Author: Elton Adams

Pairing: None yet established

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimer: I do not own the Lord of the Rings or the characters within it. I am not legitimately associated with LoTR in any legitimate way. I am not profiting from this in any other currency than amusement.

Summary: Legolas decides it's time for a change.

Chapter 4: Not as easy as it looks...

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Legolas sat on a log, the Hobbits in a semi-circle around him. Gimli sat with his back away from the fire, turning every now and then to ensure his hair had not caught flames. Aragorn held the barely-responsive Boromir. Gandalf hung his head. This felt like one very, very long night.

The Hobbits were jubilated by the procurement of the Horn of Gondor, especially Sam, who felt particularly pleased with himself, as this had proven that he had perfectly honned ability to look cute and disheartened to get what he wanted. Legolas rubbed various congealed, leafy substances on the Horn, until he guessed, it would glide easily through his ear. After a few moments he placed the smaller tip of the Horn to his ear and pushed.

... But nothing happened. Infact, his earlobe had put up so much resistance, Legolas' hand ended up giving first, effectively smacking himself across his face. He shook off the shock and tired again... and again... but everytime Legolas tried he ended up with the same result.

He laughed lightly in embarrassment, but quickly noticed that no one was watching him, save the Hobbits, who were too star-struck to realize that Legolas had no idea of what he was doing. He thought for a moment, and it occured to him, "Would you like to help me, my little friends?" Legolas flashed a sweet grin in return for them shaking their heads emphatically "yes". "Great! This is what I need you to do. I am going to lay with my back to the ground and the Horn of Gondor against my ear. Two of you will hold my ear away from my head, over the ground. The other two will work in turns slowly pushing the Horn through my ear."

Legolas and the Hobbits got into position. Sam and Frodo held Legolas' ear out. Merry and Pippin were in charge of working the Horn into his earlobe hole. Taking turns Merry and Pippin pushed the Hord of Gondor down. The process was slow. At the strength Merry and Pippin held by themselves, the pushes were doing little to nothing. Often, when some progress had been made, it would be undone when they transferred positions, the Horn sliding out of Legolas' ear nearly completely. Merry and Pippin began to get frustrated.

Normally none of the Hobbits would have ever directly gone against something Legolas said, especially in a feild like fashion, where Legolas was an obvious expert, but they were getting extremely bored and frustrated. Merry and Pippin decided they wanted to get the job done quickly for two reasons: one, they wanted to go play a new game, and 2) the process was taking too long, they really wanted some result soon. So, during one shove, rather than Merry handing the job over to Pippin, the two took a go at it at the same time.

"AHHHHH!" Legolas shreiked, sitting up. He felt at his ear. The Horn of Gondor was entirely in, and it had all been done in one shot.

He felt his ear again. He could not believe it. Gauged to nealy 6 inches across, and all in the first day. Legolas began to giggle, then to chuckle, then he began a full out fit of laughter.

The Hobbits had jumped back at the strange reactions Legolas was emitting. "Why is he laughing?" Merry asked, hiding behind Pippin "Gandalf, Gandalf why is he laughing?!"

"I'm laughing..." Legolas laughed. "I'm laughing... because I don't want to cry."

After some moments of hysteria, he laid back down, positioning himself so the Hobbits could better work the other side. In one foul swoop, the Horn of Gondor was in the other earlobe hole.

Legolas did not laugh. He merely swooned from pain and endorphins. He lie on the ground, barely noticing when Aragorn, Gandalf, Gimli, and the Hobbits helped carry him to his bed. 'He is our friend and fellow after all.' Aragorn told himself. 'Despite his insanity, without him we would be lost in ways we would not even be able to imag--- Oh, sod it.'

It was going to be an even longer night.