvious.

"Uh-huh" I said slowly.

"…why?" Cartman asked after a brief pause.

"Oh, no reason" I said with a shrug, but figured watching Cartman go through the movie might be more fun than watching the movie itself.

The first proper song started up. Cartman was fine as Anthony sang… then Johnny Depp showed up.

"Aw, aw, not this guy!" Cartman groaned "Tell me you're not a fan girl?"

I gaped "Why the fuck not?!" I demanded "Depp's a great actor! He did Edward Scissor hands! In here he's awesome, as Jack Sparrow he was kind of iffy and as Willie Wonka he was clearly not heterosexual, but in dark stuff like this he's a freaking god!"

Cartman slapped his forehead "I fucking hate fan girls"

"Well we don't like you either lard butt" I muttered, and felt waves of excitement as Mr. Todd started up.

"There's a hole in the world like a great black pit/ And it's filled with people who are filled with shit/ and the vermin of the world inhabit it…"

"You know that's so true" I sighed contentedly.

Cartman seemed to be staring at me with a raised eyebrow "You really do hate everybody… don't you?"

I shook my head "I don't hate Johnny Depp"

"I bet you would if you met him"

I thought about it for a moment "Yes… yes probably. But as long as he stays a fictional character I don't hate him."

"Why do you hate everyone Evalin?" Cartman asked curiously. He was using his 'manipulation' voice though. Oh well, I didn't mind fielding the question anyway.

"Because I'm a sociopath" I smirked "And I'm a sociopath because first of all my parents are hippies"

"… understandable…"

"Definitely. Besides the pot smoke I had to endure in the womb that definitely messed with my brain, growing up in that house would grow in me contempt for human kind. Throw in being raised in Canada, country of the floppy headed idiots and dealing with a bunch of whiney bastards… well. Not the best of circumstances. Then, I was often mocked as a child for not having a floppy head as those idiots do. So I spent much time alone, reading books and the like. Time passed, and picture books wouldn't do it for me. Instead I would start reading teen stuff… and that of course warped my mind more than anything else. I turned to teen movies and such… my parents didn't care. Even said it was 'educational' and would help me 'expand my mind'. Well I've expanded alright. Expanded to the point of absolute hatred for mankind... and reality too I suspect"

"Son of a bitch" Cartman said in a mix of awe and… maybe disbelief? Aw well.

"So what about you?" I asked after a moment. I'd seen this movie so many times I thought nothing of talking over the actors "Don't you hate Jews or something?"

Cartman shrugged "Yeah, but that started mostly cause I hate Kahl. He's a dick. I do hate hippies too though. I've thought about it for a bit and I must say I'm looking very forward to helping you kill your parents."

I raised an eyebrow "Um, thank you?"

"You're welcome. But first… are sure that you are not a hippie yourself?"

My mouth dropped open "Me? You're accusing ME of being a hippie?! ARG!" I turned and smacked Cartman in the jaw.

"AH! SON OF A BITCH!" Cartman gasped, clutching his face.

"NEVER CALL ME THAT!!!! NEVER ACCUSE ME OF THAT!!!! I AM NOT A GODDAMN HIPPIE!" I screeched. Cartman stared as I towered over him, Sweeney Todd murdering Pirelli in the background.

"Okay okay!" Cartman whimpered "You're not a hippie!"

"Damn straight I'm not" I muttered, sinking back into my seat and crossing my arms over my chest. We watched until Mr. Todd began his 'They All Deserve To Die' number.

"God I love this song" I sighed.

"Figures" Cartman rolled his eyes, seeming to get over his smacked jaw easily enough since he knew he was getting zero sympathy for it "So, uh, do you want some Cheesy Poofs or something?"

I shrugged "Yeah, sure"

When Cartman returned we shared a bag of Cheesy Poofs. This felt really… normal. Kind of weird for me. Usually when I would share food with a guy I would be strategically finding ways to brush my hand against his and dropping hints. Right now it almost felt like a normal night with a… a… a friend? No, no that couldn't be. I don't have those. Especially not friends that are boys.

"Are you sure? About hating everyone I mean" Cartman said suddenly and I looked at him curiously.

"Yes"

"Even me?"

I rolled my eyes "Yes"

"I seh. And, uh, there's no chance of reversing that?"

"No"

"Okay… but we're still working together?"

"Yes…"

"Okay" he said that with such contentedness that I had to question it.

"Okay? Just like that?"

Cartman nodded "Well yeah. I mean, it's not like hating me is personal or anything. You hate everyone, and even though you hate me you're still going to hang out with me. It's not like the Jew who's always trying to ditch me or make fun of me or something"

I frowned "Really? Geez, what a prick. Maybe I should rethink my strategy a little… the Jew might surprise me."

"I doubt he could too much" Cartman shrugged.

"Maybe..." I considered that a moment, then brushed it aside "Well in any case, yes I do hate you, and yes I hate everyone. If you're okay with it then there's no problem"

We watched the movie a while longer and when the barber shop of death montage ended Cartman spoke again "Seeing as I'm okay with it... there's no way you'll ever pretend to be nice to me?"

I looked at him curiously "You... want me to pretend to be nice to you?"

Cartman shifted a little "Well, just so I know if you can actually fake niceness of course"

I chuckled a darkly "Of course... well is there a particular kind of niceness you'd like to see?"

Cartman stroked his chin thoughtfully. Most people would ask what I meant by what kind of niceness but Cartman was of course not most people "How about... best friend niceness?" he smirked, obviously thinking he'd have me totally floored on that one. Fat chance fat ass.

"Okay" I smirked, closed my eyes and breathed out slowly. I opened my eyes and smiled winningly at Cartman. His eyes widened a bit, and that was normal. I'd completely relaxed my muscles and was looking at him with a slight sheen of appreciation in my smile.

"So Cartman, how're you liking the movie so far?"

Cartman stared for a long moment, jaw slack and then shook his head vigorously and started in a 'sweet' voice I would guess "Why, I do believe it's the best movie I've seen in a long while, thank you for bringing it over Evalin"

"No problem" I giggled here "Still like meat pies?"

Cartman snorted "No, now I love meat pies" we both broke into hysterical laughter and then Cartman sighed "Okay, fine, you can stop being nice now." Immediately the grin fell from my lips and my eyes turned back to mild amusement as my lips held at a small curious smile.

"So was I convincing?" I asked softly.

Cartman breathed out slowly "Hells yeah bitch. God, if I didn't know any better I'd say you were actually having fun, you know, bonding or something"

"Mmm..." I hummed to myself "Yes. Well, it just comes easily, manipulation by acting. I expect you manipulate a bit differently?"

Cartman snorted again "Yeah. I can't seem to do the best friend thing, but I can play 'poor little boy' like you wouldn't believe and my 'epiphanies' have swayed crowds."

I smirked "I'd actually like to hear about that... but at some other time. When the movie's over I'm going to sleep"

"Oh, uh, sure" Cartman shifted slightly. As the movie went on, I did notice him getting a little... queasy as the people ate the meat pies. None the less, he did seem to enjoy it. As the closing credits ran Cartman laughed.

I raised an eyebrow "Okay I know it's an awesome movie, but what's so funny?"

The fat boy snorted "Best ending ever, Johnny Depp getting fucking killed"

I scowled "Hey!" this provoked a butt load of laughter from fatass. I growled, socked him in the ribs, and went to get my DVD out of the player. He started crying about it so I sent him a look of disgust before sweeping upstairs again. He sniffled a little, and then followed. Clearly he hadn't gotten the attention he wanted. Heh heh heh...

In his room, and rolled out my sleeping bag and glanced at Cartman's alarm clock. It was about midnight. Great. I couldn't even skip school tomorrow because I was here. Why the fuck did I do these things to myself? Now I'd be tired out of my mind. Oh well, maybe I'd just sleep in class. Anyway, Cartman came in as I was fishing my pajamas out of my bag.

"You have… footie pajamas?" Cartman said blinking "Pink footie pajamas?"

I glared at him "My parents bought them for me, and in a town as fucking cold as this I think 'footie pajamas' are startlingly appropriate. So shut the fuck up and tell me where your bathroom is" I snapped.

"Down the hall bitch, don't forget to change your tampon, I think it's been sitting in the sand too long"

I looked at him for a moment and then smirked "Good one." I said in an impressed tone and passed the fat boy, heading for the bathroom. When I finished brushing my teeth I went back to Cartman's room and found him sitting on his bed eating cheesy poofs in teddy bear pajamas, a stuffed frog tucked under his arm. Huh. The fat lump was almost cute like that somehow. Almost.

"What're you looking at ho?" Cartman glared.

"Nothing important" I shrugged and crawled into my sleeping bag, and easily falling asleep.