Stryder aka ranger aka Aragorn aka faction heir?
Reuters: Reports have been received of Islidur's heir roaming the forests as a ranger, and is now held in suspicion for impregnating several of the elven damsels roaming the woods. When threatened with 20 years imprisonment within the misty mountains, our culprit shouted out they had no right to treat their "king" thus, which makes one wonder what was his Majesty trying by harbouring unhealthy relationships with the local wildlife, as one elf spotted him doing so, in the absence of his Elven counterparts. "There will come a day when we break all bonds of fellowship, not this day! But not this day!" He shouted, the captain of the guard must have understood our discomfort at the scene so he smacked the ranger once more. He did not give us much trouble after that. The court has yet to decide on this forlorn ranger's fate, but it's been agreed the guard captain can use his authority to the fullest until a verdict is reached. Just moments ago we received reports how a plan is made where the ranger is to be stripped and taken to the nearby Pomethary ponds. The pond is famous for its tasty piranha and rumour has it our culprit might be lowered arse-first and dangled for hours for the next three days. We commended the guard captain for his wonderful plan as this would not only cover the much-needed entertainment for the local folks, but also prove to be a valuable lesson how mating with animals does cure an aching heart but gives one a nasty infection.
An emergency cabinet meeting has been called by the Steward of Gondor, though it remains unclear whether its being held in light of the recent discovery, or to find out who has been supplying the latest busty female Denethor action figures and sex dolls in Minas Tirith. The White City had refused to comment but an anonymous source stated it was to tarnish the good Steward's name, and is in thorough collaboration between Mordor and Haradrim. In totally unrelated news, authorities now confirmed "We are better than you!" written in Haradrim language at the coast separating the two brave nations was merely malice caused by the locals. Captain Faramir, second in line to the throne has been despatched who insisted on riding forth with just a handful of knights, and was quoted as saying. "If I return, may I be the first in line father?"
Denethor has refused to comment.