Authors note: Hello everyone, not much to say about this chapter except it is really just starting and introducing all of the lovely angst you have to look forward to in the next six/ sixteen chapters. I really want to make sure that everyone reads the ending, so I have thought of some ways that I can cut down on some of the things I was planning on doing, and add some more into this story so that it would in fact be a twenty chapter or longer book. But I need to know if that is better for you guys or not cause it really doesn't matter to me, reviews are my inspiration and if I know what you guys like I can put more into the story for you.
Anywho thank you again and hope you enjoy this chapter. The next will be the introduction of the Sakura Twins. Oh you'll all enjoy them. Haha, bye guys!
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Kaoru flinched as he felt the hot tears stroll down his cheeks. He loved Haruhi, he really did, from the simple way her eyes would light up when she smiled, to the more complex way that she always seemed to have something on her mind, even when in conversation. She always took things to a deeper level, but never analyzed, she understood peoples emotions incredibly well, but was also so dense to the emotions directed at her it was scary. Yes, there was no denying it that he was in love with the girl, but who could blame him? Kaoru let out a soft breath as he wiped at his eyes with his sleeve, he didn't even know why he was crying; after all, he loved his brother more than Haruhi.
Yet the sad truth had hit him like lightning, even if he loved Hikaru more than Haruhi, it just meant that by giving up, he was giving them both up. He was loosing the two most important people in his life to one another. Kaoru heaved a heavy and shaky dry sob as he placed his head in-between his lifted knees. He just wanted Hikaru and Haruhi to be happy, so why did it hurt so much? Kaoru gripped his chest as he let out heavy breaths, God it hurt.
Kaoru dared to look up at the dreary scene that was before him as he held back his tears, he was a grown man, and crying was not something he was allowed to due. Kaoru took in a deep breath as his eyes looked straight up and into the pounding down rain. Lightning struck not to far from the elevator, and for a few seconds Haruhi's terrified face passed by his mind, he quickly shook it out though. Haruhi would be fine with Hikaru to protect her. Kaoru held tightly onto his knees at this. Why was it that he didn't like the idea of Hikaru protecting Haruhi? Why was it, whenever he saw his twin, with the exact same face, smiling and holding onto her, his spirit tore in two? Kaoru's shoulder made a violent twitch at the idea of Hikaru in that elevator, holding her in his arms and wiping her tear stained face. His expression went from depressed to angry as his grip tightened on his own skin.
Kaoru felt something rise inside of him that he had never before felt. It was consuming and took over every inch of his body as he tried to control it, the images still playing in his mind. He thought that Hikaru had changed when he came out of the coma; he thought that he had learned to appreciate his brother more, and that in a lot of sense was true. So why, why did he feel that the biggest gift his brother could have offered him, was stolen from his grasp? Hikaru was supposed to be the big brother, and with this stupid, 'mature' mask he was putting on, couldn't he look past Kaoru's own disguise?
So why was it then, that Kaoru was sitting here in the pouring rain, allowing his brother to steal the girl that he believed would be better hidden in his own arms? Kaoru sighed as he clenched onto the elevator cords before throwing them as far as he could with an angry grunt, fire lighting in his eyes as he clenched his teeth angrily. He loved his brother, and that was the only excuse he could think of. Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so much if Hikaru wasn't so dense, if he could at least notice Kaoru's pain and try and console him. If Hikaru won in a fair fight, then he would be content, but with Hikaru, the tricks would never stop pouring out of his bag so all Kaoru could do was throw in his own tricks to speed up the process. It really was true then, nice guys always loose in the end.
"FUCK YOU- YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD! I WISH YOU WERE DEAD!" Kaoru yelled his entire body tense as he chucked a stone at the street. A car passed by like a flash of light as Kaoru flinched and rubbed his eyes. What was he thinking trying to blame this all on Hikaru? Hikaru was just a child, whether Kaoru wanted to admit it or not, and not matter how much he grew he would always be a child. That quality was what most people loved about him, including Kaoru, but it was so infuriating to deal with in these types of situations. Or maybe…it was just infuriating falling for a girl he knew his brother loved.
Kaoru flinched, his head snapping up as he felt hot tears fall down his cold pale cheeks. His pupils shook with shock and realization as Kaoru covered his mouth, feeling like throwing up. That's right; Hikaru was his big brother, nearly all the time. He protected him when he easily broke down, and he took charge when Kaoru felt lost, and maybe part of him had really fallen in love with Hikaru just because he had been there in his bed every time he woke and fell asleep. Now, this burning jealousy, anger, and understanding, were not arisen because his brother had betrayed him…but because he had actually let himself believe that the one thing his brother couldn't live without, could be his.
Kaoru slammed his head behind him onto the stone wall causing his eyes to go black for a few minutes as he took in deep shaky breaths and slid until he was lying on the ground, tears falling down freely. He didn't want his brother to die! He couldn't live if he brother died! Kaoru winced as memories recollected in his head. When he had asked how Haruhi could tell the two apart, her reasoning had been that Hikaru was just a little bit more sadistic than Kaoru- Kaoru had laughed at the time, but not because it was true- but because of how wrong it was.
"I'm so sorry Hikaru, I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it, I take it back. I love…I love you so much…" Kaoru whispered, knowing never to jinx anything, for he ussualy got what he wished for. The boy took in shaky breaths as he rubbed his face, attempting to wipe away the tears that wouldn't stop flowing. Was something bad happening in the elevator?
As if on cue his cell phone started to vibrate in his pocket, Kaoru jumped, quickly rubbing his eyes as he cleared his voice so that the evidence of his shame was quickly hidden and he himself became composed. He answered it without even looking at the caller id, for if they knew this number, he wouldn't reject their call.
"M-mom?" Kaoru asked his voice breaking as he resisted the urge to call her mommy. He knew how much she hated that, but at his moment of self reliance and discovery her calm and nurtuiring voice was very much needed. However he knew that his mother wouldn't notice the pain in his voice, nor the silent plea for help. She merely returned the response in a unnaturally giddy tone. He could only clench his teeth as he flinched as he held back harsh sobs.
"Hi honey! Hehe sorry for bothering you so late in the night, but I wanted to ask if the date you three kids would be coming home could be moved back a bit." She cooed out, oblivious to her son's suffering on the other end.
"You see I invited those two nice girls from the Sakura family to come and have dinner with us, and I'm sure they'd be delighted to see you two again, oh you remember them don't you? They were the two you and Hikaru both fancied at that nice Birthday Party of their brothers. Did you know their turning sixteen soon? Haha isn't that a coincidence, I'm sure you'd be able to show them a good time if you both came."
Her voice was so sweet and sugar coated that Kaoru had to hold his hand over his mouth as he sobbed silently and tried his best not to look at the telephone. So it had already begun? Unlike Hikaru, Kaoru had been paying attention to what his family was hiding behind doors, and this, was one of their biggest and most potentially breaking secrets. Everyone envied the two brothers because of their freedom from Family business and political affairs, but what they couldn't see was behind their laughter and boasting, gears were being set in motion even the children themselves weren't aware of.
"I'm sorry mom I don't think-"
"But Kaoru…I'm sure that one night wouldn't hurt the both of you to do something good for your father and I would it? You can even bring lovely little Haruhi if you'd like! Wouldn't that be fun? You could dress her up and show her all the luxuries of a Upper-class lady."
Kaoru sighed as he shook, he could never win an argument with his mother. Even though she never threatened to take him out of the family, or to cut off all of his wealth, Kaoru could feel a rope tightening around him, suffocating him, forcing him with invisible bonds. Free? Kaoru could hardly count these chains as free.
"…Of course mom…I'll see you soon…" Kaoru whispered in no more than a hushed breath as he hung up the phone, dropping it to the ground. Kaoru ran his hands through his thick hair, holding back the water that brimmed at his eyes. It was silly to still be crying over these depressing thoughts, but somewhere in him, a sharp needle continued to prod and dissect his heart, causing a ripple effect that could only be shown through the tears that spilled from his eyes.
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"AH!" Haruhi dug her face into Hikaru as the lightning's flash shone through the elevator's small crack in the doors. Haruhi was breathing in small shaky pants as she held Hikaru's very cold body against her own wet clothing. Haruhi's shocked eyes and trembling limbs were not helping in the recovery of the boy, and so, with the lightning and thunder flashing so horribly at her, her mind went completely blank. She knew that staying in wet clothes in cold weather was bad, especially if you have a flu, and she also knew that searching for cell phones to call for help would be the best solution- but for some reason all of that information seemed to be stored somewhere in a locked cabinet where she could not get it.
Haruhi rocked subconsciously, Hikaru's head and torso following her own body as she moved. Shaking beyond her control Haruhi tried to take off Hikaru's baggy sweatshirt, which was holding most of the moisture. Her hands did most of the work for her without her minds attention; it almost felt like they had done this before. They slipped the blue hoodie off of the boy's long orange hair before letting it drop with a squishy plop. Haruhi then proceeded, this time with much more caution, to take off her own over shirt- thankfully it had taken most of the damage, so her white undershirt was only wet at the top fringe where lace danced across her collar bone. Hikaru's body gave off soft shivers at the sudden departure of his main article of clothing, but as his body shook warmth returned to him as Haruhi's now bare arms wrapped around him again.
"Sorry. I really didn't plan on this, I swear…" Hikaru whispered hoarsely as Haruhi blushed and patted his head to let him know to be quiet. Hikaru didn't seem to listen however as he attempted to get out of her arms, the hot red cheeks burning with heat from his fever. Haruhi watched as he struggled to properly stand, groping for the elevator's sturdy walls all the while. Haruhi's cheeks were burning with embarrassment as he stumbled and tripped, falling back onto the ground. Haruhi raised him tenderly, her bright brown eyes studying his hurt face as he bit his lip, looking away with watered eyes. Haruhi knew that he was upset, but for what, she had no idea.
"Please Haruhi, I'm tired,, and…and sick…I don't want to do something to upset you." Hikaru whispered honestly as she looked at him with sad eyes. Didn't he think that she was already upset at the fact that they were stuck in an elevator because she wanted to get something? Didn't he think, that the fact that he wanted to be with her over taking care of his health, didn't make her feel like breaking down? That was the same thing that her mother did, she just kept pushing and pushing herself until-
BAM!
Thunder roared again and tears poured out of Haruhi's eyes as she screamed and thrust herself in a ball, her body quivering. Hikaru's eyes saddened at the sight of her as he crawled to the girl, rubbing her leg to still her. Haruhi, realizing what she had done, quickly unfolded her soft and shaved legs through the elevators tiny floor space. Hikaru moved awkwardly so that he could sit beside her but Haruhi shook her head as he became dizzy again and suddenly thrust out his hands to catch himself.
"Lie down." Haruhi commanded with a firm tone. Hikaru blushed, unsure of this before she prodded him in the stomach with a finger, causing a weak laugh to escape him, and his body to fall down completely onto the floor. He had to admit, it was much nicer to be stable. Haruhi looked away from him so that only small fragments of her bangs that fell over her face were visible. Her cheeks suddenly became bright pink as she crossed her arms and flexed out her knees.
"Are you just gonna let your head sit down on that stupid dirty floor? What are you trying to get more illness' now?" Haruhi asked stubbornly. At first Hikaru didn't know what she was talking about, but after glancing at her empty lap a few times he ever so cautiously moved his head onto her leg. Seeing no reaction he moved himself onto her soft body as his eyes closed. He was now content, and only one thing could have made the situation any better.
"…are you ok?" Haruhi whispered softly. Hikaru slowly nodded, avoiding turning his head as to make sure that she was still comfortable with the situation. Haruhi let out a breath she didn't even know she was holding at those words as she leaned her head back against the elevator, her own eyes closing.
"Do you mind if I put my hands on your head? It's starting to hurt holding them up for too long." Haruhi lied. The truth was that his soft hair looked much more comfortable than sitting here awkwardly with the sick boy on her lap. His heavy breathing hit her soft thighs with ever minute that passed and the darkness only made things much worse for their situation.
"Of course not…" Hikaru whispered as she placed her silky hands upon his bushy carrot top head. Haruhi blinked, shocked that his hair was so soft. She had run her hands through it before, but the rain only made fall in such soft threads that she had to run her hands through it sixteen times just to touch every one. Hikaru was now breathing easily, which put her at more ease, though the sweat forming on his pale skin told her she wasn't out of the water yet. She needed to keep him awake. Haruhi dared to look at his face through the corner of her eyes as she noted the gray that overcame them.
"Hikaru…Hikaru?" Haruhi asked cautiously as she moved a hand and waved it in front of his face. Hikaru caught it like a fly and stared at it for a long time before giving a large, close mouthed smile and moving her hand so that it was resting against his cheek. Haruhi blushed and scrunched up her nose to wake her senses back up. Haruhi didn't mind when Hikaru or Kaoru would touch her before, so why was it every time he laid a hand on her she would instantly become a tomato?
"…Sorry…just a little while longer." Hikaru whispered as he turned his face so that his plush and surprisingly soft lips trailed over her knuckles. It felt like someone had dropped an iron down from her heart and through her as he did so.
"C-cut it out Hikaru, you're host club tricks won't work on me you know that" Haruhi protested, hoping that this would stop his actions. Hikaru merely smiled and took in a deep breath of her scent while pressing it against him, causing his lips to make more of a force on her knuckles.
"…I'd never imagine of pulling a trick on you Haruhi…" Hikaru whispered sweetly. Haruhi tried to hide her blush by sinking her head deeper into the darkness of the elevator as she tried to stop her heart from making such large beats, could he hear them as well?
"Heh jeez you're starting to loose your mind Hikaru…I saw the way you treat those girls." Haruhi defended as she attempted to tell her body to pull her hand back. It didn't listen.
Hikaru laughed as he closed his eyes peacefully now as his smile slowly faded into a content expression. He caressed her hand softly, wishing it to never go away.
"Haha well I guess being feverishly sick will do that to you! But jeez yourself Haruhi, I've never done this with any other girl I assure you Haruhi. I don't think I'd trust any other girl in the dark with my dead sexy looks and what not." Hikaru laughed out. However before even needing to see Haruhi's displeasured face, Hikaru continued, this time a bit more steadily as if he himself couldn't control, let along understand the words coming out of his mouth.
"But…I've…I've never felt this way with anyone either…it's…it's just…I want to make you smile when you're sad...but I want you to cry over me…you're someone I would die for…but someone I would live for too….someone I would strive or stand back for…before I just…I got what I wanted and hid anything else bad that I thought was going in my life…but now…I just…." Haruhi stood frozen as she felt him rub his head against her hand, now settling like a cat into a blanket as he held his hand to him. It was a new feeling, a feeling that she had never imagined having. Yet…though this feeling was new to her, her body felt calm and at peace with his actions. She rubbed her hand down his cheek, draping her fingers so that they framed his face delicately as her eyes half closed. It felt as if someone else were in her body, and Haruhi was watching from the sidelines as the girl that was supposed to be her, dipped down and kissed the top of his head.
"…thanks Hikaru…it means a lot to me…" she whispered softly.
Hikaru nodded as she pulled herself back, the room becoming comfortably quiet. Hikaru held onto her hand for some time as the thunder continue to sound through the nearly soundproof place. Each time Haruhi flinched he would squeeze her hand to let her know that he was there. Seeing that this was not doing much good Hikaru thought over what else he had brought along to calm Haruhi.
Of course!
"Little child, be not afraid though rain pounds harshly against the glass like an unwanted stranger, there is no danger. I am here tonight" Hikaru whispered, the soft melody only able to reach her ears by pure chance. Haruhi stopped shaking immediately at the lyrics; she stared down at Hikaru who continued to sing under his breath. Haruhi's eyes became gentle, her spirit floated in and out of her body as she noticed what a soft, suave and smooth singing voice he carried. Why hadn't she heard it more often? Haruhi's shoulders drooped as her eyes closed a bit, the sound of the rain only intensifying her drossiness.
"My mother…" Haruhi began, her relaxed body already letting her thoughts slip "…my mother used to sing me that song before I went to sleep…her voice…was very beautiful…daddy tried but he wasn't cut out for singing…" Haruhi whispered, a small smile forming on her lips. Hikaru looked up, only hushing his singing to a quiet mute as he noticed she was continuing to talk through the lightning bolts.
"…There was a thunderstorm the night my mother died…" Haruhi whispered sadly, her eyes becoming numb with pain and clouded with visions of the past as she twisted her free hand through his hair. Hikaru waited for her as she slowly continued.
"…we were making cookies…she said dad would by really happy with them…it was the first thing I had learned to cook properly and I couldn't wait to show him….I wasn't very patient back then…" She laughed softly as she wiped at her eyes "I remember I kept looking into the oven and she scolded me because it would only take longer to bake…"
Haruhi paused, grasping onto Hikaru's hair as she hesitated to continue.
"She kept telling me she couldn't wait to taste them…and I told her…that I loved her…" Haruhi whispered, small driblets bordering her lost brown orbs. Her hand shook unsteadily as she didn't even take in another breath before continuing.
"She…she was just sitting there…laughing…I didn't think anything was wrong…she…she hid it so well…sitting there…sitting there laughing with me…we…we were laughing so hard I didn't even hear the thunder…I saw lightning flash so I ran to the window…and before the thunder could even come…I…I heard a thud. I looked back behind me and saw her coughing out blood onto the floor…I didn't even register what was going on…I tried to help her, but she just collapsed onto me…I…I couldn't move…I wanted to call daddy, 911…someone to help mom" Haruhi whispered in such a soft voice Hikaru flinched as steady tears poured down as fast as the rain outside.
"but…I…I couldn't! I waited there for three hours with my mother dying on top of me! I…I felt her heartbeat…I felt her heartbeat slow…I…I felt it finally stop…and what's horrible is…I was relieved when I didn't have to hear it…dad came home and…he picked her up…and cried…I ran…and hid in the rain until I thought it was over…the doctors…they told us she must have been in horribly pain the entire time…but…but I couldn't believe them….I…I told them that we were just baking cookies…and that…she had to taste them…it wasn't that I didn't understand she was dead…I just didn't want to…I wanted to use my nativity so that I wouldn't have to cry…so I wouldn't have to remind myself of that stormy night…" Haruhi whispered as she let her tears fall onto Hikaru, not even attempting to hold them back.
"…Haruhi…" Hikaru whispered softly. He slowly lifted his head but she made him put it back down as she bent down and gave, quiet, unnoticeable sobs into his hair, hiding her face from him and the world.
"Please forgive me for this…" Haruhi whispered softly. Hikaru slowly nodded, using his other arm to rub the top of her back as she cried. She had such huge burdens on her shoulders, he could never handle living through something like that, and after such a deep connection she had towards her mother. Though Hikaru didn't understand why she chose to talk about it now, or cry in front of him, he didn't complain. He would always lend her a shoulder if she ever needed one.
"Haruhi…you know I'm always here for you right? Rain or shine…" Hikaru whispered as gently as he could. Haruhi sniffed as she rubbed her nose and eyes, feeling stupid. She gave out a soft and relieved chuckle as she awkwardly bent her head to look down at him. Hikaru, deciding to help her, turned so that he was looking up at her, putting more ease on her neck.
"Jeez you're starting to sound so cheesy" Haruhi laughed out as she rubbed at her eyes again. Without missing a beat Hikaru replied-
"Well I guess being love sick will do that to you…" Hikaru answered softly. His eyes along with Haruhi's immediately opened in shock as he felt like hitting himself in the forehead, sticking a fork in him, and laying him out to eat cause he was done! What a stupid thing to say, how did that ever slip past his lips?! Haruhi blinked, causing more tears to fall against him as she let out a shaky breath.
"…Hu-huh?" Haruhi asked gently. "I don't…think I heard you right…" Haruhi whispered. Hikaru looked at her dumbfounded as he tried to think of something as well to make up for his lack of self control. There were so many reasons that he and Haruhi couldn't get together and he had thrown them all away in a mere second because he wasn't paying attention. Of course a part of him wanted to just tell her the truth and deal with the consequences, but another, much louder part of him told him that taking Haruhi would only bring trouble.
"Think of Kaoru!" The angel in Hikaru's mind whispered into his ear
"I am! As soon as he realizes that Haruhi is mine he can move on." The one defending Hikaru's normal style of thinking, the little devil, whispered into the other ear.
"You are the big brother! You should be taking care of him! Protecting him!"
"By giving up the one woman that I realize I would be willing to give my life for? Which I have!"
"She's not the same Haruhi you dated, things won't go as smoothly"
"She is the same Haruhi and I don't care what you say, obstacles or not, I won't let you stand in the way of us."
"But what if she doesn't feel the same way?" The angel asked painfully, his face turning hopeless as he looked down at the ground, shuffling his feet.
"…yea…what if she doesn't feel the same way…" the little devil concluded, a small sad look coming over him as well as he sighed and rubbed his temple.
"…I…I want to give us a try…we'll never know unless we try right?" Hikaru asked slowly, making sure that ever single word he uttered was oh so carefully picked out. Haruhi stared at him in shock as he mentally slammed his head against the wall again, why was he taking such stupid risk? There was no way she felt the same way, and even if she did, this was Haruhi they were talking about. It would take her weeks to finally conclude if this was the best solution and by that time Hikaru would be regretting his question so much that he would probably try and pull the entire thing off, pretending to let it be a joke.
"Haruhi I…I don't know what I'm saying, so we can just pretend that none of this ever happened if you're like." Hikaru whispered to himself as she stared out into space, apparently not even registering that he had spoken.
Haruhi continued to blink, not understanding if he really was playing a mean joke on her or not. Spots of tears fell onto his cheek as she slowly let her head fall against his own forehead. The girl didn't bother to pull her hair back this time and merely let it fall onto his chest.
"Checking my temperature?" Hikaru asked, hoping to use his fever as an excuse for his mistake.
"…take another guess…" Haruhi whispered as a few spots of tears crashed onto his cheeks. Hikaru blinked as he stared up at her sad brown gaze. Hikaru waited, waited for the elevator to suddenly move, for the lights to come on, for someone to storm in right as he touched her cheek. But no one did…
Hikaru looked around quickly, shocked by this as he thanked the heavens for his good luck. Haruhi moved her head upwards slowly, thinking that she had just as well, made a bit mistake. But before Haruhi could even get off of his skin, it was too late, his body had taken control over him as he thrust his hands to cup her face as he placed his lips passionately over her own. They felt the same, soft, warm, and all his…
They stayed there, in that position, for what seemed like an eternity, until the elevator, smoothly and unnoticeably, slid back into place at the ground.