AT THIS MOMENT
Chapter 4
Rachel couldn't agree to Michael trying to go out. When he cannot even get up at horrible agony that that the Camerons gave to him, and continued puking his guts three days, Rachel felt Michael not being really saved. If God is there, watching this tragedy dumbly, what the hell is God thinking about?
Apart from his external wounds, the doctor said that Michael was suffering from autointoxication. Actually, the autointoxication was mostly the disease of the child but according to the doctor, Michael seemed to have suffered from that disease since he was child. Michael continued drip infusion, and nausea was finally abated this morning but sadly because he couldn't eat anything almost three days, his small body became smaller than ever.
Rachel is waiting for Michael now in front of the simple house of the Novotnys. She couldn't let Michael go out alone. She watched Michael from inside of the car anxiously. When Michael got off her car, he was just barely walking. Rachel couldn't understand why Michael wanted to go to his mother's house despite of his awful physical condition. She hardly thought that Debbie Novotny could cheer up Michael motherly. Rachel has met Debbie Novotny before. In fact she was asked to David and came to this house several times to hand a check for Debbie Novotny. Rachel couldn't believe that Debbie Novotny was Michael's real mother. She decorated cheap accessories too many noisily and was very vulgar and she didn't at all resemble with Michael. Rachel didn't want to hurt Michael more than now. The mother who sold her own child can really console hurting son tenderly? Rachel doubts it.
Michael used the key that was hidden with a doormat, and opened entrance's door. That key was waiting for him at same place in his childhood too. Michael smiled at indifference of his mother. The house was desolate badly. Dead leaves were piled up in a small back yard and the miscellaneous garbage were abandoned everywhere. Paint of the porch comes off and becomes spotting. Michael sighed sadly. The condition of house was a little better than now in his childhood. Now the house became almost ruins. The problem didn't seem to be only the time that went by.
Michael set foot in the good old house. He entered the house and looked around an immediate living room. She was nowhere to be seen. Michael went to a kitchen and was surprised to see a mountain of dirty tableware and half eaten rotting meal. When he was kid, his mother wasn't the woman who doesn't clear up her kitchen.
Michael got out of the kitchen that is giving off a stench, and went to upstairs. Probably his mother will be in her bedroom. Michael carefully climbed up the stairs where dust accumulated in a corner. Dull pain was still left to his body. This horrible trouble drove Michael to slough of despond. Michael felt he is blown on cliff to strong wind. David never hurt Michael physically so far. However, David hurt Michael furthermore that was already hurting terribly. Michael was thinking his body was valuable thing for David at least. Eventually, it was so wrong. He can believe nothing anymore. Even David damaged Michael's body. That fact was unexpected shock to Michael.
Michael opened the door of the room that he was using when he was kid. The room that he spent to 15 years old was in a terrible condition. His bed's mattress was bare, and trash is scattering all over on the floor. The broken glass of photo-frame was abandoned onto his desk. The photograph of him with his uncle was just in there. Michael sobbed quietly. Because his gentle uncle didn't know the truth, Michael couldn't bear his sorrow. His uncle believed that Michael became an adopted child of Cameron and spent his life happily. He thought that his nephew became an adopted child of a rich businessman was far good than he was with mother who cannot wash her hands from a gamble. Michael picks the photograph from mess of broken glass and pocketed it. He left his childhood room and went to mother's bedroom.
"Mom?"
Michael knocked the door and called to her. When the door opened slowly after a muffled sound, Michael was surprised. His mother was too different from his memory.
"Michael...!"
Debbie looked at her son as having been surprised.
"Why are you here?"
"I wanted to see you."
Michael muttered timidly. David hated that Michael went to see his mother. In fact, ten months passed since Michael met his mother last time. Why did mother change so much? There should have been some reason. She wasn't yet reaching 40 years old, but already getting too old. She gained weight immensely and her blonde hair was mixing with gray hair, also her face was full of stains and wrinkles.
"Did Mr. Cameron allow it to you?"
Debbie asked Michael curtly. Michael shook his head.
"I didn't say to David."
When Michael said Debbie sighed tiredly.
"Michael, you shouldn't anger him."
"Mom...Till when should I stay with him?"
"What?!"
Debbie asked again at fierce voice.
"What do you mean? Why did you come to here without getting his consent? What the hell do you want?"
"Do you owe how much from David? If I pay back it, can I set me free?"
Michael wiped the tears that rolled down on his cheeks at the back of the hand roughly. Debbie shook her head harshly.
"Michael, what do you think about? You became his adopted child. It isn't only a problem of money anymore. You're his son now. He should take good care of you. You know, he loves you."
"I'm not his son. It's not love, I'm his sex toy!"
Michael cried out.
"David repeated an immoral sex with me who was child! You let him fuck me!! He doesn't yet leave me alone. Besides, his true son insults me now!! They...they continue raping me. How long must I bear it?"
"Michael, shut up, fuckin' shut up!!"
Debbie's palm was hitting Michael's cheek severely. So hard. Michael fell down to the dusty dirty floor at shock. Michael looked up at his mother's face. She scowled at Michael with glaring eyes. Even hatred existed inside her eyes. Michael realized she wasn't his mother anymore. She seemed to be unknown woman whom he didn't know at all.
"Go home, Michael. Here isn't your home anymore. You cannot anger David. Fortunately he takes care of me. He takes care of the mortgage of this house and the cost of my living, too. However, if you anger him how can I live my life? How can you do such horrible thing to your real mother?"
Finally Michael stood up from the floor and ran down stairs without looking at mother's face that continued yelling at him. Michael couldn't think anything. He concentrated on only a pain of his cheek that burnt hit by her. Michael has lost mother even inside of his heart. She destroyed and stained even his good memory of the childhood. Michael couldn't stop his mother disappeared from his heart.
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Rachel realized instantly something happened when watched Michael who came out of his mother's house. Michael was awfully upset and couldn't hide his tears that overflow from his eyes. And the large red handprint emerged on his left cheek.
"Oh my God, Michael! Did she hit you?"
Rachel held Michael who uncontrollably sobs.
"Michael, tell me. On earth what happened? What did she say to you? Why does she torment you so much?"
"I...I don't know... what to do... anymore."
Michael muttered brokenly in utter daze.
"Why...I have to live? Why I have to gratify them? Till when do I have to continue it? Until I'm worn out or they get tired of me? How long I must bear these torments...?"
"No, Michael, you can escape this fuckin' hell. You already know well, she is not your mother anymore. Cut her off. Nobody blames you."
Rachel touched Michael's red swollen cheeks. Michael wasn't sure what he should do. But the fact that mother's debt might befall his uncle if he escaped let Michael scared enough.
"Michael, promise to me."
Rachel wiped Michael's tears with her handkerchief.
"You have to think that you survive at least. In a house of Cameron, you must secure minimum personal security at least. You have to tell it to David if you ever cannot lose David's financial aid. In this situation, if Hank hurt you again he can kill you. I don't think that David consents tacitly to it. In fact, he cares about you. Hank may give you horrible disease. Do you understand it?"
Rachel persuaded Michael desperately. Rachel didn't know all things of that night. Michael couldn't talk to Rachel about the merciless act that David made him. Does David still care about Michael as Rachel said? Michael didn't expect it anymore.
But Michael nodded feebly.
"Yes, Rachel. I will. If something happened I'll tell David."
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Brian displeased himself. He understood he was doing ridiculous thing. He employed someone and investigated Michael's personal history background, and became clear that Michael did perfect adoption with David. Michael's mother abandoned all parental authority, and there was no problem that legally Michael Novotny became Michael Cameron. In addition, David Cameron is even taking care of life of Debbie Novotny now too. Outwardly Cameron seems to be a rich charitable person without a weak point to criticize. To David Cameron, it was obvious that obtaining Michael wasn't his mere diversion. After Michael graduated from a senior high school, David Cameron respected his will and let Michael go to a vocational school of accounts. Michael is working as a secretary of Cameron after graduated from the school. As Michael said, David Cameron seemed to dote on Michael. He never let go of Michael from his side. Officially Michael was David's adopted child, but actually Michael is his lover. David Cameron was almost imprisoning Michael in his territory.
"Brian, are you dreaming or something?"
Lindsay asked as receiving fretful Gus from Brian's hands.
"Though your son is crying, don't you notice it?"
Lindsay shook her head wearily. The park of Sunday's afternoon crowded at families. Lindsay spread a blanket on the bench and has begun to exchange a diaper of Gus.
"You know, Justin is worrying about you. You seem to have been absent-minded all the time recently."
"What are you talking about?"
"Well...Justin said to me in this way. 'Brian wants a new toy other than me.'"
Lindsay watched Brian's poker face.
"Actually, I can imagine what kind of thing it is. But I suppose maybe you don't want to talk about that thing to me. Am I right?"
Lindsay asked. Brian sighed and shrugged his shoulders.
"Lindsay. Do you swallow all of Justin's silly talk?"
"Mmm... Actually, at first I thought because you want to break up with Justin you pretend to be interested in other boys. You don't like having the steady relationship. I understand it. Therefore I thought that you wanted to be freed from relationship with Justin."
Lindsay smiled and continued talking.
"But probably Justin will be right. You seem to be surely preoccupied with something."
Lindsay threw away a dirty diaper of Gus in a plastic bag. And she turned around towards Brian after wiped her hands with sanitization sheet.
"Tell me, Brian. You have never chased someone so far. But, obviously you seem to try to do it now."
"I don't know what you are talking about."
Brian smirked and said to Lindsay.
"You know well I run after nobody."
"You can break the rules whenever you want. It's your rules."
"You don't give up uncovering my secret, do you?"
"Yup. Is the boy cute? Justin didn't much talk about it. I know why, it will be that boy is very cute. However, when did you become a pedophile?"
"Lindsay, did you forget Gus is here? Stop speaking an inappropriate thing. I just did investigation of personal history of a new client."
"Oh, I see. Then, do you have sex with that client?"
Lindsay didn't back off. Brian thinks about it and muttered.
"It usually depends on time and a case."
Lindsay nodded and said.
"In any case, I don't want you to make Justin sad."
"Lindsay, if Justin want to grieve, it's his freedom. Let him grieve. Don't worry, he is the drama queen."
Brian said disgustedly. He didn't want to think about Justin now. Still, when did Justin become his responsibility? He pay his school expenses and let him live in his loft. Nonetheless does he want more? Has he to care about Justin more? Give me a break!
"Do you intend to do something?"
Lindsay asked. Brian wasn't sure how he should answer about this.
"Well, nothing may take action...or may go for a reckless action."
Brian muttered as being lost in his thought deeply. The place such as a healthy park of the Sunday's afternoon bothered Brian. Here wasn't the place where he belonged. However, seemingly they could look like perfect heterosexuals family.
"Brian... I feel unease. You're so strange. Are you in love with that boy?"
Lindsay asked Brian suspiciously. Brian stared at Lindsay in wonder.
"What did you say?"
"Are you still meeting that boy?"
"I can't even talk to him. Lindsay, he seems to be totally shut in the castle."
Brian shook his head as laughing. Lindsay decided to try once again.
"Brian, tell me about him. What's his name?"
"...Michael."
Brian exhaled it with a sigh.
"His name is Michael."
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Rachel noticed in a moment Michael's complexion became pale while driving a car. Rachel talked to Michael who is sitting limply on the seat.
"Michael, are you all right? Are you feeling sick?"
When Rachel asked it anxiously, Michael opened his eyes which he was closing and put his hand on his forehead.
"Oh...shit, I'm sorry, Rachel. I need fresh air and some water. Will you stop the car somewhere? I may throw up."
"There should have been a big park in the right side of the street when we go a little more. We can stop the car there. Can you endure a little while?"
Rachel told Michael encouragingly. Michael smiled weakly at Rachel and nodded.
The park was bustling at too many small children and wasn't environment to be able to rest from calmly, but first of all she could let Michael lie down at a bench. Rachel bought a bottle of water at vender and took Michael hurriedly to a vacant bench.
"You shouldn't have gone out. I had to stop you. Besides, you were hurt again because of your mother."
"Rachel, I'm all right."
Michael's voice was barely audible. He lay onto bench and took a medicine that was handed from the doctor yesterday. Michael pressed cold water's bottle to his swollen red cheek.
"I think that it was good I met mother today. I didn't know much what kind of feelings she had for me. I thought that she was suffering in a terrible sense of guilt. But I was wrong. Probably, she is happy now than living with me."
Rachel looked at Michael's big beautiful dark eyes. His eyes seemed to have already given all up.
"I don't know what kind of deal was exchanging between her and David. She was scared I angered David. If I escape from David, I think that she surely loses all."
Michael shook his head miserably. Rachel petted Michael's head put onto her lap kindly.
"She doesn't do even working. Michael, do you know it? Whenever she makes a debt, David settles it clean instantly. If she overcomes vice and does even a work properly, she isn't condition to be troubled with a debt."
"But if I escape? David may demand return of all debts that he paid."
Michael's breathing became fast for concern. Rachel tried to calm him.
"No, David doesn't do such a thing. What did you pay sacrifice for for six years? You deserve enough that debt."
"But I'm Cameron legally. Probably David doesn't allow me to get out from his house. I'm already twenty one, but I cannot still even go out without his permission."
Michael muttered. Rachel sighed.
"Michael, I don't know what to do but I don't think that what he was doing to you is legal. I think that you should try talk to David at least if you want to stop it that he touches your body."
"David who doesn't touch my body..."
Michael muttered in his mouth and couldn't stop strange giggle.
"Michael?"
Rachel looked into Michael's face anxiously. Michael smiled at Rachel.
"I'm sorry. Just...I couldn't imagine him who don't touch my body."
And the tears that welled up from Michael's eyes rolled down his cheeks.
"Even for these three days when I was useless for him, he didn't leave me alone."
"What did you say now...?"
Rachel didn't want to hear it, but asked him.
"Did he touch you?"
"Yes, he did all...except screwing in me."
"Jesus...Michael...!"
Rachel kissed Michael's head. She thought that it was almost a miracle that Michael didn't kill himself. Rachel was relieved to Michael who was not losing his sanity but it was too cruel at the same time. Firstly he thought about his mother who betrayed him and his uncle who didn't know circumstances. He could run away nowhere.
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"Michael...?"
Brian saw them on his way to leave a park. Brian noticed blonde woman and Michael who is sitting down on the bench. No, Michael lay down on the bench and was receiving nursing of a woman if he said strictly. Two of them looked pretty close. Brian looked at them in doubt. However, soon he realized that is like a sibling intimacy than it is sexual-related intimacy.
"Brian, what's wrong?"
Lindsay stopped her hands that push a buggy and asked. Lindsay checked Brian's eyes that were totally zoned out. She recognized the man and woman on the bench that was shaded to tall trees.
"Are they your acquaintances?"
Lindsay asked. Because she couldn't get decent reaction from Brian, Lindsay grasped his elbow anxiously.
"Brian, are you all right?"
Brian turned around to Lindsay slowly, and muttered in utter amazement.
"There he is."
"Is it he? Do you mean Michael?"
Lindsay asked Brian again. Brian nodded ambiguously.
"Fuck...don't ask me. I am surprised too. But he must be him."
Lindsay looked at Michael closely. He wasn't distance near enough to verify, but Lindsay was able to understand the reason why Brian was attracted to him.
"He is very cute."
Lindsay muttered. Brian nodded.
"Yes, and so beautiful. You'll be certainly surprised if you look at him near."
"Why don't you say hello to him?"
Lindsay asked. Brian laughed to her meaningfully after having thought a little.
"I know...you want to go with me, do you?"
"Of course! Wasn't I your best friend? Besides, we have even our son. You cannot deny this fact."
Lindsay smiled at him. Brian received Lindsay's challenge.
"Alright. But Lindsay...I have to say something to you."
Brian decided disclosure.
"I and he...We didn't fuck yet. You cannot scare him. I think he is ignorant about worldly things. He is like a new born scary kitten."
Because Brian said seriously, Lindsay burst into laughter.
"Jesus, Brian! When did you become so nervous from?"
"After meeting him."
Brian spills it out sullenly and hurried up Lindsay.
"Come on, Lindsay. We have to hurry before he notices me and runs away."
Rachel was looking absently at the tall gorgeous man approaching this place. He was with a beautiful wife who pushed a buggy. They may want to sit down on this comparatively quiet corner. Rachel wanted to let Michael take a rest a little more calmly. However, the man came straight over to their place and bent down close to sleeping Michael. The man asked Rachel after he gazed at lovingly Michael's sleeping face. His gaze was never off from Michael.
"Is he tired?"
"Excuse me?"
"Well, what can I say? I know him. He is Michael Cameron, isn't he?"
When Brian's long fingers ran through Michael's raven-black hair without hesitating, Rachel felt intuitionally.
"I guess you're the person who met Michael in Babylon. Did you spend time with him overnight?"
"Oh, do you know me?"
Brian smiled at Rachel. His deep voice was quiet not to wake up Michael.
"Probably I think the information that I have about you is not enough. Michael is a secretiveness."
Rachel said. Brian nodded. Brian noticed that Michael's face was smaller than his memory and his skin was paler than his memory, too. Brian touched Michael's swollen red cheek softly. Because Michael stirred slightly, Brian withdrew his hand from Michael's cheek unwillingly.
"Is she your wife?"
Rachel asked carefully. Brian smiled.
"I'm gay man. She is my lesbian friend. We decided to make a child with the method that wasn't unpleasant each other. It's our son who is in a buggy."
Brian beckoned Lindsay. Lindsay approached them quietly.
"Hello. Did we disturb his rest?"
Lindsay watched the sleeping young man. He was beautiful like a totally fragile porcelain doll. Smooth pale skin and jet-black hair will sure attract the public eye. His beauty was the kind of beauty that everyone wants to touch by own hands directly. Lindsay looked at Brian who cannot break his eyes from Michael. He seemed to be completely absorbed in this boy.
"He doesn't seem to be so well."
Brian said apprehensively.
"Actually, his physical condition isn't so well. He was in bed all the weekend."
Rachel succinctly explained it. Because Michael was about to awake and moaned softly, Rachel whispered to Michael gently.
"Michael, wake up."
"No, don't wanna."
Michael complained like fretful Gus. Lindsay chuckled at his adorable attractiveness. Brian called to Michael.
"Michael."
"...Mmm."
Michael knitted his eyebrows and groaned. When his long dark eyelashes fluttering opened, Brian couldn't help feel of joy. Michael's obsidian eyes recognized Brian's face and became gradually wide for surprise.
"Brian...?"
"Hey, Michael."
"Uhm...Why are you here?"
Michael asked in a small voice fearfully. Brian caressed Michael's cheeks affectionately.
"I came to here for a walk with his mother and my son."
Brian tilted his head towards Gus with Lindsay. Michael noticed his lazy state and tried to get up. However, the reality didn't go so smoothly. Michael borrowed Rachel's help and sat up carefully on the bench. Actually, sitting on the hard bench wasn't easy for Michael now. Brian saw through a problem of Michael immediately. Brian frowned. However, Michael became crazy about Gus who was in a buggy before Brian began to ask Michael about something.
"Is he baby of you two?"
"Yes, he is."
Lindsay replied to Michael and smiled.
"Can I touch him?"
"Sure, I think he doesn't bite you."
Michael stroked Gus's cheek with the back of his fingers tenderly.
"Wow, he is so soft."
Michael said surprised. Brian couldn't help smiling. When he touched Michael, he always felt similar surprise. Actually, Brian noticed when he touched Michael he was careful almost as same as when he touched Gus.
"He is very pretty. He seems to have inherited all good points of you two."
"Surely you must be so, too."
Lindsay said to Michael at praise. Michael smiled lonelily.
"I wish that I am."
Rachel was careful about Michael's complexion. His complexion was as pale as when he got off a car. Rachel has begun to worry about physical condition of Michael.
"Michael. How do you feel?"
"I'm fine. My nausea calmed down somehow."
Michael nodded to Rachel after glanced at Brian.
Brian wanted to be alone with Michael. Lindsay took in it sensitively.
"Uh, Brian. I have to let Gus take a nap. You can meet your son anytime soon, if you want."
Michael said to Brian after having done good-bye to Gus and Lindsay.
"After all your reputation was not correct. You're the person who is much better than reputation. And also you're good father."
"I am not so good one."
Brian muttered and shrugged his shoulders.
"I abandoned all his parental authority. What I have is only the fact that I'm his biological father."
"Oh...why did you abandon parental authority?"
Michael asked sadly. Rachel admonished him.
"Michael. A person has circumstances each."
"No, I don't mind."
Brian shook his head.
"She and her partner are bringing up Gus. The need that is legal parents happens to them in various scenes. I couldn't ignore it. When Gus became an adult, he'll be given the opportunity that chooses at his will everything."
Michael listened attentively about what Brian told him. Brian was dying to embrace Michael. Why does he crave Michael so much? However, Michael was hurting clearly physically. Brian had to know the reason. Perhaps Michael won't want to talk about it. Then how about this woman?
"You said Michael had got out of condition on weekend. What's happened?"
Brian asked Rachel. Rachel watched Michael's face. She knew that Michael didn't want to talk about the story.
However, this man may be Messiah that rescues Michael from a difficult situation. Rachel had feeling that wanted to cling to last straw for Michael.
"You had better hear it from Michael."
Rachel said and smiled.
"Will you take Michael to his house? This time you have to take him home before when today is over at least. His body is barely functioning now. You cannot treat him roughly ever. If you could gentle for Michael, I'll leave you two alone."
"Rachel!"
Michael blushed and cried.
"I'll go back with you."
"No, Michael. You stay with me. At least, for a while."
Brian put his hands onto Michael's shoulders, and drew Michael's body gingerly close to him. Brian was surprised at touch of shoulder's bone of Michael who touched his palms. Was Michael so thin?
"I never bother him."
Brian promised to Rachel. Michael looked to Rachel's face anxiously. Rachel nodded and smiled for encouraging Michael.
"Call me later."
Rachel winked at two of them and left a park.
Michael let his eyes swim restlessly at unease. Brian stared at top of Michael's dark head affectionately. Brian thought he had deep affection to Michael definitely. He didn't know where these feelings gushed out of. It was totally weird, and Brian puzzled helplessly. He rested his hand to Michael's nape and stroked soft skin slowly to calm Michael. Michael finally looked at Brian's face.
"What do you want to know?"
"All things that happened to you."
Brian said flatly. Michael exhaled his breath resignedly.
"No one wants to listen to this story."
"I want to hear it. And I want to hear it from you."
Michael pressed his cheeks to Brian's chest. He felt steady rhythm of Brian's heartbeat. Why was it Brian? Michael couldn't afford to analyze his mind. Michael couldn't stop bleeding from sore wound of his heart whenever he met Brian. He hated it, but at the same time he was glad about it. Even if Brian disclosed his secret, Brian wasn't daunted by it. When Michael was with Brian, he could feel that he was protected. Michael clung to Brian and wanted to just assimilate into him.
"I'm so tired. I cannot stand anymore."
Michael felt hearing his own voice distantly.
"You can lean on me. I got you."
Brian whispered tenderly to Michael's ear and lifted Michael's body in his arms. He thought this is his fate. Brian pressed his lips to Michael's forehead. If this was a divine revelation, Brian intended to obey it willingly.
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