I do not own Assassin's Creed, The Simpsons, A Very Potter Musical, Harry Potter, Spiderman, Meet the Spartans or Nigahiga.

Chapter FOUR: The Caverns of the Creepy-Crawlies and the Rod of Fire and the Betrayal

Tisiphone: Right, let's see what's in here… *loots the first room* Alright, a necklace, a lyrium potion and an ugly-ass mages hat that I'll never ever wear! Awesome!

Tisiphone continues on her brave quest and kills the first spider and gets some money for the trouble. Why the spider had money in the first place is something we'll leave up to the game developers to answer.

Game Developers: Well you see… Eh… *looks around frantically for a way out* Here's a DLC!

Players: AWESOME!

Game Developers: Phew.

Tisiphone continues killing spiders and raiding their cocoons. She receives elfroot, health poultices, a ring, more lyrium potions, more money, another apprentice cowl, a pair of magical boots, a belt and of course XP's. And by "receives" I of course means steals/loots.

Our brave heroine exits the caverns.

Tisiphone: That was easy.

Leorah: Are the spiders gone?

Tisiphone: … no, that's why I'm here instead of there… of course they're gone!

Leorah: Wonderful! You just saved my ass!

Tisiphone: And you'll keep the creepy-crawlies away?

Leorah: Yeah, exactly, maybe.

Desmond: Exactly maybe?

Tisiphone: Get your own parody.

Desmond: Okay…

Tisiphone: Good assassin. *leaves*

Owain: *is creepy*

Tisiphone: Hi, I need a rod of fire.

Owain: Why?

Tisiphone: Because I'm going to burn stuff.

Owain: Get someone to sign this form and I'll give you your rod of fire.

Tisiphone: Wow, that was easy.

Owain: What was easy?

Tisiphone: Nothing.

Owain: Okay.

Tisiphone: Bye.

Owain: Bye.

Tisiphone: *leaves and heads back to Leorah* Sign this please.

Leorah: Okay.

Tisiphone: Excellent… *leaves and heads back to Owain* Give me my rod.

Owain: Here you go.

Tisiphone: Bye.

Owain: Bye.

Tisiphone: *leaves and heads straight for Irving*

Irving: Hi. Did you take Duncan to his quarters?

Tisiphone: Yeah.

Irving: Duncan is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met.

Tisiphone: … yeah…

Irving: Grey Wardens sacrifice everything for us. We can learn stuff from them. What did you want, anyway?

Tisiphone: … why do you have books on blood magic on your desk?

Irving: … You looked on my desk? Anyway… I was told that apprentices shouldn't read those books. Something about satanic stuff. I'm going to hide them somewhere someone who only wants the books but doesn't want to read them can find them.

Tisiphone: The stockroom caverns, right?

Irving: … yes… did you want something else?

Tisiphone: Yeah, Jowan says he's going to be made tranquil.

Irving: How the hell did he know that? Oh, Lily. She probably told him.

Players: How the hell did he know that?

Irving: I know everything that happens here.

Tisiphone: So it's true?

Irving: Yes. Greagoir has an eyewitness, and Jowan is totally going to be made a tranquil

Tisiphone: You do realize that Jowan is planning an escape right?

Irving: Really? Do you know anything else?

Tisiphone: What's in it for me?

Irving: We'll remember your candor.

Tisiphone: Oh, okay, Jowan and Lily are going to destroy Jowan's phylactery.

Irving: Do you know anything else?

Tisiphone: Yeah, they told me their plan.

Irving: I never thought Jowan of all people would have the balls to break into the repository.

Tisiphone: So what are we going to do now?

Irving: We're going to make sure that Lily is also brought to justice.

Tisiphone: You can always say that she was helping.

Irving: No, she must be caught with her hand in the cookie-jar, otherwise the Chantry is going to say that she was framed.

Tisiphone: You're right. That bloody Chantry would do that to us.

Irving: *is smart* by the way, do they trust you?

Tisiphone: Yeah, they asked me to help them with the break-in.

Irving: Excellent! Go back to them and carry out that scheme.

Tisiphone: Sure.

Irving: Lie and tell them that you will risk all for their cause. I'll wait outside the repository.

Tisiphone: *leaves*

Jowan: *is impatient*

Tisiphone: Here's the rod of fire.

Jowan: Oh my maker, that was quick!

Tisiphone: … no, it wasn't…

Lily: Let's go!

Trio of Sinful Initiate, Blood Mage and Traitorous BFF leaves and heads for the basement. Everyone around them are painfully oblivious to them.

Lily: *gives a tour of the place* This door has a lot of planks in it, symbolizing-

Tisiphone: Just get on with it.

Lily: I know the password, I just need a mage to touch the door with mana.

Tisiphone: So? I said get on with it.

Lily: *says cheesy-ass password*

Tisiphone: My mage-senses are tingling.

Lily: Put a spell on the door.

Tisiphone: *Freezes the door?*

Door: *opens*

Jowan: Melt the locks off the door!

Tisiphone: Sure.

Door #2: Hahahahahaha, that doesn't work!

Lily: Why isn't it working?

Tisiphone: Maybe the rod is broken.

Jowan: I can't cast spells here…

Lily: *conveniently sees some runes beside the door.* Those negate magic around here, we're not going to be able to get in here!

Tisiphone: What's that door over there?

Lily: Maybe it's another way in?

Jowan: What are the chances?

Tisiphone: It's worth a try.

Lily: The door looks locked.

Tisiphone: Well, the rod should work on those locks, right?

Lily: Unless it's warded as well.

Jowan: Just get on with it.

Creepy Armor: *is creepy*

Tisiphone: *melts the locks off the door*

Creepy Armor: *is moving*

Everyone: KILL IT!

Lily: *has weapons*

Tisiphone and Players: "Where the hell did she get those?"

The Trio of Traitors keep killing everything that moves, with Tisiphone picking up every single thing she can find.

Tisiphone: *opens chest in the repository* Ooh… pretty staff… *immediately changes to the new staff*

Creepy Statue: *is creepy*

Jowan: *is scared*

Creepy Statue: Hello there.

Jowan: Holy shit, I just crapped in my man-thong.

Creepy Statue: Hi, I'm the spirit of some woman, I was consort and advisor to some guy named Valerius.

Tisiphone: Valerius?

Creepy Statue: *is talking*

Lily: *is paranoid*

Tisiphone: Is it still alive?

Creepy Statue: I'm just stone. *keeps talking*

Tisiphone: What the hell are you on about?

Jowan: I can do that too. 'The sun grows dark but lo! Here comes the dawn'.*

Lily: *thinks that anything by the Tevinter imperium is evil* Please shut up, all of you!

Tisiphone: It's useless to us anyway.

Another Statue: *is there*

Lily: Why does the circle keep so many things that come from the Tevinter imperium?

Jowan: Because it's interesting?

Tisiphone: I really have no idea what this one does. It's not talking.

Jowan: I've seen pictures of things like this! It amplifies spells!

Tisiphone: I suppose we could amplify the rod's power…

Jowan: The wall behind that bookcase looks like it's in bad shape. Let's move the bookcase! It looks easy.

Tisiphone: I think it looks heavy.

Jowan: That's what teamwork is for!

Tisiphone: *uses the amplifier and the rod*

The Circle Tower: *falls into pieces*

Tisiphone: Woups.

Jowan: Hells yeah! This is the phylactery chamber!

Lily: We have to find Jowans phylactery!

Tisiphone: It's a shame they've taken mine to Denerim.

Jowan: Would you destroy yours too?

Tisiphone: Of course I would. And then I'd escape and become a Grey Warden and I'd kick Templar ass.

Lily: You're smarter than me so you'd probably be able to do that anyway.

Jowan: I want to get out of here now, please?

And then the Trio of Awesomeness kills some more things and everyone is happy when they find the phylactery. Especially Jowan who destroys it. Dramatically.

Experienced Player: *Strips Jowan and Lily of clothes and weapons to sell them later*

Jowan's Muscles: *are shiny*

Tisiphone: Why did I never fuck you?

Greagoir: So what you said was true Irving.

Tisiphone: You guys are in BIG trouble.

Greagoir: So Lily has betrayed us. And then this one. She just became a mage.

Jowan: It's all my fault!

Irving: Actually, I sent her to help them.

Jowan: *drops his jaw* Tisiphone was a traitor?

Everyone: Traitoro was a traitor?"

Tisiphone: Of course I was.

Jowan: I hate you.

Greagoir: I hate you all. Kill the blood mage and throw the initiate in prison.

Jowan: NO WAY *stabs himself and fights! The emo way!*

Lily: Holy shit, stay away from me blood mage!

Jowan: *runs away. In his small clothes*

Irving: Are you okay?

Tisiphone: Yeah for some reason he left me out of the spells reach. I don't know why, I certainly wouldn't have done so.

Greagoir: I knew that bastard was a blood mage!

Tisiphone: I didn't trust him.

Irving: No one did.

Greagoir: I hate the world! There's a blood mage on the loose and we can't track him down!

Tisiphone: Hey how did you know that he destroyed his phylactery

Greagoir: I hate you, initiate.

Tisiphone: *is nice* Lily didn't know that he was a blood mage.

Lily: Shut up, I hate you. I was wrong. I'll go to Aeonar if you want me to.

Greagoir: ANYWAY! YOU, new mage person, you were in a room full of magical things!

Irving: Did you take anything?

Tisiphone: Nope. I did not.

Everyone: *fails to notice that the staff she's carrying was obviously not the one she had earlier*

Irving: Okay.

Greagoir: We should do something about you just because you made me look like a fool.

Tisiphone: Uh, I was just following orders!

Irving: Yes, I told her to do so.

Greagoir: Only me and you are supposed to use the chamber for our romantic evenings!

Duncan: Hi, I want this one to be a Grey Warden.

Irving: Yay!

Greagoir: No way!

Tisiphone: Screw you, I'm going anyway.

Duncan: We need mages.

Greagoir: She's not worth it!

Irving: Why not? She's totally been useful and we tend to reward usefulness. You can go if you want to.

Tisiphone: Hooray! Then I guess there's nothing more for me here.

Duncan: *is awesome*

W00t! Chapter Four up! And now I have to sleep, because it's "late" here in Sweden.

Anyway, I don't really have anything else to say, so bye!

And remember: Reviews make Tisiphone like you :) !

haha, begging for reviews is fun!