More Reviews Plox!
"You know what I find immensely disturbing, Link?" asked Zelda.
"Malon?" suggested Link.
"No, the fact that there has been hardly any reviews!"
"Uhh... Well, I find that disturbing too, Zelda, but don't you think that the fact that Malon would have brutally murdered me by now if she hadn't been restrained is more horrifying?"
"No. She's out to get you, not me. It's a bit funny when you think about it really; I'm the one responsible for her capture, not you."
"What? You weren't really into this whole business when Malon was kidnapped from her home!"
"Yes I was. I've been running this whole operation since the beginning."
"That doesn't make any sense though!"
"Link, it's called a retcon. You ever heard of it? Basically, something happened and we've decided that we wanted it to have happened differently. So, instead of going back and rewriting the story to accommodate those changes, we're just saying that it was like the way we wanted. Okay? Now, don't question me."
"Fine... Well, can we say that I was never traumatised then?"
"No. Anyway, I'm disgusted that there's only been eight reviews since the last chapter was published. Eight! So, a decision has been made; the next chapter will not be published until this story has at least four hundred reviews!"
"Four hundred? ! Isn't that a bit excessive?"
"Don't be absurd, Link. Four hundred is a perfect number. So, that's pretty much all I wanted to say, except that another prize is to be distributed; we recently discovered the existence of an alternate dimension, Termina, and I have decided that any reviewers interested can divide the land and people evenly between themselves. So, if you won't review to get the next chapter quicker, review for a fictional country instead! And remember, the prizes from last chapter are still up for grabs, so the current prize list is: suggesting a story for Smash-the-Elder to write; a Shadow Link, Zelda or Malon (and you know what, if Shadow Vaati isn't too dangerous, we might give them away as well); Vaati himself or a substitute; part of Termina and its people; and of course the next chapter. And don't forget, I still have a large store of Powder Kegs and I'm not afraid to use them!" Zelda grabbed Link's hand and began to walk away. She looked back and said, "You may think that this chapter is somewhat lacking. You might think I'm being unreasonable. Well, just remember: you've brought it on yourselves." With that, Zelda finally left.