The Flame Within, chapter 4
Uhura fidgeted in her quarters while she waited for Spock. It had been over two weeks since Chekov had left, and she'd decided earlier today to give him a call and see how he was doing. He'd been busy, so instead of talking to him she'd ended up talking to Janice Rand for a long time. What she'd learned had been very disturbing. She felt as if she and Spock had been very close to revealing their relationship to everyone, becoming more and more open about being together when outside their quarters, but this would change everything.
She had two cups of tea ready when he walked through the door.
"What is it, Nyota? You have never contacted me in the science labs before, and I could tell that you were rather perturbed."
He followed her to the sofa, and they both sat down.
"I called the Reliant today. I'd planned on talking to Pavel, but he wasn't available so I ended up talking to Janice Rand."
"She was recently promoted to communications officer, was she not?"
"That's right. Anyway, you won't believe what she told me. It's not general knowledge, and she thinks that Starfleet Command is going to try to keep the details quiet, but they had a horrible incident there four days ago. They were undergoing some routine maintenance when coolant began to leak. Instead of sealing the engineering deck and jettisoning the atmosphere, the first officer panicked and left the doors open in an attempt to reach the chief engineer. In the end, an ensign who just happened to be in the hallway outside engineering died, and another crewman needed an emergency lung transplant. The chief engineer and his crew were fine because they'd put on protective gear just as you would expect, but the first officer is in deep shit."
"Where was Captain Terrell?"
"He wasn't on duty, and it happened so fast that he couldn't get there quickly enough to prevent the death. As it was, more people probably would have died if he hadn't managed to countermand the first officer's orders."
"Did you know the person who died?"
"No, it was a woman who'd just joined them a few months ago, Ensign Butler or something like that." She hesitated before rushing on. "The whole point of this story is that the first officer and the chief engineer were lovers. No one knew about it, but when the first officer was questioned afterward, he broke down and admitted everything. Command is furious that he and the engineer ignored the fraternization guidelines. The engineer has been assigned to another ship, the first officer's career is over, and HQ is getting ready to issue a new set of rules forbidding intimate relationships between officers in the command structure of the ship. They're really going to come down hard on anyone in violation."
She gave him a moment to digest this. His brows together, he gazed at his steepled hands. "Do you propose that we cease our relationship?"
"No! I don't think so. Oh, Spock, I don't know what we should do. We've both always done our best to be model officers. Fraternization! The policy was so vague that I never even gave it a second thought. Did you?"
"Yes, actually I did, but it was early in our relationship, and I must confess that I was more concerned about accepting you into my life than about any external restriction such as a Starfleet recommendation. Perhaps I should not have dismissed it so easily."
Frowning, she said, "And just what would you have changed?"
"Nothing."
"My point exactly. So don't blame yourself. That's in the past, anyway. What we need to decide is what to do now and in the future."
She watched him as he considered their problem. "I find it difficult to accept that Command would require officers who are already in relationships to terminate those relationships because of a change in rules. In addition, it would adversely impact efficiency if every affected officer were to suddenly request a transfer, for I have no doubt that relationships such as ours are more common than Command would care to acknowledge. Perhaps it would be best for us to simply remain cautious and allow some time to pass in hope that the restrictions will ease."
She grinned. "Why, Mr. Spock, I never thought I'd see the day, but are you actually telling me that you're going to ignore Starfleet rules and regulations?"
"While I am reluctant to dissuade you of your high opinion of me, it would not be the first time I have done so."
She laughed, but as they gazed at one another, she saw the trace of humor vanish from his expression.
"Nyota, do not think that I make this suggestion lightly. It is quite possible that Command will not ease the restrictions, and we could both find ourselves in serious trouble. While I am willing to take the risk myself, I am very uneasy with the idea of jeopardizing you."
"I'm willing to chance it if you are."
"Are we absolutely certain about this?"
"Do you want to break up?"
"No."
"Do you want one of us to transfer?"
"No."
"Then that settles it, because I don't want either of those, either. So I guess you're stuck with me."
"And it would appear that you are 'stuck' with me, as well."
Smiling, she placed her hand lightly on his knee. "You know, I'll bet this does blow over if we just wait a while. We've managed to hide our relationship this long. It won't be hard to do it some more. Besides, I know that neither of us would ever make the kind of mistake that the first officer of the Reliant made. We should be all right."
"I agree."
Reassured, she sipped her tea. It was too bad that they'd have to keep their secret a while longer, but they'd be just fine.
...
From behind his desk, Kirk handed the padd over to Spock, who took a step back as he read it and sat heavily in one of Kirk's chairs.
When he finished, he didn't look up. "So. Here it is. Nyota told me that this was coming."
"Really?"
"She heard of the incident that prompted it through the 'grapevine.'" He was quiet for a moment before finally meeting Kirk's eyes. "I take it that you know about the two of us."
"Yes."
Spock nodded but did not comment, so Kirk continued. "I'm sorry to bring it up. I mean, I don't want to pry, but I couldn't remain quiet after I read these new orders. I wanted to call you in here to see them before anyone else did."
His face set in stone, Spock said, "You are certainly within your rights as my commanding officer to discuss this with me."
Kirk walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to Spock. "I'm not bringing this up as your CO, but as your friend. You have a problem, and I thought you might need my help."
"Then this is not an official counseling session?"
"Of course not! Damnation, Spock."
Spock raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "I merely wished to establish the parameters of this conversation." He became serious again. "Jim, this is indeed a problem, but there is not an acceptable solution. I do not intend to end my relationship with her."
"I don't even want to suggest this, but it's so obvious that I have to. What about a transfer for one of you?"
"Again, unacceptable."
"So. What do you intend to do about it?"
"Nothing."
"You thought that you'd just ignore the new orders?"
"Yes."
Kirk couldn't help but grin at Spock's defiant attitude. "This isn't like you, Spock. Flagrantly ignoring HQ? Flouting orders? Flatly refusing to cooperate?"
"It is not my intention to be insubordinate, but one must establish one's priorities." Spock frowned and looked down at the padd again. "Of course, the fact that you are now aware of our dilemma places it in an entirely new light. I can deduce by the tone of this conversation that you have resolved to deal with our infraction in the least severe manner possible, but I cannot allow you to do that. It was serious enough that she and I made the joint decision to disregard the new rules, but now we have involved you in our complicity as well. That is a consequence I had not foreseen."
Kirk ran his fingers through his hair. "Spock, you and Uhura are top-notch officers. Hell, everyone knows that you're the best first officer in the fleet. It just so happens that you're also my best friend, but we'll let that pass for now. Anyway, you two have dedicated your lives to Starfleet, but now you find yourselves in an awkward situation. The way I look at it, I can—one, enforce the orders and lose one or even both of you," he counted his options on his fingers, "Two, enforce the orders and split you up, thus destroying your happiness, or three, trust you to handle this discreetly and leave things as they are. Logically speaking, which do you think I should do?"
"If you are to describe your choices in those words, it is quite apparent that the last is the most optimal solution to the problem. I would add, however, that you have adroitly manipulated the logic so that it will allow you to rationalize the conclusion you wished to reach in the first place."
Kirk took a deep breath. "Well, I learned from the best."
The corner of Spock's mouth turned up. "As apparently did I."
"I've always said that if you're going to disregard orders, you might as well disregard them in a big way."
"So am I to tell Nyota that you are 'turning a blind eye' toward our improper behavior?"
"Yup. But speaking of improper behavior, I'm dying of curiosity about you two. May I ask a personal question?"
"You may ask."
"How long have you been involved? Are you, uh, serious? Does anybody else know?"
"Those are several personal questions, but I will answer them. We made the decision to alter the nature of our relationship shortly before she left Dantria the second time. By serious, I assume that you are referring to the depth of our commitment, and I can state that I am quite serious about her. To the best of my knowledge, you are the only person who knows. By the way, I am certain that we would have told you soon, Jim, except for the complication of the new orders."
"And now I'm your accessory in crime."
"So it would seem."
Shaking his head, Kirk said, "You know, Spock, either you've never had an on-board relationship before or you've been more discreet than I would have thought possible even for you, but you've picked a hell of a time to change that. Whichever it is."
"Indeed."
"Anyway, I wish you both the best."
"Thank you, Jim. For everything."
Kirk nodded and smiled, and held Spock's eyes as his friend nodded back. Finally, he said, "I'll see you in the morning, Spock."
"Good night."
He watched Spock leave his quarters, then frowned and rubbed his forehead. Had he just screwed up royally? This business between Spock and Uhura—he knew that Spock wouldn't begin an on-board affair casually, but he also hadn't understood just how deep his involvement really was. No doubt Uhura had been mixed up in romances like this before. She could handle herself. But Spock? Nothing was easy for Spock. In backing his friend up on this, had he just destined him for eventual heartbreak? Of course Uhura would have only the best intentions toward him—her capacity for love seemed to be virtually limitless—but he had seen romances like this go sour before, and he didn't know if Spock would be able to deal with it if it happened to him.
Kirk sighed. There was nothing to do for it now. Actually, remembering how Uhura and Spock had gazed at each other at Chekov's going-away, maybe things would work out for them. They had looked like they belonged together. They had both looked incredibly happy. They had looked...
They had looked like they were in love.
...
"Empty your mind. Nothing else exists. I do not exist. The room does not exist."
Kneeling by the fire, Uhura visualized a clear, blue sky. There were a few clouds in her sky, but as she concentrated they dissipated, one at a time, until the sky was perfectly clear. From a distance she heard Spock's reassuring voice, but the words barely registered.
"You are ready to find the fire, Nyota. One flame burns before you. See it. Now turn inward and find the flame within."
Her blue sky darkened to night, and from the very farthest reaches a small star began to flicker. She focused on the delicate point of light. It sparkled, so diminutive that she could barely see it, but it was definitely there. Trying with all of her being to nurture it, she stopped breathing, not wanting to spare even that much effort from her pursuit of the flame. The star refused to grow, however. Finally, it flared briefly and vanished without a trace. An instant later, her beautiful, velvety black sky rippled and was gone, replaced by the familiar dim red light of Spock's room.
She blew out the breath she'd been holding and met his eyes. "I'm sorry, Spock. Not tonight."
"It does not matter, Nyota. We will try again tomorrow."
She stood. "Yes. We will. Eventually I'll get it, you'll see."
Together, they left his quarters.
...
Later that evening as she closed her eyes and tried to relax, she visualized her black night sky again. She searched for the tiny star, but it was nowhere to be found. Sighing, she moved closer to Spock, and she let the soothing warmth of his body lull her to sleep.
End chapter 4