Author's note: As always thanks to Pink Hammer who does a great work, fixing my many mistakes. And Cappuccino for providing ideas and support. Thanks girls!

He walks back to the diner in a daze. When he enters, Caesar freezes on the spot, afraid of Luke's reaction when he sees the new signs he has put up while Luke was away. He is surprised when his boss doesn't say anything, but he puts it down to the fact that Luke is looking exhausted and drained, like he hasn't slept in days.

Before Luke walks through the curtain to go upstairs he says to Caesar. "You're in charge for a few more days. I'll be up there, but pretend I'm not. Tell Lane to send Lorelai some food. Breakfast, lunch, dinner, the whole thing." Caesar doesn't bother reminding him that Lane is starting her honeymoon today.

He heads to his apartment and drops to the couch with a heavy sigh. Although it's still early in the morning, he feels like he desperately needs a drink. He heads to his fridge and pulls out a beer. He knows that getting drunk is not the best way to deal with things, but persuades himself that just this one bottle won't be any harm. It will help loose him up some more and maybe then he can think more clearly. He snorts at that, alcohol and thinking clearly don't combine, but he takes the first sip anyway, his decision already made.

With half the bottle already gone, Luke lets his mind wander to Lorelai's drunken speech last night. He had sensed that something was wrong, but he didn't know she was so broken. Had he known, he would have acted a lot sooner and not let things get so bad. One line in particular makes him both sad and angry at the same time. Her voice rings in his ears, "Lane is married, next thing it'll be my daughter and then my granddaughter, but not me. I'm not getting married!"

He doesn't know when he gave her the impression that the marriage won't happen. Postponed doesn't mean cancelled. Yes, they haven't talked about setting a new date yet, but that was what he had in mind when he was on the bus returning home.

"It's a little late now, Danes" a small voice in his head tells him.

"Damn!" he mutters out loud. If only he had assured her more often. But on the other hand, he'd thought things were ok between them after the talk they had at the Vineyard. That was the only time he remembers Lorelai telling him her concerns about their wedding, and he had reassured her back then. Still, he isn't a words person; his motto was always 'actions speak louder than words'. Unfortunately, for a long time now his actions didn't indicate a man who wanted to get married.

But why was it okay for her not to set a date until things were right with Rory? He had waited and waited back then and hadn't said a thing. They could have been married by now and none of this drama would have happened. But then again, would a ring on their fingers make everything magically better? "Damn, damn," he says out loud again and slams his hand on the couch before going to the fridge to get another beer.

He used to be able to read her needs and feelings like an open book, so why he hadn't noticed anything for all these months? Deep inside he knows why, but he doesn't want to admit it even to himself. April. The person that turned his life upside down. All of a sudden he had to be a father - and a good one - to a teenage girl. What did he know about teenage girls? Nothing, and that's what scared him to death. Add to that Anna being at his throat all the time, threatening to take her away from him again, and you could see why Luke focused on getting to know his daughter and showing Anna (and to an extent Lorelai) that he could be a good dad. That's how he found himself focusing on April and April only, putting his relationship with Lorelai to the side for a while.

He thought they were steady and strong and if his focus wasn't only on her for once, she would understand.

'She did, Danes, but you put her aside for way too long and look how miserable you made her,' that same voice tells him.

Now that he thinks about it, that was one of his biggest mistakes, in the series of big mistakes. Taking Lorelai for granted. He should have included her in everything. First of all, he should have told her when he first found out about April and not chickened out, making it harder as time went on. He should have asked for her advice on how to approach a teenage girl and how to gain Anna's trust, and not let Anna dictate his relationship with his daughter. Lorelai, being the charmer that she is, would surely know how to handle situations like these. He should have introduced the two most important people in his life to each other, and they all should have spent more time together, bonding as a family.

Luke is flustered with himself, 'should have, should have, should have… and what do you end up doing, Danes? Hurting Lorelai just like others have before!' Feeling angry at himself, he throws the bottle at the opposite wall, watching it smash on impact. He feels a sense of relief and has to stop himself from throwing more stuff against the wall. Instead, he heads to the fridge and takes out yet another beer, his plan for only one failing miserably.

He sits back down and thinks about Lorelai and how she reacted every time he spent time with his daughter and he didn't bother to invite her along. The look on her face is imprinted on his mind. A look that he just now realizes how often he has seen over the last few months. It's the 'I'm hurting in the inside but I want to show my fiancé that I support him' look. He tries to play it down, to convince himself that she hadn't looked that way for all these months, but when he tries to recall her with a genuine smile on her face, he comes up empty. All he can remember are the times before April came in their lives. He now remembers the exact time that he saw that smile last: it was when everything was finally alright between her and Rory, when she barged into the diner telling him that she had organized everything for their wedding in just a day and that the date was June 3rd. He thought it was too soon but seeing her so happy and giddy about it, he couldn't help but agree. That was the last of genuinely happy Lorelai he remembers seeing. Every other memory he comes up now includes sad-face Lorelai.

--

After a long, tiring day at work, Luke and Lorelai were finally in their bedroom at the Crap Shack, getting ready to settle in for the night. Lorelai was the last one to go to bed, and when she climbed in, Luke turned to her with a happy face.

"What?" Lorelai asked him curiously, but with a smile tugging at her lips as well.

"Nothing. I've missed you, that's all. You didn't come by the diner today and I felt like something was missing." He shrugs it off.

"Aww, babe, it got crazy at the inn, and I didn't have time to breathe. But I'm glad you're here now." She wiggles her eyebrows at him.

"You have no idea how much"

He was now hovering over her, having her pinned against the mattress, the kiss much more intense than both of them anticipated. When Lorelai broke away in need of air, she managed to comment, "If this is the outcome, I'll stay away from the diner more often."

"Don't even dare to think about it," he answered in a husky voice, and proceeded to bathe her with kisses.

Afterwards, they lay content in each other's arms, talking about their respective days.

"… and when Michel saw what we replaced his Celine Dion wallpaper with, he almost choked on his food!." They both laughed at how sensitive Michel was about his Celine Dion obsession. When the laughter died down, Luke began to tell her about Kirk's latest interest.

"You should have seen Kirk the other day. Coming into the diner with a shiny new laptop, trying to show it off to everyone."

"I bet he did something stupid with it."

"Of course he did, it wouldn't be Kirk otherwise. So, as he was demonstrating all the high tech features - which by the way, let me tell you, I had no idea what the big deal was meant to be - …"

"Don't worry babe, one of these days I'll teach you everything," she promised.

"Well there's something I'm looking forward to," he laughs.

Lorelai leaned across to smack him on the arm.

"Ouch!"

"That's what you get when you make fun of me!"

"Sorry."

"Keep going."

"So, when he finishes his little demonstration and is all proud of his new toy, April goes to her backpack and gets her laptop out, showing Kirk all the features his didn't have. I'll tell you, he was ready to cry and I'm sure he did once he left the diner."

Luke was expecting Lorelai to laugh along but she didn't.

"Hey, you okay? Did you hear the story? You're all quiet all of a sudden."

"Yeah, I'm fine, just tired," she replied with that half smile, half sad face of hers.

--

Lorelai and Luke were having a nice picnic by the Dragonfly's stables. They had just finished eating the lunch that Luke had cooked himself when Luke suggested a walk.

"Why don't we take a walk around? It's a nice day and I still have hours till the afternoon rush begins."

Lorelai got up and wordlessly grabbed his hand as she began to walk around the Dragonfly property. They talked about everything and nothing in particular, just enjoying each other's company and this rare moment where all their worries and problems had been pushed to one side and they could just concentrate on each other.

"Come on," he said, tugging on her hand.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Up that hill and then right down the valley where we'll find…"

"Luuuke!"

"We'll just sit under the tree, that's all."

"Mr. Danes, are you trying to make out with me under a tree?"

Lorelai was so happy that Luke seemed to be in a good mood and wasn't preoccupied with other thoughts, and she was determined to take advantage of it.

They proceed to sit down, Luke with his back against the tree and Lorelai between his legs. Luke being Luke first checked to make sure no one else was around and then responded in a voice that made Lorelai weak in the knees. "Would that be so bad?"

"I'm not so sure, I might need you to convince me," she said, winking at him.

Luke grinned and moved closer to Lorelai, who tilted her head towards him. "Let's see what I can do about that." He brushes his lips against hers once, twice and then a third time before pulling back.

"That's all you got?" she asks cheekily.

His grin is even wider now "Just a warm up."

He opens his mouth slightly and takes her bottom lip between his, sucking at it lightly. He is biting her softly and using his tongue to soothe her skin. When he feels her wanting more, he withdraws. He smiles down at her and her pouting responses. He laughs louder and decides to give up his little game. This time, he lets her be an active participant in the kiss. Things get quickly out of control and Lorelai almost straddles him, but a beeping noise coming from Luke's pocket stops him. It takes a minute for him to compose himself and only then does he realize that it's his cell phone. When he picks it up and checks the caller ID, his face falls.

"It's Anna," he whispers, and Lorelai is so angry at the fear she sees in his eyes. This is not Luke, being intimidated by a woman. When the conversation between the two is over, Lorelai touches his face, seeing the worried look.

"What is it?"

"April was supposed to visit tomorrow but she has an important school project coming up, so she won't have the time. Anna suggested that I go there and see her for a couple of hours. You know, so she won't have to take all this time to get to Stars Hollow and going back home to her place."

"That's good. What time are you going tomorrow?"

He doesn't look at her "She suggested that I go now, in the next half hour."

"Oh."

"I'm so sorry; I didn't want to cut our time short but…"

"Luke," she silences him with two fingers on his lips "Go. It's fine."

--

'That same look, Danes, every time that same look, but you kept ignoring it.' While Luke was recalling all of these not-so-distant memories, his beer consumption continued steadily, a fact he realizes when he goes to the fridge to get yet another bottle but finds the six pack gone.

Walking slightly unsteadily, he changes course and heads towards his bed, hoping that lying down will clear the fog from his head.

--

It's late afternoon by the time he finally wakes up from what was supposed to be a short nap.

His head is pounding and he doesn't know what to do next. Go to see Lorelai and finally talk to her about everything, or stay at his place and let her rest? His desire to see her is so strong; he wants to assure her that nothing has changed, that his feelings remain the same and he wants her in his life. But, words don't mean much anymore and he knows that they won't help him this time. He needs to act. Already forming plans in his head, he hops into the shower to get ready to go over to Lorelai's.

tbc