Diary of a Beast
Part 4
Day 57
I was finally allowed to leave my room or ''prison cell,'' as I like to call it. The teachers are still not trusting me at all, which I can understand myself. If I was in their position, I wouldn't trust me at all. In fact, if I were the one to place judgement on a person like myself, I would have locked them up for the rest of their lives. I'm guessing that Ozpin somehow sees something good in me to not do that and he is probably hoping that I'll be better after my punishment. That's something I'm hoping for as well.
I'm not leaving my room to join any classes or anything like that. I'm completing my studies through a monitor in my room that shows the classes, thus allowing me to keep up with my studies. While most would probably think that this would be a dream come true, it's not. There are many things you lose by not being allowed to join the actual classes. For one, if you have a question for the teacher, you cannot ask it and you're left to figure it out on your own. There is also the problem with being able to concentrate on the lectures. It might seem like a weird complaint, but I'm able to study a lot better in a classroom, when there aren't things around you to distract you and there is actually someone there to keep you in check.
However, the worst loss has to be my teammates. Just being near friendly faces is something we take for granted too much and I miss it with all my heart now. Before all of this happened, the memory of my smiling teammates used to bring me comfort and make me happy. But now it only serves to break my heart, knowing that they will never smile at me anymore.
Anyway, the reason I wanted to leave my room was so that I could get to the library. I need to do some research on my kind and diseases to see if what I'm going through is something that has been encountered before. It's a long shot, but it's all I have. I need to do something or I'll go crazy. I had to beg Professor Ozpin to let me do this and I'm thankful he let me.
I obviously wasn't allowed to go to the library on my own. For now, every time I am leaving my room, I will have a teacher escort me around to keep me in check. This time it's Professor Goodwitch. I could tell just by the look on her face that she was not happy with me at all. Nor was she happy having to do this. We didn't talk at all as she led me to the library. She most likely didn't want to say anything and I couldn't dare to say a thing. I was afraid of upsetting her even more.
As I was walking through Beacon, I saw other students looking at me and whispering with each other. It's times like this that I hate my faunus heritage, because I could clearly hear what they were saying. They were whispering about what I did to Ruby and how they were suspecting that I was the one behind the recent murders. I'm thankful that Ozpin is so merciful that he didn't link me to the murders without proper evidence. If he had, I would have gone to prison or worse.
However, the worst was only yet to come. On my way to the library, I saw my teammates. As soon as Ruby saw me, her face turned pale and she started shaking from fear. It shattered my heart that I had caused my dear friend to fear me like that. Immediately after Ruby had noticed me, Weiss and Yang put their arms around her and shielded her from me with their bodies while giving me the most hateful glares that I had ever seen. It took all of my willpower to not start crying right there.
As soon as I had found the books that I had been looking for, I went back to my room and cried on my bed for a full hour. I will leave my work for tomorrow, as I doubt that I'll be able to do anything today. I suspect that I won't fall asleep without shedding more tears.
Day 58
Almost as soon as I woke up, I began my work. I'm starting with books on rare diseases, hoping that whatever I'm going through can be found there with a possible cure. Since there are many ways that one can get infected with a strange illness that causes big changes in them, I am hopeful with my chances of success. Whatever I'm going through could possibly be from a rare bacteria or virus, or even from the Dust I've been handling.
I pray that my condition is due to a sickness of some kind. Otherwise, I'm going to have to research my own kind, the faunus, and see if there are records of something like this going on. I do not like this, because it would mean that only my kind could have this happen to them. It would only give more reason for those that hate faunus to continue with their hateful views.
Let's hope that I find something else before that.
Day 59
So far I haven't been able to find anything. I've gone through a good amount of the books I got from the library, but none of them provided me with answers. Or at least ones that I hoped to find. I did find out about diseases that caused people to start acting in a very aggressive manner, but it wasn't anything like what I'm going through. In those cases, the infected immediately started to attack people near them in a blind rage, almost like a wild animal. Whatever I'm going through is different, as I didn't attack anyone immediately and I did it in a more quiet manner. Not to mention, it wouldn't explain any of the other things I've gone through. Like what happened with Ruby...
As I go through these books, I keep finding rarer and rarer diseases and viruses. Perhaps what I've got is something very rare? That's what I'm hoping for.
Day 62
My research so far has proven to be fruitless. I read all the books I had on rare sicknesses and I couldn't find anything to match my condition. Even when I went through some of them multiple times, I wasn't able to find anything even remotely close to my problem.
This leads me to something that I am not excited to tackle at all. I am now forced to research recordings on my own kind. As awful as this sounds to me, I have to find out what is wrong with me, even if it could lead to further persecution of faunus. While we are closely similar to humans, there are still many differences between us. I cannot just deny the possibility that my condition could possibly be related to my faunus heritage, no matter how bad that sounds.
Hopefully this won't lead to things getting worse.
Day 63
I haven't been able to find anything useful so far. I've looked through all sorts of information on faunus, but I haven't found anything that could help me. The closest things I've gotten to so far have been recordings of how humans used to spread rumors about us eating people like wild animals and how we held violent ceremonies with human sacrifices. However, all of these have been proven false, so I see no use in this information.
Other than that, I've only been able to find information about the differences in the anatomy of humans and faunus, which is basic information that doesn't help at all.
I am starting to lose hope with this research.
Day 64
Today I decided to continue my research while I had the TV turned on. After going through the channels, I eventually ended on a nature documentary. It wasn't like I was actually watching it, it was just supposed to be background noise while I went through my books.
Little did I know that I would find an answer through it.
While most of the things that were said on the documentary were pretty much nothing but white noise to me, one of the things that was said stuck to me. The scientist on the show said that every animal acts in order to preserve themselves. This comes in the form of eating, defending themselves and breeding.
Once I heard that I had to stop reading my book. It fit my actions perfectly. The first strange thing that happened with me was my increased appetite, which caused me to eat large amounts of food. Then came self-defense, as I started attacking those that I saw as threats to me. And last, breeding.
I am shaking with fear over this discovery. Am I turning into some sort of an animal? What is really happening with me? With these questions plaguing my mind, I will try my best to get some sleep, but I fear that it won't come. Something horrible is happening and I can't help but feel that the worst is yet to come.
Author's notes: Hope you guys are enjoying the story so far. Please leave reviews and tell me how you feel about this and PM me if you have any questions. I'll try my best to answer them all.
Until next time.
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