MAO: Hey everybody! Here again with JC of the Corn for another installment of It's My Turn to feel Out of Place!
JC: And boy do we have a treat for you, when we last left our heroes, Jem started to ride a Deathstalker like a rider at the Kentucky derby, and Colt seems to have been introduced to Jem's family…and so far…he's still sane.
MAO: Well, that's probably because I haven't met Jem yet. Winter and Nala are "normal" compared to that guy.
JC: Fair enough, oh but what insanity awaits poor little 'ole Colt in this chapter?
MAO: Let's find out. On with the chapter!
JC: Yep! Sound the horn of war!
Disclaimer: Neither I nor JC of the Corn own RWBY. Cover image by sumopiggy on Deviantart.
(Colt 1st POV)
I casually walked down the hallway that lead to the Beacon Security room, with Violet, Winter, and the now-named Nala (I'll process the fact she's based off a Lion King character later) in tow. Nala seemed to be walking a little too close to Violet, but I didn't see a problem in that.
"So," the other Winter began. "You are from Earth as well?"
"Eeyup.
"How did you end up on Remnant, then? Did someone from here end up on Earth like with us?"
I grimaced. "Er, not really. I got here the…hard way."
She looked confused. "The hard way?"
"All I can say is that it seemed like something that Robot Chicken would come up with for one of their sketches."
She winced. "Best not let Jem hear that. He absolutely loathes that show."
"What? It's awesome!"
"He doesn't think the same."
"…Eh, to each his own, I guess."
We finally reached the security room. I unlocked the door and stepped inside, the other three following.
"Why are we here?" Nala asked innocently. "Shouldn't we be looking for my Daddy?"
"I agree," the other Winter said.
I smirked, then bopped Nala on the nose with my finger, earning a pout from the little lioness.
"Well, Nala, allow me to explain to all three of you."
I moved to the chair near the keyboard terminal of the cameras and sat down. I began to press some buttons as I continued.
"Back on Earth, I was a very avid reader of RWBY fanfiction, reading all kinds of stories the fandom came up with. Except any yuri or yaoi stories. Or anything that focused too much on Yang. Those weren't my cup of tea."
Not that I have anything against gays or lesbians, mind you. Hell, I had a gay cousin in the family. Granted, I didn't realize it until my final few years on Earth, but it was more a surprise than a bother….
Point is, I don't read yaoi or yuri.
"What's wrong with Auntie Yang?" Nala asked innocently.
"…Yeah, I don't want to get into that right now."
"But-."
"My word is law."
Nala pouted, while Violet gave her shoulder a sympathetic pat.
"It's okay. I know how you feel."
…Those two really are adorable.
"Now," I continued. "Some of those stories I've read have been people sent to Remnant, be it crossover or not."
Winter frowned. "And this relates to finding my fiancé how?"
"Because almost every single time a person is sent to Remnant in those stories, there is one common place they end up in."
I pushed one more button, and the camera feeds switched to that of a place near Beacon.
"The Emerald Forest."
Winter crossed her arms. "So you're only basis on where Jem could be centers around fanfiction?"
"…Pretty much, yeah."
…
…
The other Winter deadpanned at me. "That's completely ridicu-."
"THERE HE IS!" Nala shouted, pointing at a camera screen.
Sure enough, there was a man who was…currently riding a Deathstalker like a bull….
Before I address that-.
I smirked at the other Winter. "You were saying?"
She grumbled to herself.
I took a closer look at the man (Jem, apparently) in the picture. He had a bald head and a scruffy beard, and was apparently wearing a wolf skin. He was using what looked like a tomahawk to hang on to the Deathstalker.
I'm gonna be honest, here. This guy looks like a hillbilly redneck…or a savage….
Or both.
This was the fiancé of the Winter Schnee with me right now? The Winter Schnee?
I turned to Winter. "Is that really your fiancé?"
"Yes," she answered.
"…You sure about that?"
"I am."
"Positive?"
"Yes."
…
…
"Him?" I emphasized with my thumb.
She glared at me. "Is that a problem?"
"N-No, no! Just…surprising."
Guess this was one of those "more than meets the eye" situations. Or like the movie "She's Out of My League".
The other Winter chuckled. "I suppose it is surprising. Someone of my stature with a…redneck. But I found he was quite charming. He can be a dumbass sometimes, but I love him all the same."
She sounded so sure of herself that I believed her.
I suddenly found myself back to a thought I had when I first met the Winter I knew.
But in terms of me and Winter…I wasn't that lucky.
…
…
I mean, if a guy like this can be with a Winter, then maybe…no, that's stupid….
But then again-.
"Shouldn't we be helping Daddy?"
Oh right. The guy's dealing with a Deathstalker right now.
I turned to the other Winter. "Don't suppose you can say for certain he can last until I get there?"
She bit her lip. "His Semblance is practically good luck, so I would imagine so."
"…" I sighed. "Well in my experience, luck runs out."
I stood up. "You three wait here."
Nala protested. "But it's my daddy!"
"I understand that, but you definitely can't come along."
The other Winter stepped forward. "Then I'm coming along with you."
"No."
She gawked. "What?"
"You can't leave Nala alone, and I'd like it if you'd watch Violet for me. Besides, I need to get to your fiancé fast, and the only way to do that will only allow one person."
The other Winter narrowed her eyes. "How do you plan to get to him?"
To answer for her, I pulled out my scroll and sent a text.
…
…
Neo appeared in the room.
"What the-?!" (Other Winter)
"Eep!" (Nala)
"Ice cream lady!" (Violet)
Neo smirked at the three, then turned to me with a raised eyebrow.
"Yeah, long story short: a guy's out in the Emerald Forest with a Deathstalker, and I need to get to him fast."
She looked at the video feed of the guy, then nodded.
YEAH, I CAN TELEPORT YOU THERE.
"Awesome."
The other Winter spoke. "Wait a minute, why is Neopolitan here? Shouldn't she be considered a criminal at this point?"
Neo sent me another raised eyebrow.
WHAT'S UP WITH THE ICE QUEEN?
"Hey!"
I sighed. "Another long story short: this is a Winter from an alternate universe."
…
…
WHAT?
"Neo! Explain later! Guy! Deathstalker! Trouble! Please?!"
She giggled at my outburst and gave a nod.
I turned to the other three. "You three stay here. Violet, if anyone else shows up, just pretend this Winter is our Winter until I get back. If our Winter shows up…explain as best you can."
Violet nodded. "Okay!"
I sent a smile to Nala. "Don't worry, kid. I'll get your father back."
She narrowed her eyes. "You better! Or else I'll give you my patented Nala kick!"
"…Good to know."
The other Winter spoke. "Please get him back safe."
"Don't worry, I will."
I turned to Neo. "I'm ready."
With a nod, she grabbed my arm, and I felt the turning of my insides that indicated we were teleporting.
(Jem POV)
"Yee-aay-ee!" Jem let out a rebel yell as he continued to ride the Deathstalker.
In all honesty, this was a very stupid decision. But the adrenaline coursing through his veins was too good of a rush to give up.
So, he continued to hold on for dear life. Because this was one amazing feeling. This must be what Steve Irwin felt whenever he wrestled a crocodile….god rest his soul. Jem would have offered a prayer for Steve Irwin if he wasn't so busy focusing on not getting flung off.
HISSSSSSS!
The Deathstalker was obviously not happy with Jem. The annoying human wouldn't let go, and the Grimm had never been so frustrated with hunting! Usually it would have to hunt for its food, but this tasty little morsel made its way to its cave, so it thought it had gotten lucky.
But noooooo! What it thought would be an easy meal turned out to be the exact opposite. This human was a PAIN IN THE ASS!
"OH I WISH I WAS IN DIXIE! HOORAY! HOORAY! IN DIXIELAND I'LL TAKE MY STAND! LIVE AND DIE IN DIXIE!"
Jem had no idea why he was singing Dixieland.
It might have had something to do with the fact his Dad was from Dixie and used to sing it all the time when he was a kid….maybe that was why he had a bunch of old confederate artifacts in his room?
Then again, both Jem and his Dad were huge civil war buffs. It got to the point where his Dad had to explain the reason why they had portraits of General Robert E Lee and General Ulysses S Grant sharing a wall together.
Needless to say, visitors always found that weird.
Wait, where was Jem?
Oh right.
"WWOOOOOO HOOOOO!" Jem despite being scared shitless was having the time of his life.
"Damn, now if only I was actually southern…."
Jem didn't feel like he did the Rebel yell right. Oh well, too late to think of that now.
"COME ON MR. CLAWS!" That was another thing that pissed the Deathstalker off.
The human had the gall to give it a nickname! How humiliating!
As if riding it like some common work horse wasn't bad enough, now it had to deal with stupidity such as this man. Now Grimm may not have sentient thoughts. But if they did, the Deathstalker would have only one thought on its mind.
"I am going to enjoy eviscerating this puny human!"
FLING!
"NOOOOOOOOO!" Jem yelled at the top of his lungs.
Oh he was still on the Deathstalker, but his flask of moonshine went flying.
"DAMN IT!" Jem yelled as he couldn't let go now.
"MY GRANDMOTHER MADE ME THAT FLASK!" Jem yelled as his memories went back to his Meemaw.
See, he had two grandmothers. Grandmama and Meemaw, one who was the Italian, and the other was a southerner descended from southern civil war heroes….
AND SHE COULD MAKE ONE HELL OF A BATCH OF MOONSHINE!
She made him that flask as a gift when he was eight years old…huh, it's almost like she knew he would grow up to love booze.
He saw the flask go into the distance, his hand reaching out as if he was reaching for his first born son.
"Muh booooooze." Jem was a tough guy, but seeing his moonshine fly off like that made him want to cry.
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Jem pulled his Tomahawk and knife out of the Deathstalker as it was taking a short rest.
"DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE! DIE!" He started viciously stabbing it in the back. The pain of losing his booze was too much. However, in his pain he didn't realize the Deathstalker realized he wasn't holding on.
"Uh oh…" Jem realized he may have made a bad decision.
HISSSSS!
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!"
Jem was launched off its back in the same direction as his flask. Jem still had his weapons in hand. But what was in front of him was so much more important. The light returned to his eyes as he saw something else flying through the air.
"MR. BOOZE!" He yelled as he saw his flask.
Yes! He named his flask. Hey, don't judge, some people do that. The point was he saw Mr. Booze! He could get him!
"I'll save you!" He yelled as he stuck his hands forward like Superman.
Meanwhile the Deathstalker was back on the ground following its target.
Some would ask why it chose to follow him. Well the answer was simple, Jem had managed to piss it off and humiliate it so much that all it wanted to do was slowly kill him.
If it was to let him go now, it would not be able to feel the satisfaction of killing Jem with its own bare pincers.
So it was out for revenge.
"JUST A LITTLE MORE!" He yelled as a Bullhead was passing by.
(On the Bullhead)
"I do say Bart, it really is relaxing to just come out here and watch the forest from above," Professor Port said as both were drinking a special brew of coffee. "Ah yes, nothing quite like-"
Suddenly they heard a voice.
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY!"
They turned to see an angry bald bearded man flying towards them, his arms extended out like a superhero.
The image of an angry wolf head stared at them as the man got closer and closer. They saw a small object also fly through the bullhead, but they just assumed they were seeing things. In fact…now they hoped they were seeing things.
"HOLY SH-!" The man flew through the open portion of the bullhead and continued to soar though the air.
…
…
"Bart, did….did we just see a man fly by?" Port was so shocked he ACTUALLY opened his eyes.
"Yes…I think we did…."
Port and Oobleck looked down at their coffee cups. They both poured both beverages out the window.
The pilot told them the brew was special, but he didn't warn them that he put hallucinogens in the brew!
(Back to the plot)
"I GOT YOU!" Jem was closing in on Mr. Booze.
Three feet.
...
His arm extended.
…
Two feet
….
His hand at the ready!
...
One foot
…
He yelled in fury.
...
He got it.
"YES! YES! OH MR. BOOZE! I'LL NEVER LOSE YOU AGAIN!" Jem held his flask to his chest like a newborn baby.
"Wait…." He suddenly realized something.
…
…
"Oh…titty sprinkles."
He looked down to notice he was about to crash into a boulder.
"AHHHH!"
SMASH!
The Deathstalker burst into the clearing. It looked around for his target. Only to find that there was a boulder with a very sizable man made mark in it. There was no way that puny human could survive that.
"Owwwwwwww…" It heard a groan of pain from the indent in the boulder.
"NO FREAKING WAY!" is what it would have thought if it had sentient thought.
"Hey Mr. Claws! Sorry! I'm still alive! But I think my arm is broken! I can't feel it...but that might just be the booze!"
That damned voice was yelling! HOW WAS HE STILL ALIVE?!
"Thank Jesus and Odin for Good Luck semblances! Otherwise I would be dead! OH! HEY! We're alright! I just have a sprained arm! COOL!"
Jem then fell out of the indent in the boulder.
The Deathstalker felt like crying in shame. This was the human giving it a hard time?! ARE YOU KIDDING?!
"I GOT MR. BOOZE BACK!" He held up his flask in victory.
It had a smiley face on it. There was a label on top with words written in crayon that looked like they were written by a child. Do you know how weird it is to see a flask with a label on it in crayon that says 'Mr. Booze'?
If the Deathstalker was human, it would be facepalming.
"Well my Aura should heal me up! Isn't that wonderful!" Jem said as he took another sip of booze.
HISSSSSSSS!
"Oh yeah…I'm supposed to be fighting you, aren't I?"
If the Deathstalker had any more hatred for this man…it would rival Salem's hate for humans..
"Well, here we go." He said as his sprained arm was healed enough to fight.
"N-NOW, H-HOLD ON T-THERE!" A voice yelled out.
Jem and the Deathstalker turned to find…some guy in security getup, a cowboy hat, and shades. He was currently panting, his hands on his knees.
Who the hell is this guy? Jem thought.
"Who dares interrupt my chance at bloody vengeance?!" is what the Deathstalker would've if it had a sentient thought.
(Colt 1st POV)
These…fucking…two….
Why? Why did the guy have to go and get himself flung like that?!
Neo had teleported me to where Jem and the Deathstalker were, but then the guy got himself flung away like a bug. The Deathstalker gave chase, forcing me to chase after it on foot cause Neo (who I told to return to Beacon to get the explanation from the other three) couldn't teleport somewhere unless she knew where specifically she was going or had been there before. And since she doesn't know exactly where the guy was gonna land….
Needless to say, I was out of breath from all the running, even with Aura boosting me.
"J-Just…l-let me catch my breath, now."
In…out.
In…out.
In…out.
…Okay, I'm good.
I stood back up as the guy, Jem, looked at me weirdly.
"Am I a little drunk right now? Or is there a mall security guard here? Because I swear to God I didn't steal anything!"
…
…
Wait, what?
I blinked. "Um…n-no, I'm not mall security. I got a worried Winter and a little lion girl named Nala back where I work, the latter of whom misses her father very much. Are you Jem?"
Jem looked ecstatic. "Yes, that's me! They're alright? Really? Oh thank Jesus and Odin! Thanks! Now if you excuse me, I have to kill this oversized Clash of the Titans rip-off."
…Clash of the Titans. Now that takes me back. Only know the remake, though. Never got to see the original. Shame, but oh well.
I raised an eyebrow. "And you plan to do that how?"
"Simple," he shrugged. "I'm going to run up and stab it a fuck load of times."
…He says that like it's the easiest thing in the world.
I walked towards him. "I don't think that'll work. Can you even get through its armor?"
He shrugged. "I don't know. Probably not. I mean, I killed a giant snake thingy, but that was only because it ate me and I gutted it from the inside...this is a lot harder."
…
…
That…was certainly an image to picture.
I stopped next to him. "Well, I'd rather avoid either of us getting eaten alive."
I cupped my chin. "Still, though. Killing it from the inside might be the only way to go."
But how, though?
I absentmindedly pat the belt that had my grenades as I tried to think of a way to-.
…Wait a minute.
I looked down at the grenades on my waist.
Bingo.
"What if we stuff grenades in its mouth?"
Jem grinned madly. "What an excellent idea! And I'm not just saying that because I'm slightly drunk!"
…
…
I slowly turned my head towards him.
"What?" he asked.
"…How in the hell are you and Winter together?"
"I have no idea! It's weird when you consider how much I'm like my dad!"
…I'm afraid to ask.
"And what exactly is your dad li-?"
The Deathstalker roared, reminding us of the situation at hand.
Thank god. I don't think I want to know what his father's like. I hope I never find out.
"Oh right, forgot about you."
The Deathstalker somehow looked indignant at that.
"Jem, I need you to distract it while I get in close. Can you do that?"
"Can I do it? CAN I DO IT?!"
Jem then proceeded to tilt the wolf head onto his head.
"COME ON YOU OVERGROWN PARASITE! VALHALLA AWAITS!"
…
…
Yup, this guy's gonna be a pain in my ass and the bringer of many headaches.
I can already tell.
(Jem POV)
Alright! Time for Jem to kill a bitch!
Wait…do Grimm have genders? Did it matter if Jem called it a bitch or bastard? What if this was a bastard he was about to kill? Did Grimm even have genitalia?
Jem isn't able to ponder this great mystery as the Deathstalker charges at him.
The guy that showed up turned invisible.
"HAVE AT THEE FOUL BEAST!" Jem shouted.
Jem wasn't nearly as drunk as usual, and the thought of actual combat excited him….
"Wait a second, did that guy just turn invis-?"
Jem was cut off as he was smacked into a tree.
"OH YOU OVERGROWN COAT HANGER DODGER!"
Jem ran back and flipped it off.
The Deathstalker roared and stabbed its stinger towards Jem.
"HA HA!" Jem dodged out of the way as he hooked his tomahawk into its stinger.
"GOING FOR A RIDE!"
The Deathstalker started to swing its stinger all over the place trying to get him off.
This was humiliating! First the damn human had annoyed him. Then, it ignored him for another human. And now, it was making a mockery of it!
It was a child of Salem for crying out loud! It shouldn't be having this much trouble!
"SAVE A HORSE! RIDE A COWBOY!"
The Deathstalker now only saw red.
That's it!
It stabbed its stinger to the ground with enough force to have Jem fly into the air.
The Deathstalker grabbed him with its claw.
"Ack!"
Well, shit. Jem got caught.
If the Deathstalker could grin, it would. At last, it had this annoying human in its hands! Finally, it would exact its vengeance upon this human!
Nothing could ruin this for the Grimm! Absolutely noth-!
The guy in the security getup from before suddenly appeared before the Deathstalker's eyes.
"Hello!"
The Deathstalker blinked and roared in shock.
This turned out to be a bad idea since the human stuffed some sort of bundle into its throat.
"And goodbye!"
The security guy pulled out his revolver and aimed inside the open mouth.
He fired.
BOOM!
The Deathstalker's face exploded, the force sending the guy flying backwards.
The Grimm's body slumped, its claw letting go of Jem.
Jem calmly stood up and dusted himself off as if nothing happened.
He walked up to the slowly dissipating corpse. "I think it's broken."
Jem had one thing to do before the Grimm's corpse could fully dissipate….
"This is for almost making me lose Mr. Booze!"
The sound of a zipper was heard and the sound of liquid hitting the corpse soon followed.
(Colt 1st POV)
I blinked as I regained my senses after that explosion...
Note to self: try to get a safe distance before shooting at explosives rather than shoot at them point blank.
The sound of what I could only assume was peeing made itself known.
I raised my head forward to find Jem pissing on the Deathstalker's corpse before it could fully dissipate.
…
…
"Seriously? I asked.
The hell was up with this guy?
"Oh," Jem said. "Forgot you were here."
Jem zipped his pants back up, apparently having forgotten for a moment I was here.
He walked up and looked down at me. "You alright?"
I groaned. "Yeah, just…now I know never to shoot point blank at explosives."
Admittedly, that's supposed to be a given, but I had Aura.
Still, that shit hurt.
"By the way," Jem asked. "I never got your name."
Oh right. Never got to introductions cause of the Grimm.
"I'm Colt. Colt Remington."
Jem held his hand out. "Jeremiah Cotton. Or just Jem for short."
I took his hand as he helped me up.
"So you say Winter and my little girl are alright? No bumps? No bruises? I don't have to scalp anyone again?"
I dusted myself off. "Yes, they're fine and-."
I paused as my brain processed that last part of his line of questioning.
"Wait…did you say scalp someone? The fuck?!"
Before Jem could say anything in response, a Bullhead arrived.
I sighed. "Guess they finally sent someone."
The Bullhead landed, the side doors opening. Nala came running out, with Winter (Jem's fiance) following after at a calmer pace.
"DADDY!"
She jumped towards Jem.
"NALA!" He responded by picking up the little Lion girl and holding her close.
"Are you alright?!" He said as he looked her over.
"Yes, Daddy! We're fine!" She said as she hugged him.
His Winter finally reached him and crossed her arms. "Really? Riding a Deathstalker?"
Winter was kind of mad but she couldn't help but crack a smile.
"I was out of bullets," he responded.
Live Free or Die Hard…another movie I miss.
"Here," the other Winter said, holding out a bandolier. "We found this in a tree."
Jem happily took his bandolier back.
"I was so worried! You both were gone! And I killed and ate a wolf! And then I ate a squirrel! And then a lizard-!"
…Yup. He's a redneck, alright.
"How long was I gone?" he asked.
"About an hour," the other Winter answered.
"Huh...weird. Felt longer to me."
"...You drank moonshine to calm your nerves didn't you?"
"Well…I had to fight three Ursa, so-."
"That's a yes."
"Yeah."
Nice banter. Despite my earlier thoughts, I guess I can see the chemistry these two have.
"So where to now?" he asked.
"Back to Beacon." Winter said as Jem looked confused.
"Beacon? But it's been destroyed."
Winter scratched the back of her head.
"Um…it's a long story."
Jem pulled out his flask and sighed.
"Am I going to-?"
Suddenly Nala snatched his flask.
"Hey!"
"You heard what Uncle Ironwood said! If you drink too much, he would have you shot!"
"If I was one of Ironwood's men, I'd shoot myself!"
Heh. Qrow's line.
I'm pretty sure shooting someone for drinking too much is a bit much, but I'm not about to dwell on it. I don't need the headache. Not when I'm bound to have so many in the very near future.
Burying that thought, I couldn't help but smile at the family reunion. It was heartwarming, really….
And apparently I was about to have one myself. If the sudden weight on my leg was anything to go by.
"Daddy!"
I looked down with a smile. "Hey, Violet."
…
…
Wait a minute.
I raised an eyebrow. "Wait, what are you doing here? And what are they doing here, while I'm at it?"
Violet fidgeted a bit. "Well-."
"Ahem."
I froze...then looked up to find a rather irate Winter.
My Winter.
I chuckled nervously. "H-Hey Winter. H-How's it going?"
Her glare did nothing to settle my nerves.
"…W…W-." Jem's brain was confused.
"Two…Winters…."
Jem stared into his flask to see if he had drunken too much.
"I'm not that drunk am I?" he asked.
The other Winter sighed. "No…not this time, anyway."
Nala giggled. "Daddy, that long story? It's also crazy. But that's normal for us!"
The other Winter sighed. "I wish it wasn't."
The Winter I knew crossed her arms.
"Care to enlighten me as to why there's another me standing with us?" she asked with a glare. "As well as two other unknown individuals?"
I sighed.
This was certainly gonna be a treat to explain.
MAO: And so Colt and Jem finally meet! And what a way to meet. Nothing like fighting a giant scorpion of death to represent the meeting of two characters from different stories.
JC: Especially when one of them is the equivalent of a drunk redneck Deadpool, and the other is kind of like Wolverine…in terms of having to put up with Jem that is.
MAO: Ah yes...that'll be fun to deal with. Just as fun (if not more so) as Colt having to explain Jem and family being there to his Winter. And obviously others.
JC: And don't forget, imagine Qrow's surprise when he learns that Jem is his son from another world...who was born of another Qrow from Another world...damn these realities are confusing.
MAO: Yup, certainly headache-inducing.
*clears throat*
MAO: You all know the drill. If you liked this and want to be kept up to date, be sure to follow and fav. Leave a review while you're at it! We'd love to hear from you guys.
JC: Ta-ta for now!
MAO: LATERS!