I wanted to thank you for your concern after the last assignment. It was a scary point in my life, but I got through it. Honestly I think I am stronger because of it. By the way, Kurt and I got a chance to take a look at the website you gave me. We talked about doing a video for the project. We'll see what happens. Thanks again. Back to the story of Blaine Anderson.
Dalton was intimidating at first. It felt so good to be away from all the taunts and the punches and the fear, but it was odd. Transferring in mid-semester makes you stand out. As the new guy, unfortunately there are a lot of questions asked. A lot of questions that I wasn't ready to answer. Luckily most of the time people were willing to take the "My parents thought that Dalton was the better school for me" at face value.
Boarding was difficult. I still had so many physical reminders of the attack earlier that fall and I really worked hard to hide them. I made sure I changed where my roommate wouldn't see me and just tried to lay low. I knew there was a no bullying policy, but no bullying doesn't mean acceptance. All I needed was to trade one homophobic school for another. I was still scared as hell.
One thing I can say about Dalton is that it was much easier to hide that an a public school. Uniforms in a way meant anonymity. Not standing out was easy. I became another blazer clad sophomore in the sea of navy and red. I did well enough in my classes that I wasn't singled out for extra attention, but not so well that the teachers called on me as an example. I made a few passing acquaintances that I would eat lunch or dinner with. I got good at fitting into any conversation. I learned how to be a "Dalton Boy"
I thought I had gotten away without notice until just before Christmas. I really had no one to blame but myself. Academics were stressful, with exams in all my classes; my parents and I hadn't talked since I moved except for a few quick "You fitting in OK?" conversations. I realized that Dalton was more for my parents in some ways than for me. Here I was out of sight, dealing with my "issues" and "problems" wasn't something they had to face. Their friends weren't faced with the "gay son". I was lonely, felt like a failure and I let it out the only way I knew how.
One day when I was feeling especially down I found my way to the music room. Michael and I had always found music to be an outlet for our feelings and I ended up sitting on one of the chairs playing the guitar and singing. I don't even remember which powerhouse ballad I was singing, but it was one that expressed all the pain and the fear and the loneliness that I struggled so hard with. I didn't realize that anyone was there until I heard someone say "Man you got a set of pipes on you" Turning around I saw two guys I had never seen before standing in the doorway, smiles on their faces.
They introduced themselves as Wes and David and told me that they were members of the Warblers. The Warblers were the show choir that Dalton was so proud of. I didn't ask about tryouts when I transferred because of all the crap that our chorus at school had taken. Apparently here the Warblers were actually respected, admired even. David and Wes invites me to audition and can you say the rest is history?
There was a weird dynamic with the Warblers. They were very "private school". I mean handbooks and formal rules of order? There was a council of three upperclassman who ran the group, no teacher or director. It seemed like everything had to have a vote attached to it. Song choices were made by the council, solos were assigned by the council and everyone had their place. There were assigned first and second leads, so voted at the beginning of the year, and everyone was assigned into neat little groups.
Outside of rehearsals the Warblers were totally different guys. They might have been quiet and orderly when in the group but outside they were totally insane. It was hard not to get sucked in. I still kept my personal life tucked away and got very good at putting on what Kurt called my "Dalton face" I was polite and kind and "dapper". My renegade curls were straightened and gelled down every morning. I was the perfect gentleman. No one knew I was gay, no one gave me grief, I was just another one of the guys.
Midway through second semester my life took another sharp turn, one that I look back on as a life changer. As with all teenage boys, the Warblers had their share of relationship dramas going on. Most of the guy's girlfriends went to Crawford Country Day, the Dalton sister school. I never really paid much attention to the drama because frankly hearing about everyone's girlfriends made me more aware of how unlikely it was that I would find someone. Then I walked into the practice room one day early and found Logan, the first lead singer, sitting on one of the couches in tears with four of the guys trying to comfort him.
I really didn't want to intrude so I just kinda stood in the doorway. When I heard Logan say "God I never thought he would dump me like that" my ears went into overdrive trying to hear what was going on. Here was one of the lead singers of the Warblers openly discussing a breakup with his "boyfriend" and none of the guys were freaking out. Actually all of the guys were encouraging him, patting his shoulder, resting a hand on his knee, telling him they understood how much it must hurt. He was gay and had friends that supported him.
That day when rehearsal started I asked the council if I could speak for a moment. I made some heart wrenching speech about how wonderful it was to be part of such a wonderful group. I looked Logan in the eye and told him how sorry I was for his pain and the fact that he inspired me to speak. I apologized for being so closed off. And then I told them the reason. Standing in that room in front of all the guys I told them I was gay and scared and told them the real reason I came to Dalton. We didn't get much rehearsing done that day but I came out of that room with friends that understood and liked me anyway for the first time in my life.
I am glad that you found the website helpful. If you need any help with the video let me know, I do think you could be a wonderful addition. I can see how easy it could have been for you to just "fit in". Private school does leave you that out. I know how much you love performing and I can see how the Warblers could become a safe haven for you to open up. I'm glad you found them.
AN: Don't ask me why but this chapter bit my ass. I normally don't rewrite, just let Blaine talk, but for some reason he was being strangely quiet. Next time: Lead singer, Jr year and meeting our favorite countertenor.
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