AN: I am so sorry! As I said, concert season. It kicked my ass. I'm off though, so I should be able to get more done. No promises, though. I kinda like this one, though. Let me know what you think.
"I want to believe you, Kate." Castle sighs. " I really do. I just… Promise me you'll stop."
"Castle…"
"Promise me, Kate." He demands. "We can be smarter about this. We can do this together."
"I don't want you wrapped up in this, Castle."
"Kate, don't you see?" He sighs, "I'm already wrapped up in this… in you. These people know what your weakness is… they know how to get to you and they proved it tonight."
"I don't understand" She replies.
"I'm your weakness." Castle replies and watches the shock and anger cross her face. "They left you at our home with a note telling ME to stop you. They know that our love, our relationship, weakens you."
"NO." She cuts him off. "Castle, no, you're absolutely wrong. You do NOT make me weak. You make me strong, babe. You make everything I've ever done in my life worth it. I told you once that our relationship is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, and it still is, Rick." She grabs his hand and looks into his tired and weary eyes. "Oh, my god, I need to stop." She whispers, whatever she sees in that moment hits her like a bolt of lightning.
"Kate…"
"I need to stop." She repeats, looking haunted. "I can't do this anymore. I can't do this without you. I don't want to fight it anymore, Castle." She sighs.
"Kate, I'm not sure I understand…" Castle replies.
"Castle, I'm so tired. I'm so tired for living for other people: My Mom's case, My Dad's fight, avenging Captain Montgomery. I'm so tired." She weeps. "I don't want to do it anymore. I want to live for me, and what I want more than anything is to come home... to you"
By the time she is finished, he's wiping tears from her face and supporting her hand as she tries to reach for him.
"Kate, honey, you can always come home."
"I just don't want it to haunt me anymore, Castle." She sobs, "Everywhere I turn, it's there and I'm scared, Castle. I can't lose anyone else to this. I can't lose you. I wouldn't survive without you. Not anymore."
He's having trouble keeping up with her tears now. He's trying to keep the salty liquid out of the scratches on her face, but he finds himself wiping his own eyes as well. His stomach is clenched in a tight ball as he watches his wife struggle. He gets it now. He may not accept nor agree what she's doing, but he understands it now.
Beckett struggles to sit up on her own. She hisses as she pulls her back off of the bed and leans into her husband's arms. He catches her as she lists forward and embraces her back gently. He's cradling her against his chest as she hiccoughs painfully against him. She's murmuring into his neck, alternating between choruses of "I Love Yous" and "I'm sorrys."
"Shhh, Kate, Shhh." He tries to calm her. "It's ok, I'm here. We're ok."
She shivers with pain and her body spasms beneath his fingertips. She moans and gasps. He peels himself away from her grip and lays her back on the hospital bed and presses the call button. As she lays back and tries to control her breathing, she keeps whispering apologies.
He has never seen her break like this.
He never wants to again.
The nurse that paid them a visit sweeps swiftly into the room and looks at the two of them puzzled.
"She's in pain." Castle delivers, his voice cracking while Kate, with her eyes clenched shut and leaking tears, just nods.
"Okay, sweetie, I'll give you something to make you more comfortable." She bustles over to Kate's side and puts something in her IV.
"Her pain should even out in a minute or two." The nurse explains to Castle and then addresses Kate. "You might drift off though, hun. Call me if you need anything."
Castle and Beckett thank the woman as she exits. The air is still thick with the remnants of their previous discussion. Castle resumes his perch next to Kate's side and he grabs her hand. She starts a bit at the contact, her eyes open and he see surprise in them.
"I'm always going to be here, Kate." He rasps, "No matter what happens between us. You know should by now, I'm always going to be here."
"I wish you knew the same about me, Castle." She responds, her eyes fluttering closed. "It's true, you know? I'll always be there for you. I'm just doing a shitty job of showing it."
He huffs a laugh at her drug-loosened tongue.
"Love you, Rick." She slurs. "I'm done. I swear I'm done. Don't wanna do this without you. Don't wanna be apart anymore. I'm sorry for leaving. Not a day went by, Rick. Not a moment where I didn't miss you."
Castle smiles and leans forward to kiss her forehead. He believes in what she's saying, he knows she's being sincere, but he needs her to prove it.
"Thinkin' too loud, Cassle" She murmurs. "Gon prove it to you, Cas. I'm stayin.' Love you. Allll of the ways."
He hums in acknowledgement and smiles into hair as he places another kiss on the crown of her head. He lingers there for a moment and feels her slide over the edge into sleep.
He leans back in his seat and studies his wife's face. He's going to give himself this moment to smile and stare at her a little. After that, he needs a plan. Kate's right, he thinks, everywhere they turn they're haunted by this damn case. They need to end it. Together. Once and for all. That's how they'll get their always. He needs a plan.
Merry Christmas! Happy New Year! Happy Belated Hanukah! Joyous Kwanzaa! Whatever you celebrate, or don't celebrate, enjoy time with family, friends, and alcoholic beverages. ;)