I found a man I can trust
And boy, I believe in us
I am terrified to love for the first time
Can you see that I'm bound in chains?
I've finally found my way
I am bound to you
I am bound to you
So much, so young, I've faced on my own
Walls I built up became my home
I'm strong and I'm sure there's a fire in us
Sweet love, so pure
I catch my breath with just one beating heart
And I embrace myself, please don't tear this apart
"Bound to You" - Christina Aguilera
I'm now looking at the first picture I ever took of you. I had them all printed out, intending to put them in one of those collage type of picture frames. You were such a ham in front of the camera; I was laughing so hard when I took all of these pictures, I'm surprised that they didn't all come out looking blurry or streaky. A few of them did come out slightly out of focus, or off-center, where I cut off part of your hair. I think I'll put those in a frame too, along with the ones that came out perfectly. They all remind me of how happy you made me, just by being your goofy self.
Gods, you were so beautiful. You still are, in my heart - you're the most beautiful person I ever knew, both inside and out. You made me want to be a better person, too. I was so in awe of you from the beginning - to me, you looked like a god. I couldn't believe back then that someone like you would be interested in someone like me - a runt, a kid with an attitude and a stubborn streak that nearly matched yours. But you did want to be with me. I couldn't believe my luck. I'm so glad I finally ignored the little voice in my head that kept saying, "you're not good enough for him...just look at him, then look at yourself in the mirror...he'll get sick of you and your issues...he'll eventually move on."
I miss you so much. I just wish...well, you know what I wish. That which can never be. Sometimes, in between sleeping and wakefulness, I swear I can feel your arms wrapped comfortingly around me as I'm lying in bed. Our bed. The moment I wake up fully though, the sensation slowly fades. Were you really there, I wonder?
Or was it just another dream?
Cloud and Zack parted ways as they approached the room where Angeal was conducting drill, and Zack gave the cadet a friendly wave as he headed into the office he shared with Angeal, at the back of the gym. He was glad to have some time before his next class to himself; Zack planned to catch up on some of his paperwork, and perhaps try to sort out his thoughts about Cloud, which were beginning to overwhelm him - in a good way, but they overwhelmed him nonetheless.
He sighed loudly as he sat at his desk, trying concentrate on his work, but he became increasingly distracted by thoughts of Cloud. I just met the guy, Zack told himself. How can I feel such a strong attachment to someone I barely know? It seems that he feels something towards me, too...I can just sense it, somehow.
"Love at first sight?" Zack murmured aloud. He'd always felt, in a general sense, that such a thing was probably within the realm of possibility - not necessarily for him, but for others. It wasn't exactly something that Zack had ever expected to experience for himself, however. "I suppose it's possible..."
"Talking to yourself again, Zachary?" came a mocking voice from the doorway. Genesis, clad in his usual red leather duster, was standing there, smirking at Zack.
Zack looked up and grinned. "Genesis," he said, greeting the man. "What brings you here? If you're looking for Angeal - "
"I know, I know," Genesis interrupted, holding up his hand to silence Zack. He sat in Angeal's chair as if he owned it, and wheeled it around to face Zack. "I know Angeal's got drill with the cadets right now. Seems we have a pretty good class this year, doesn't it? Well," he continued, wrinkling his nose. "Now that those undesirables have been removed from the student body...I think the candidates we have left will do quite well."
"Yeah," Zack muttered, his normally cheerful expression darkening. "Undesirables. What's going on with sentencing, Genesis?" he inquired of the other SOLDIER. "You hear anything?"
"Nothing yet," Genesis replied, shaking his head. "The general's going to testify at their trial, he said. He wants to see them charged with attempted murder, and Fredo with conspiracy to commit murder, but seeing as they're all minors.."
"I know," Zack said, frowning. "They'll probably get a slap on the wrist, thrown in juvie, and we'll have to deal with them next year when they're out."
"I don't think that will happen, Zack," Genesis said thoughtfully. He stretched out his limbs, leaning back comfortably in Angeal's desk chair. "Sephiroth has made it clear to the board of trustees, that they are not welcome back here. And surprisingly, President Shinra didn't argue with him."
"Wow," Zack said, somewhat impressed. "I'm surprised about that...you know, some of these kids came from money, and sometimes that's the only language the president seems to understand."
"Don't I know it," Genesis replied, rolling his eyes. He started and sat up quickly in the chair as Angeal walked in the door. "Make yourself comfortable, Genesis," Angeal muttered, smiling.
"You guys are done with drill already?" Zack inquired, looking at Angeal expectantly. Wonder how Cloud did…
"It's been an hour," Angeal remarked, raising an eyebrow. "Have you two ladies been gossiping all this time, instead of using your time wisely?" He flashed a grin at an indignant Genesis, who opened his mouth - about to protest - then shut it, apparently thinking better of it.
"Nah, not gossiping," Zack replied, scanning over a report. "I was just asking Genesis if he'd heard anything about the sentencing, actually. For Fredo and the others," he added.
Angeal shook his head. "Well, no trial as yet. But be prepared for them to call you as a witness, Zack. Both you and I will be called, I'm sure, since we were first on the scene."
"Don't remind me," Zack muttered, his mind flashing back to that moment where he and Angeal pulled Fredo off of a scared and angry Cloud. "How...how'd Cloud do today, anyways?" Zack asked Angeal, trying not to sound overly interested.
"He did very well," Angeal replied quickly. "I'm surprised how quickly he's pulled himself together, actually, considering everything that's happened to him in just his first week here. You can't help but feel badly for what Cloud's been through...but I admire him, too." Angeal leaned back against the doorway, looking thoughtful.
"I think," Zack said quietly, "that underneath that shy, awkward exterior, there is a fierce fighter...the likes of which we've never seen before." Angeal and Genesis exchanged a glance at this, unnoticed by Zack. "That's rather a bold statement," Genesis said slowly, staring curiously at Zack. "You haven't even worked with him yet, have you? To be making such a judgment..." His voice trailed off into a murmur, as he noticed Zack glaring at him.
"I don't expect either one of you to understand this," Zack replied, sounding uncharacteristically defensive and snappish. "And I realize how it must seem to you, too," he continued, softening his tone a bit. "I know - I just met Cloud, but I've spent some time with him, you know. I'm still getting to know him, but...I feel like I know him very well. It feels..." Zack murmured, leaving the sentence unfinished. It feels pre-destined, is what it feels like.
"Hmm. Well...perhaps you are just what Cloud needs right now, then. And vice versa," Genesis said thoughtfully, smiling slyly. He folded up his small laptop, and shoved it into his messenger bag as he prepared to leave. "I've got to get going now," he announced airily. "Class starts in a few. Catch you guys later." Genesis paused as he passed by Angeal and touched a gloved hand to Angeal's well-muscled arm; a gesture that was accompanied by a knowing look. It did not go unnoticed by Zack, who finally realized what his two fellow SOLDIERS had been hiding all along.
"Angeal!" Zack said, grinning. "You...and Genesis? Since when? Why didn't you tell me?" he demanded, chortling. "How long has this been going on?"
"Slow down with the questions, puppy," Angeal replied with mock gruffness. He finally relented and smiled easily at Zack. "Well, it's been just a few weeks now, that we've been together. Quietly together, that is," Angeal stressed.
"I can't believe you didn't tell me, though!" Zack replied, pretending to be hurt. "Come on, Angeal! I thought we were friends!" he prodded, grinning.
"Because, I knew that this is how you would react, Zachary," Angeal quipped, trying to hold back a grin. "Look...we're keeping it quiet, not because we have to or anything like that, but because we are just..." He stopped and sighed for a moment, formulating his thoughts before he went on. "Because we are just testing the waters, I guess." Angeal raised an eyebrow curiously at Zack. "Just as you and Cloud are, I suppose."
"Yeah, I guess," Zack said softly, scratching his head. "Thanks for being understanding about that, Angeal. And I'm happy for you, man. If Genesis is the one who'll make you happy...then I'm all for it. Besides," he cracked, "I think you're the only one who would put up with his mood swings."
Angeal laughed, his teeth showing white against his tanned face, as he grinned broadly. "And you're the only one who can get away with making a comment like that to me," he teased. "Go on, or you'll be late for your class, Zack," Angeal chided. He sat down behind his desk just as Zack got up to leave.
"Bye, Ang," Zack said as he left. "I'll talk to you later."
"Tell Cloud, when you see him, that I thought he did very well this morning," Angeal called as Zack was halfway out the door.
"I will," Zack replied. "Thanks!
Cloud's day, much unlike the previous day, was going remarkably well. As Angeal had said, Cloud did well during military drill, despite the cadet's insistence that he was clumsy and uncoordinated. Dill, who was in the same drill class with Cloud as well, immediately protested this observation the moment they got into formation.
"I don't know why you're so critical of yourself, Cloud," Dill whispered under his breath, as all the cadets lined up. "You're doing awesome."
"Thanks," Cloud replied with a smile. "So are you. Uh oh, here comes the Commander!" he warned his fellow cadet, just as Angeal was marching up and down the line of the formation, inspecting the cadets.
"Well done, Strife," Angeal had remarked gruffly. "Marquard, about face," he instructed Dill, then marched off without another word.
"Guess I got off on the wrong foot," Dill commented to Cloud as they left Angeal's class. "I'm not good with being...coordinated," he said worriedly.
Cloud laughed, and shrugged his shoulders. "Neither am I, Dill," he replied, grinning. "I lucked out somehow today. I guess I'm...kind of on auto-pilot right now," he remarked sadly.
"Why, what's wrong?" Dill asked. The two were on their way to their next class with Genesis; Cloud glanced over at his new friend, who was regarding him with some concern. Maybe...maybe I can confide in Dill, Cloud reasoned. I don't have to tell him specifics, I guess...
"Long story," Cloud replied quickly. "I'll tell you later...at lunch."
"Where's Zane, by the way?" Cloud asked Dill, as they took their lunch trays to one of the quieter tables in the chow hall.
Dill chuckled and nodded his head in the opposite direction, staring pointedly at a table behind Cloud. "Over there," Dill said. "Remember that girl Quinn that Zane was bitching about?"
"Yeah, what about her?" Cloud asked as he turned his head in the direction that Dill was staring. "Oh," Cloud said, chuckling, as he observed the pixie-like Quinn sitting with Zane, and he appeared to be hanging on her every word.
"Don't let Zane fool you," Dill mumbled around a forkful of macaroni and cheese. "He's infatuated with her. He's just pretending to play it cool, and act like she's annoying him."
"Hah," Cloud replied, smirking. "Yeah, he's got it bad, I'd say."
"Kind of like you and Commander Fair, huh?" Dill remarked, raising an eyebrow. Cloud opened his mouth to protest, but Dill shushed him. "No, Cloud, it's okay. Don't worry...I won't say anything. I mean, half of our class has a crush on the guy...you gotta admit, he's fucking hot." Cloud raised an eyebrow at this, and Dill blushed furiously. "I mean...uh, well, he's good looking, all right?" Dill stammered awkwardly.
"Yeah," Cloud said, smirking at Dill. "Yeah, he is good looking." That's an understatement, Cloud thought.
"Sorry," Dill muttered, apologizing again. "I didn't mean to piss you off, Cloud. I saw how you two were around each other yesterday...I could kind of tell you had eyes for each other," he said kindly.
"I still don't know what's happening," Cloud admitted, sighing. "It's all happening so fast."
"Hey, just go with it," Dill encouraged. "Why not? So, Cloud...what did you want to tell me, anyway?"
"Oh. That," Cloud replied, rolling his eyes. He sighed, and took a bite of his pasta. "This could take a while."
"I'm all ears," Dill said, leaning forward expectantly, as he drained his iced tea. Cloud launched into a recap of the previous day's events, and while he didn't go into specifics about Fredo's assault, he gave just enough detail where Dill could figure out the nature of what had happened.
"Holy shit, dude," Dill whispered, unable to look away from Cloud, as he finished recounting his tale. "Man…I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"Please, Dill," Cloud pleaded. "Please don't say you're sorry. I know you mean well, it's just that…"
"You don't want pity," Dill interrupted, smiling sadly. "I understand. But, see…I don't pity you. I just feel bad that all this shit happened to you."
"Thanks," Cloud said, sighing. He slowly broke into a reluctant smile. "I appreciate that. I just…want to forget this past week. The bad parts of it, anyway."
"So, your room…you said it was pretty much destroyed, right?" Dill asked Cloud. "Where're you bunking tonight, Cloud?"
The cadet shrugged. "I honestly have no idea. Zack…said it'd probably be a day or two until they found new accommodations for me."
"Guess you might be staying another night with Commander Fair then, huh?" Dill said teasingly. "Maybe your luck is changing for the better then, Cloud."
"Maybe," Cloud replied with a small smile. He quickly looked at his watch. "I've got one more class this afternoon…I'd better get going. Thanks for listening, man." Cloud extended his hand, grasping Dill's in a rough handshake.
"Anytime, Cloud," Dill replied. As Cloud got up from the table to leave, Dill suddenly remembered something he'd wanted to ask him. "Hey Cloud -, you going to Battle of the Bands tomorrow night?"
"Oh yeah," Cloud replied, nodding. "I, uh…saw the flyer. Wasn't sure if it was worth the cover charge, though. You know any of the bands there?"
"I know one of them. Well, I know the bass player for Bitchslap. I think there's like, six bands going on tomorrow night," Dill informed Cloud. "Anyway, Zane and I might be going, if you're interested. That is, if I can tear him away from that chick," he said, rolling his eyes theatrically toward Quinn.
Cloud laughed. "Bitchslap? Nice name. I'll think about it," he told Dill as he was leaving. "I really gotta go, or Sergeant Flanard…might shoot me or something, if I'm late to his class," he joked.
Dill chuckled, and waved good-bye to Cloud. "That'd be pretty bad if your firearms instructor shoots you. See you later, Cloud."
Firearms class, Cloud thought, went relatively well, although it became clear rather quickly that Cloud was not sharpshooter or sniper material – yet. However, he was not the worst shot in the class by far. Toward the end of the hour and a half lesson, Cloud became increasingly anxious about his fast approaching sword session with Zack. He kept glancing at his watch with ridiculous frequency, and actually began to annoy himself, with how often he checked the time.
"I have to stop obsessing," Cloud muttered to himself as he entered the SOLDIER training room. He set his knapsack - one he'd borrowed from Zack - and glanced around the room. A rack of practice swords stood in the corner - some were wooden, and some were cast from a dull, yet sturdy looking metal alloy. Cloud shoved his hands in his pockets, and approached the rack of swords, studying them. He reached a hand out to stroke the leather-wrapped hilt of one rather worn-looking metal sword. The smooth, soft touch of the leather against his skin, along with the colder feeling metal, felt instantly soothing to Cloud. It was rather odd, Cloud realized, how well he'd taken to the sword. Back home in Nibelheim, he'd certainly practiced with his wooden sword as a kid, imagining himself to be a great warrior. It wasn't something Cloud thought he'd had great skill with, though; not until Zack pointed out his seeming potential.
Getting nervous, Cloud thought, as the secondhand on his watch ticked away. Still no sign of Zack...maybe he's too busy, or he forgot? Cloud sighed, shoving his hands in his pockets again, staring at the floor. I bet he's gotten sick of me already, Cloud told himself despondently. It's just like Dill said...half of our class has a crush on Zack anyway...maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking an older guy like Zack could be into me. I just don't know.
"Gods, I'm pathetic," Cloud stated aloud, toeing the ground with his boot. He sighed loudly, then froze, as he heard a familiar sounding voice echo through the training room.
"I wouldn't say that, Cloud," Zack said warmly. Cloud spun around, his mouth half-open, as he saw Zack approach. The SOLDIER grinned at Cloud, making a beeline for the cadet. "Hey," he said softly, loosely hugging Cloud. They kissed, a quick peck on the lips, but it was enough to warm Cloud down to his toes, and caused him to break out a smile. "How'd your day go today?" Zack asked Cloud, releasing him.
"Pretty good," Cloud replied. "I...kind of told Dill what happened to me. So, how'd your day go?" he added, trying to quickly change the subject.
"Fine," Zack said, stretching his arms out behind his back as he exhaled. "I couldn't wait to see you, though. So...you told Dill everything, huh? You two are getting to be close friends, I guess?" Zack observed, without a hint of jealousy.
"Yeah, he's a nice enough guy," Cloud replied. "And I didn't tell him absolutely everything...I only told him Fredo attacked me - I'm sure he must have known something happened, my face is still fucked up. I didn't go into detail. But I told him about the bomb...and my room."
"Your room," Zack echoed. He shivered, involuntarily, as his mind's eye flashed to the pile of debris and drywall that had once been Cloud's room. If I hadn't gotten there when I did...Cloud would be dead. "Yeah, about your room," Zack said, suddenly remembering. "Good news...you've got a new room assigned to you, I'm told. It'll be ready either tonight or tomorrow." He gazed wistfully at Cloud, feeling a bit sad that Cloud's temporary stay with him would soon be coming to an end.
"Oh, cool!" Cloud replied, grinning. "It'll be nice to have a room again. Not that I didn't enjoy staying with you, Zack...it's been really great, actually." Too bad I can't stay just a little longer.
"It was my pleasure, Cloud," Zack beamed. "I liked having you as my houseguest. And hey, if your room's not ready in a few hours - they're supposed to call my cell or yours, to let you know - you're more than welcome to stay another night."
"Thanks," Cloud said shyly, staring at his shoes and smiling. "I really appreciate it, Zack," he said softly.
"Not a problem, like I told you," Zack told him. "So...why don't we get down to business here, with our lesson? Pick out a weapon, Cloud...I'll use a practice one as well, so we'll be fighting with similarly weighted swords."
"Is your...sword bigger than these?" Cloud blushed madly at the double entendre of his question, which he only realized after he'd uttered the words. "Um..."
Zack laughed as he rummaged through the rack of practice swords, finally selecting a broadsword. "Mine's uh...longer and heavier than these," Zack replied, blushing in spite of himself. Gods, what is with us all of a sudden? Can we not even discuss the size of our swords without getting embarrassed?
"I have a sword at home, that I made myself," Cloud told Zack, as he selected his own practice sword from the rack. "That's what I grew up using, just to mess around with. These are a lot nicer, though." He grinned shyly at Zack as he picked out his sword.
"You'll have to tell me more about that sword you made sometime, Cloud," Zack commented, as he paced backwards, away from Cloud, taking position on the corner edge of the mat. "Let's get started here though...now, I know you've gone over the basics in class already in terms of footwork and handling the blade...but I'd like to go a bit further with defensive techniques here. You've got to concentrate a lot on your wrist movements when you parry; that, plus being aware of where your feet are at all times, will help you to defend yourself. You with me so far?"
Cloud nodded, standing opposite Zack on the mat, his eyes trained on him and unmoving. "I got it. I'm ready when you are, Zack."
"Okay," Zack said, nodding. "I'm going to go over some parries and blocks with you to start...I'll demonstrate the move, then you'll get to try it." Zack then proceeded to show Cloud about ten different defensive moves, demonstrating each one at least twice, hoping Cloud grasped the basics. I guess we'll find out, when he puts it into practice...
"All right, Cloud," Zack said slowly, moving toward him. "Back up just a bit, give yourself some room...now, I'm going to come at you with my sword, and I won't be giving you any warning. Watch my movements closely, and try to predict my next move as you defend yourself, okay?"
"Okay," Cloud breathed, as he bounced on the balls of his feet, excited to put into practice the new maneuvers Zack had taught him. He felt energized, aware, and ready to take on whatever Zack dished out. Cloud crouched back slightly in a basic defensive stance, and waited for Zack to make his first move. The soldier moved about in a semi-circle, his eyes locked on Cloud's as he feinted. Cloud parried and deflected the incoming blow, angling his blade so that Zack's sword struck it and bounced off.
"Nice," Zack murmured appreciatively. "So. Let's see what else you've got, Cloud," he said, gently taunting the cadet. Zack charged again, forcing Cloud to take a step back, but he brought his sword up quickly, striking it against Zack's weapon, the clang of metal echoing throughout the training room. On and on they continued in this fashion, Zack attacking, while Cloud was constantly on guard, trying to anticipate Zack's next move.
They were about an hour into it, and neither had realized just how much time had passed. Both men were panting from exertion, and had worked up a sweat. As Cloud danced around, just avoiding the tip of Zack's sword, the sweat dripped into his eyes, stinging them momentarily. He blinked to clear his eyes, and then it happened – Zack's sword tip grazed the sleeve of Cloud's shirt, tearing the fabric that covered his shoulder slightly. Cloud reared and jumped back the moment he realized what had happened, and saw Zack standing there open-mouthed, with a worried look on his face.
"Let's stop a minute," Zack urged, trying to catch his breath. He wiped a bead of sweat from his forehead with the back of his hand. "Cloud…are you okay? I didn't cut you, did I? Gods…" Zack ran his hand through his sweat-slicked hair, making it stand up crazily in peaks atop his head. "Cloud?"
Cloud didn't answer Zack - he felt laughter bubbling up inside of him, preventing him from being able to speak. His whole body shook with silent laughter; this concerned Zack, who had no idea Cloud was laughing, as he believed the cadet was having a seizure or something.
"Cloud!" Zack shouted, alarmed. In two strides he was at Cloud's side, placing both of his hands on the cadet's shoulders. "Cloud, say something! What's wrong?" he demanded, studying Cloud's eyes to see if his pupils were dilated.
"N-nothing," Cloud finally croaked out, giggling. He finally let go and laughed, doubled over, alarming Zack even further.
"Cloud, please…talk to me!" Zack insisted. "Did I hurt you?"
Looking up at Zack, Cloud shook his head. He grinned widely at Zack – his face was beginning to hurt from smiling so damned much. "You didn't hurt me, Zack," Cloud replied, trying to keep a straight face. "I…I absolutely loved this. Sparring with you, I just…I've never felt so alive before, Zack. It just feels like this is what I was meant to do."
"Whew!" Zack exclaimed, letting out the breath he'd been holding in. "Well, that's a relief, knowing I didn't hurt you," he said. Zack stepped in closer to Cloud, their faces just inches apart from each other. "And I think you're right….this is what you were meant to do, Cloud. I knew you were someone special the moment I laid eyes on you." He took his large, sword-calloused hands and framed Cloud's face with them; then, gently kissed him. Damn, Zack thought, his libido raging. Fencing with Cloud…gods, that felt like…foreplay? He laughed out loud at the thought.
Cloud looked up at Zack, a quizzical expression on his face. His arms were encircled around Zack's waist, his hands resting on the small of his back. "What's so funny?" Cloud asked Zack. His fingers began idly making small circles along Zack's spine.
"I'll...tell you later," Zack murmured. "Mmm, that feels nice, Cloud." He sighed contentedly, cradling his arms around Cloud's shoulders. "Um...not that I really want to move, but we both need to get cleaned up."
"Yeah," Cloud said, chuckling softly. "I guess we both worked up a sweat." He glanced up again at Zack, and their eyes locked on each other briefly. What do we do now? Cloud wondered, suddenly feeling awkward.
"So, why don't we...head back to my place, get cleaned up, and...grab something to eat?" Zack said quickly. "That sound good?" Cloud nodded. "Yeah," he muttered nervously. "Um...yeah. Sounds good."
"Let's clean off these weapons and store them, and we'll head back," Zack said. "You really did well today, Cloud," he added, smiling. "I'm proud of you."
"Thanks," Cloud mumbled, embarrassed. He tore his gaze away from Zack and stared at the floor, as he grabbed a polishing rag to clean off his sword.
"You don't have to feel self-conscious around me, Cloud," Zack said quietly. He was crouched on the edge of the mat, polishing his blade with one of the cleaning rags.
"I know," Cloud replied, sighing. "I just...I've never really been good at anything, you know? So I'm not used to getting compliments, I guess."
"See, I don't believe that for a second," Zack said firmly, as he placed his sword back in the rack. "You're good at a lot of things. Like...kissing, for example. I think you're a really good kisser."
"Oh, gods," Cloud murmured, his face turning beet red. "You have to stop embarrassing me, Zack!" he protested.
Zack chuckled. "How am I embarrassing you, by stating simple facts?" he asked Cloud. "Come on. Put that sword back, and let's go. I want to take you out to dinner tonight."
"Like...on a date?" Cloud asked hesitantly. "Zack? What...is going on between us? Are we...um, are we..."
"Are we dating?" Zack said, finishing Cloud's sentence for him. "Is that what you were going to say?" When Cloud nodded, Zack continued. "Well...I guess we are? We're getting to know each other, right? Gods, I'm being too pushy, aren't I," Zack fretted. "I thought I might be. I hope I didn't scare you, Cloud - I just - I really like you, and...it seemed like you felt the same way too - "
"But I do feel the same!" Cloud interrupted. They came to a stop in the hallway, just near the elevator. "I've just never...felt like this about anyone before. I'm not sure what to expect. I...haven't really dated much," he admitted sheepishly. "And...you're older than me...I just figured...you'd want someone with more experience..."
"I want you, Cloud," Zack said gently, grabbing Cloud around the waist as he drew him in, embracing him. "I don't want anybody else. I'm falling for you, and I can't stop myself. I don't want to stop."
"M-me too," Cloud stammered. He reached his hand up and grasped the back of Zack's head, pulling him in for a heated kiss. Cloud felt his entire body relax as he melted into the kiss, delving his tongue in between Zack's lips, teasing the tip of it against teeth and tongue. Their bodies felt as if they melded together as they stood there kissing for several minutes; only the ding of the elevator brought them back to reality, and they reluctantly parted from each other.
I think I'm falling in love with him, Cloud thought, the realization making him giddy. It's all happening so fast, though...can it really be love that I feel for him? Just days after we met?
"We should get going," Zack murmured, as the nearby elevator doors opened, and two SOLDIERS got off. "Good evening, Commander Fair," one of them said in greeting.
"Good evening, Lieutenant Solveig," Zack returned the greeting. "Classes going well so far this semester?"
"Indeed they are," the lieutenant replied. He seemed to suddenly realize Cloud was standing there. "And who's this?" he inquired, staring at the cadet.
"This is Cloud Strife, lieutenant," Zack replied. "He's a first year cadet, who's showing great promise with swordsmanship. We were just going over a few techniques in the training room. Cloud, Lieutenant Solveig is our archery instructor at the academy. I would imagine you'll be taking his class next year."
"Yes, my class is for the second-year students," the lieutenant explained. "Well, I'll look forward to seeing you in my class next year then, Cloud. Nice meeting you."
"Nice meeting you too, sir," Cloud replied. Lieutenant Solveig smiled and waved at the pair as he left.
"You have to stop doing that, Zack!" Cloud hissed angrily at Zack, clutching his sleeve, as they headed back toward Zack's quarters.
"Stop doing what?" Zack asked, perplexed.
"Stop...singing my praises to everyone," Cloud muttered, blushing. "I know you mean well, I'm just...really self-conscious about that kind of thing."
Zack sighed as he took his keys out of his pocket, and they both trudged up the steps of the officer's building. "I'm sorry, Cloud," Zack said, apologizing. "I don't mean to make you the center of attention...I keep forgetting you're shy about that sort of thing. I'm just really proud of you, Cloud," he said softly as he opened the door and held it open for him. "After you."
"Thanks," Cloud murmured quietly as he entered the apartment. He sat down on the recliner, and began removing his boots. "Is it okay if I shower first, Zack?" he asked timidly.
"Of course!" Zack replied cheerfully. "Go right ahead. I guess...I should fold my laundry," he said, ruefully eyeing a plastic bin full of clean, unfolded shirts and pants.
Cloud chuckled. "You could just roll everything in a ball like I do. Or...like I used to do," he continued, frowning. "I keep forgetting, I don't have my clothes anymore."
"That's right," Zack replied, taking a seat on the futon. "Do you want to get some stuff tonight, Cloud? You can use that gift card, maybe."
"Sure," Cloud said, smiling. "Sounds good. Maybe...after we eat?"
"Okay," Zack agreed, nodding. He kicked his boots off and reclined on the futon, stretching his arms over his head as he grunted. "Now get that cute ass of yours in the shower, Cloud," he said, grinning at the cadet. "Extra towels are on the rack. And you can borrow one of my shirts to wear, if you want...just grab one out of my closet after you're done. I can't help you with pants, though...mine are going to be too long on you, I think."
"Okay," Cloud replied enthusiastically, dashing down the hallway toward the bathroom. "I'll make it fast!" Zack smiled as he positioned a pillow under the back of his head, relaxing a bit. Dinner with Cloud...where should I take him? Zack mused. Hmm...
A short time later, both had showered and gotten themselves reasonably presentable looking. Cloud was dressed in Zack's borrowed blue shirt with too-long sleeves, which he'd rolled up, exposing his lean muscled forearms.
"My shirt looks good on you," Zack commented, gazing up and down admiringly at Cloud. "Brings out your blue eyes." Cloud was in a clean pair of uniform pants, lacking anything else at the moment he could wear to go out.
"So...where are we going?" Cloud asked, smiling at Zack. "Pizza again?"
"No, not pizza," Zack replied, chuckling. "I'm taking you to a quiet little pub...where we can have some privacy." Zack reached out and ran his fingers through Cloud's spiky bangs that fell gently over one eye. "And, we can have a damned good cheeseburger there, too."
"That," Cloud remarked as they exited the apartment, "sounds just about perfect."
"It's about three blocks from here," Zack informed Cloud, as they made their way toward the main thoroughfare. "We can walk it." He glanced sideways at Cloud, studying him for a few moments before asking his question. "Ah...Cloud?" he began hesitantly. "Is it okay if I hold your hand?"
The cadet's head jerked up in surprise; he stared wide-eyed at Zack. "I...uh, yeah...that sounds nice," Cloud stammered. "But...are you sure? Are you sure you want people to know we're together? What if you get in trouble?" he worried.
"I do," Zack said firmly, taking Cloud's slender, smaller hand in his own. "I want the world to know we're together, Cloud," he declared. "I can't fight what I feel for you, so I'm not going to." Even if it means my job...I don't think it will, but even if it did...I wouldn't care. I love him.
Zack's eyes widened as he realized the depth of his feelings for the young cadet. I do, he thought, smiling. Great Gaia, I do love Cloud. And I want to tell him, but...that may have to wait. Until he's ready to hear it, anyway. He grinned happily, loving how Cloud's fingers felt, curled around his hand.
"What are you smiling about all of a sudden?" Cloud asked, his curiosity piqued.
"Maybe I'll tell you later," Zack replied mysteriously. "I'm just really happy right now. We're finally going on a real date, for one thing."
"Yeah," Cloud said softly, grinning sideways at Zack. "I'm looking forward to it."
"Me too," Zack replied, giving Cloud's hand a light squeeze. "Well, here we are. Marshall's pub. I know, it doesn't look like something fancy enough for a first date...but I think you'll like it."
"We don't have to get fancy," Cloud said quietly, smiling. "This place looks nice, besides." The pair walked in, and Zack waved to the bartender on duty. "We're just going to grab a corner booth," Zack informed him.
"I'll send someone over in a moment," the bartender replied, waving back at Zack. "Anything to drink for you two?"
"I'll have an amber bock," Zack informed the bartender. "Cloud? What do you want?"
"Chocolate stout," Cloud replied.
"You're in luck," the bartender informed Cloud cheerfully. "Just got several kegs of some new stout, out of Gongaga Village."
"Gongaga!" Zack exclaimed excitedly. "That's where I'm from! I changed my mind, I want that too."
"Two stouts," the bartender murmured. "I'll have those right over."
"Thanks, man," Zack called, as he walked Cloud over to the corner booth. Moments later, a waitress came by with menus.
"Drinks are on their way," she informed them. "Need a few minutes with the menu?"
"Yeah, I think so," Zack murmured. "Just a few minutes, thanks."
"So...what's good here?" Cloud asked as he scanned the menu. "There's like, fifteen kinds of cheeseburgers here...how am I going to decide?"
"That's the problem!" Zack said, laughing. "You know, even I haven't tried them all yet. I keep getting the one with bacon and guacamole."
"That sounds good," Cloud said appreciatively, salivating. "This one with roasted poblanos, bacon, and cheese sounds good too, though."
"Hmm," Zack murmured, considering. "I could go for that one, too! Damn it. Too many choices." He grinned and shut his menu, placing it on the table. "I guess I'll get the habanero burger." Cloud gave Zack a wary look. "You know habaneros are really hot, right Zack?" he cautioned him. "I mean, poblanos are hot too, but habaneros...are the hottest ever."
"It'll be fine!" Zack said dismissively. Their server returned with two mugs of dark beer, the foamy head spilling over the sides of the glass. "Here're your beers," she announced, as she placed them on the table. "Ready to order now?"
"I think we are," Zack replied. "Cloud?"
"Yeah," Cloud answered. "I'm ready. I think I'll have this poblano burger...medium rare, and can I get extra guacamole on it? Also some curly fries."
"Got it," the waitress muttered, jotting the order down on her pad. "And for you?" she asked, turning to Zack.
"Habanero burger," Zack replied, grinning at Cloud, who shot him a bemused look. "Rare, with pepper jack cheese. Oh! And an order of onion rings for us to share." Zack handed the menus over to the waitress, and then he leaned forward, elbows resting on the table, as he continued grinning at Cloud. "What? What was that look for, Cloud?" he demanded.
"I have a feeling you'll regret ordering that, Zack," Cloud predicted. "Are we going to be searching for antacids later, when we go clothes shopping?" he asked, chuckling.
"Smartass," Zack retorted, smiling. "I'm sure I'll be fine, Cloud. I've had some of those Wutaian death wings before, you know...I'm sure I can handle this burger."
"Okay," Cloud said doubtfully, sipping his beer. "Mmm, this is good. I've never had Gongagan beer."
"It is good, isn't it?" Zack commented. "Makes me a little homesick, though. I haven't written to my parents in a long time," he added, his voice tinged with regret. "And I don't have a good excuse for that, either. I just...haven't."
"Maybe you should call them, then," Cloud suggested. "Do you get along with them?"
"Oh yeah, I do," Zack said, smiling easily. "They just worry a lot. I know that even if I write to them, my ma will read between the lines of my letter, thinking I'm hiding something from her."
"Ha," Cloud chuckled softly. "Sounds like my mom. She was always...nagging me to get an older girlfriend for some reason."
Zack laughed heartily, nearly choking on his beer, as the waitress brought over the stack of onion rings. "Well, the whole being gay thing kind of blows her idea out of the water, doesn't it, Cloud?" Zack commented, as Cloud laughed along with him. A thought suddenly occurred to Zack, and he frowned. "Wait a minute. She does know you're not into girls, right?"
Cloud nodded, chewing thoughtfully on an onion ring. "Yeah. I mean, I'm pretty sure she does," he replied. "I...was sort of seeing a guy back home. But it didn't work out."
"Ah," Zack said quietly. "Well, I'm not going to lie and say I'm sorry it didn't work out...because if it did, I wouldn't be sitting here with you." He smiled at Cloud again, and leaned back in his seat. "Believe it or not...I had a girlfriend at one time. And that didn't work out for me either. Well…obviously."
"Huh," Cloud murmured, feeling a tiny pang of jealousy toward this as-yet-unnamed girlfriend. Of course, it didn't really surprise Cloud that Zack had been in a relationship with someone. "Were you...serious with her?" he asked Zack.
The soldier laughed. "She was the more serious one. At the time...well, I fancied myself a ladies' man, I guess. Even though I really had no interest in any of them. But...Aerith - that was my girlfriend - she's the only one I was um...intimate with." Zack coughed uncomfortably, and took a swig of his beer. Shit. That was probably too much information...on our first date, no less. What the hell was I thinking? Damn it, now Cloud is blushing...I've embarrassed him again...
"Oh," Cloud murmured, his cheeks turning crimson. "Well...I guess I don't have to ask you that question now, do I?" he said, grinning at Zack.
"You're cute, Cloud," Zack replied with a smile. The waitress came by with their burgers and placed them on the table, clearing away their appetizer plates. "Another round of beers?" she queried.
"Sounds great," Zack said, flashing a smile. "Thank you. So," he continued, as he bit into his burger. "Did you...and your boyfriend...holy fuck, this is hot!" Zack groaned as he bit down into a habanero.
Cloud snickered. "I told you, Zack," he said haughtily. "Don't say I didn't warn you!" He chuckled as he bit into his burger, hoping that Zack had already forgotten the question he had started to ask. I don't want to talk about that right now, Cloud decided. Maybe...later. Or never. Never would be good, too.
"So, ah...how long were you together, Cloud?" Zack continued, repeating his question. He'd placed his sandwich back on the plate and removed the bun, picking off the rest of the habaneros, when he caught Cloud staring at him and laughing. "Don't laugh, Cloud! Fine...you were right about the peppers. Are you happy now?"
"Yeah," Cloud said, still giggling. "Yeah," he repeated, his laughter subsiding. He stared back at Zack, his expression suddenly turning serious. "I am happy. Very much so."
Zack beamed happily at Cloud, and reached across the table for his hand, stroking the knuckles with his thumb. "Good. I'm glad," he said softly. "I am too." The waitress then returned, with two more beers and the check. "Anything else for ya?" she asked, in a bored tone.
"Nah, we're good," Zack told her. "Thank you." Turning back to Cloud, clutching the cadet's smaller hand in his own, Zack narrowed his eyes and smirked. "So, you avoiding my question? Or am I just being too damned nosy? You can tell me if I am, you know!"
"I...wasn't avoiding it," Cloud murmured, blushing. "I just...don't really know how to answer it, honestly. He wasn't my boyfriend, we just...had a fling, I guess you could say."
"Ah. I see," Zack replied. "I'm sorry, I'm making you uncomfortable - "
"I'm a virgin," Cloud blurted suddenly, then groaned, quickly pulling his hand away from Zack's, as he buried his head in his hands. "Why the hell did I just say that!" he said angrily, chastising himself. "I'm such an idiot!"
"No, you're not!" Zack insisted. "Cloud, come on. Let me see your face - please, Cloud," he pleaded, gently forcing Cloud's hands back down. "Don't beat yourself up. Listen. I'm not going to beat around the bush, here - I want you. I want you so bad I can almost taste it. So...I'm kind of grateful for your honesty. Even if you didn't mean for it to come out exactly like that."
"The thing is," Zack continued, sighing. "I don't want to push you, Cloud. You've been through a lot...and really, I feel like I've maybe been coming on too strong already. But I'm glad I haven't scared you off just yet," he said, smiling tenderly at Cloud.
Cloud let out a breath, and tried to steady his nerves before speaking. "You could never scare me away, Zack. It does seem like things are happening fast...but I'm just really happy when I'm with you. I - I want to be with you, Zack," Cloud said, lowering his voice to a whisper. "I've never felt like this about anyone else, and I just want to...be with you. You know...in that way," he mumbled, feeling self-conscious. Why can't I just come out and say it, for Gaia's sake? Yes, I want to have sex with you, Zack Fair!
"Yeah," Zack whispered. In a flash, in his mind's eye, he pictured himself sweeping the beer bottles off of the table with his arm, and just taking Cloud right then and there on the table, so pent up with passion was he. "I want that too, Cloud. I do. But...we don't have to rush that, you know. Not at all. I want you to spend the night with me tonight, Cloud...and I just want to hold you all night long. We won't do anything you don't want to, I just...I want to wake up tomorrow with you in my arms. Shit...I'm asking too much of you, I know it. I can tell by the look on your face-"
"Shut up, Zack," Cloud interrupted, grinning. "You're not asking too much. That sounds...perfect. Especially since I have nowhere else to stay," he joked. "Are we still going to go shopping, though?"
"Of course we are!" Zack said emphatically. He pulled out his wallet and fished out several gil notes to cover their bill, throwing them on the table near the check. "Dinner's on me tonight," Zack told Cloud, who looked as if he was about to protest. "And don't argue with me!"
"Are you always this bossy, Zack?" Cloud teased as they left the pub, Zack's arm draped possessively about his shoulders.
"Only with you, Cloud," Zack returned, snorting. "Because you're so damned stubborn. I love that about you, though...shows you've got spirit."
"You're just as stubborn as me, you know," Cloud retorted, smirking. They walked on down Loveless Avenue, toward their next destination - the Midgar shopping plaza.
Several hours later, Cloud had spent most of the balance on his gift card, but had rebuilt the basics of the wardrobe that he'd lost when his room had been destroyed. He had purchased three pairs of pants, a package of socks, enough underwear to last a week, and half a dozen shirts. Zack insisted on buying Cloud a new pair of running shoes, and further insisted that they should both go for a run first thing in the morning. Cloud, naturally, grumbled at the suggestion, not being much of a morning person.
"Seriously, Zack?" Cloud asked, as they headed back to the officer's quarters building. "I have to get up early enough as it is-"
"Just a couple of miles, Cloud," Zack interrupted. "Or three, or maybe even four. That's really not that far, when you think about it! We could do four miles in less than an hour!"
"It is far for me," Cloud argued. "I mean, look at you! You have longer legs than me, what do you have to worry about?"
"Hmpf," Zack muttered in reply, inserting his key in the lock, and opening his door. He ushered Cloud inside, and after the cadet had brought in all his purchases, Zack grabbed Cloud's hand, pulling him back. He laced his fingers into Cloud's hair and tipped his head back as their mouths met in a kiss. "I think," Zack whispered, as he parted Cloud's lips with his tongue, "that this is a really effective way to keep you from arguing with me," he said teasingly. His hands wandered up Cloud's backside, and pulled him in tightly.
"Y-yeah," Cloud stammered, suddenly feeling weak-kneed and breathless. He stumbled slightly as Zack walked him backwards, directing him toward the hallway. Hearts pounding, they entered Zack's darkened bedroom and fell upon the unmade bed, piled with soft blankets and a down comforter. They wrapped their arms around each other and held each other tightly, kissing and gently groping each other.
"Remember, Cloud," Zack whispered, his fingers ghosting through blond spikes of hair. "If you don't feel right about any of this, or it seems like things are getting out of hand, just say the word. As much as I'm looking forward to our first time together...I don't want you to be uncomfortable, Cloud. I love you." Shit. It just slipped out! Zack worried. Damn it...this is not how I wanted this to happen. This is not how I wanted to tell him, just blurting it out like that!
"You...love me?" Cloud repeated, incredulously. He felt something catch in his throat, and buried himself in Zack's warm neck, nuzzling and kissing him. "Oh gods," he whispered, a trace of a sob in his voice. "I didn't think...that you felt the same way."
"What?" Zack exclaimed. He shook his head back and forth, certain he had misheard or misinterpreted something. "Did you just say - "
"I was trying to tell you, that I feel the same way too," Cloud said nervously. He finally removed himself from Zack's neck, glancing over as his blue eyes met Mako-enhanced ones, oddly bright in the murky blackness of the bedroom.
"So you mean..." Zack said slowly, not wanting to rush Cloud - but at the same time, he wanted to know exactly how Cloud felt about him.
"I mean…that I love you too, Zack," Cloud whispered, smiling at the object of his affection. Zack was lying on his side, facing Cloud, with an arm curled about his waist.
"This has been the best day of my life," Zack declared in a whisper. "Even better than the day I was promoted to First Class."
"Oh come on, Zack," Cloud scoffed. "I don't believe that for a second." He traced Zack's face with his fingertips, scarcely believing his luck that someone so perfect, could love him in return.
"Believe it, Cloud," Zack said firmly. He ghosted his fingers over Cloud's lips, and trailed them up until he ran them through his hair. "You are so beautiful, Cloud. I believe I may have fallen in love with you the moment I saw you."
"I can't believe this is happening," Cloud whispered, wrapping himself around Zack. "It feels like...it's too good to last."
"Don't think that way," Zack murmured. "You and I were meant to be together, Cloud. I just feel that it was fate that joined us, you know?"
Zack sat up, backlit by the moonlight streaming in through the window. "Come on," he urged Cloud gently. "Let's get ready for bed. I'm sure you don't want to sleep in your uniform pants," he said, smiling. Cloud nodded wordlessly, and sat up on the side of the bed. He quickly eased off his pants and shirt, kicking them to the floor. I'll get them tomorrow, he thought, as he slid back underneath the covers, only to feel Zack's heated flesh against his own - he'd removed his shirt as well, and his chest was flush against Cloud's, as they returned to their familiar embrace.
"I might not be able to control myself around you, Zack," Cloud moaned, as Zack began nuzzling his neck. "I - I want - oh gods," he growled, as he felt himself harden, just because of Zack's body heat radiating against his own.
"Whatever you want to do, Cloud," Zack whispered in between kissing the smooth flesh of Cloud's neck. "It's fine with me."
"I...don't think I'm ready for that," Cloud said ruefully. "As much as I want to, it's just…too soon, I think. But...there are other things we can do," he added playfully, as he turned Zack on his back, straddling his hips.
"Mmm," Zack murmured, running his hands up and down Cloud's bared back. "Then let's do them."
A/N: Saaaaaap. So much sap, right? Oh well. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, despite all the sugar shock. :D I've been trying to update with one chapter a week, which has been working so far - next week there won't be an update though, as I'll be away on vacation. please read, review, and enjoy this chapter until I return with the next one! :)