Chapter Four

I rolled the windows down and allowed the breeze to blow the hair away from my face as I drove slowly to my destination. The air was freezing cold but it made me feel alive, so I just turned the heater up. Imogen Heap was singing her heart out through the stereo speakers as I lazily moved my lips along with the song. I should have been home asleep, I was moving into the Spenser dorms the next day, but I just couldn't sleep. Moving back to Ipswich had stirred up so many emotions and thoughts, that it would be a miracle if I ever slept again.

I had thought I was over Caleb, that is, until I saw that gorgeous face of his, that smile that always drove me crazy. We'd dated more than once a couple of years back, but it had always ended the same way: I wanted a real relationship, and all he wanted to do was have someone to call his girlfriend. I'd turn to Reid every time with my heartbreak story, and he'd coax me into bed. I didn't mind, usually, and I didn't regret it. It felt good to know that someone wanted me. Caleb and Reid had gotten into a major fight as soon as Caleb had found out about Reid and I sleeping together, and I knew that it was wrong of me to go to Reid after Caleb, but it seemed like a good idea at the time.

I sighed the thoughts away as I approached the bridge. I pulled to the side of it and turned off Celeste's car, throwing the keys in the passenger's seat. Climbing out of the SUV, I straightened my skirt and walked toward Caleb. I knew he'd be here, well, I'd hoped at least. I wanted to talk to him alone about some things, and now was my perfect time.

"I figured you'd come out here," he said, giving me a smile and squinting at me a little.

"Oh, yeah, how's that?"

"I just know you." I hugged him and smiled before I sat on the edge of the bridge and swiveled so that my legs were dangling off the edge. I stared down at my leggings and ballet slippers and suddenly wished that I had worn pants and boots.

"Amazing that I'm still so predictable."

"I didn't say anything about predictability." I took a deep breath of the cold December air and chuckled.

"I missed this weather."

"Was it that much different in Virginia?" I nodded, not looking at him.

"The air here is lighter, or something. This is home to me, Caleb." He sat beside me on the bridge, his feet on the road. I stared straight ahead, but I could feel his eyes tracing the lines of my face. I glanced at him only to receive a goofy grin.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, more."

"Not even possible."

"Whatever." We sat in silence for a few minutes, just listening to the sounds of the stream below and the sound of our breathing.

"Karli?"

"Yeah?"

"What did Reid say to you earlier to piss you off?" I looked into his eyes and came so very close to telling him, but I didn't. I didn't even know Sarah yet, and I didn't want her to hate me before I really got a chance to show her who I was. I shook my head.

"It was nothing. He's just an ass and was trying to get a reaction out of me."

"Which he did."

"Yeah."

"Listen," he scratched the back of his head and looked away from me, all nervous habits, "I know we haven't talked in two years, but, if you ever need anyone, I'm here." He looked back at me and gave me a serious face.

"I know, Caleb."

"No, I'm not sure that you do. I know we've been through a lot of shit together and apart, but I still feel this connection to you. I just don't want to lose that connection again. If all of us aren't together, it feels like pieces are missing." I smiled.

"How do you think it felt for me? I was missing four pieces, not just one."

"I can only imagine." My cell phone started ringing in my jacket pocket, so I dug it out and sighed when I read "Reid."

"Yeah?"

"Don't act like you aren't happy to hear from me."

"What do you want, Reid?"

"Where are you?"

"Why do you care?"

"Look, don't be so fucking hostile. I just wanted to apologize for earlier, and to talk to you alone."

"I'm kind of busy right now."

"You're with Caleb, aren't you?"

"No."

"Liar."

"I'm not with Caleb. We just so happened to end up at the same place at the same time."

"I'm sure."

"What's it to you, anyways? You're not my father or my boyfriend, so you really have no reason to care."

"Whatever." He hung up on me and I pulled the phone away from my ear to stare at it.

"I have half a mind to call him back and bitch at him for hanging up on me," I told Caleb who still wasn't looking at me.

"I don't want this to come across as vain or anything."

"Oh, Lord."

"Karli, why is he so jealous of you and me? I mean, he always has been ever since we first started dating. I mean, we're not even together like that now and he's flipping out."

"It's because he's secretly in love with me," I said quickly with quite a sarcastic tone. Caleb let out a bark of laughter and I jumped.

"Are you so sure that it's a secret?" I stared at him.

"I was totally joking."

"I wasn't."

: x : x : x :

I groaned loudly and slammed my palm down on my alarm clock before rolling out of bed and scratching my head. I slowly climbed in the shower and just stood under the hot stream of water for what seemed like forever. I was still cold from the night before on the outside, even though my soul felt warm for the first time in a long time. I washed my body and hair before I laid my head against the shower wall and nearly fell back asleep. I was insanely tired and it was my own fault for staying out nearly until sunrise, but the time spent with Caleb had been well worth it. Just being with him reminded me of my life when it was simple: before my father died, before my mother became an alcoholic, before Celeste miscarried again and again, before my depression. His presence really did keep me sane sometimes.

I had told him everything last night, well, everything except my feelings for him. He now knew about my mom and her psychotic alcohol abuse, how we figured that was the cause of Celeste's baby problems, how the whole situation left me in a therapist's chair every other Tuesday. He knew it all. Caleb was a male version of Celeste, only more attractive and with a deeper voice. He listened like there was nothing in the world he'd rather be doing and made the comments that I needed to hear. For those qualities, I'd have done anything for him, so when he had asked me to get to know Sarah better, I agreed. He said that since Kate had moved to Georgia that she was lost. She and Ashley had bonded, but not in the way that she and Kate had, even though they had known each other for all of a month.

"Karli, hurry up, we've got to get down to the dorms." Celeste's voice startled me and I slipped and busted my ass in the shower. "Are you okay?"

"Eh."

"Karli? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Celeste."

"Then hurry up and get out of the shower. I want to help you get set up at Spenser but I'm going to leave you on your own if it means I have to miss my soaps." I laughed and pulled myself off of the shower floor.

"It's Saturday!"

"They're VHS."

"Then can't you watch them later?"

"No, you loser, I'm on a set schedule here, so hurry the heck up!"

"Twenty years old and already addicted to soap operas," I muttered. I turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, grabbing my towel and going to my room.

The drive to Spenser from the Osment Estate was a only about 13 minutes long, however, just long enough to make me not want to drive it every morning. I hated driving pretty much for any length of time, driving from Ipswich to Marion had done that to me, so moving in the dorms was the best thing for me. That and I could party until the wee hours of the morning and Celeste would never know. She'd pretty much guess, but she'd never actually know.

I couldn't see where I was going because of a huge box of clothes I was carrying so I nearly knocked Caleb over in the hallway. He laughed at my struggling with the box before he took it from me and walked me to my dorm.

"What are you even doing here?" I asked him, unlocking and opening the door for him. He stepped past me and set the box down on the only dressed bed in the room. My arrival meant an odd number of girls, so I got a whole dorm room all to myself.

"I came over to chill with Pogue and Tyler."

"No Reid?"

"He's pissed at me for something."

"Oh." I ripped the tape off of the top of the box and hoped that Reid's attitude problem had nothing to do with me.

"What do you mean, 'oh?'" I looked up at him and narrowed my eyes in confusion. "What are you thinking?"

"That I hope it doesn't have anything to do with me."

"Should it?"

"I don't know. He was pretty upset on the phone last night."

"He's just jealous." I moved the box to the floor and sat on the bed. Caleb sat beside me and sighed.

"What's there to be jealous of, Caleb?"

"We've been through a lot together, Karli. We used to be pretty close." He took my hand and turned a little so that he was facing me. "I was kind of hoping that we could rebuild our friendship. You really don't know how much I've missed you. You were a fresh mind on every situation that I would go through. It gets tough being surrounded by male opinions." I cracked a smile and heard Celeste cuss behind the door. I quickly went to it and opened it only to see her look from me to Caleb and then back to me.

"Am I interrupting something?"

"Nah, we were just unpacking my boxes," I explained, ushering her though the door. She nearly threw the box on the bed before she hugged Caleb.

"Damn, boy, puberty was good to you." I rolled my eyes in embarrassment as she hugged him again. Travis walked through the still-open door and raised an eyebrow at Celeste.

"Am I being replaced?"

"Definitely not. Travis, this is Caleb Danvers. This is one of the boys that Karli and I pretty much grew up with." They exchanged hellos and shook hands as I just leaned against the open door shaking my head.

There were a total of nine boxes there we had to lug from the car to the room. Travis, Caleb, and even Pogue helped us with the remainder so that Celeste wouldn't have to pick up anything. I, the semi-feminist of the group, was determined to carry my own boxes at least up the stairs, even though I did drop one of them on Pogue's foot. He just glared at me while I laughed and picked the box up before I could say anything. Once everything was unpacked and fairly put away Celeste and Travis returned to the Estate, and Caleb and Pogue disappeared. I sat on the edge of my bed and sighed. I needed to have a chat with Reid.