Chapter Summary: Solis says goodbye to their past self.

A/N: Context time! The person referred to with ze/zir pronouns is Solis' tenth regeneration. Ze was the last version of them to fight in the Time War and was the one who decided to leave Gallifrey. Here, they say their parting words after an adventure in which Solis' tenth, eleventh and twelfth regens meet (DotD-style); the eleventh has already left, and the tenth, who Solis refuses to name, wonders whether ze will really be able to desert and live as a renegade.

There's a whole lot more I could ramble about...

"Well." Ze sniffed, drawing themself up to look Solis in the eye. "I suppose it's time to go back, then."

Solis only held zir gaze (gods, it still made them squirm) for a split second before glancing away, and nodding. "Time to go," they agreed, studying one particular lever on the console.

Neither made any move to follow through, though, standing silently for a long, uncomfortable moment. A nervous tension sparked between them; Solis imagined they could see it, golden electricity arcing around the console room. At least, they figured, it was better than the shouting.

Then ze sighed, rocking back on zir heels, examining the high, arched ceiling, the intricate writing on the pillar of the time rotor, down to the bronze-gilded console.

"This is my taste in the future," ze remarked with an air of disbelief. "Awfully… homey, if you ask me."

"Well," muttered Solis, "as you've pointed out, there's always time to change things." They moved meanderingly around the console, brushing their fingers over the controls, then set themself to work readying for flight. "Who knows? You could step out those doors and I might cease to ever have existed."

Ze didn't reply. When Solis glanced up, curious, ze was regarding them with an expression of such deep sadness. It stopped them in their tracks, and they stood up straight, tilting their head as if to ask what was the matter (because that was not something they would ever ask this being, not out loud).

"I think we both know that nothing can change now," ze said quietly.

A subtle ache burrowed into the space between their hearts, and they wanted to wince. "Listen, I–" They bit their lip, turning their focus to the switch between their fingers. "I am sorry," they mumbled. "At least… you won't remember it."

Ze gave a weak laugh. "I almost wish I could," ze admitted. "I'll be left wondering. Again."

Closing their eyes, they nodded.

"So this is me!" ze exclaimed, smiling bitterly as ze gestured around the room. "This is what becomes of everything I've done. My future, my… destiny." Ze spoke the word like it left an acrid tang in their mouth. "And the other one, my next life, that–" Ze broke off, shaking zir head, and leaned against the console. Zir chest rose and fell visibly with zir harsh breaths.

Ze gritted zir teeth, and when ze looked up zir eyes shone with tears. "It is fair," ze whispered. "It's only fair that– that should be my future. I should have to bear it. But I don't want it."

Solis remembered, in that instant, a last battle. They remembered staring out over a burned and smoking world, and feeling something crack open inside them. Getting to their chambers and thinking, inexplicably, that they would suffocate if they didn't get their collar off right then, a fleeting look out a window and a waiting TARDIS in a locked and darkened repair bay.

They remembered running. They remembered being zir.

(Perhaps they should remember more often.)

Though thrown by the sudden display of emotions, they took a deep breath. "No one would," they said. "But it's right."

Composing zirself once more, ze turned away, so they couldn't see zir face. Ze cleared zir throat.

"And if I can't?" Ze said it in the same way they recalled saying everything else, back then—just another possibility, a statistic, no weight behind it. Same as everything else, it was a front.

A vicious little voice in the back of their mind piped up, the same one that always seemed to awaken around zir. It's true, it whispered, you can't do it, oh, if you knew how it ends for you…

But Solis silenced those thoughts. They knew better, now. Because they also remembered standing with Cassie in the hallway outside her bedroom and promising they'd be back soon for popcorn and a movie, letting their head rest on her shoulder as she hugged them goodbye. And they realized, quite suddenly, that the thought of fearing the future had long-since become laughable.

So they looked zir in the too-pale eyes, and said, "Be brave. Better days will come."

They knew ze would forget, but a reminder never hurt.