Mulan stood in the girl's bathroom staring in the full-length mirror. She was in her green camouflage uniform with her matching yellow combat boots. Fortunately they hadn't had a boot size in stock that fit her small feet, so she was aloud to keep her boots on. She fixed her hat nervously and puffed out her small chest.
"Okay...okay... Howabout this?" She cleared her throat and took a deep breath, "Excuse me, where do I sign in?" She gestured awkwardly, "Ha! I see you have a gun. I have one too!" She fumbled with her sidearm. They're very manly and tough." She fumbled with her gun until it fell to the grown with an unceremonious clatter. She groaned and thanked Buddha that her safety was on as she picked it up and holstered it. She trudged out of the bathroom and over to where her stuff was resting by her motorcycle.
"Oh who am I kidding? It'll take a miracle to get me into the army." She sighed heavily as she looked over at the obstacle course and the ROTC buildings.
'Did I hear someone ask for a miracle?" A small red dragon appeared before her and Mulan's eyes widened. She shakily reached her hand out to touch him, hoping that it was just a lizard.
'Can I hear ya say ahhhhh?' He said in an attempt to be motivational as her hand passed right through him.
"Ahhhhh!" She screamed and hid behind her bike.
'That's close enough.' The dragon stepped closer as she peeked out cautiously from behind the bike.
"It's a ghost." She whispered when she recognized the voice.
'Get ready Mulan your serpentine salvation is at hand! For I have been sent by your ancestors to guide you through your masquerade.' Mulan raised an eyebrow and slowly stood.
'So heed my word! If the army finds out that you're a minor without parental release...the penalty is death! ...I mean dishonorable discharge!'
"Who are you?" She gaped at her hallucination.
'Who am I? Who am I?! You best recognize your uncle! I am the guardian of lost souls! I am the powerful, the pleasurable, the indestructible Mushu.' He bowed cheekily and Mulan gave him a disbelieving look.
'I have pretty eyes don't I?' He chuckled, and then yelled as her motorcycle ran him over a little when she accidentally pushed it. He coughed as he peeled himself off the ground and Mulan knelt next to him.
"Uhh...Uncle Mushu? Why did my ancestors send a little lizard to help me?" she gave him a questioning look.
"Hey! Hey...Dragon, Dra-gon. Not lizard. I don't do that tongue thing." he crossed his arms petulantly. Mulan stood and looked around nervously to make sure that no one was watching her.
"You're um..." she trailed off as he climbed onto her shoulder.
"Intimidating? Awe-inspiring?" he provided with a cheeky smile.
"Tiny." Mulan grimaced, "And not to mention dead..."
"Of course! I'm travel-sized for your convenience! And If I was my real size your tricycle here would die of fright!" she revved her motorcycle and he glared at her. "Down Bessy!"
He leapt on top of her head and jumped around, "My powers are beyond your mortal imagination! For instance, my eyes can see straight through your uniform." Mulan gasped and covered herself with one hand, using the other to slap him.
"Alright! Das it! Dishonor! Dishonor on your whole family! Make a note of this! Dishonor on you! Dishonor on your tricycle!" Mulan covered his mouth and kneeled next to him.
"Stop! I'm sorry. I'm sorry... I'm just nervous, I've never done this before." she looked down in embarrassment.
"Then you're gonna have to trust me... and don't you slap me no more! We clear on that?" she nodded silently and watched as he continued to blabber on.
"Alright then! Okie Dokie let's get this show on the road!" he jumped on the bike and Mulan drove to the camp. She turned off the bike and peeked around the entrance to catch a glimpse of the soldiers. Men were everywhere doing various things such as testing equipment, unloading supplies and generally bustling around busily.
"Alright this is it. Time to show them your toughness! Shoulders back. Chest high. Feet apart. Head up and strut!" Mulan took a deep breath an awkwardly strutted into the camp, acting like a clumsy puppet. The men she passed stopped what they were doing and gave her weird looks. She was passing a tent when she decided to observe the men in there.
"Beautiful isn't it?" Mushu whispered in her ear as she stared in morbid fascination as one man picked his nose with gusto, and the other picked between his toes with his chopsticks.
"They're disgusting." she gagged and looked away as she continued on.
"No, they're men." he gave her a matter-of-fact look.
She came up short when a man suddenly pulled up his shirt to reveal his belly "Check it out! This tattoo will protect me from harm!" He smirked stupidly as they revealed a red dragon over his pot belly.
Two other boys came up next to her and pretended to be interested in the tattoo. Suddenly the shorter one punched him as hard as he could, sending the man flying while the tall skinny one laughed like a hyena.
"I hope you can get your money back!" the skinny one yelled and then they walked away laughing.
Mulan stood frozen, her eyes wide with horror at their behavior.
"I don't think I can do this." she mumbled and Mushu suddenly appeared.
"It's all about the attitude! You gotta act tough! Like that guy there!" he pointed to the short man who had punched the tattooed idiot. She watched in disgust as he loudly hacked a lougie.
"What are you looking at?" he growled in a low, rough voice.
"Punch him!" Mushu whispered, "It's how soldiers say hello."
Mulan looked down at her fist before smiling and socking the man as hard as she could. He stumbled forward and hit the immense belly of a bald teenager.
"Oh Yao, you made a friend." he said in a soft voice while he picked up the short man like a doll.
"Good! Now slap him on the behind! They like that!" Mushu grinned and Mulan looked reluctant and then smacked the man's behind.
"Woah ho ho!" Yao jumped and turned to look at her with a glare. He grabbed the front of her uniform and pulled her down to his eye level.
"Listen here girly! I'm gonna hit you so hard that yer ancestors'll be dizzy." he growled at her but he was suddenly lifted up by the tubby boy.
"Yao...relax and chant with me." Yao growled and clenched his fist as he chanted through gritted teeth.
"Ya Mi Ah To Fu Da" they chanted together and Yao slowly relaxed.
"Better?" the tubby boy asked and Yao nodded.
"Yeah." he was set down and glanced at Mulan before brushing her off.
"Ah ya ain't worth my time chicken-girl." Mulan tried to walk away but Mushu yelled out.
"Chicken-girl?! Say that to my face ya limp noodle!"
Yao growled and pulled her over by her uniform while the tall skinny one stood behind her. She ducked as Yao punched her and his punches hit the tall skinny boy instead. When Yao saw his bruised and bloodied friend he stopped.
"Oh...Sorry Ling." Ling collapsed on the ground as Mulan tried to crawl away.
Yao grabbed her foot, "Hey!" but at the moment Ling kicked out and sent him flying into the chubby boy so that the both ended up in a heap on the ground. Ling suddenly jumped on top of hem and they began beating on each other.
Mulan took that chance to run away from the fight. Unfortunately for her, they noticed her escape and stopped as Ling pointed to her.
"Look there she goes!" Mulan ran into a nearby tent and they pursued her closely. in the confusion of the tent, Mulan hid and they ran past her. She looked out, grinning as they kept running, assuming that she was safe.
The boys stopped just short of the breakfast line, but the chubby boy hit them with his belly as he stopped, causing a domino affect that ended with food everywhere, and the other soldiers laying in the mess.
When they all turned and saw Mulan standing there innocently, they began advancing on her slowly.
"Hey guys..." she said and then ran as fast as she could back into the tent.
Meanwhile, in the general's office, he was going over his battle plans with his eldest son, Li Shang. They were both in uniform, but the General was a bit larger and grayer. His hair was in a buzz cu, while Shang had chosen to shave the sides of his head and put his remaining, long, black hair up in a traditional, Chinese warrior's bun.
"...I will take the rest of the troops to the DMZ and stop Shan Yu before he can reach this village." the General finished saying as Shang studied the map laid out on the desk.
"Excellent strategy sir!" said his skinny, rat-like consultant to the president. "I do love surprises." he wrote something down in his ever present notebook.
"You will stay and train the new recruits." the General ignored the consultant and addressed his son, "When Chi Fu believes you are ready. You will join us...Captain." he pinned the necessary symbols to show that Shang was now a Captain.
"Captain?" Shang said softly and looked up at his father in awe.
Chi Fu, however did not share the General's opinion of Shang and gasped, "This is an enormous responsibility, General!" he protested and tried to recover, "Perhaps a soldier with more experience..." he trailed off as the General gave him a look.
"Number one in his class, extensive knowledge of training techniques, " He smirked, "An impressive military lineage. I believe Li Shang will do an excellent job."
"Oh I will! I won't let you down!" he said eagerly, grinning at his father, his chest puffed out in pride. "This is...I mean..." he cleared his throat as he gathered himself and saluted his father stiffly. "Yes sir!"
The General rose and gathered his gear, including his special helmet, which was decorated to show that he was the General. "Very well then. We will toast our victory back at the base." he walked out of his office and onto the main compound, Shang and Chi Fu following close behind him.
"Chi Fu. I expect a full report in three weeks." he said as Chi Fu held the door for him.
"And i won't leave anything out." he said menacingly to Shang, and then exited the building while Shang staid behind for a moment.
"Captain Li Shang." he said to no one in particular. "Leader of our country's finest troops. No! The greatest troops of all time!" he chuckled to himself as he opened the door and joined his father on the steps.
In front of them, all of the troops were engaged in an unruly brawl which left Shang gaping in disbelief. One man wandered over dizzily and saluted sloppily before collapsing on the ground in front of them.
Chi Fu looked around in disdain, "Most impressive." he mumbled and the General stepped over the slumped form of the soldier, walking over to the waiting convoy of jeeps and all-terrain vehicles.
"Good luck Captain!" he called as the convoy sped out of the gates and out of sight.
"Good luck...Father." Shang whispered as he watched them disappear. He sighed when he looked at his still fighting recruits. Chi Fu grinned sneakily and clicked his pen.
"Day One."
"Soldiers!" Shang yelled and the fighting immediately ceased. One look at the furious glare on Shang's face and they all backed up to reveal Mulan, who was cowering in a ball, covering her head.
"She started it!" they yelled in unison.
She looked up when Shang's shadow came over her and jumped to her feet.
She dusted herself off quickly as Shang advanced on her and got in her face.
"I don't need anyone causing trouble in my camp." he glared at her and she looked down.
"Sorry... I mean uh... sorry you had to see that but you know how it is when you get those army urges and ya just gotta kill something." she said, trying to act tough.
"What's your name?" Shang growled, staring down at her.
"Uh...I uh... I um..." she stuttered and Chi Fu advanced on her as well.
"Your commanding officer just asked you a question." Mulan raised her eyebrows and ignored the rat-like man.
"It's Ping!" she said after a few moments, finally remembering her fake name.
"Ping?" he looked at her doubtfully.
"Yes. My name is Ping." she said, trying to block out mush's rambling voice.
"Let me see your forms." Shang held out his hand and Mulan quickly handed them over.
"Fa Zhou?" he said when he read the parental consent form, "The Fa Zhou?"
"I didn't know that Fa Zhou had a child in the military. Last I heard, his daughter was getting married." Chi Fu jumped in, looking at her suspiciously.
"He uh... doesn't talk about me much. Mostly my sister..." Mulan trailed off and tried to hack a lougie but failed miserably, the glob of spit dangling from her mouth.
"I can see why." Chi Fu muttered to Shang, "The girl is an absolute lunatic." the other soldier chuckled when they heard the comment.
"Okay gentleman. Thanks to your new friend Ping you will spend tonight picking up every morsel of food. And tomorrow...the real work begins."
the other soldiers growled and grumbled as they glared at Mulan.
Mushu suddenly popped up in front of her as she was looking back sheepishly at the others.
"You know...we have to work on your people skills." Mulan sighed as she got to work cleaning up the mess. And to think she still had a full day of classes as well as training.