Disclaimer: If I owned anything belonging to the CSI franchise I wouldn't be writing this, I'd be sleeping on a big pile of money after extracting sexual favors in return for screen time from Eric Szmanda ("You want it to stop being the Morpheus show, you take one for the team handsome.").

A/N: Lyrics and chapter title from the song "One Step Forward" by Max Romeo and the Upsetters.

Chapter 4: One Step Forward

"Every day people are straying away from the church and going back to God".

"If anyone in this audience believes God made his body, and your body is dirty, the fault lies with the manufacturer".

-Lenny Bruce

Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon
Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon

Ryan poked one eye out from under his bed covers. This was not happening. Lenny Bruce was not standing at the foot of his bed. This was a dream, it had to be. Ryan screwed up his face and tried really hard to wake himself up. He added some blinking and shaking to the mix for good measure, and to speed the process along.

"Er, you okay there Officer? I mean not for nothing, but you're starting to resemble this cat I watched OD after we had a particularly wild night at the Palms."

Ryan stopped blinking and faced the apparition. "No. I am not okay. Because you are dead! So, you should not be here. The fact you are means one of two things; I drank way too much wine, or I'm cracking up. And, at this point either is a distinct possibility."

"Maybe," Lenny walked across the room to lean against Ryan's window. His face was reflective as he took a drag from his smoke. "Or, maybe there's a third possibility."

"Jesus, you're right." Ryan began struggling to get out of his bed. "I'm probably having a stroke or there's a tumor. I have to get to a hospital." He turned huge eyes to the man that was, but shouldn't be, in front of him. "What am I supposed to say? Help me doctor I see dead people? I'm going to die while being laughed at!"

"Whoa, whoa, settle down kid! You are one high strung individual you know that?"

Ryan looked up from the bed were he was busy checking his pulse and vital signs for oncoming neurological disturbances. "You're the second person that's told me that today."

"Well, yeah, I'm just surprised I'm only the second. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is…what is the point? Forgive me, there were a lot of drugs before you know? Right! The point is, is, is… I am here for a reason."

Ryan was incredulous to say the least. "Oh, right, of course you are. You're here for a reason. Let me guess. You're here to help me mend the error of my ways, and put every thing to right."

"Well now that you mention it, yes." Lenny gave a quick bow in Ryan's direction. "At your service Officer. But, I warn you these are spiritual and life services only. I will not blah your blah."

"Oh no, oh no," Ryan was out of bed now and pacing his bedroom floor. "Don't you see what's going on? There is no such thing as ghosts, or spirit guides or whatever other Shangri-La, shambolic, Oprah's secret bull shit you want to sell me. So, that means my mind is just projecting all of this."

"I'm not following, I mean I did mention the drugs earlier…"

"You," Ryan pointed a finger at the man he considered his comedic idol. "Are one of my cultural heroes. And, you just happen to appear to me at the most mentally stressful time of my life. It's so obvious! I'm going mad! I've created you so I don't have to deal anymore, like those people with multiple personalities. I mean, look at me. I don't eat, I don't sleep, I run at all hours of the day and night, because I'm afraid if I stop it'll all catch up to me. Judging by this, it has."

"Seriously kid, you need to relax. The only more neurotic Jew I've ever met was Woody Allen. You aren't Woody Allen's kid are you? Of course you're not. I mean he's not in bed with you right now." Lenny laughed at his own joke again. "I'm sorry, I joke, Woody's an excellent man, or at least he was when I knew him, that bit about the Moose, priceless. Shame about the Asian girl, but who am I to judge, I went out with a needle in my arm."

Ryan was dumbfounded. The human brain was an incredible machine; the most incredible machine really. He'd read theories in grad school that explained dreams as the way the brain unloaded waste information. That's why we see strangers in our dreams, they aren't really strangers they're just the hundreds of people you pass randomly on the street every day. Your conscious mind forgets them instantly, it has to or it would all be too much. But your subconscious catalogues it all away. Keeps it separate to keep us safe, until we sleep, when it all runs together like a bad art house film.

Every night he'd spent listening to Lenny Bruce's albums, any time he'd read anything about Woody Allen, the incredible amount of stress he'd been under, it was all meshing together to make this. Not bad for a mad man. But, it was still serious. If this was a dream he would have been able to take control of the situation by now. The fact he was still watching Lenny Bruce smoke in his bedroom meant his mind was clearly shattered.

"It's his biggest joke you know," Lenny said, as if he could read Ryan's thoughts. "How incredibly amazing and capable, yet utterly fragile our white matter is. You're right kid, it can come up with the theory of relativity and still crack like an egg shell. But, that isn't the case right here."

Ryan sighed. "There's no such thing as God. I'm sorry, but this can't be anything but a glitch in my head." He rubbed his hands over his face. "I'm sorry, but it's not possible."

"You're not wrong, but you're not right either. Dig this, it's not that there's no God. There's just no God like you know him. Forget about right and wrong and good and evil, my people got it right, yours got it wrong, and mecka-lecka-hiney-mecka-hiney-ho, all that bullshit. He's there, or it's there, I don't know I've never met the Creator, I just do his work. And, I'm not just talking about now, as on Earth as it is in Heaven. Make no mistake. He knew what I was about. That I was talking the truth when I was down here the first time."

Ryan sat down on his bed and cradled his head in his hands. "Great. Now I'm channeling Shem, via Lenny Bruce."

"Hey! Hey, you leave that stoner out of this. He's a good kid, he takes his Bubbie to Shul every week, which is more than you or I can say. But, he's got nothing to do with this."

Ryan's response was to peer forlornly from between his fingers and scrunch up his face in an effort to finally wake up.

"You keep doing that your face will stick that way."

Ryan gave up fighting the madness. It was clearly useless, and the sooner he let it run its course the sooner he'd be lucid again. He hoped. He fell back on his bed and looked up at the ceiling. He took deep breath, and went with it.

"Okay, so let's say you are here to help me. How are you gonna do it? You gonna get me my job back?"

"No, not directly myself." Lenny lit another smoke and sat on the bed next to where Ryan lay.

"Then you can't help me."

Lenny rolled his eyes. "As if that's the major problem here, the loss of your job. The only way this works kid is if we're honest. This is about the cards, your girl leaving you, the reason you played the cards which led to your girl leaving you."

"Jesus Christ."

"Leave him out of this too. Poor fucker is messed up after what he went through. The human race was way too much for that cat. I mean what can you expect he's practically simple minded, I mean we make those kids wear helmets, but we just let him take on the Romans. Believing the best of everyone, how naïve can you get? Spends all his time crying over the Palestinians and little African babies. See, his problem is he always picks the hopeless causes no one really gives a fuck about. You can be too good you see what I'm saying?"

Ryan tossed his arm over his face. "No, I do not see what you're saying," he mumbled into his elbow. "But, really why should I expect to?"

"Well if you'd let me finish, I would say, I bring it up because you suffer from a bit of the same problem as him."

Ryan sat up and faced his supposed saviour, or at least the saviour's envoy. "You did not just compare me to Christ. In fact, what the hell man? We're Jews, we don't even believe in Jesus. You just pretty much admitted the Messiah we get all the shit for supposedly betraying is the real deal. And, for the record the only thing I have in common with Jesus, is we're both Jews."

"Jews who worry about every thing, so that's two things in common now." Lenny said while blowing smoke rings. "And then there's that tendency to think suffering is noble. Or, that it's your responsibility to tell the rest of us how to play nicely, Officer."

Ryan simply raised an eye brow. "It's still a big stretch. Sacrifice is hardly my middle name."

"His isn't either. From what I understand it starts with H."

Ryan's response was to groan.

"Okay, okay I admit that was not the best joke, but I'm trying here." Lenny scratched his head and took another drag. "How do I explain this? It's like you have the same case of sad over African kids as him. Sad over the stuff most people will admit is a terrible thing, but they go on with their lives. People like you want to help, even when there's next to nothing that can be done to fix things. Hence, the burning out when you realize it's an impossible fight. Idealism is the first symptom of rapid onset and progressive cynicism you dig? "

"Why do you even care? I thought you hated cops."

Now it was Lenny's turn to be incredulous. "I do not hate anything, full stop. Well, except for racism and every other ism, and every rule that tells people they have to behave a certain way or they're icky and dirty and going to hell."

"I'm pretty sure that's the definition of the Lord's work." Ryan quipped as he lay back down.

"No, that is the definition of work done by God's over zealous admirers here on Earth. Why do you think it's called heaven my friend? Because it is, which means everyone they told you wasn't going there, did." Lenny halted his tirade long enough to wink before continuing on. "And, let me tell you it's not the people that see the gray in life that the bouncers at the Pearly Gates keep waiting, it's the ones who see it all as black and white. You got a zero sum mentality and he's got a beef with you. Let me tell you whatever he is, man, woman, shaft of light, or turtles all the way down, he is definitely compassionate, and fundamentalism is his pet peeve."

"Alright I get it," Ryan said rolling his eyes. "God's a lesbian tranny who is more liberal than the elite media."

Lenny looked up at the ceiling mulled it over. "Well, I don't know about that, but I can tell you he'd let one of those lesbian trannies into heaven, because I've met a few. And as for the media, the last thing you can accuse those bozos of is being elite, or liberal. There hasn't been a dangerous news story in this country since Woodward and Bernstein brought down Nixon. I'm sorry I never lived to experience that one first hand."

The mention of Watergate made Ryan conversational. Current affairs and history always did. "You know, I mean I guess you know, because you know about Nixon. Wait. Why am I even saying this? You know because my mind made you up and I know." He gave up when he realized he was about to start a leisurely discussion with his very own stress induced hallucination.

"Know what?" Lenny asked, turning to look at him with raised eyebrows.

Ryan rubbed his face again. "Nothing. You aren't really here."

Lenny rolled his eyes in response. "This isn't going to go anywhere if you don't talk to me kid. And, clearly I don't know what you were about to say, because if I did I wouldn't have had to ask."

"Then how did you know I thought I was having a hag?" Ryan retorted.

"That's different. You were projecting a lot of fear just then. We, uh, messengers from beyond, if you will, we can sense emotions when they're strong enough and thoughts when they're loud enough, but I can't pick out some random thought brought on by the mention of Richard Nixon. I mean I'm fairly low on the totem pole here kid. You want magic you're gonna have to hope one of the holiest of the holy show up."

Ryan was indignant. "For the record I was not that scared."

"Sure whatever Officer, the fact I nearly shit my pants in fear from the residual emotion rolling of you means nothing."

Ryan chose to ignore Lenny's insinuation and continue on. "I was just going to say, if you didn't know, but I'm sure you know, Dustin Hoffman played Bernstein in the movie they made about it. He played you too, in your biopic."

Lenny reclined back onto his elbows before taking another drag. There was a proud look on his face. "I know. And, a great choice I might add. The Graduate, All the Presidents Men, Kramer vs. Kramer, Tootsie, that man is a credit to our people."

Ryan responded without much fore thought, as was his habit when emotionally taxed. "Yeah, but it's a shame about the Polanski thing you know? I mean Hoffman really supports him, and I get it he's made some great films, and he's one of us, but the cop in me can't get past the maybe drugging and raping a fifteen year old."

"Hey, hey, Roman Polanski has never been convicted of a crime." Lenny said, tapping ash on the bed spread.

"Watch yourself!" Ryan batted at the ash, but then thought better of it. It wasn't really there anyways, right? "I know there's never been a conviction. But, my line of work tells me that hardly makes a man innocent. Nine times out of ten it's the complete opposite actually. However, barring the invention of a time machine that transports physical evidence to the present time I guess we'll never know."

"Still, it's a shame, I mean all that talent," Lenny said trying to mind where he dropped his ashes. "But I suppose every group's got one, I mean black people have to live with that Jackson fellow and his family. Talented mind you, but you know any mention of young boys, and well you just never know do you? But then, the Catholic Church seems to have recovered alright, so this Jackson fellow may have nothing to worry about."

Ryan sat up and placed his elbows on his knees, his face framed by his hands. "Yeah." He was contemplative for only a second before reality, or the lack of it in this case, bore in upon him. "Wait, why am I discussing movies with you? This is crazy! I'm sitting here shooting the breeze like this is totally okay and normal."

"Calm down wouldja. And, don't start pacing again, that shit makes me nervous you dig? But you're halfway right, we can't be sitting around pissing into the wind like we've got nothing to accomplish here. Pretty soon the sun'll be up and so will my time. This gig is a little like turning tricks, it's largely a nocturnal business."

"Did you just compare being an alleged messenger of the Lord to hooking?" Ryan asked.

"Oh what, now you're gonna get all sanctimonious on me Mr. I'm an atheist? Oh excuse me sir, I didn't realize there was a lady present." Lenny stood up and looked at the stub of his cigarette. He peered around for some where to toss it, then gave up and blew on it causing the butt to disappear with a pop. "I've got to be on my way. But I'll be back, and I'd like to say when you least expect it in a really scary voice, but like I said this gig's more regular then the postal service, so if it's dark, I'll be around."

"Not if I seek the proper medical assistance first." Ryan shot back at him.

"Oh yeah? Even if that was the answer. If I really was the figment of a rapidly growing tumor. You and what medical insurance my friend? I'm afraid in this case the capitalist monster that is American healthcare beats you." Lenny smirked at him as he started to fade. "Face it kid, you're stuck with me. One last thing…you have to let them in to go forward." This remark brought an exasperated look to his face, and he turned his face upwards before continuing. "Really? Let them in to go forward? What kind of fortune cookie bullshit is that? Are you even proof reading this stuff before you send us down here?" He faced Ryan again. "Yeah sorry kid, but that's it, so dig it, let them in to go forward."

Ryan watched as the image of Lenny Bruce faded completely from his bedroom while mumbling about amateur writing teams and monkeys with type writers. He stared at the empty space left behind for several seconds before his eyes began to feel heavy and his mind cloudy. He only managed to blink twice before falling back on his bed, and into a deep, dreamless sleep.

When his alarm clock went off at eight am Ryan awoke shocked and bewildered. It had been awhile since he'd slept long, and sound, enough to need a wake up call. As the events of the night came back to him he wondered why he didn't feel more tired. If he remembered correctly he'd been woken at four am, and kept awake for at least an hour, if not two. But of course, it had just been a dream. He hadn't really spent the wee hours chatting with the spirit of Lenny Bruce. And, he wasn't crazy; he'd just imbibed too much wine, after too little rest and nourishment.

Ryan shook his head and got out of bed. There would be no time for a run this morning, but he was okay with that. It was Friday, and he had the whole weekend ahead of him. He'd save the running for later on, so the fixating wouldn't start when he was alone and had nothing pressing to do for forty-eight hours. He left his bedroom and made for the shower. There probably wouldn't be time for breakfast this morning either, and he wasn't going to stop at Bennetts'. Today, he would spend that extra time doing something he hadn't done regularly in awhile. Today, he would shave.

The road is rough and the hill is steep
Ah let me tell you say
The mountain is high and the valley is deep
Oh yeah oh yeah

Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon
Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon

xxXxx

"Hey Darrell, you have any plans for later?"

"Not strictly speaking, but seeings as it's Friday, I figure the usual, gettin' laid out."

"Wanna hang out?"

"Is the Pope Catholic?"

"So, that's a yes?"

"You're Jewish, not living in a cave, yeah it's a yes. Is the Pope Catholic? Yes. Get, it?"

"I know the Pope's Catholic, I just wanted to make sure, I mean you might not…you wanna come over after you get off?"

"Yup. But give me some time to get cleaned up, so lets say going on ten-thirty yeah?"

"Sounds good."

"Don't go fallin' asleep on me either."

"I won't. I got a good night's last night."

"Well, did you now? That'd be the first in awhile."

"Whatever."

"Just like my Momma used to say, tore up from the floor up, that's what you've been. But, never mind that. We'll have ourselves a time tonight."

"Just no dance clubs okay, I hate that stuff."

"Son, do I look like I dance?"

"Uh…"

"Don't hesitate when you answer that."

"Well, I mean ordinarily I'd say no, but that whole Brokeback Mountain thing really changed my perspective on you cowboys. I mean for all I know you love going dancing with your, er, male friends, and wearing leather, and…"

"Not so funny in a headlock are you?"

"Nuff! Nuff fa ookie!"

"Oh yes, yes the noogie! Quit squirming! Get back here, you-

"Freedom! See my people are excellent at last minute escapes. Have I told you about Egypt?"

"Run all you like. I know where you live!"

xxXxx

Darrell did indeed know where Ryan lived. And after leaving work, showering and scrounging up some food for himself Ryan was lying on his couch waiting for Darrell's imminent arrival. Darrell wouldn't get off work until nearly ten, and it was only just after seven so Ryan had decided to relax until his friend showed up. Resting now would ensure he wouldn't get tired later, or as Darrell put it, "pussey out". Ryan sighed and rolled onto his side. He used to be so good at burning the midnight oil. One didn't become a forensic investigator because they wanted to sleep. But, lately he just couldn't hack late nights, at least not if they involved anything more than lying in his bed having a panic attack. He couldn't sleep most nights for more than a few hours, but he also couldn't fathom leaving his apartment to do more than jog a few miles, or replenish is fridge and cupboards.

He was lying there, pondering how lame his life had become since he'd lost his job and Maxine, when a knock sounded on his door. Ryan checked his watch and frowned, it was only seven-thirty, and he wasn't expecting Darrell until after ten. The knocks became more insistent and he rose from the couch to and made his way to the door. He wondered who it could be. Poppy with laundry? An earnest charity volunteer looking for money? Equally earnest Jehovah's Witnesses, who would politely badger him to forsake the religion of his father's father and accept Christ? His teammates come to try and get him to talk with them, and grow and kick gambling for good? He almost hoped it was the Jevovahs, they'd be easier to get rid of; he suspected they were used to rejection.

Whoever it was behind the door they were getting impatient, and they were calling him "Dude". He knew that voice, he'd been called dude by that voice before. But, it couldn't be, Shem didn't know where he lived. Ryan turned the deadbolt and opened his door, and was greeted with a sight he'd never expected to see, at least not seriously ever expected to see. Shem and Josh were standing in the hallway of his building, and it looked like they had brought baked goods with them.

"Hey Man!" Shem was ecstatic as always to see him. "I told you he was home." Shem pushed Josh a little to prove his point.

"Yeah, great he's here." Josh was just as under whelmed as always to see him.

Ryan just stood in the door way trying to figure out how they'd found his home. First, the spirit of Lenny Bruce breaks into his bed room, and now this. Had his address been advertised on the news?

"Uh, hey guys. How did you know where I live?" Ryan didn't want to seem rude but he was really at a loss as to why the guys who made his morning coffee were at his place of residence.

"I told you this was a mistake," Josh said to Shem. "He clearly doesn't want us here."

"No, no, it's cool, man, isn't it Ryan?" Shem could not accept his best friend's cynical point of view on people. "I got your address from the computer at the shop. Remember the cake for your girlfriend, er, ex, uh, your, Valera? We delivered it here. Remember?"

"Oh…yeah," It was all Ryan could come up with.

"Yeah and remember I said we'd help you figure out to get your girl back? That's what we're here for! We need to brain storm man. And," Shem paused to push the boxes in his hands towards Ryan. "We brought sustenance. Because, seriously dude, you need to eat."

Ryan was unsure what to do. The rules he'd been raised with made it an unpardonable sin to turn away visitors with food, especially members of his brethren, with food. His mother would have a heart attack if she found out he shut the door in Shem and Josh's faces. He could hear her now, "What? How will people think we raised you? What will they think of you? What will they think of me? They'll think I didn't love you, that's what they'll think". All the same he was expecting Darrell, albeit later on, and he hadn't been expecting these two at all. He wasn't sure what Darrell would make of Shem and Josh. He had a sneaking suspicion that Darrell and The Odd Couple might have very different ideas about what constituted a fun night.

He tried to process all of this while Josh and Shem remained standing in his hallway. He couldn't keep them out there forever; he had to make a decision. Suddenly he heard a disembodied voice, one that sounded suspiciously like the man he had convinced himself was not in his apartment last night, and it was saying; "Let them in to go forward". Ryan didn't believe in divine intervention, but he also couldn't deny that immediately after he heard the voice he opened his mouth and beckoned Shem and Josh into his apartment.

"Oh, cool beans man," Shem waltzed in through the door and then turned back to face Josh. "Told you it was cool."

Josh's reply was to roll his eyes and toss the box he was carrying at Ryan. "Here, put these on some plates or something."

"Yeah, sure, thanks, you didn't have to do all this." Ryan was a little flustered by the turn of events but he didn't want to seem like a complete asshole.

"I didn't want to. But he insisted," Josh said as he and Ryan watched Shem amble around the apartment acquainting himself with what he considered to be the home of a friend.

Finally, Shem came to rest on the floor in front of Ryan's coffee table. "Here's good. I'm getting some good vibes from here. We'll sit around the table, we'll have some tea and some treats and we'll discuss the lady in question. Do you have any cushions or anything man that we can sit on?"

"Uh, yeah use the ones on the couch," Ryan watched as Shem began to organize things to his liking. "But, I don't have any tea. Sorry."

Shem looked up from where he was arranging pillows on the floor. "You don't have any tea? Who doesn't have tea? No worries though," He sprung up from the floor and joined Ryan and Josh in the kitchen area. "I brought my own."

"You brought your own tea?" Ryan asked, raising an eyebrow at Shem.

"Yeah, I mean I figured you'd have some. But, mine is better for our purposes. It's this really great green Sencha from the Japanese grocery near our place. Very calming, but gives you lots of focus. I was gonna bring my tea set so we could have a proper ceremony, really get the mind juices flowing you know? But, Tubby McKill Joy here wouldn't let me."

Josh threw up his hands in exasperation. "There's like a hundred pieces to that thing! It's not a tea set it's an accident waiting to happen! I wasn't lugging that monstrosity out of our place and schlepping it half ways across Miami!"

Shem just pouted at him. "It doesn't have a hundred pieces," he said folding his arms across his chest like a sullen child.

Ryan put a hand on Shem's shoulder and squeezed. "It's okay. I have a kettle, or at least a pot, and plenty of water. I'm sure it'll be just as focusing in a mug as a cup."

Shem's mega-watt smile was back. "Yeah, you're totally right. Okay, let's get down to business. Just show me where everything is and I'll get us set up."

Ten minutes later Josh and Ryan were seated on pillows in front of the coffee table. They were watching Shem pour tea into a mug for each of them. Two of the fancy plates Ryan's Bubbie on his mom's side had given him in college were loaded with Bennett's cookies. He'd scoffed when Bubbie Mintz had produced the plates one Hanukkah. He knew it was hard to be creative eight times, but china? Zayde Mintz had seen the questioning look on his face and winked at him before saying, "For when you have a lady over, eh?". Ryan hadn't appreciated the sentiment at the time, but he had to admit, it did make things look nicer the few times he'd managed to get a girl back to his dorm room. And, the plates were certainly coming in handy now.

Shem was immensely pleased with the plates, because he loved pretty things, and these almost made up for the absence of his tea set. "Nice," he said indicating to the china.

"My Bubbie gave them to me." Ryan said somewhat defensively before he realized Shem was complimenting him.

"Really? That's great. My Bubbie's nice too," Shem jammed a cookie in his mouth before continuing. "I bring her to Shul every weekend."

Two things happened when Shem made this simple statement. Ryan was rocked with an extreme sense of déjà vu, He's a good kid, he takes his Bubbie to Shul every week, which is more than you or I can say. And, Josh was hit in the face with the cookie crumbs that had come sailing out of Shem's mouth with the word Shul.

Josh wiped at his face impatiently. "Dude! Say it, don't spray it!"

Shem just laughed. "Sorry man." His giggles stopped when he caught the look on Ryan's face. He appeared deep in thought and Shem, who knew nothing of Ryan's late night encounter, assumed it had to do with the reason they were here in the first place. He instantly sobered. "Okay, enough joking around, we've gotta get down to business and get Ryan here his lady friend back."

"Huh?" Ryan returned to the present with a jolt. "Oh, yeah. I mean, this is great you guys, I'm glad you came by and all, but Valera and me it's complicated."

Josh just snorted. "Yeah, you guys and Denise Richards. But, all the same he has a point Shem. What are we gonna do for him?"

"Well," Shem pushed back his hair and tried to think of a response, or a plan to get Valera back. "Well, maybe we should drink the tea first. That'll get us in the right mind frame. And here," He picked up one of the plates and shoved it under Ryan's nose. "Have a cookie first. First food, then thinking. And you'd better not hesitate, because Josh won't."

"Hey!" Josh gave Shem an indignant look, to which his friend only replied with a raised eyebrow and nod towards his mid section. "Yeah," Josh said following Shem's gaze. "I guess you're not wrong."

"Don't have to warn me twice." Ryan reached for the plate and hovered over the selections. In the end he went with two cookies and brownie. A man couldn't go wrong with a brownie. He put the first cookie in his mouth and sighed around it. Things really didn't get much better than Bennetts' baked goods. "Thanks." He said, through a mouthful of crumbs.

So they ate, and they made light conversation, and an hour later they still hadn't gotten to Valera, or how to win her back. But, Ryan had to admit if the tea wasn't exactly as good for focus as Shem had claimed, it was definitely relaxing. It was so relaxing he hadn't noticed the passing of time, and now it was going for nine, and Shem and Josh showed no signs of being in a hurry to leave. Ryan didn't begrudge them, but he was getting a little worried. Darrell, he knew, would find some way to leave the range early and he'd probably make it to Ryan's by ten. Ryan sincerely doubted that tea and cookies were Darrell's idea of a great Friday night.

Still, it was hard to concentrate on those negative thoughts with cookies in his belly and jokes around the table. Shem and Josh were nothing if not funny, and Ryan was enjoying spending time with people who didn't know about his gambling, and clearly wanted to be his friend. Well, at least he knew Shem wanted to be his friend. Josh was still an X-Factor. Nevertheless, it had been quite awhile since Ryan had felt this care free and, if he was honest he didn't want Josh and Shem to leave yet, just in case the good feeling went with them. He watched the pair poke each other with the spoons Shem had used to serve the tea and broke into a wide smile. It was a smile he hadn't rocked in awhile. It was open and goofy, and just a little uncontrollable. Ryan tried to temper the grin on face, but found he couldn't. He decided that if this was his response to prolonged exposure to Shem and Josh, Darrell would like them. Maybe they could all hang out tonight.

"Okay that's enough!" Ryan's thoughts were interrupted by Shem's sudden outburst. "No more spoon wars, we've got to deal with this Valera thing."

"Boo." Josh drew the word out for several seconds. "Come on, we're having a good time here. Don't be a downer. Plus, we've been here forever and he hasn't mentioned her once. The subject obviously isn't up for discussion."

"I'm sorry. I appreciate what you guys are trying to do here. It's just," Ryan was having trouble finding the right words to use. "Me and Valera, we're, it's-

"Complicated?" Josh asked. "Yeah we got that one. Try another word buddy."

Ryan let out a long breath. "It's like remember when you were in high school and there was this girl you always dreamt about?"

Both of his visitors cut him off at the same time.

"Uh, not really." Josh said, eyeing him strangely.

"Totally." Shem said, leaning over the table.

Ryan tried to begin again. "Well, what I mean is, Valera is like this girl right? That I loved, that I still love. And, she's really soft. I mean she feels soft. And, she's nice, and funny, and just accepts people, you know?" Ryan paused for comments, but his new friends just continued to stare at him, so he went on. "And, she's just," He stopped as if remembering something beautiful, and once in a life time. "Really great in bed, I mean you have no idea." Ryan shook his head and widened his eyes, had he just told strangers, well people who barely knew Valera, she was great in bed?

Shem's face was moonstruck. "That's beautiful man."

Josh's face was incredulous and his words sarcastic. "So, she's a girl who's like a girl, and soft, and nice. Great man, that's great we've got lots to go on here. Oh wait, I forgot, she's great in bed."

Ryan couldn't help the bark of laughter that escaped his mouth. "I can't believe I said that. I'm sorry. I mean there's so much more about her."

Josh just waived his hand as if to brush of the explanation. "Whatever, man. You can't take it back now. And, frankly, I'm glad you said it. She's smoking hot, I mean you hope with a girl like that there's more than looks. I mean, hey make my day and tell me she's a super freak." Josh stopped and checked himself then. Ryan was still a cop, and probably quick on his feet. "Oh, sorry man, jeez look at me implying rude things about your girl-friend, well your, uh, someone special to you."

"That's okay." Ryan said. And, honestly it was. He was feeling so good right now nothing could bring him down. It was tough rehashing the good times he and Valera had, but he wanted to share some of them with his new friends. "There was this one time…" He trailed off, evidently it wasn't just hard for him to talk about the good times; it was also hard to remember them. He tried again, but whatever he had been about to say had escaped him. "Sorry, I can't remember what I was gonna say. That's really weird."

"S'okay," Shem said, laughing. "Happens to me all the time."

All three of them laughed at this statement, as it was pretty clear why Shem forgot a lot of things.

"Oh, speaking of forgetting things!" Shem turned to Josh. "I forgot to tell you man, we're out of brownies at the bakery. You need to call Shelia and let her know to make more."

"Who's Shelia?" Ryan asked.

"The girl who bakes on my day off," Josh explained. "And, you didn't forget man."

"What?" Shem wasn't following. "Yes, I did."

Josh shook his head. "Nuh uh, you didn't. We just ate brownies, amongst other things. So, we weren't out until you pilfered them from the store when we left. You just neglected to tell me till now. And really, we only finished those brownies an hour or so ago, so we weren't out till just now. That's not forgetting, it just, uh, good timing!"

Josh crossed his arms and shot his companions a pleased look. His logic, he felt was sound. Ryan and Shem, however, were both too confused to argue with him.

Shem recovered first. "No, no, those brownies weren't from the bakery. We ran out of brownies at the bakery by like two in the afternoon or something. So, I did forget to tell you."

While Ryan was still running to catch up awareness was dawning on Josh. "So, then where did the brownies come from Shem?"

"Oh! They uh, well they," Shem's face reddened as he tried to explain. "They came from your cupboard at our place where you keep all the stuff you bake."

"What?!" Josh nearly fell off his pillow. "Shem, please tell me you did not get these out of the cupboard over the stove."

Shem tried to defend his actions. "Before you get mad, I only took half a dozen, enough for two each, and you should share, that's what friends do. And, it's not like you can't bake more."

Ryan finally caught up to the conversation. "Hey guys, calm down. It's just brownies."

Josh rubbed his eyes. "It's not just brownies."

The other two just stared at him. "What do you mean?" Ryan asked.

Josh took a deep breath. "You feeling pretty relaxed Ryan? Maybe a little happy? Like, really happy?"

Ryan paused for a moment, and then broke out into a grin. "Yeah, now that you mention it, I am."

Shem clapped him on the back. "Good stuff man! I knew you had it in you!"

"No!" Josh cried. "He doesn't. He has some of our stuff in him."

"What?" Shem voiced both his and Ryan's confusion.

"Shem you meathead those were hash brownies!"

xxXxx

One day you are dreadlocks (well dread)
Next day you are baldhead (clean shave)
Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon
Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon

Are you a commercialized
Grabbing at the cash-backs?
This is a time of decision
Tell me, what is your plan? yeah

Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon
Onward, forward, don't step backward
Step out of Babylon

Straight is the road that leads to destruction
Ooh yeah
The road to righteousness is narrow
Ah let me tell you say

Down inna Babylon
One step forward, two steps backward
Down inna Babylon

Uh oh, Spaghetti O's! What do you do with lit up Ryan? I'm thinking video games, lots of video games…