A/N: Hello! Here is the new chapter, I hope you will like it. And you know what I just realized? I never wrote a disclaimer to my stories. Well, I think that nobody thinks I own Shake It Up, But I Am A Cheerleader, or even B or Z. I own only my own characters and my own ideas. That´s all. If I will ever own Shake It Up, it wont be a comedy, but a drama and it will be Rece all the way.
Anyways, thank you for everything.
Read, enjoy and review.
Peace,
Author xxx
Chapter 4 : Stay Strong
Rocky´s P.O.V
As soon as I realized, what just happend, I run to our room and I jumped on my bed, crying my eyes out. I mean, I just kissed a girl! In fact, she kissed me, but I kissed her back and I liked it!
No, I can´t. I can´t like it, I can´t think like that. No, it was just a stupid little kiss. No, it wasn´t. Who am I kidding, I liked it a lot. I was enjoying the kiss, I never even dreamed about something like that.
But...I am not like that. I was never thinking like that about someone, like I was thinking about Cece right now. Was I really... a lesbian? No. No, it just can´t be true.
I have nothing against them, but I can´t be like that. My family would never accept me, they wil never let me be like that. That´s why I am here. Because if I would be like that, I would have no future. Because people are mean.
And I am not strong enough to fight with them. I am not like Cece, and I never will be. That´s why I can´t be gay, and I have to be straight.
I heard someone opening the doors, and I jumped from shock, because I was thinking it was Cece. But it wasn´t her, it was Cat.
„S-sorry, I didn´t me-ean to scare you.", she apologized, and I smiled at her and wiped the tears out of my face.
„It´s ok.", I said and she sat up on her bed.
This girl was a big mystery to me. She wasn´t talking much, and she was always scared of other people. That´s why she wasn´t able to speak normally. I was wondering, what was she doing here. She didn´t look like a gay at all.
„Are you okay?", she asked me and I was surprised she noticed that. And she said that without a mistake, that surprised me even more.
„Yeah, I am.", I lied to her.
„You can tell me i-if something ha-append.", she said and I don´t know why, but I felt like I could believe her.
„I just...I just don´t know who I am anymore.", I said.
She smirked.
„Yeah, tell me about it.", she said and shooked her head, I looked at her with confiuson.
„I was always pretty normal girl, b-but from the day I-I came out, I lost all confidence I h-had.", she explained to me sadly and I frowned.
„Why?", I asked, curiously.
„My classmates w-ere bullying me a-nd, my p-parents were t-treating me l-like someone less. T-that´s why I want to be straight again, I-I don´t want to feel that pain anymore."
We were both silent for a while and I was thinking about what she just told me. I felt really sorry for her, because she seemed to be a good and nice girl, I am sure she didn´t deserve that. It had to be hard for her, to be bullied by her friends and her family too.
And that scared me a lot. This is something I can´t let happen to me. Never. I don´t want to be treaten like she was, I am not so strong to survive it.
No, I am not gay. I can´t be, and this is the reason why.
I am too weak.
Cece´s P.O.V
When I walked to our room, everyone were there. Cat was already asleep, Tracy was sitting on her bed and watching me and Rocky was laying and looking out of the window.
Our eyes met and I saw all her emotions. I felt guilty, because she looked pretty sad and hurt, so I looked away from her and I went to my bed.
„Did you forget about our curfew?", Tracy asked me and I was irritated by her, and I really wasn´t in a mode for her shit.
„Shut the fuck up and mind your own bussines.", I told her and layed on my bed.
„Wow, someone here is not in the mood. What happend?", she asked me and I looked at Rocky, who was staring at me in that moment.
„Fuck off.", I said and prayed that I was clear enough.
Luckily, I was. Tracy rolled her eyes and climbed under her sheets. Soon I heard her snoring, so I knew she was asleep.
Of course I couldn´t sleep. My head was full of thoughs, and it was too hard for me to just don´t think and turn my brain off. I was just looking at the ceilling and a few times at Rocky, who didn´t sleep too.
I guess she was pretty lost now. She just found out, that she is probably gay too, just like the rest of us in this camp. And I know that feeling. When I found out about myself, I was pretty angry. Yeah, I was angry like a hell, I was blaming the whole world, but later I got used to it and now I am totally proud of who I am.
Rocky must feel terrible now. She probably doesn´t know, how to feel about the whole situation and I wish I could help her, but I don´t know how. And now I have to be very careful, because I don´t want her to get mad, or something.
I love her too much for that. Wait. Did I just think about an actual love?
Come on, I know her only for few days! But she just...blowed me away and when we shared that one kiss, I felt her so much. So freaking much. My heart was going to explode in that moment, when our lips moved together in perfect harmony.
No, I don´t want to go through this again. But one thing life teached me is...that you can´t stop feeling something so strong, like this.
Love is stronger than anything else in this whole world.
Next Morning
Do you know how I told you how much I hate this camp, right? All those fucking pink/blue stuff everywhere, they are telling us just some stupid bullshit and I fell in love here, when I am not suppose to fall in love again.
And I have to graduate here, because I don´t want to be a homeless in my sixteen. Well, I think I will just survive it here somehow, and graduate. It doesn´t mean, that I have to change myself, maybe I can just pretend all the time.
It will be just super hard to do it, and to keep my sometimes too big mouth shut.
Oh, so all these things are pretty nothing, against what was happening this morning. I thought, that I had just some nightmare or something, but it was an actual reality.
If I can even call it like that. Man.
So, Ms. Robertson (I decided that I will call her Pink Robot) brought us to one of those creepy rooms in our pink house. Boys were together with us. We didn´t know, what will we do there, we just kept going, but when we got there, we were all confused.
There was a large bed in the middle of room, and the whole room looked like a bedroom of a happy married couple.
I looked around me, and everyone else were looking as same confused, as I was. Rocky was standing right by my side, but we didn´t talk at all. I knew we should, but I was just trying to give her more time to think about what happend.
„So, as you all know, when you get married, you have some things you will do with your wife or husband. You are all almost adults, so I think this is the right time to show you, how it should be.", she explained, why we were there, and my jaw dropped somewhere on the floor.
Everyone around me just swallowed, Nickolas and I shared a look full of disgust and Rocky looked somewhere else, but not into my eyes.
„Are you serious?", I asked her, afraid, that some porn-actors would come to the room soon or later, and they would show us how to fuck.
„Yes, Cece, I am. This is a very important thing you have to learn, because you all will have a big families one day. So, who wants to go first?", she asked and now it was time, when it wasn´t only me, who´s face was like – „Are you fucking kidding me?!"
„Sorry, but isn´t it...too much?", Tracy asked and I nodded in agreement, slowly stepping away from the king bed.
„Oh, honey, don´t you worry! You don´t have to do it for „real". You will have all of your clothes on.", she said and I was glad for that.
Anyways...I knew this will be pretty awkward.
„So, the first will be...Hm...", she thought and looked around herself, trying to find someone, who will be the first „victim".
„Mike.", she said finally, pointing on him. Mike sighed and walked to the bed.
„Aaaand...Rocky!"
Pink Robot said it in such an excitment, but when I saw Rocky´s face, I was feeling really sorry for her. I wanted to go there instead of her, but when I wanted to open my mouth, she knew it somehow and put her hand on my mouth.
„Don´t.", she said simply and walked to the bed, laying there slowly and Mike got on top of her.
A new feeling got into me – jealousy.
When I saw her, in her pure beauty laying on that bed, she seemed so innocent and just...gorgeous, like she always does. I saw fear in her eyes, but she didn´t say a word.
But then my eyes went to Mike. He was a tough guy, but to me he always seemed to be a good one. He had abs, but good heart. Mike wanted to be straight too, but I guess it´s just because his mates were laughing on him.
When he first time touched Rocky, I felt anger coming to me. I knew he never looked at her that way, I knew he was gay, I knew, that this wasn´t for real, that they were just playing it, but...
I still felt so jealous. It was me, who wanted to touch her like that, to hold her, to kiss her, to...make love to her later, when would she be ready for something like that.
She was just too innocent and soft for a guy like that.
„Okay, you don´t have to kiss or something, but show us the movement you will gonna do.", Pink Robot said and Mike swallowed hard and looked at Rocky.
„I´m sorry.", he whispered to her, she just nodded and then he started to pushing against her with his body.
He tried to be careful, because Rocky was really thin and he was pushing against her just with his stomach and bare body. She looked pretty uncomfortable, but she just closed her eyes and tried to think about something else.
How much I wanted to be at his place and to show them all how to do it right...
No, I must stop these thoughs. But what? I can´t help myself!
„I think we get the point, can they please stop it?", I said finally, when I knew that I couldn´t be quiet for any longer.
Pink Robot sighed and nodded.
„Okay, you can stop now.", she said and they quickly got up from the bed and shared embarrased looks.
Thank you God, it´s over.
But still...I should keep praying, that nothing worse will come. Because here you can´t be sure with nothing. Seriously, nothing!
Rocky´s P.O.V
Okay, in my entire life, I was being embarrased many times, really. People in the school were sometimes bullying me, because I had good grades, and some popular girls were doing everything to make me feel embarrased and down.
But now?!
I felt terrible. Some boy was just laying on me and we were pretending to have sex! I wonder, what would my parents say about this! But, well, maybe they think that it´s okay, to know how to do it.
Yeah, because I am sixteen and I „don´t know" what sex is. Come on, I am not a kid anymore!
I don´t know why, but I feel like I was just raped or something, even when it wasn´t real, and I saw that Mike didn´t like it too.
And...there is another thing that scares me about this. When I was laying there, I wasn´t feeling comfortable with him on top of me. It´s weird, because Mike is a really cute and pretty guy, he is attractive and he had abs and everything, but...
I just wasn´t attracked to him and that is something really bad. Yeah, it seems that my parents were right about me. But how? How the heck did they know that there is something wrong with me? How did they know, that I am not attracked to guys, but to girls?
Wait, I still can´t be sure with this. Maybe those are just my teenage hormones, nothing more.
Sure! You don´t find the hottest guy in the whole world attractive and you liked kissing a girl, those are for sure just hormones!
...Damn it! My mind is just being sarcastic to me. I don´t know, what should I think about this whole thing. I can´t be like this, but I feel like I want to talk about this with someone.
Because I feel so hopeless right now, and I don´t know what to do.
And right in that moment I heard someone from the doors and I looked there.
I was in our room, laying on my bed, thinking and writing after what happend this morning, and I said to Ms. Robertson that I just didn´t feel well. Actually, it was true.
„Cece, what are you doing here? You should be with the others.", I sighed and slowly sat up on the bed.
Cece slowly walked to me and sat right next to me, not sure if she could do it. She probably thought, that I was still mad at her, after what happend last night, but in fact, I didn´t know how to be mad at someone, especially at someone like Cece.
„Yeah, I just told them I will be right back. They are learning how to dance in couples, and it´s pretty boring and lame, you know.", she said in her typical annyoed voice, and I was really happy, that the old Cece was finally back.
„Is that just a feeling, or you are yourself again?", I asked her, smiling at her and she giggled and looked down on the floor.
„I guess...I still don´t know, how to survive it here, but...I think I just can´t change.", she explained and I nodded.
„Why would you even do that?", I asked her and she was surprised I even asked her that.
She went silent for a moment and then she spoke.
„You know, it´s all about our parents. I think everybody want to change themselfes just because of their parents or friends. That is the reason I acted like that last days. My mom told me, that if I wont change, I wont be welcome back at home. And that made me doubt myself."
I saw that pain in her eyes, when she said it and I put my hand on hers and held it.
Feeling that weird spark between us...
„ Cece, I am sorry for that. My parents told me the same thing...I guess you are right with that. Everybody are here, because of the ones they love."
„Yeah, but do they really love us? I mean, is that a true love? Then don´t love us the way we are and that is a big mistake. We are doing this only because of them, but I think it´s not worth it at all.", she said and agreed with her.
It took me a while, till I imagined, what did it mean.
If I really am a...lesbian, or bisexual or whatever, my parents should stand by my side, right? They should be here with me and keep telling me things like – „We love you anyways." and „We just want you to be happy."
That is the truly meaning of a family. Being supportive of each other no matter what. They shouldn´t send me here, but talk about it with me.
God, why did I realize this just now?
„But that is not what I wanted to talk about with you.", she said and cut my thoughs off.
I became a little nervous, because I knew exactly, what she wanted to talk about. I was just too afraid to talk about that.
She noticed it and smirked.
„Look, Rocky, I am really sorry for that. I wish I could say I didn´t mean that, but...", she stopped and my heart began to beat fast.
„Don´t apologize, i-it´s okay.", I said and my voice cracked at the end of the sentence.
God, why was I feeling like that, when I was alone in a room with her? She was just so beautiful and I love that energy and confidence that is she full of. She was really strong girl and I can´t say that I didn´t like that...I felt like I was being safe, when she was there with me.
„So...did it...mean something...to you too?", she asked me slowly, careful not to say something wrong and I didn´t know how to reply to this question.
It was all so new for me! And I can´t start something like this, that´s the reason I am here! But I can´t forget the talk we had before this one. That maybe it isn´t worth it because of our loved ones, because maybe they just don´t really love us.
„M-Maybe.", I almost whispered and I saw her smirking a little.
She was always like an devil in angels body, but this time she seemed to be a little...nervous too. Was I making her nervous? Wow. Something like this never happend to me before.
„Cece, I still don´t know and I am new at this and...", she cutted me off with her hand across my mouth.
„Look, Rocky. I know how are you feeling right now. You will be denying this, you will be angry at yourself and you will doubt yourself, but that is allright. I will wait for you, I will give you all the time in the world, if you need it. And I know, that we don´t know each other so well, because we are here only for like a week, but we have a lot of time to do it.", she said with a smile playing on her lips and I smiled too.
This is probably that what I needed to hear. I didn´t even believe, that she was so nice with me, I never saw her talk like that to someone else, than me.
„Sounds great.", I said and smiled too.
„Awesome. But I guess I have to go, you know, I don´t want that crazy woman to get too much angry.", she said and jumped off of my bed, I laughed.
„Cece?", I asked her, before she left me there alone.
„Yes?", she turned back to me.
„Why did you kiss me?", I asked her, and I surprised my own self with that question.
She smiled at me sweetly.
„Because I felt that you are special from the first time I saw you. And I got lost in your beautiful eyes.", she replied and I blushed.
She was the very first person, who gave me a compliment like that. And honestly? I love it.