Once again thanks for the reviews, since this chapter is so short we will update a third time this week on Saturday.

This chapter's song is Breathe Me by Sia, a personal favorite of both Jen and I.

Help, I have done it again

I have been here many times before

Hurt myself again today

And the worst part is there's no one else to blame

She'd been having trouble keeping up with life. Most of the time, her mind was wandering elsewhere and she barely paid attention to anyone, even Jamie. She wasn't doing it on purpose, ever since Nathan had left her, she had lost total control over her mind.

Just the week before, she had set her piano on fire. It haunted her, to stare at it. She pictured it as a reminder of what she had had with Nathan and she hated it. After a bottle or two of alcohol, she'd purposely spilled the bottle on the instrument and dropped a candle on it. She sat there, watching it burn, trying to feel something.

She could have burned the whole house. It could have killed her.

It could have killed her son who was in the other room, napping.

She stared at it for minutes until something in her brain made her realize that Jamie's was the other room and if the fire spread, she'd kill her baby boy. She had gotten up and killed the fire with a blanket.

Then, she'd spent her days staring at the burnt piano. The darkness of it fascinated her.

She'd brought Jamie to Brooke's house to have him babysitter and spent a little longer saying goodbye to him.

"I love you Jamie. Always remember that. I love you and I'm sorry for everything. I hope you'll understand one day." She placed a kiss on his forehead and said goodbye to her friend. She got in her car and drove around the town for a while.

She was delusional.

She didn't know what to feel anymore, she wasn't feeling anything and she was just tired. Tired of everything. She was tired of spending her days wanting the love of her life back.

She was tired of breathing.

She stopped at a red light and looked around. The streets were empty and quiet. There was no one outside, no other cars in the way. She took a deep breath and pressed on the gas when the light was still red.

She was tired and she wanted all her pain to go away and at that time, she thought this was the only way to do it.

She accelerated and didn't stop.

She passed a few red lights but there was no one on the streets for it to matter.

She lost control of her car.

It crashed into a tree.

She thought she'd succeeded as she passed out.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small and needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

All she heard was the beeping of the medical equipment around her. Her eyes were still closed but she heard people talk around her. She couldn't make out their voices, everything was still a little confusing. All she knew was that she was in pain and that she had failed. Even hell doesn't want me, she thought. She waited until the voices disappeared before trying to open her eyes.

She blinked multiple times and she heard a familiar voice, "Haley? Haley?"

The light blinded her and she closed them again before opening them and waiting as her eyes adjusted to the lighting of the room. "Haley? Can you hear me?"

She mumbled something but Brooke didn't understand. "What did you say Haley?"

"Yes." She said a little more clearly.

Her eyes opened and she's stared at a worried Brooke. "How are you feeling?"

"In pain."

Haley remembered very clearly what had happened. She'd purposely crashed her car in hopes to die. Everybody probably knew by then. It was a small town and the streets were empty. She was driving way above the speed limit and the police had ruled her accident as a suicide attempt.

"Haley, talk to me." Brooke held her friend's hand. "Why?"

Haley took a deep breath but she was unable to talk. There was just too much going on in her head for her to formulate a complete sentence. She just whispered "I don't know."

"Haley, I'm here. If you need to talk. Don't throw your life away. Please, Jamie needs you." She told her.

Then it hit her, what had happened to her son?

"Jamie? Where is Jamie?" She's panicked now.

Ouch I have lost myself again

Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,

Yeah I think that I might break

I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe

She couldn't even see her own child. She was sitting up in her hospital bed when Brooke came in the room. "Hey Haley."

She looked up but she didn't smile, "Can I see Jamie?"

It hurt Brooke to see her best friend like that. "Social services still have him. They're presenting the case to the court." She explained. "They've come up with a verdict."

"A verdict? Why would they need a verdict?" Her voice broke.

"You're not in the mental state to take care of him." Brooke told her.

"But I need my son!" She yelled.

"And he needs him mom too, but not until you get better."

"Who has him?"

"They've given Lucas and I Jamie's custody." She said. "We'll take care of him, until you get better."

Haley should have been happy that Jamie wasn't being sent off to people he didn't know. She should be glad Brooke and Lucas were taking him but a part of her felt betrayed.

"No! You can't! He's mine. He's my son! You can't take him away!" She yelled and started thrashing in the bed, ignoring the pain.

Her son was taken away from her and there was nothing she could do about it.

Some doctors came in to try and calm her down and Brooke was forced to leave the room. She watched from the window of the door and cried. How could this have happened? She thought. Nothing was right anymore.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small and needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

They put her in therapy and eventually they medicated her. She didn't try to get better at first. She was used to living with the sadness and the thought of being happy again scared her. The only thing that kept her alive was her son. She hadn't seen him since before the accident. They still wouldn't let her see him. Brooke would bring pictures and videos when she would visit her. It hurted her to see Brooke raise her child. She knew Lucas and Brooke would treat Jamie wonderfully but it felt wrong. She should be there with them. She should have her son with her. He was the only piece of Nathan she had left.

The first few months were hell. Sometimes, she felt like she was losing her mind and if she didn't get out of there soon she'd go crazier than she already was.

By the 6th month, she'd accepted the therapy even if it didn't help that much. She just needed to make them believe it did. They eventually let her see her son. Brooke and Lucas came to visit her with Jamie. He had grown so much since she had last seen him and she cried. She'd missed half a year of his life.

"Hi baby, you remember me?" She smiled for the first time in months.

"Mama." Jamie smiled as he lunged to hug his mother. "I miss you."

That gave Haley the push she needed to get better. Her son needed her.

Be my friend

Hold me, wrap me up

Unfold me

I am small and needy

Warm me up

And breathe me

She got released after a year. She was healthy again. She had found joy in the little things she didn't like anymore. She felt different but more importantly, they were letting her get Jamie back.

"You'll need to live under supervision for the first year. Social services will follow with you for the first months or so and you will need to report back to them." She signed a lot of paperwork and eventually, she moved in with Brooke and Lucas.

It was sort of a way for them to make sure Haley was doing okay and that she wasn't going to wake up one morning feeling depressive again. They wanted to be there for her and they wanted to make sure Jamie was always going to be okay.

Jamie didn't understand why his mom was gone for a whole year but he was just glad to have her back. He'd missed his mother.