Ermahgerd, that Rihanna concert was just fab. I think I'm going to keep my hair like that forever. Well, anywhore, after the concert, we went back to Hogwarts.
I plopped down on the chair in the Great Hall. My ass hurts. Probably from sitting in that black cabinet for so long. I looked around the Hall and spotted someone new at the teachers table. Oh, right, that was Gilderoy Lockhart! He was dressed up like a cowboy and looked TOTS like Clint Eastwood!
"Hey, but where's Hermione?" I asked Ron, because I just realized, that she wasn't here.
"I ordered her to do all the shopping for us." Ron laughed evilly, 'cause he was a sexist idiot. "That's what women are for."
"SHUT THE F*CK UP RON, THAT'S SEXIST!" Ginny screamed and started to throw plates and cups at his head.
I'll have to ask Hagrid for the Ron Repellent.
Then, Dumbledore came to say his boring speech. The only interesting thing was, that he had only pink underwear with polka dots on. He coughed dramatically and with a dramatic movement of his hand, turned off all the candles, which caused many loud screams, so he turned them back on. I didn't know, that Hogwarts candles were actually ran by electricity.
"Welcome, to Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry! We have a few important announcements for this year! First of all-"
"Yes, Dumbledore, we all know, that you're secretly homo!" Fred called across the hall.
Dumbledore cursed under his breath, but soon regained confidence and straightened his pink underwear.
"Well, if anyone wants to know, I'm still single and looking for a man!" he continued, "Now, to the next news! We have a new Defence Against The Dark Arts teacher, who is totally skilled in this sphere - GILDEROY LOCKHART!"
Gilderoy came forward and bowed down. Wow, he looked so smart and confident. I clapped enthusiastically, while the sexists idiots, like Ron, just sat there, looking grumpy as hell.
After Gilderoy had bowed a few more times and said an inspirational speech, about, how his duty is to teach children how to protect themselves from rapists, like the old lady in Diagon Alley or Ron in the future, Dumbledore started to speak again.
"Mr. Filch also wants to remind you, that Draco Malfoy is strictly forbidden to Pansy Parkinson."
HA, that's what that slut deserved!