This chapter is going to show Sebastian's backstory, and you'll see why he is the way he is. Jeff's backstory is the next chapter and (spoiler alert!) he's keeping a pretty big secret which will soon to be revealed. I do not own Sebastian or Jeff, despite my wishes. Also if you're easily triggered do not read, as mentions of self-harm and suicide are present.
Sebastian was still extremely reluctant to tell Jeff what had happened to him. But it was now or never, and Jeff didn't seem like the type of person to pity or tell others. And hopefully Jeff could finally open up because anyone could see that he needed to.
After taking a deep breath, Sebastian began, "I was born sixteen years ago in England, and my parents were both sons and daughters of rich families. Their marriage was always more of a social contract, and they were around 21 when they married. so unsurprisingly they divorced while I was only three due to mommy being a whore. And she basically ran off with this douchebag Pierre, and I only saw her again once. I know, what an amazing mother. But it's not like my father was much better. He was always busy with 'buisness' and eventually just forgot about me. It was evident even to little Sebby that I was simply a trophy son."
As Sebastian said that, Jeff realized that Sebastian's life wasn't as perfect as he made it out to be. He was clearly neglected ever since he was a child, and was void of the love most children received from their parents. But Jeff had a feeling that there was much more to Sebastian than simply that.
"I was never like the other children, I didn't spend all of my days in the playground frolicking or whatever little kids even did, and I only had a few friends. Even as a naïve little kid, I knew how it was like to be alone in a big bad world. In fact, when I was seven, I ran away for a day, only to realize that my father was away on yet another 'business trip'. I was constantly passed on from nanny to nanny as a child. When I was eleven I moved from England to France due to business reasons. And that's where everything went to shit."
Jeff continued to listen intently, and he could relate to how it was like feel alone even as a little kid. And ironically, everything went to shit for Jeff when he was eleven as well. And now, Jessica was eleven, and Jeff couldn't even shelter her from how broken his family was.
"At first, things were half decent. I was always well liked at middle school, I got good grades, I did sports, I even had a girlfriend. It wasn't until I had that girlfriend that I didn't like girls at all. I never really stated that I was gay, I just stopped dating girls. And middle school was pretty uneventful. I already felt pretty empty, and I hated keeping up appearances at school and at all of my father's business events. I had no sense of identity. Then came high school. That's when I had a boyfriend, which was one of the biggest mistakes I've ever made. I was already feeling pretty shit and reluctant to let my guard down, even at fourteen. But I fell for this guy Oliver, and I fell hard. He was sixteen and from the moment I saw him, I was completely captivated." Sebastian said this with a bitter tone, obviously this relationship had not ended well.
"At first things were great. Since he was older he was the one who introduced me to the world of alcohol, drugs, and sex. I actually felt happy for once, and I felt like he genuinely liked me, which I couldn't really say for anyone else in my life. Things were fucking perfect for four months. Too bad it was all an illusion. Turns out that to him I was nothing more than a fuck buddy, and he was doing the same thing with two other guys. But despite all of that I couldn't let him go. I began to realize that he was in a way my lifeline and my reason to wake up every day, which made me feel absolutely sick."
Jeff could only know where this story could go, and it was downhill. Jeff also realized why Sebastian was rather closed off and didn't do relationships. Everyone starts off as naïve and trusting, before they get screwed over. Jeff also saw how Sebastian was barely holding on while he was telling the story. The arrogant smirk he always had was gone and was replaced by a somber expression. Jeff saw how Sebastian went through great efforts to regain his composure, and looked as if he could break down at any second. Was this what he had to do every day? Was this what he so well hid with a smirk and a sarcastic comment?
"And despite knowing just how wrong it was, I just couldn't let him go. I was just so lonely and stupid back then. And I grew to despise myself. And one day, I was doing homework when a blade from my pencil sharpener fell out. And as I attempted to dispose the blade, I accidentally cut myself. But ironically, I found a strange enjoyment from the pain it brought. And you could only imagine where the story went from there."
Jeff knew exactly how Sebastian felt. It always started as an accident or an experimentation. Nobody ever knew how addicting it really could be. Jeff was at the point where he was fully aware of how sick what he was doing was, but he couldn't bring himself to stop anymore.
"Flash forward to four months later. It's nearing the end of my freshman year, and to say I was a complete mess was an understatement of epic proportions. I couldn't even go a week without cutting. I still couldn't let Oliver go despite what he was doing to me. My grades began to slip, I quit lacrosse, and the very few times my father actually was around, he constantly reminded me how worthless I was. But the worst was still only to come."
Jeff's stomach dropped as he knew where this story would go. He was completely shocked-little did he know that Sebastian was actually very similar to Jeff. And Jeff wanted to know how Sebastian was able to recover, because Jeff didn't have the strength to do so himself.
"I had this really close friend of mine, her name was Cindy. She was the most popular girl in school, and she was notoriously famous for spreading a ridiculous amount of rumors. And one day, my sleeve slipped a little, just like what happened that day with me and you in the common room. But want to know what the difference was? She basically told the entire school that I was some emo freak, and that's how I went from the top to the bottom of the social pyramid in merely a few days. Originally I was invited everywhere and had several 'friends', but it was obvious how nobody actually cared, because every single person left."
Hearing Sebastian's story absolutely broke Jeff's heart, because people finding out was Jeff's worst fear, and for Sebastian, it had been true. Jeff feared every day that someone would find out and tell the whole school, and Jeff would be shunned even at Dalton. And the fact that someone may suspect that about him and tell everyone just like what Cindy did with Sebastian was absolutely terrifying.
"I was originally someone people just didn't mess with, but I began to get bullied. I was the joke of the school, and avoided everyone. I finally broke things off with Oliver, and many days, I faked sick and didn't even go to school. The cutting went from weekly to daily, and I began to contemplate suicide. My father barely even noticed, so one day I decided to see my mother. I didn't plan to tell her what was going on with me, I just wanted to see if she missed me and still cared. Which was one of the biggest mistakes I've made, because she never cared in the first place. After a two hour train ride to see her, she simply shunned me, saying that I wasn't a part of her life anymore. She had a new family and had children with Pierre, and she really couldn't care less about me or my father as it wasn't her business. And that was the breaking point for me."
Jeff didn't even know what to say. He desperately wanted to hug Sebastian for making it this far and being somewhat okay now. How did he get himself out of this downwards spiral? Because Jeff was slowly going in the same direction as fourteen year old Sebastian was, and that was scaring him.
"The day after, I was ready to end it all. Just like my father said, I was completely worthless, and it wasn't like anyone would care anyways. And I 'accidentally' took a few too many pills, which ended with a trip to the hospital. And my father was absolutely repulsed on why I would do such a thing. He wasn't even concerned about what was going on with me, he was more concerned about what it would do to his reputation. So basically he paid the hospital staff to say that I was in a car accident instead, which barely even made sense, and sent me to therapy. And from there, things got better but not completely. Most of the people at school still bullied me for being a freak, but I began to stand up for myself. And in a few months, most people were rather intimidated by me and kept their distance. That was except for this girl Karla. She was a supposed friend of Cindy, but deep down she despised her, the social caste, and everyone in school. I actually ran into her at a therapy session-little did I know at first that she was dealing with similar things that I was. While I trusted almost nobody, her I was able to trust to an extent. She was the first person in my entire lifetime who actually gave a shit about me, and we still talk to this day."
Jeff was happy that Sebastian was able to find someone who could help him go through such a tough time, even one person made a massive difference when someone felt alone. Jeff could see the small smile Sebastian had when he brought Karla up, and he was happy that this story wasn't going to downhill anymore.
"I was fifteen at this time and puberty took its full toll on me. I obviously took advantage of that and began clubbing and realized how great of an outlet sex was. It made me feel somewhat wanted and like I was good for something. I craved the feeling of people wanting me, even if it was just lust. I loved how I could forget all of the shit in my life with a few drinks. And as the cutting eventually stopped, I found a new way to numb the pain."
Jeff saw how there was so much more to people than meets the eye. People always saw Sebastian as a bit of a whore, and Jeff even thought that at one point. But it all made sense now, why Sebastian even did the things he did.
"By the end of the year I was forced to move to this dump, otherwise known as Westerville, Ohio. And I still continued a lot of the things I did sophomore year. I learned to cover up my pain with a smirk and a sarcastic comment, and I drank and fucked my pain away. I began to somewhat forget everything I've gone through. I think what gave me a reality check and a flashback to everything that's happened was Karofsky's suicide attempt. Because I remember feeling the exact same way, and sometimes I don't even know if I got any better or not. In the literal sense, I did. I'm not suicidal and I stopped cutting, but I still don't remember the last time I was actually happy, and I still feel like shit all of the time. There, you have it. Guess I'm not who you thought I was, huh?" Sebastian finished off, a small tear rolling down his cheek.
All Jeff could do was hug Sebastian. The hug meant the reassurance and support Jeff could never say in words. And Jeff hugged him until he could find the same courage Sebastian did to tell his own story, and to Jeff, that felt like hours.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and hopefully this gives a bit of an insight on why Sebastian is the way he is. Please follow and/or favorite if you like this story, and reviews and feedback are always appreciated. Also, if you're dealing with anything similar to what Sebastian or Jeff is, or just need someone to talk to, just message me. And just know that I am not promoting or glorifying anything in this story.