Chapter Four- Dani's POV

I laid across the wooden floor of my new room. It dotted a white linen twin-sized bed with metal frames and one fluffy pillow consisting of white goose feather. Sometimes when I lay my head down, the white feathers would fly out. I collected them, hoping one day I will find ink and use the feathers to write.

To write. Women were not allowed to read or write. The punishment was a whole hand.

I hummed to myself because if I was to write, where would the letters go? I was trapped here.

I was to stay out of my mistress' path at all times. Her domain was downstairs in the meeting room, the living room, the kitchen, the dining room, and her greenhouse. I was only allowed to go downstairs when the Martha, Liv, needed me to go on shopping trips. Also, there was the occasional Ceremony meeting that happened once a month downstairs in the living room.

I could hear her voice through these thin walls.

"Liv, can you make an extra cup of hot tea for Mrs. Steely? Your last one was rather unpleasant." Mrs. Stallworth, my mistress, said.

"Yes ma'am." Liv whispered.

Mrs. Stallworth moved about and said to her colleague, "She usually makes a nice cup of tea. Her mood today must have affected it."

Mrs. Steely then spoke, "How is your Handmaid?"

"Obedient. Though I barely speak to her."

"Praise be. Mine is a handful. However, she has settled down, to say the lease."

"How so?"

Mrs. Steely was almost leaping out of her seat. "God has blessed us with a miracle."

Mrs. Stallworth happily stated, "Praise be." She shifted and was about to start a prayer for herself.

Just then, Liv came in and cleared her throat. "Ma'am. We do not have anymore tea."

I could hear the slap from my room. Liv came crashing down the floor within a second. The china fell and crash down, shattering to pieces.

"Do not interrupt me when we are praying for His grace!" Mrs. Stallworth yelled. "Hurry up. Get yourself up to clean this mess you have caused and get Ofjames to go shopping."

I quickly got up off my floor as I heard the footsteps creeping closer.

"Get dressed. You are going shopping." Liv said.

"Liv, I'm sorry what happened to you." I spoke softly.

"What for? We are theirs to command. They can treat us however." Liv rebuked my apology and quickly came out the way she came.

Liv wasn't much of a social person. She was in her forties with salt and pepper hair. She hardly spoke of her life before the takeover. Mostly because she wanted to forget the past. From what I know, she had three sons who all perished and hung on the wall.

I took a deep breath and fixed myself before I head downstairs. I have lost the beauty the beach gave me. I was this pale person I know not of. My deep brown hair was tied up in a bun and hid in this white cover. Yet I could still see specks of my blonde that I had professionally treated about two years ago. I remembered it like yesterday. The only part of my body that reminded me of the former life I lived.

"Are you sure you want to go blonde, Dani?" Rebecka said as she combed through my hair.

I giggled and looked at her. "Duh. It's time for a change! Come on, do it! I'm a paying client."

The ladies in the salon all laughed as we were all getting our hair, or our nails done.

"Well fine, then. Don't ask me for a refund when Gregory hates it." Rebecka rolled her eyes and started her trade.

But Gregory loved it.

I blinked to the present day. Mrs. Stallworth was right in front of me, eyes glaring at me.

"Are you going to go? We have guests here." She forced out through gritty teeth.

I nodded my head and quickly grabbed the tokens from Liv and stepped out the backdoor. Tea. Chicken for dinner. Carrots. Apples. Tomatoes in a can. Milk. I remembered the list in my head as I looked at Mrs. Stallworth one last time.

Mrs. Elizabeth Stallworth was a woman in her thirties. She should be the prime example of a Wife in Gilead but she was infertile. Her unkind nature to handmaids have made her impatient with them. If they were not conceivable by the third month, she tossed them out and replaced them on the dot.

I knew better. Mrs. Stallworth was jealous. She was jealous of seeing her husband procreate with another. So be it, the rules of Gilead. Mrs. Stallworth was to endure her husband's so-called adultery right before her eyes and if there was no baby to come out of it, the Handmaid was deemed unworthy, so she tossed them out. She thought the longer the same Handmaid was in the house, James Stallworth would harbor feelings.

However, her cruel nature was hidden by her beauty. Mrs. Stallworth was an ideal model figure. She had beautiful brunette hair tucked in a bun. She also dressed her aqua green wardrobe in an elegant way. I bet before Gilead, she would have been beautiful with her makeup to cover all the nastiness she was. It made perfect sense however. Elizabeth Stallworth was a model and actress in the pre-Gilead days.

My shopping partner waited outside the gates for me. OfKevin was a woman in her mid-twenties. She was plump and had an unusual laugh, whenever I could have the chance to hear it. We met in the Rachel and Leah center and who'd thought we would be shopping buddies?

"Blessed day." She said as she smiled at me.

How could she smile? I thought. "Blessed be the fruit."

"And may the Lord open." She smiled at me brightly. "He has blessed us with a miracle."

I couldn't help but smile back. "Oh! Praise be. The Steely's must be so proud."

"They have been so kind, OfJames. I'm sure you would be worthy soon."

Soon. I didn't want to think of it. I refused to bring a child into this world for Mrs. Stallworth to treat like cattle.

We quickly got to the shopping mart, Loaves and Fishes, and gathered what we need.

"The Eyes are always watching," Ofglenn mentioned as we are walking down the street.

"Should we take the long way home?" Offred asked her shopping partner, Ofglenn.

Her shopping partner nodded.

I looked at OfKevin and she nodded her head as well. "The long way is a nice scenery."

"If you enjoy dead bodies being hung on the wall." Offred mentions.

"Well it is by the river." I said. The dead bodies on the wall was just a distraction to put more fears into our hearts. If we ever misbehaved, it could lead to death.

The dead bodies on the wall today were a priest, a gay man and a doctor. They each had a symbol on the bags that covered their faces. Was the priest dead because he was secretly practicing a different religion? Did the doctor die because he tried helping a handmaid get pregnant? We all knew homosexuality was forbidden. Anyone who was immediately was killed. There were no second chances here.

Offred was quiet for most of the walk. It was to be expected. We weren't to exchange words as much. Matter of fact, we were to spy on each other.

We walked and huddled close together as we passed by what was once the north end of Boston.

"They changed all the delicious stores into nothing." I muttered.

"This place used to be an ice cream Shoppe. It used to have the best salted caramel ice cream." Ofglenn whispered.

I closed my eyes and remembered the smell of ice cream and sweetened milk melting on the checkerboard floor. "I loved their pistachio gelato." I whispered.

A black van came plowing through the street as the men in black jumped out of the van.

My heart froze as I looked at Ofglenn and Offred. My shopping partner, Ofkevin, quickly grabbed my arm and ushered me to move forward.

"Just act normal. Come on." OfKevin said as we walked the opposite way.

The black van pulled a man walking from a business office into the van and he dropped his suitcase as the forceful tug ripped his tie off his neck. I gasped and quickly looked down, covering my face with my wings.

When I returned to my posting, I dropped my grocery bag on the table and immediately was welcomed by a hard slap by Mrs. Stallworth.

"We have been waiting." She spat out at me. Mrs. Stallworth grabbed the tea and threw it at Liv. "Hurry up. Make our tea! And I expect the bread to be less dense than yesterday!"

Mrs. Stallworth walked back to her drawing room with the other Wives as Liv quickly got to brewing the tea. I held my red-hot cheek and looked at Liv.

"Liv, I can help." I spoke slowly.

"You've done enough. Go do whatever you usually do." Liv protested.

I sighed and walked up to the door to returned to my room in the attic. However, before I did, I glanced at Liv. I noticed her left hand was busy making the tea while her right hand was covered in a white linen, soaked with blood. I rushed over immediately to her.

"What happened, Liv?" I demanded to know.

Liv looked at me with anger in her eyes. "Go to your room. Leave me be." She gritted.

"Liv, please."

"A finger for reading. I'll be fine." Liv shook her head and went back to her duties after rolling her eyes at me.

Again, I muttered, "I'm sorry."

The best part of climbing up the stairs to the attic was my mind would race to wondering how my kids were. I wondered how Gregory was faring. I wondered if my kids were safe from here and had all the chocolate Nana would give them. I wondered if Gregory was telling them stories of me trying to escape this place and making me seem like a mystical magical heroine.

That was so Gregory. I chuckled to myself.

And deep in my mind somewhere, my peace was rested. And this hell won't bring me down.