When Dicked marched into the Manor pouting, Bruce knew only trouble would ensue.

"What kind of family are we?" the eldest son of Batman demanded, stopping in front of his father. Bruce glanced up from his morning newspaper.

"I'm sorry?" Bruce questioned.

"We've never had a road trip," Dick clarified angrily. "What family doesn't have a road trip?"

"Ours," said Bruce simply, returning to his paper.

"Oh, no you don't." Dick snatched the paper out of Bruce's hands, tossing it carelessly over his shoulder. "We need to have a road trip.

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"Dick, no."

"Bruce!" Dick pouted, giving him wide, innocent eyes. "Pwease?"

Bruce rolled his eyes. He always had a soft spot for Dick, but a road trip? Well . . . it couldn't be that bad, could it? "Fine."

Dick leapt into the air, bestowing upon Bruce a billion thank yous. He quickly dashed around the corner, screaming out for Damian and Alfred to come hear the good news.

And that was how Bruce found himself cramming five large suitcases into the trunk, mentally preparing himself for the next few hours with his boys. They didn't bond much outside of their vigilante work, but Bruce was sure being stuck together inside an enclosed space for nearly a day would surely kill them all.

Damian was sitting in the backseat, a thick book in his lap. He adamantly refused to speak to any of his kin, and studiously ignored his surroundings. He might as well paint a target on his back for Big Brother Dick. Tim was next to come out to the car, his attention glued to his phone. He got into the backseat with his younger brother. Bruce knew that Dick would nag him about him being on his phone later. But as for Dick himself. . . .

"Alfred, have you seen Dick?" Alfred was approaching the car, one last luggage in hand. He would not be joining them for "obvious reasons." Bruce took the suitcase from his hand and tried the cram it into the trunk. It would be a miracle if the door closed.

"I'm afraid not, sir. I haven't seen him all morning."

"He better not be getting cold feet," Bruce sighed. "This was his idea, and after all this trouble, we're—"

"Oh, Brucie!" Dick sang. Bruce turned around to see his son carrying a large sack over his shoulder.

"For the love of God," Bruce mumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose.

Dick dropped the sack on the ground before Alfred and Bruce. Alfred gasped as the sack began to move. "Master Bruce, what—?"

Dick pulled out a pocket knife (all the boys had gadgets stowed on them at all times) and made a small hole at one end. He tore the fabric wider, and out popped Jason's head, complete with duct tape across his mouth and murder in his eyes. Bruce couldn't even bring himself to be angry—he only felt exhausted. "Dick, I thought I made it clear we have a no abduction policy."

"He wasn't cooperating," Dick stated defensively. "What did you expect me to do?"

Other than the radio, the car ride was silent. Dick squirmed in the front passenger seat, obviously not liking the silence. "Let's play a game."

Everyone in the car groaned.

"I spy with my little eye . . . something yellow."

"Is it the lines on the road?" Tim asked without looking up from his phone. He was only amusing Grayson because if nobody else did, it would be a very annoying few hours.

"Yeah!" Dick shouted enthusiastically. Bruce's knuckles tightened on the steering wheel. Damian (who was sandwiched between his brothers in the back seat) turned a page in his novel, and Jason's eyes were locked on the passing trees. "I spy with my little eye something . . . something . . . er—"

Jason sighed, lightly banging his head against the window. "Lord, give me patience or an untraceable handgun."

"Who ya texting?"

Tim was seriously regretting speaking to his older brother before, because Dick apparently took it as an invitation to chat his ear off. The acrobat was turned in his seat so he was facing his brothers in the back row.

"No one."

"Is it your girlfriend?"

"No."

"Is it your boyfriend?"

"What? No!"

"Who?"

Time groaned. "Konner. Sheesh."

Dick turned in his seat, facing the front. It was silent once more. Dick sighed, turning back to his brothers. "Whatcha readin', Little D?"

"Screw off, Grayson."

Dick pouted, now turning to Bruce. "Bruce, make Damian apologize."

"Damian, apologize," Bruce mumbled. He could feel a migraine coming on.

"No."

Dick sighed. He turned to Jason, but decided that if he provoked his moody brother, it would certainly lead to his doom.

"How much longer until Central City?"

"I don't know," ground out the Caped Crusader through gritted teeth. Dick's non-stop chatter was driving them up the wall.

Dick sighed, slumping down in his seat. "Dad, I'm bored."

"Hi, Bored," Bruce said. "I'm Batman."

Dick frowned. "Fine. You guys are no fun. I'm sure KF will be happy to hang out with me!"

In the backseat, Jason was making kissing noises. Dick whirled around. "Real mature, Todd. Wally's a friend."

Jason smirked. "Dick and Wally sittin' in a tree. F-U-C-K-I-N-G."

"Shut up!"

"If you like him so much, why don't you just marry him?"

"Enough!" Dick lunged out of his seat, hands grasping at Jason's throat.

Jason grinned, thoroughly enjoying how easy it was to make Dick mad. He was such a cry baby. "Gosh, there's so much sexual tension when you two hang out!"

Damian growled as Dick accidentally knocked his book closed. Dick and Jason froze, each looking in terror as the littlest Robin glared back. "You made me lose my page."

Dick laughed nervously. "S-sorry?"

Bruce sighed as Damian began beating Dick, who was beating Jason, who was beating Dick back. Tim shrunk towards the car door, trying to escape his brothers' quarrel. "Can't you do something, Bruce?"

"Boys, get back in your seat or I will turn this car around!"

Dick screamed as Damian bit his arm. Jason put the current Robin in a headlock, muttering a string of curses. No one was listening.

"Bruce, Damian's murdering Dick!"

"Shut up, Drake! This is the fight I've been waiting for!"

"BRUCE, HELP!"

Bruce only shook his head. "This is so not happening again."

And that right there is why the Waynes take no road trips.

A/N #1: Someone pointed out a few errors I made in my previous chapters, which I went back and fixed.

A/N #2: I love writing these things, but unfortunately my creativity is lacking. It would be a great help if some of you gave me some prompts!

A/N #3: I've decided to do mass updates on Saturdays, where I update all my stories at once. Hopefully this works.

Once again, thanks you guys!

~palmtreedragons