Ch. 4
Mary Ann made her way up to her room as quickly as possible, thankfully not seeing anyone else on the way. She shut the door and leaned against it. She felt as though her heart could beat out of her chest. Mary Ann sank to the floor and took a deep breath.
She didn't truly expect to find him so quickly, and completely alone. It was like God himself made a way for the two of them to meet. She replayed the conversation and put her head in her hands when she thought about what came out of her mouth.
'I just asked Gilligan – the man I left at the altar – to be friends with me,' Mary Ann put her head back up and wrung her hands. She felt like such a fool. 'What was I thinking? What a stupid thing to do!'
Mary Ann pictured his face in her mind. She couldn't even see the love in his eyes anymore. The adoration he had for her used to shine through so clearly. And now there was nothing. She was like a stranger to him. She tilted her head back slightly and took several deep breaths to stop the tears from welling up in her eyes.
Mary Ann realized that she never really had the chance to grieve over what happened. She left so quickly and when she got back to Kansas, there were no breaks. The farm needed tending and Uncle George had to be taken care of.
There was no time to sit and cry. Despite being busy, Mary Ann still thought about her wedding day. She hated to think about it and yet she couldn't help but to think of that day. There wasn't a day that went by that her mind didn't take her back to it. She also thought a lot about the very first conversation she had with Aunt Martha since she had been shipwrecked.
'We never should have let you go to Hawaii on your own.'
Those words were on constant replay the moment she heard them.
Mary Ann was angry at her aunt and knew that she would be for a very long time. Aunt Martha didn't want to hear about Gilligan. She wanted Mary Ann to come home and that was it. She felt like her aunt didn't care about her happiness. After being on her own for so long, being back on the farm was suffocating and only helped to strengthen the resentment she had for Aunt Martha.
But in the end, the anger she had for herself far outweighed what she felt against her aunt. No matter what Aunt Martha said, Mary Ann was an adult. It was her decision to leave. She could have just stayed in Hawaii.
She would be happily married. Maybe she'd even have a baby on the way. There was no telling what could've been. And perhaps that was part of what kept the pain so sharp; knowing that she would have been happy with her true love but never seeing it come to pass. It became a pipe dream when it should have been a reality, her life.
Mary Ann could repeat the choice she made at the cost of losing Gilligan again or she could be married to Gilligan at the cost of losing her aunt and never seeing the man who was like a father to her again.
Her parents and grandparents died when she was a little girl. Her father was an only child and Aunt Martha was her mother's sister. Her aunt and uncle had no children and her already small family shrunk even more after Uncle George died. Aunt Martha was it. That was all that was left of her family.
Family or love? Mary Ann supposed that for some people, the choice was an easy one. Some say they would definitely give up their family for love while others would rather have their family.
Her love for Gilligan was strong and unyielding. The power of her love for him changed her forever and it would never fade. But her family ties were just as enduring. She made her choice but couldn't help questioning them. Mary Ann felt her conscience tear at her.
She returned to the people who raised her in place of her parents. In a way she was glad because she got to see her Uncle George one last time. But her heart broke when she saw Gilligan for the first time in a year. He had changed so much.
Mary Ann saw how he hardened over time. She saw where he had been vulnerable. She could see all of it. She also knew that she was the cause of all of it. Mary Ann lived every day of her life in regret since the day of her wedding. But she knew that she would regret her choice no matter what she chose. Either way, Mary Ann lost.
She was still angry at herself about how she left. She turned her face away from him while she was on the plane. He was chasing her down the tarmac, begging her to stay with him. Gilligan didn't have to remind her. She knew what she had done. Mary Ann felt like a coward. She couldn't even face her decision on the day she made it. Her breath hitched when she thought back to the airport.
Leaving Gilligan was bad enough, but then her aunt had to send Horace to get her. They weren't even an item anymore – why would she send him of all people? She was a big girl – Mary Ann had just survived being shipwrecked on an island – she was sure she could somehow find her way back to Kansas.
She had just reassured Gilligan that she was never going to get back with him. Mary Ann knew that Gilligan had seen them both get in the plane. How could she face him?
'You owed it to him,' she told herself. 'You should have just explained. He would have understood.'
She felt so ashamed. So many mistakes were made. She didn't deserve him.
Her vision went blurry with tears. She could feel them flowing freely down her face. Mary Ann tried to hold back her sobs. If she listened closely, she could hear the pounding of the waves against the shore. It calmed her down and helped her to choke back the tears. It also helped her to remember Gilligan's answer.
'Gilligan said yes. I don't know why. I don't deserve a yes. I don't deserve him... But I still want to be with him.'
She decided to try and win him over again. Mary Ann just hoped it wasn't too late to make amends.
Gilligan began to walk towards his room and made a sudden detour that took him out behind the house where he could see the ocean. He sat down and stared out into the darkness. Mary Ann was back to stay, it seemed.
He suddenly felt irritated with himself. His sweet Mary Ann was long gone and yet when she began to cry, Gilligan wanted to wipe away her tears. 'And who wiped away yours,' he asked himself. 'Nobody did. The one person who could have ran away to Kansas.'
Gilligan stood back up and walked closer to the edge of the property. It would be a constant battle to stay tough. Gilligan was a softie and he knew it. But she had ripped his heart out and left him to bleed alone. He had to teach her a lesson. Mary Ann had it coming to her.
But was it even worth it? Eleanor always said that revenge was never the answer to a problem. It just made the problem bigger. Maybe he should just drop the whole thing and try to forgive her. He could truly take up her offer to become friends again.
'NO,' he thought, becoming more agitated by the minute. 'You're supposed to be finding a way to break her, not thinking about tears… coming from her beautiful eyes and…'
He cut off his traitorous thoughts and rubbed the back of his neck. He was having doubts already? Gilligan began to pace back and forth. How was he supposed to carry out his plan when he couldn't even win an argument against himself?
'No matter what, this is going to happen,' he told himself firmly. Gilligan stopped his pacing and walked back to the house. He took a quick shower and settled into bed. When he was done with her, she would feel his pain. Then, and only then, he would be satisfied.
Gilligan knew he didn't even sound like himself. He also knew that perhaps getting even wasn't the best thing to do, but he didn't care. All he could concentrate on was the fact that he was hurting and Mary Ann was the cause. He closed his eyes, turning a deaf ear to the doubt and warnings that jangled loud and clear within him.
Eleanor was in a rush. She promised one of the local schools that she would give them a tour of the ranch but forgot that one section of fencing was broken and needed fixed. She had all the lumber she needed but completely forgot the nails.
The children were due to arrive shortly and she had no extra help. Martha and Mary Ann were both busy on the farm, Jonas was down at the marina, and all the ranch hands were out and about on the property, dealing with the cattle. It was going to be a busy season. Eleanor was debating on who to pull from the field when Gilligan ambled into the kitchen.
"Gilligan, are you real busy? I need a favor from you," she said, getting straight to the point.
"I have to be down at the marina in about an hour and a half but I'm sure I could help you Eleanor," Gilligan replied while pouring himself some juice. "What do you need?"
Eleanor smiled in relief. "I need you to go down to the hardware store and pick up about five boxes of nails for the fence. I meant to have it fixed but it completely slipped my mind." She handed Gilligan a wad of cash and sent him on his way.
Gilligan looked up at the wall of boxes. Eleanor was going to kill him if he didn't hurry but she didn't say what kind of nails she wanted. After agonizing over galvanized or stainless steel nails for several minutes, he simply closed his eyes and reached out. He opened his eyes once his hand landed on a box. Stainless steel it was.
He grabbed five boxes and hurried to the cashier. After ringing up, he made his way out the door. As soon as he gave Eleanor the boxes, he could head over to the marina where the Skipper was waiting. They had several tours lined up for the day. He began to walk towards the farm when he suddenly felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
"Hey there Gilligan. I've missed you! Where've you been?"
Gilligan sighed deeply. He knew that nasally voice anywhere. It was Agatha Foos, the girl from up the road. He turned around looked at her. She was tall for a female and all bones. Agatha had on a dark beige skirt and a light green blouse that complimented her coloring well but did not fit her frame properly.
The blouse was extremely loose and baggy in the midsection and Gilligan thought the skirt looked like something the Skipper used in the navy to carry potatoes around in but he would never say that out loud.
She had tan skin, long honey blond hair pulled back into a ponytail and glasses with thick frames and lenses that that looked like cubes of ice that belonged in a drink with a little umbrella.
They were so thick and clunky and covered so much of her face that Gilligan wasn't sure he'd even be able to recognize her without them. Agatha could probably pick up a broadcast from Moscow with those things.
If she was lost in the jungle somewhere Gilligan knew he would never be able to describe her face - he had never actually seen all of it. But he was sure that Agatha, who he thought might actually be pretty, was also the plainest and most bland girl Gilligan had ever seen.
'Ginger would be able to fix her up real good,' he thought.
Her plainness never bothered him but her obsessive love for him was another story. Agatha had been in love with Gilligan from the moment she set ice cubes on him. She was persistent in her pursuit of him. Gilligan tried to hide from her but Agatha always found him.
'Smile like you mean it.'
"Hi Agatha," Gilligan said with a small wave. "I've been around. Eleanor and the Skipper keep me busy these days. How are you?"
"I'm much better Gilligan, now that I've seen you," she said with a bright smile.
"That's great," he replied with an uneasy smile. Gilligan began to walk again and Agatha followed, all the while chatting away.
"You know, maybe I could convince Mr. Grumby to let us take a trip on the SS Minnow together. I want to get more pictures of you and…"
God, he hated the sound of her voice. It was like listening to feral cats try to fight their way out of a burlap sack. Well maybe not, but that's what it felt like to Gilligan. All she talked about was what she wanted to do with him, the names of their children, when they would get married, all the foods she would cook him, etc etc…
Gilligan knew that whoever could stand her incessant talking would be a lucky man. He had no doubt that she would make a good wife. He just didn't want her as his wife. He simply thought of her as a friend. A friend he liked to avoid. As much as possible.
He stole a quick glance in her direction. She was still talking. He didn't know when he started tuning her out, but it was a longstanding habit of his. She would fire away and he would immediately close his ears.
She was a nice girl, but he wasn't into blondes. Plus she was too tall and way too skinny for his liking. Gilligan preferred petite brunettes with some meat on their bones. He shook his head to clear it. He was thinking about her again.
Gilligan reached the end of the sidewalk and was about to cross the street when he looked up and saw Mary Ann. She was looking down at a piece of paper in her hand and hadn't noticed him just yet.
Gilligan looked over at Agatha. "… I could make fried chicken if you like, or maybe just some sandwiches." She was still talking.
"Uh, whatever you want," he said distractedly.
Agatha clapped her hands in delight. "I'll surprise you! Trust me, it'll be good. You'll like it – we're gonna have so much fun!"
He still had no idea what she was going on about and he really didn't care. His eyes were on Mary Ann and Mary Ann alone. He suddenly knew what to do next.
Gilligan swiftly grabbed Agatha by her thin shoulders and pulled her towards him. He aimed for her mouth, knowing that Mary Ann would see them. At the thought of her watching however, he suddenly moved his head and ended up kissing Agatha on the cheek instead.
When he released Agatha, he was aware of the shocked silence from her. He looked up and saw Mary Ann watching them. Gilligan waved at her and took Agatha's hand. He walked over to her side of the street, pulling Agatha along with him.
"Hiya Mary Ann," he said giving her a wide smile. "I thought you and Martha were busy gathering up the coconuts. What brings you down this way?"
Mary Ann blinked several times, unable to think for a second. "I… Aunt Martha sent me to the store to get… some stuff for her. I, uh, I'm sorry, I don't think we've met." She turned her attention to Agatha. "I'm Mary Ann Summers."
"Hi Mary Ann, I'm Agatha G. Foos." Agatha smiled at her, still very giddy from the sudden kiss. "How do you know Gilligan?"
Mary Ann was having a difficult time concentrating on what Agatha was asking. She was too busy hating the blush on the girl's cheeks. "Oh we… we go way back," she answered. "How do you two know each other?"
"We've known each other for a long time," Gilligan answered blithely. "I met her years ago. Eleanor and the Skipper are like family to her."
Suddenly it was too much. Seeing him with someone else was too much for her. Mary Ann didn't count on Gilligan finding another girl to be with. She was the one who initiated their relationship!
"That's nice," she said. "Um, Gilligan, I hate to cut this short but I have to – I need to get moving. Aunt Martha is expecting me back soon. It was so nice to meet you Agatha."
"Nice to meet you too! Maybe we can hang out sometime!"
"I would like that. Well, goodbye. See you back at the house Gilligan."
Mary Ann walked around the pair and quickly rounded a corner. She walked behind a parked car and crouched low to the ground. Her eyes prickled and suddenly she could feel hot tears running down her face. Mary Ann knew that she shouldn't be crying again, but somewhere inside she had hoped that he would wait for her.
Agatha seemed like she genuinely cared for him. She should be happy for him but at the moment, Mary Ann felt selfish. She felt hurt. She wanted him all to herself but knew that it was ridiculous to want that. He had a right to move on and she couldn't blame him if he did just that. Mary Ann took a few minutes to pull herself back together before getting back up. She took a small compact mirror out of her purse and inspected her reflection.
She was a mess. She hated to cry because her eyes and mouth always became swollen and her nose turned bright red. Crying also gave her a nasty headache, which she could already feel building behind her eyes. Mary Ann cleaned her face up as best as she could and continued her walk to the store. She would never let Gilligan see her crying because she wanted him back.