Okay, half of you are going to hate me after this chapter and hopefully the other half will like it. This story is under the genre hurt for a reason!
Honestly, I can't see Freddie and Sam getting together easily. Besides the fact that they are the two most STUBBORN people on EARTH, I think that Sam has some serious self-esteem issues. She almost seems to be hiding behind her tought girl rep all the time, at least that's how I see it. So, this may seem a little out of character but you have to consider that: 1. They are both extremly sleep deprived, 2. Broken hearts suck and make you do stuff you would never normally do, and 3. Love is another crazy thing that makes you do stuff you would never normally do.
Also, the bolded/italicized lines are lyrics to the song Shattered by Trading Yesterday. This song seems almost perfect for my fanfic and I couldn't resist putting it on here. (HINT: Listen to the song to see how my story will go)
Oh, and I don't own iCarly :(
Sam POV
Oh chiz! I'm so screwed! Why did I have to wake up kissing Benson? I had felt like a million fireworks were exploding in my head and my body was almost on fire with the electric current that passed through us. Only it was wrong, all wrong. Freddie and I would never be together and I had known that since that first day I realized I had a crush on him. We were just to different to be a couple. I could hardly admit it to myself, but I also knew that I just can't trust him. If I trust him and he leaves me then I will be nothing, a pathetic shadow of what I used to be. I know these sound like excuses, but there are many reasons why we will NEVER be together. I know what I had said in my dream but if I said that out loud I think I might die…..
Freddie POV
I was freaking out! I had just had my second kiss with Sam. It was weird, but with Sam I felt everything, the fireworks and the tingling that the people in movies always talked of. I just didn't know what I had said out loud. Please spare me, oh please let me snore for once….
Sam POV
I watched tensely as Carly checked the viewer comments. I wondered why they had wanted to watch Freddie and I sleep. It was almost as if they knew that something was going to happen. Carly trained the camera on us and I saw tears on my face and I remembered the terrible nightmare. On screen, I heard myself speak and I groaned.
"Don't…Go…Freddie…" I said. The camera shifted focus to show a frowning Freddie on the verge of tears. I heard myself whimper in the background and Freddie's frown deepened. The camera switched back to me and I was reaching out for Freddie in my dream. A sob seemed to get caught in my throat and then Freddie's arms were there. His arms wrapped around my waist and he cradled my head into his chest, my back pressed against him. I saw myself smile and stop crying. I gasped out loud when I saw myself wriggling to be closer to him. How embarrassing… Then I noticed that I wasn't the only one who was happy now. Freddie and I wore identical grins of happiness as we cuddled.
That couldn't have been me…
But it was.
Freddie POV
I was beyond coherent thought. All I knew that Sam had nightmares bad enough to make her cry, all about me leaving. I couldn't help thinking that Sam in my arms was perfect and natural, so why would I ever leave? Carly turned the camera to face her and muttered something about how I was just comforting Sam. Sorry Carly, everyone who wasn't blind could see it. Maybe even a few of the blind people could see it. The camera quickly turned around to face Sam and I again. I squeezed my eyes shut. I remember this part of my dream. My mouth moves to Sam's ear and I whispered, but not quietly enough, that I loved her. I turned to see Sam gasp, shaking her head back in forth. She stumbled away from me towards the blanket. Then, either from lack of sleep or from what she had just seen, Sam fainted. Carly ran to Sam's side, screaming her name. I stepped closer to them and then I heard from the video: "I love you, Freddie." I froze and stared at Sam who lay still on the floor, her blond curls cascading around her. Carly was shaking her and checking for her pulse. Carly cried out in relief when she felt Sam's strong, steady pulse under her fingers. I kneeled next to Sam and gently reached out to touch her face…
Sam POV
There it was. Benson had said he loved me. This was my absolute worst nightmare, a situation I didn't think I would ever have to deal with because how could Freddie possibly love ME? I think I could deal with me loving him and not being together but if we loved each other but couldn't be together… The pain crashed into me, making me gasp with its sheer force. It was like I was caught in my own personal car wreck where the only thing that was certain was the crushing pain. I stumbled away from him numbly. I had to get out of here, just away from everything, the throbbing pain in my head included. I stumbled backwards quickly before having the strange and almost pleasant sensation of falling. Then I saw black. Everything was very peaceful and it felt nice to just sit here in the black and forget everything. I felt the corners of my lips tug up into a smile. It was nice being here, just me and the black. Unfortunately, a shock of electricity shot through me and I opened my eyes reluctantly, not remembering where I was. Freddie was leaning over me, touching my face tenderly. I grabbed his hand and pushed it away, scrambling to my feet. Carly steadied me when I almost fell again. Balance issues weren't a fun side effect of sleep deprivation, but I couldn't really think of a good side effect of sleep deprivation. Freddie moved to be closer to me and I backed away more. I looked at the ground for a minute, bracing myself. This was going to hurt like hell.
I looked up at Freddie. "No." I said softly. His face crumbled and I felt the pain myself, tugging at my chest. Within a second, the tugging grew into an all out war where the two sides pulling me apart were dead set on splitting me in half. There was Freddie's Sam, the one I wanted to be so badly. Freddie's Sam begged for me to laugh, to say I was only joking. To embrace Freddie and tell him I loved him. Then there was Nobody's Sam, the one I would always be. Nobody's Sam was the logical one, telling me all of the reasons why Freddie would be better off without me. It was Nobody's Sam who was speaking to Freddie.
"We can't." I heard my voice crack and knew I had to get away, anywhere but here. I grabbed the door and jerked it open. Stumbling down the stairs, I realized that Carly would probably come looking for me. Right now I didn't particularly care and my brain demanded sleep. I collapsed onto the welcoming couch and was swept away in seconds.
Freddie POV
I had been overjoyed to see that Sam was awake, but she continued to avoid me like I was the plague. Every time I moved closer, she took a deliberate step back. She looked at the floor and then looked at me, pain still etched heavily across her features.
"No." she said. I didn't want to think I had heard correctly but I knew I had. I felt a sharp pain in my chest, what I imagined being stabbed would feel like. It twisted and tore at me, a sharp cold that seemed to spread contagiously. Goosebumps rose on my arms as I stared at Sam and could see she was in just as much pain as I was in. She didn't have to do this. She rejected me reluctantly, but I couldn't figure out why she was so against this.
"We can't." Sam whispered, desperately grabbing the studio door and stumbling away. I tried not to, but a single tear escaped my eye and landed at my feet. The first of many to come.
"I..I've…I have to go home, Carly." I slurred and stumbled towards the door. I somehow made it down the stairs before the first sob escaped me. I tripped over the last step and grabbed the back of the couch for support. Still groaning, I looked down at the couch and froze. There she was, fast asleep. Her hands gripped the couch cushions tightly and she was incredibly tense in her sleep. But when I saw her vulnerable face was twisted in pain, that's when I felt it. My heart gave out and shattered. I could feel the thousands of shards imbedding themselves in my vital organs. Piercing and cold, the shards were buried deep. I almost collapsed with how much it hurt and I wrapped my arms around my stomach, attempting to hold myself together. I looked at her pain stricken face one more time before running out the door, slamming it behind me. I had done something to her, something terrible to make her do this. I rushed into my apartment as another sob escaped me. I expected my mom to be there, smothering me when all I needed was to be alone. I was relieved when I remembered she was at work tonight. I collapsed onto my bed and stared at the ceiling. My entire body burned with the irrational but tangible pain I felt. I choked back a sob and pulled my arms tighter around myself. I had done something to hurt her already and I knew that my heart was gone, forever. I knew that there was no way to piece myself back together. I was shattered.
And I've lost who I am…
Sam POV
I don't think I'm going to sleep ever again. I had crashed on the couch after easily the worst moments of my life, and I dreamed….
At first, the dream was normal. He stood there and smiled at me. I couldn't breathe, he was so beautiful. He reached for me, his chocolate eyes shining. Then his face suddenly morphed into a look of intense pain and he curled his outstretched arms around his chest. The weirdest part was I felt like someone actually was watching me, not just the dream Freddie in front of me. I gasped at the pain of it, thinking his name. He sobbed loudly and almost dropped to the floor. I was speechlessly horrified as he stumbled away from me, still in pain. It's a broken heart I realized. It's a broken heart that was my fault, all my fault. I jerked upwards and cried out. Waking up, sobbing loudly with tears streaming down my face was becoming almost normal. I quickly pulled the pillow out from under my head and stifled my cries. More accurately, I stifled Freddie's Sam as she howled loudly in pain and regret. Nobody's Sam was calmly reassuring me that I had done the right thing. I would only disappoint Freddie in the end anyway. It was much better to end it early than suffer his disappointment later. Then Carly was there, silent but reassuring. She cradled me against her and patted my back but I didn't cry anymore. At least, not that Carly could tell. Finally, neck stiff and eyes bloodshot, I rose to greet the morning. I silently rubbed my eyes and stood shakily. Carly looked at me sympathetically.
"I'll make you a ham and cheese omelet with some bacon, Sam. Then you'll feel a little better." Carly said softly, like I was something fragile that could break at any moment. I was confused for a second before I absorbed her words. She got up to walk past me into the kitchen when I caught her arm.
"No, I'm not hungry." I sounded completely dead, no emotion whatsoever coloring my voice. I didn't look to see the expression on her face before I turned away and walked up to the iCarly studio. I took one look at the studio and fell to a fetal position on the floor. He had stood there. That was his laptop. He had set down his backpack there. There was too much of him here for Freddie's Sam. My heart raced desperately, beating itself to a pulp as it tried to escape my chest at each new thought. I gave up trying to control Freddie's Sam, pulling my knees to my chest and releasing the first sob of many to come.
And I can't understand
Why my heart is so broken
Rejecting your love
Okay, so I hope that that was okay. I think I got some pretty good broken heart symptoms in there but leave me ideas in the reviews if you have any other good symptoms.
Speaking of reviews, thanks to these awesome people: Rimacchi Kuran, Mystapleza, XcrozzybabezX, thegoodlife1, freaky156, Sam and Freddie are SEDDIE, and PartyPooper845. Reviews really keep me going and the more I get the faster I will update! Thanks for reading!