Doorway to Spike's Tech Room

Somewhere in SRU HQ

"Leave me the hell alone" he shouted as he stormed away.

Reaching out to grab his arm he wrenched him to a stop "You are not going anywhere."

Forcefully pulling his arm out of his grasp and striding forward again he yelled "Like hell I'm not. Just leave me alone."

Running to block his exit from the room he tried again "Stop. You can't go."

He never saw it coming. He should have reacted faster. He should have moved out of the way or blocked it. The punch to his jaw hit with full force and it took him unawares. His head slammed into something hard.

As he slid down to the ground he foggily watched him storm away not looking back once. He blinked several times trying to reorient himself. It was a futile attempt as he slipped unconscious.

Ten Minutes Earlier – SRU HQ – Gun Range

Ed looked around. He was missing again. Ed dropped his head and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was bad and it was getting worse. He would just disappear at odd times. His behavior was erratic.

He dropped his hand and strode over to Greg "He's gone again. We have to do something. This cannot continue."

Greg's eyes were sad as he looked at his team. His family was in a world of hurt. One in particular. Greg said "I know. We have all tried. I've talked with him but nothing seems to help."

Wordy joined them and said "Should I go look for him? He is hurting so badly."

Jules interjected "I've tried talking to him. He just is not hearing. I'm afraid he is self-destructing. I wish I could get through. But he has closed me out."

Sam stood at the entrance to the gun range listening. They didn't understand. They couldn't understand. None of them could really understand that kind of pain. He turned and walked away.

SRU HQ – Rooftop

Sam looked out at the city. The pain and anger mixed with grief. His hands clenched and unclenched repeatedly. Why? Why? Why?

He fought the tears. He fought the need to punch something. His hands were still a bloody mess from punching walls, doors and trees.

Nothing he did released the pain.

Sam turned and strode from the roof making a decision. It was time to act. Taking action might help release the pain, anger and grief he felt.

SRU HQ – Spike's Tech Room

Sam had known exactly where to find Spike. He walked into the tech room to find his friend hunched over the table. He walked up close and Spike did not even register he was there.

Lightly placing a hand on Spike's shoulder Sam said quietly "Spike. Buddy?"

Slowly Spike looked up and at Sam. "What do you want?"

Sam felt the agony rolling off Spike in waves. Spike's deep grief and anguish showed clearly. His eyes were red-rimmed and blood shot. There were fresh tears in them too. Sam's heart went out to his friend.

"We all see you are hurting. The whole team is hurting. I know that there is nothing that I can say that will ease your pain. I know. I've been there" Sam softly said.

Spike pulled away from Sam's touch. He did not want to talk about it. Everyone wanted him to talk. Talk. Talk. Talk. Fuck talking. Talking would not bring Lou back.

He stood up and backed away from Sam "I'm done. I can't do this anymore."

Sam dropped his hand "Buddy what do you mean you are done?"

His mind was racing. Sam recalled what he meant by I'm done after Matt died. Spike couldn't mean that. No Spike wouldn't … would he?"

"Talk to me. Don't do anything rash. Please" Sam begged as thoughts of Spike eating his gun came to mind. God he could not allow that to happen. Lou and Spike were brothers and losing a brother was ungodly painful. But Spike was strong, all he needed was some time and a little help and Spike could get through the excruciating pain.

Spike undid the snap on his holster.

Sam tensed ready to react.

Spike removed his gun and put it on the table.

Sam relaxed seeing the gun on the table. Relief washed through Sam at first. Not suicide.

Spike reached into his back pocket and pulled out his SRU id and slammed it on the table next to his gun.

"I'm done. I can't do it anymore" Spike stated as fresh tears welled in his eyes. He angrily wiped them away.

Sam was back to being tense. No. No Spike could not leave Team One. Spike's I'm done was saying he couldn't do SRU anymore. He couldn't let Spike do that.

As he reached out for Spike, Sam pleaded "Spike don't …"

"Leave me the hell alone" Spike shouted cutting him off as he stormed away.

Barely grabbing Spike's arm Sam wrenched him to a stop "You are not going anywhere."

Forcefully pulling his arm out of Sam's grasp and striding forward again Spike yelled "Like hell I'm not. Just leave me alone."

Running to block Spike's exit from the room Sam tried again "Stop. You can't go."

Sam never saw it coming. It was so out of character for Spike. But it shouldn't have been unexpected. Sam should have reacted faster. He should have moved out of the way or blocked it. But the punch to his jaw hit with full force and took him unawares. Sam's head slammed into the door jamb.

As Sam slid down the door he foggily watched his friend storm away not looking back once. Sam blinked several times trying to reorient himself. It was a futile attempt as his body continued to slide to the ground and he slipped unconscious.

SRU HQ – Gun Range

Ed looked around and noticed that not only was Spike missing but Sam had never come back from getting the team more ammo. He removed his ear and eye protection and secured his weapon. Then he walked over to Greg and said "I'm going to see what is keeping Braddock and swing by Spike's tech room."

Greg nodded "Go easy Ed. Spike is at a breaking point."

"Maybe we should make him take more time off. Lou's death hit us all hard but nothing like it hit Spike" Ed said.

Nodding Greg acknowledged "I've been thinking that very same thing. Spike clearly was not ready to come back yet. It was too soon. Just a moment and I'll come with you."

Ed waited while Greg secured his weapon and prepared to head out.

SRU HQ – Doorway Spike's Tech Room

Greg and Ed were discussing just how to break it to Spike that they were ordering him to take additional time off. As they rounded the corner to Spike's tech room they were presented with a sight they were not expecting.

Sam was sprawled out on the floor in the doorway.

Ed and Greg raced to Sam. Ed dropped to his knees by Sam.

Greg stepped over him and into the tech room looking for Spike. His eyes landed on Spike's gun and SRU id. Son of a bitch.

He picked up Spike's id. This was worse than he thought. Greg turned around and crouched down next to Sam too.

As Ed lightly tapped Sam's face he said "Samo. Samo. Come on. Wake up."

Greg said quietly as he showed Spike's id to Ed "Sam's out cold. Spike's gun and id were on the bench. You don't think?"

Ed looked at the bruise forming on Sam's jaw "Yeah I do think. I'm just surprised Sam didn't block the punch."

A surprised half-snort emitted form Greg "Probably wasn't expecting something like that from Spike."

Ed's brows arched up as he nodded in agreement.

Sam blinked his eyes open and quickly got his bearing. He saw Ed and Greg in front of him.

Ed asked "Samo, what you doing on the floor in the doorway to Spike's tech room?"

Ah crap Sam thought. He could not let them know Spike hit him. He did not want Spike getting in trouble. Sam said the first thing that came to mind "Napping."

Ed and Greg turned to look at each other. They both turned back to Sam. It was clear Sam was covering for Spike. There was a budding friendship.

A thought came to Greg's mind. Sam was probably the only one on the team that truly understood the pain that Spike was feeling. Maybe, just maybe if Sam could talk to Spike it might help.

Greg simply nodded then stood up and said "Ed, please add the doorway to Spike's tech room to the unacceptable napping locations list."

Ed stood and held out a hand to help Sam up "Will do Boss."

As Sam stood up Greg said "Sam since Team One is still not taking hot calls I need you to find Spike and give him back his id. He seems to have left it on his workbench. Take all the time you need."

Sam took Spike's SRU id from Greg and said "He might be outside the building."

Ed caught Greg's drift and he said to Sam "Where ever he is, find him and tell him that we expect him back here in a week."

Sam understood "I'll do my best."

Greg patted Sam's shoulder and said softly with a small smile "That all we can ask."

As Sam turned to head out Ed called out "Braddock just remember to block next time. Spike may be a geek but he is a geek with combat skills."

Sam laughed "Copy that."

One Week Later – SRU HQ – Spike's Tech Room

Sam casually leaned on the doorway of Spike's tech room as he called out "Hey Spike."

Spike turned "What?"

"Pizza and beer at my place tonight" Sam stated.

Nodding Spike said "Sounds good. I'll bring a movie."

Sam laughed and said "Something good this time. That last one had me sleeping before the opening credits even finished."

Spike grinned "Sure buddy."

They both heard Ed call for Sam and Sam said "See ya later."

As Sam walked off Spike watched him go. He could not believe he had punched Sam out a week ago. He could not believe he was ready to walk away from SRU too. He had been in such a bad place missing Lou. He had been so lost.

When Sam had found him crying in his car in the parking lot of the SRU Sam had driven him to his apartment and nearly carried him up. Over the last week he had stayed at Sam's place. It was more comfortable than his home. He did not have to deal with his father's stares or his Ma's tears.

Today was his first day back and Spike felt stronger. He felt he could do this again.

Sam had let him scream and cry and vent all his pain, anguish and anger over Lou's death. Sam had held him every night when the nightmares came. Sam held him as he shook uncontrollably and cleaned him up when he vomited. But Spike never read anything but acceptance and understanding in Sam's eyes.

It took five days before they actually talked. He had asked Sam why he was doing this for him. Sam had been quiet a long time when he asked that question. But then Sam shared that Matt had done it for him. Matt had been there in his darkest days and pulled him through.

Then Sam shared some about his friend Matt. Spike then understood that Sam knew exactly what he was feeling. They had both lost their brothers in all but blood in horrible ways. It was a pain that they had in common.

It helped knowing that someone understood what he was feeling. They were forming a stronger bond based on a similar loss. Spike thought that Lou would be happy that he was becoming best friends with Sam. Lou would approve.

On the sixth day they spent the whole evening swapping funny stories about Lou and Matt. It was nice to be able to share all those memories with someone who understood what it was like to lose someone so important. Sam helped him see that Lou would always be alive in his memories and in his heart.

Spike knew nothing would ever bring Lou back. No one would ever take Lou's place. But Sam was showing him that Lou would want him to continue doing what they both loved. Lou would want him to continue making a difference.

He stared at the empty doorway and chuckled lightly. Last night Sam had shared with him what the Boss had said when Ed and the Boss found Sam out cold in the doorway. They had a good laugh over the doorway to his tech room being added Samtastic's list of unacceptable napping locations.

Turning to the wall behind his workbench Spike looked at the picture of him, Lou and Sam.

Quietly Spike whispered "I miss you Lou. I always will buddy. Say hi to Matt. I wish I could have met him. From Sam's stories the four of us would have had a good time together."

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AN: Lou's death and Spike's pain are sad I know but also the beginning of a beautiful friendship for Sam and Spike.